Lapd Jokes
26 lapd jokes and hilarious lapd puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lapd that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Everyone loves a good laugh, and this article has it all. Learn all about LAPD bear, why civilians need a modem, and the best lapd jokes. From funny one-liners to witty comebacks, you'll find plenty of good laughs here. Read now to get the latest lapd jokes and have a good time with your friends and family!
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Funniest Lapd Short Jokes
Short lapd jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lapd humour may include short civilian jokes also.
- I got stopped by a woman cop with "LAPD" on her cap I said, where's your colleague with "ANCE" on hers?
- I found the rulebook for an old card game at my grandfather's house. "Draw a card, if it's black, take a shot."
Oh wait, that's just the LAPD guidebook. - In lieu of the recent manhunt... The LAPD's motto is "to protect and serve." I think they ought to change it to "We'll treat you like a King."
- Q: What did the LAPD and Tropicana used to have in common? A: They both had O.J. in a can.
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Lapd One Liners
Which lapd one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lapd? I can suggest the ones about cops and investigation.
- How does the LAPD play poker? Four clubs beat a King.
- Usain Bolt got arrested in Los Angeles... It was the first time he'd ever been LAPD.
- What do the LAPD and computers have in common? They can both burn C.D's
- A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD He got shot down
- Does the k**... still exist? Yeah, they just changed their name to the LAPD...
- Why can't the show COPS film with the LAPD? Because s**... isn't allowed on television.
- How wonderful of you to... ...kick me when I'm down. You'd be a great LAPD officer.
- I asked an LAPD officer to tell me a joke All he said was "Black teenagers civil rights"
Heartwarming Lapd Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about lapd you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean authorities jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lapd pranks.
LAPD Sent to Train Iraqi Police, Find Weapons of Mass Destruction
Within 2 months of being in Iraq to help train Iraqi Police recruits the LAPD sent the following message up to Army command:
It's over. We have weapons of mass destruction, need guidance on who we are supposed to find them on.
Edit* changed were to are
Law Enforcement
Back in the 80's the government wanted to have a competition to see which branch of law enforcement was most effective. They released 3 rabbits into 3 separate forests and asked the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD to go find the rabbits. The FBI, after questioning the plants and minerals, determine rabbits do not exist. The CIA burn down the whole forest and say they have no regrets. And finally the LAPD, after 2 weeks, come out with a beaten and bruised bear screaming "I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The FBI, the CIA and the LAPD have a bet to see which organization is best...
They decide to release a single rabbit into the forest, and whoever can find it in the least amount of time is the best.
The FBI goes first. The interrogate all the animals, search every hole and cave and after 24 hours reluctantly admit that they can't find the rabbit.
The CIA then goes in. The burn down half the forest, send in specialized robots and drones into all the holes and caves and after 24 hours reluctantly admit that they can't find the rabbit.
Next the LAPD goes in... and in 20 minutes come out with a b**... bear who's yelling I'm a rabbit, please, I'm a rabbit!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Attorney General
The attorney general decides to hold a contest to see which organization is the best at policing. SO he gets the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD together, and tells them "I've released a rabbit into the wilderness, find it, and bring it to me." So the FBI goes in, and two hours later, they come out, and the Agent In Charge says "We found the rabbit, but he had committed no crimes, so we let him go." AG says "Bull, you didn't find the rabbit." So the CIA goes in, and 4 hours later, they come out, and the Director of Operations says to the AG, "We found the rabbit, interrogated him for two hours, and found the he was a t**..., so we flipped him, and released him back into the wild." AG says "Bull, you didn't find the rabbit." So the LAPD goes in. 15 minutes later, a bloodied, beaten bear runs out of the woods screaming "I'm the rabbit, I'm the rabbit!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Homer wants to be a cop
Homer applied for a job with the L.A.P.D. The Chief told him everything looked good to hire him but first he would need to answer some questions.
1st Question: "What is one and one?" Homer thought about it for a few minutes and then replied "eleven". Chief scratched his head in disbelief and said "Well, that's sure right."
2nd Question: "What two days of the week begin with the letter T." Homer grinned and quickly replied, "Awe, That's easy, today and tomorrow." Chief just looked shocked and said that's right.
3rd Question: "Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Homer replied, "Gosh, I don't know."
The Chief told him, "No problem, go home and work on it and come back tomorrow."
That night Homer was at the bar with his buddies when one asked if he got hired at the PD today.
"Heck, yah"... replied Homer, "And I'm already assigned to a m**... case."
:)
(My favorite joke)Who is best at apprehending criminals?
The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"
Cops
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten black bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
