Languages Jokes

What are some Languages jokes?

A linguistics professor is lecturing his class

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

Double Positives.

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

If someone who speaks 2 languages is Bilingual, whats someone who speaks 1 called?

American.

I met my wife in an African Languages class.

We just clicked.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks three languages is trilingual, what do you call someone who speaks only one language?

American.

The three most well known languages in India are English, Hindi, and...

JavaScript

If you speak two languages you're bilingual, if you speak four languages you're quadrilingual, if you speak one language...

you're American.

speak, three languages you are trilingual, two, bi-lingual, what do they call you if you only speak one language?

American

A professor was teaching a languages course

"In English" he said, "A double negative makes a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right"

A professor is giving his class a lesson about languages.

He says, "In some languages, a double negative stays negative, while in English, a double negative becomes a positive. There is no language, however, where a double positive becomes a negative."

A student at the back of the class says, "Yeah, right."

Someone once told me: In English, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language does a double positive form a negative.

Yeah, right.

A person who knows three or more languages...

A person who knows three or more languages is called a "polyglot."

A person who knows two languages is called "bilingual."

What do you call a person who only knows one language?

"American."

What do you call a person who speaks three languages

Trilingual

What do you call a person who speaks 2 languages

Bilingual

What do you call a person who speaks 1 language

American

My Spanish-speaking students got a kick out of this one.

Q: What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?
A: (Try to elicit responses..) Tri-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks two languages?
A: (Many of them know this one) Bi-Lingual.
Q: What do you call a person who speaks one language?
A: An American!

What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?

Trilingual.
What do you call a person who knows 2 languages?
Bilingual.
What do you call a person who knows only one language?
American.

What does every frenchmen learn in first grade of school? (sorry France)

How to surrender in 6 different languages.

My brother told me this. Feels like it belongs here.

A grammar teacher was lecturing his students on double negatives. He explains, "In some languages, take English, for example, if you were to use double negatives, it is the equivalent of a positive. It isn't considered proper grammar for that reason."

A student raises his hand. "Like in Algebra?"

"Exactly. However, in other languages, like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. For those of you who are curious, there is no language where a double positive equals a negative."

A student piped up in the back. "Yeah, right."

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?

Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI

A linguistics professor is giving a lecture...

She says "Only in few languages, like Russian do two negatives make a positive, but there is not a single language known where two positives make a negative"
A witty student shouts back "yeah right! "

What do you call someone who can only speak one language?

What do you call a person who can speak two languages?

Bilingual.

And three languages?

Trilingual.

What do you call someone who can only speak one language?

American.

The most well known person in the world

Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.

Two Pirate captains sat at a bar driniking, and they were both each others biggest fan.

"You are quite the Pirate. I know of ye and your men. The most fearsome thing on the sea" Complimented Bloodbeard.

"Well I know too well 'you - "Sea Butcher". One Handed Jack! You are the scourge of the seas! We are indebted to host your accompanyment!"

"Also known are ye for your grammar and acquiestment of English and many languages!"

"But still, you are twice the pirate that I, or any of my men am" said Bloodbeard.

A pirate listening nearby corrected him "Arrgh"

I can speak 10 languages.

English and Binary

Languages

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen? he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.

Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais? he tries. The two continue to stare. Parlare Italiano? No response.

Hablan ustedes Espanol? Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first American turns to the second and says,
Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.

Why? says the other. That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good.

Our English teacher said that in English, using double negatives implies a positive, and in other languages, using double negatives implies a negative. But, in no languages does a double positive imply a negative.

I said, "Yeah, right."

An English teacher to his class...

"In some languages a double negative is interpreted as a negative while in some others it is interpreted as a positive. However a double positive is universally interpreted as a positive"


A voice from the back of the class replied "Yeah right"

I like my women like I like my programming languages.

Visual and basic

A person who knows two languages is called bilingual. Three or more languages; multilingual. What do you call someone who knows one?

American.

The Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.


He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.


All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R' .


God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE."

The university president was inconsolable when the wing housing social sciences and languages burned down.

"Oh, the Humanities!" he cried.

I recently went on holiday to Europe after studying languages when I was younger...

It's turns out my German has gone from Bath to Sausage

You know i speak two languages too.

English (US)πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ and English (UK) πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§

A Comparison of the Different Languages

**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"

**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"

**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"

**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.

**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten testicles instead.

What jokes do you know that can only be understood if you know two (or more) languages?

Like a joke that involves a pun on a word that has different meanings in different languages.

Please tell us what languages they are in.

Why should you date a guy who speaks multiple languages?

Because he's a cunning linguist.

New girl at work tonight said she'd majored in Uralic languages, so I had to ask...

"Did you Finnish?"

What languages do pigs speak

Porktuguese

A Czech lady told me this joke...

Her: "What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?"

