Lanes Jokes

44 lanes jokes and hilarious lanes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lanes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Lanes Short Jokes

Short lanes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lanes humour may include short lane highway jokes also.

  1. I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB That was a trip down memory lane
  2. What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
  3. Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
    Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
    Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car
  4. I had the rudest, slowest, nastiest cashier today! I guess it's my own fault for using the self checkout lane.
  5. I got pulled over in the carpool lane. Cop: Where's your passenger?
    Me: Due to social distancing they're in the car behind me.
  6. I just walked past White Hart Lane and found 3 Spurs season tickets nailed to a wall. I thought of having them.
    Nails always come in handy.
  7. Why do convertible owners drive with the top down in rainstorms? So they can use the car pool lane.
  8. i just crashed my car in a lane between two houses, owned by mr and mrs ball, and one owned by mr and mrs smith thank god i was dragged out by the smiths
  9. I got pulled over in the carpool lane today.... Cop: "Where is your passenger?"
    Me: "Due to social distancing, he's in the car right behind me."
  10. I recently walked down a street where the homes were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1024K It was a trip down memory lane

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Lanes One Liners

Which lanes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lanes? I can suggest the ones about lined and roads.

  1. When everything is coming your way... You're in the wrong lane.
  2. What do you call a crazy bike lane? A cyclepath.
  3. Why can't Superman drive quickly? He always gets stuck in the Lois lane.
  4. When nothing is going your way You're in the wrong lane
  5. A shapeshifter walks down a street when suddenly he turns into a lane.
  6. Why was the road afraid of the bike lane? Because it was a cycle path!
  7. Where does Superman ride? On the Lois Lane.
  8. This self checkout lane has the sexiest cashier.
  9. How do you signal when changing lanes? I drive a BMW
  10. Where does Superman live? On Lois Lane.
  11. What's the feminine name for the Internet Highway? e-Lane
  12. How did Lois Lane get breast cancer? Being xrayed too many times.
  13. What do you call a car that constantly cuts into your lane? A Subarude.
  14. Puzzled at Lovers Lane
  15. Where's the best place to get a "roads scholarship"? two lane University

Lanes joke, Where's the best place to get a "roads scholarship"?

Amusing Lanes Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about lanes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean power lines jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lanes pranks.

A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on

He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.
Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"
Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."
Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"

A police man pulls over a car in the middle of the night

"Sir, do you realise how badly your car was swerving between lanes?"
"I've had 8 drinks, officer."
"That's no excuse to let your wife drive..."

God gave a wish to a man

God gave a wish to a man.
The man asked, " I want the whole world to be connected by a road".
"Sorry son, it's technically impossible to engineer such a road. Ask something else" , he replied.
"Well then, I want Trump to think before he speaks something", he asked.
"You want that road 8 lanes wide or 10 lanes?
Let's discuss details", god replied.

My girlfriend's black.

She's always in a rush, saying, "Come on! Let's go! We gotta move! We're gunna be late! Drive faster! Switch lanes! We gotta beat the crowd!" I look at her every time and say, "Leave it to you to play the race card."

Surveys show people from Massachusetts go camping more than any other state.

Their destination usually includes one of Connecticut's many passing lanes.

I think I can read minds

because I always know a BMW is changing lanes before they use their blinker

A woman was being interviewed during a driving test

Officer: You are driving a car down the road, you see your husband and your brother crossing the road from opposite lanes.
What will you hit first?
Woman: Husband! My husband!
Officer: This is the third time I'm telling you madam, you hit the brakes first!

Two guys driving in the highway with broken side mirror car

The driver wants to switch lanes and tells the passenger: Can you look if there any car is coming
The passenger turns and looks back and says: No there's no car coming .
Driver turns the signal on and proceeds to change the line and huge truck hits them.
Driver turns to passenger and screams: YOU SAID THERE WAS NO CAR!!!
The passenger replies: YOU SAID CAR, NOT A TRUCK!
P.S. old joke that my father told me

What do you get if you cross two kerbs, two lanes and a white line?

"I don't know", said the chicken, "but I'll find out."

A genie grants a man one wish

The man says 'I want a superhighway that connects New York and Moscow'.
The genie says 'Woah, I can grant wishes, not miracles. Do you have a easier wish?'
The man thinks and says 'um ok...I want to fully understand women.'
The genie looks at him and says 'ok, so how many lanes did you want on that highway?'

Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains?

Did you hear about the guy who was obsessed with building HOV lanes through mountains?
Classic case of carpool tunnel syndrome

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.
Okay, we'll just get a u**... sample down at the station.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm drunk.

Due to the hot weather and water shortage in Ireland

The Dublin swimming baths are closing lanes 7 & 8

Pull over

An old woman was driving and knitting on the motorway. She was serving across the lanes when a police car overtook her flashing all the lights.
As it drew level a policeman wound down his window and shouted to her "Pull over!".
"No" she shouted back. "Pair of socks!"

I saw the rarest beast on the way home from work yesterday.

An audi driver actually used his signal while changing lanes.

Did you hear about the Dole truck that crashed?

It was speeding down the interstate going 20 over the speed limit with a bunch of monkeys hanging off the side when suddenly it lost control and crashed, spilling the contents of it's trailer across all four lanes blocking traffic for hours.
It was bananas.

I was at the firing range when a family walked right into the lanes while people were firing to hang their targets.

That's one family no one will miss.

Ireland has just declared a drought!

In response to this the Irish government have decided to close 2 lanes in every swimming pool in an effort to save water.

I used to write snide humor about the people pulled over in the emergency lanes on busy highways...

I called it flatire.

A doctor asks patient "Do you same s**... experience?"

Yes. Once I've changed lanes without turning signal.

They say America runs on Dunkin...

That's why I always risk my life crossing 3 busy lanes of traffic for my large iced, extra extra.

Your momma so fat...

Her aides close lanes on the George Washington Bridge

How did the swimmer die?

He took too many lanes

A man comes across a genie who grants him one wish.

The man says, I would really like a bridge from San Francisco to Hawaii.
The genie says, That would be really difficult, with all the construction, engineering, not to mention the money such a bridge would require. I'm sorry, but is there anything simpler you would want?
The man thinks it over and says, You know, I've never been good at understanding women. I can never understand what my wife is saying. It's almost like she's speaking in code. Is it possible that you could make me better at understanding women?
The genie says, You want that bridge to be four lanes or six lanes?

There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him.

The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
The driver rolls down the window. The driver is a squirrel. The squirrel says to the man says, See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?

A man is driving down the highway when a State Trooper appears at his bumper and turns on his lights ...

The man starts to speed up a little and realizes the trooper is still following him. He changes lanes and the trooper is still following him. The man then proceeds to floor it as fast as his car could go.
After about a 30 minute chase, the man runs out of gas and the State Trooper approaches his window. The man, who is older and has his hands up, appears to be shaking.
The State Trooper says, Sir, why wouldn't you pull over?
The man says, well, about 15 years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper ... I ran because I thought you were bringing her back.

A heavily inebriated man is out with his wife.

Finally they call it a day and make their way home. Driving on a major road, the car swerves dangerously, frequently crossing lanes at a frightening speed and narrowly avoiding causing countless collisions. Eventually they are pulled over by the cops.
With the window lowered, the man attempts to justify his actions.
"Goodd evvening... offficer..." he slurs. "As you can see, I've had rather a lot to drink."
The cop is fuming. "Sir. That is not a valid excuse to allow your wife to drive."

Lanes joke, A heavily inebriated man is out with his wife.