Me: "Trilingual."

Her: "What do you a person who speaks two languages?"

Me: "Bilingual"

Her: "What do you call a person who speaks one language?"

Me: ??????

Her: AMERICAN!

Warning this is just a joke not to hurt anyones felling...

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

Whenever my buddy gets high, he gains a strange ability to speak multiple languages.

He is Rosetta stoned.

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled to dozens of countries and learned to speak several languages?

He was a man of many cultures.

If you know three languages, you're trilingual. If you know two, you're just bilingual. If you know one...

...you're an American.

In some languages, a double negative carries the negation through to its target. So in "I don't have no pencil," the "no" in "no pencil" indicates what I don't have. In others, while incorrect, a double negative is a positive. But, there is no known language where a double positive is a negative.

Yeah, right.

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual!

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who speaks three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language?
An American.

What do you call a person who speaks two languages?

Me: bilingual.

Mexican friend: Someone who can speak three languages?

Me: Trilingual

Mexican friend: And four languages?

Me: multilingual?

Mexican friend: Someone who speaks one language?

Me: ????

Mexican friend: An American.

My Linguistics Professor walked up to me and said…

What do you call a person who speaks three languages?

Tri-lingual.

What do you call a person who speaks two languages?

Bi-lingual.

What do you call a person who speaks one language?

American.

What do the French learn in basic training?

How to surrender in twenty-seven different languages.

Problems of language ( sorry for bad english)

Two Hungaryan policeman stops a car. The driver cant speak hungaryan so he tries to speak in english. The two policeman cant understan it and they just looking at the guy. Then the driver speaks to them in german, french, and a bunch of other languages. The policemen let him go. Then one of them says: Shouldnt we learn any languages? The other says: Why sould we? That guy knows so many languages but they still useless.

What do you call a bird that can speak 2 languages?

Biwingual

Languages

Q: What do you call a man who speaks 2 languages?

A: Bilingual.

Q: What do you call a man who speaks 3 languages?

A: Trilingual.

Q: What do you call a man who speaks only one language?

A: An Englishman.

English is a tough language...

It's known for beating up other languages in dark alleys for little more than spare grammar and loose vocabulary.

People who speak who speak 3 languages are trilingual

People who speak 2 languages are bilingual.

People who speak 1 language are Americans.

I need help remembering a joke please.

The "intellectual" joke thread got me thinking about a joke I heard years ago which made me laugh. It requires knowing two languages (Spanish and French I think), but if you get it it's pretty funny. It's something to do with asking a question and the reply meaning two different things in the different languages. I'm sorry that's really vague but it's been years since I heard it!

If someone who knows several languages is multi-lingual, someone who knows two is bilingual, what is a person who only knows one?

Average American

Programming Joke

I came up with this this morning...

What did the programming languages think about the database movie?

[They couldn't wait to see the SQL!](#s)

I'm editting my manuscript on dog languages...

it's a ruff draft.

What do you call someone who has an unhealthy relationship with learning too many languages?

They're polyglottenous.

(Sorry it's a bad joke)

Two friends, Java and C, are sitting in a bar late one night having a chat.

Two friends, Java and C, are sitting in a bar late one night having a chat. Intrigued by their exotic languages, a steady stream of guys have been walking over to hit on them. However, they're all paying a lot more attention to Java, leaving poor C stuck in a loop back and forth to the bar.

After a few more iterations, C's feeling a little tipsy. Eventually, she plucks up some courage and asks the next guy why he's so keen on Java and not her.

He replies: "It's nothing personal C, really. I just prefer girls with a little more class."

A person who speaks multiple languages is a polyglot. A person who speaks two languages is bilingual. A person who speaks only one language...

Is American.

A man is at a job interview

The interviewer goes over his cv and says: "I see that you speak 14 languages, including Esperanto?"
"Yeah", the man says, "I used to live there for a while."

I can't speak any of the Indian languages...

It's a Hindicap for sure

What languages consist of numbers and letters?

4-N Languages.

Dude, I totally found this software that like teaches people to speak like a total douchebag in dozens of different languages. Super rad...

It's called Brosetta Stone.

"I'm looking for something by Crowded House in one of the main languages of Switzerland"

"How about 'Don't dream it's over' in German?"
"Genau, genau..."

The Programming Language Competition (OC)

The programming languages are in a competition to see who's the best.

Java makes the brackets. In the major bracket, C++ is against C#. Binary is against assembly. C is against Java. Visual Basic is against PHP. Perl is against JavaScript.

And Python is in the lowest bracket, with all the esoteric programming languages like LOLCODE and Brainfuck. Normally a programming language as big as Python would be angry at this placement, but instead Python politely asks Java,

"Excuse me. What's a bracket?"

How to make Languages jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Languages to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Languages? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Languages pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes