Lane Jokes

97 lane jokes and hilarious lane puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lane that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lane Short Jokes

Short lane jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lane humour may include short railroad jokes also.

  1. I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB That was a trip down memory lane
  2. What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
  3. Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
    Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af
    Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car
  4. I had the rudest, slowest, nastiest cashier today! I guess it's my own fault for using the self checkout lane.
  5. I got pulled over in the carpool lane. Cop: Where's your passenger?
    Me: Due to social distancing they're in the car behind me.
  6. I just walked past White Hart Lane and found 3 Spurs season tickets nailed to a wall. I thought of having them.
    Nails always come in handy.
  7. Why do convertible owners drive with the top down in rainstorms? So they can use the car pool lane.
  8. i just crashed my car in a lane between two houses, owned by mr and mrs ball, and one owned by mr and mrs smith thank god i was dragged out by the smiths
  9. I got pulled over in the carpool lane today.... Cop: "Where is your passenger?"
    Me: "Due to social distancing, he's in the car right behind me."
  10. I recently walked down a street where the homes were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1024K It was a trip down memory lane

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Lane One Liners

Which lane one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lane? I can suggest the ones about isle and liner.

  1. When everything is coming your way... You're in the wrong lane.
  2. What do you call a crazy bike lane? A cyclepath.
  3. Why can't Superman drive quickly? He always gets stuck in the Lois lane.
  4. When nothing is going your way You're in the wrong lane
  5. A shapeshifter walks down a street when suddenly he turns into a lane.
  6. Why was the road afraid of the bike lane? Because it was a cycle path!
  7. Where does Superman ride? On the Lois Lane.
  8. This self checkout lane has the sexiest cashier.
  9. How do you signal when changing lanes? I drive a BMW
  10. Where does Superman live? On Lois Lane.
  11. What's the feminine name for the Internet Highway? e-Lane
  12. How did Lois Lane get breast cancer? Being xrayed too many times.
  13. What do you call a car that constantly cuts into your lane? A Subarude.
  14. Puzzled at Lovers Lane
  15. Where's the best place to get a "roads scholarship"? two lane University

Lane Highway Jokes

Here is a list of funny lane highway jokes and even better lane highway puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today on the highway driving home. Me: Ah! Come on man stay in your lane.
    My wife: I'll bet he is communist.
    Me: what? Why?
    My wife: because now it's 'our' lane.
  • I got pulled over for driving in the left lane on the highway. He said "This a passing lane only. Are you from around here?"
    I said "No I'm just passing through."
    He let me go with just a warning.
  • I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off
  • I used to write snide humor about the people pulled over in the emergency lanes on busy highways... I called it flatire.
  • Where does Jay-Z drive when he's on the highway? In the HOV lane.

Lois Lane Jokes

Here is a list of funny lois lane jokes and even better lois lane puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Super table Clark Kent: *puts glasses on table*
    Lois Lane: Is that our table? I don't recognize it.
  • How does Lois Lane know that Superman is bad in bed? Because he always came as fast as he could.
  • Lois lane broke up with superman... ...because in bed, he was faster than a speeding bullet.
Lane joke, Lois lane broke up with superman...

Memory Lane Jokes

Here is a list of funny memory lane jokes and even better memory lane puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I lost my computer RAM. I guess I will have to take a trip down memory lane to buy a new one.
  • Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section. I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
  • I am visiting my old neighbourhood, where many of the cognitive scientists lived... I will be going down the memory lane.

Carpool Lane Jokes

Here is a list of funny carpool lane jokes and even better carpool lane puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I got pulled over in the carpool lane today The cop said I can't be driving in this lane without anyone else in my car, but the joke's on him. The trunk is full of people.
  • A driver gets pulled over for improper use of a carpool lane.. Cop: "Carpool lane is 2 or more passengers and I don't see your second passenger."
    Driver: "well I'm just beside myself."
  • How to dodge a ticket: if you get caught in the carpool lane by yourself, just tell the cop you're schizophrenic.
  • I rode to work today in the underground HOV lane... They called it the carpool tunnel.
Lane joke, I rode to work today in the underground HOV lane...

Playful Lane Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about lane you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lane pranks.

A Jewish girl....

.....flagged down a cab after drunken night out in town. All too late she realised the driver was heading in the wrong direction, & was driving down a dark country lane into the woods.
He stopped the car, then jumped in the back seat, pulling at the girls clothes frantically.
"Stop, stop!" she screamed.
"Don't worry love, I just want a bit of fun, I ain't going to hurt you" he explained.
"No, it's not that, could you turn the meter off first?" she replied.

Memory Lane...

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly..'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Lover's Lane

A cop comes upon a car parked late one night on Lover's Lane. Upon further investigation he finds a male subject reading a book in the front seat and a female subject filing her nails in the back seat.
The cop asks the guy, "What are you doing up here?"
"I'm reading a book sir."
"Uh-huh. And what's she doing?" the cop inquires, motioning toward the back seat.
"Well clearly, sir, she is filing her nails."
With a puzzled look on his face, the cop says, "In the 13 years I've been a cop I've never seen anything like this on Lover's Lane. How old are you son?"
"I'm 20."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in about 15 minutes she'll be 18."

A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.

He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.
"What are you up to here, son?"
"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's playing a game on her phone."
"Have you been drinking tonight?"
"No, sir. I'm only twenty."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?

Credit to the man who came through my check lane at work.


A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.
The man somewhat nervously said, I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him.
Suit yourself, the farmer replied, the hens are round the back.

Where do male army priests live?

On Chap Lane.

So while Lane Kiffin was managing the Alabama offensive...

he had Nick Saban's daughter handling the D?

Two hunters were driving down a narrow two lane road in an off-road jeep, and saw a sign that said 'Bear Left'...

They turned around and went home.

Money-minded Cabbie!!

A guy is on a date with a girl, so he takes her to Lovers' Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you -- I'm a h**....'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having s**....
After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver, and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''

5 minutes

A cop drives up Lovers' Lane and sees a car parked. He walks up to the car and sees a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book, and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting, and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."

A boy came into class late one day and his teacher asked him why he was late...

The boy replied "Sorry sir, I was doing push-ups on Abbey Lane." The teacher excused him and he sat down.
Five minutes later, another boy came in and the teacher asked him why he was late. He replied "sorry I'm late, I was doing push-ups on Abbey Lane.
Another five minutes later, a girl walks into class, late. The teacher says "I suppose you were doing push-ups on Abbey Lane too." The girl replied "No sir, I am Abbey Lane"

Always leave the top down in a convertible, even in the rain

Worst case scenario, you get to use the car pool lane.

The Date

A man drives his date up to lovers lane and parks. "I have to be honest with you" the woman says as the guy makes his move."I`m a h**...".
The man thinks about this for a bit and decides he`s ok with it. He agrees to pay her $25 and they go at it.
After they finish, the guy says,
"Now I should be honest too. I`m a cab driver and its going to cost you $25 to get back to town".

My brother used to think the s**... lane is for committing s**....

He only made the mistake once though

You know that feeling when you've had a long day at work, you drive home and nothing is going your way?

It's probably because you're driving in the wrong lane.

Today I got behind the slowest black station wagon ever

It was driving so slow and bad the other lane was going off the road and everyone behind it was crying. Glad I passed it

A video of a groundbreaking bowler goes viral

He still had to pay to fix the bowling lane though

Politics is like driving

No matter which lane you're in, anyone moving faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower is a m**....

I was tailgated going 15 over

I was going 15 over the limit in the fast lane and being tailgated so I moved to the slow lane. The car behind continued to stay on my bumper. I couldn't shake him and was becoming very annoyed.
He looked so ridiculous with his flashing lights and his annoying siren.

Everyone knows the muffin man lives down Drury Lane.

But did you know the ice cream man lives down Rocky Road?

I saw a women texting and driving in the lane next to mine...

Incensed, I rolled my window down and threw my beer at her.

This morning, everything was coming my way

That's when I realized I had drifted into the wrong lane

What do you call it when you look at your ex girlfriends n**...?

A trip down mammary lane.

It was my turn to drive in the car pool to work today.

After I picked up Steve we had to drive through a tunnel. There was a semi truck coming down the wrong lane and I had to swerve to moss him. When I got to work my wrist was hurting really bad. It must have been from that car pool tunnel.

A nun turns her bicycle down an unfamiliar, cobblestone lane.

"Oh, well I've never come this way before."

I had the rudest, slowest, and nastiest cashier today...

That's the last time I use the self checkout lane!

When They Say Everything is Coming your Way, there's 2 Meanings to that.

1.) Everything is going as you expected.
2.) You're in the Wrong Lane.

I asked my mom if I could try to breast feed one more time.

It was a trip down mammary lane.

A cop sees a car parked in the local Lover's Lane with the windows all steamed up.

He goes over and taps on the window. The guy inside rolls it down.
The cop looks inside and sees the fellow sitting behind the wheel, fully dressed. There's a young lady sitting in the back seat, also fully dressed.
The cop says, "What are you doing out here?"
Guy says, "I'm watching a video on my phone."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's on Facebook."
"What's going on here? How old are you, son?"
"I'm twenty."
"And how old is she?"
"In...thirteen minutes she'll be eighteen."

A man driving down a winding country lane noticed two people on the road.

They were wearing robes and sandals, had s**... heads and holding up signs.
One sign read "The End is Near!"
The other sign read "Change Before it's Too Late!"
He slowed the car and rolled down the window. "Get lost you religious nuts!" He yelled.
He sped off round the corner. There was a squeal of brakes and a loud splash.
One of the sign- holders turned to the other and said "Maybe we should simply write 'warning: bridge ahead closed'"

Cop: So I'm writing you a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane.

Me: You're going to feel really s**... when you look in my trunk.

RIP Barry Cryer - a true comedy great

From his obituary:
> Cryer, the master of the comedy sketch and the instant one-liner, was once asked by the Yorkshire Post for his favourite joke. He recalled one he had told in a student r**... in 1955.

>"A man drives down a country lane and runs over a cockerel. He knocks at a nearby farmhouse door and a woman answers.

>"'I appear to have killed your cockerel,' he says. 'I'd like to replace it.' The woman replies: 'Please yourself - the hens are round the back.'"

I saw this one reposted here earlier this week..

A guy was driving down a country lane and he ran over a rooster

He was very upset.
He went to the farmhouse and knocked on the door and a woman opened it and he said: 'I appear to have killed your rooster. I'd like to replace him.'
And she said: 'Please yourself, the hens are round the back.

At the check out at Walmart and my son is sitting in the cart seat…

I've already pulled him and the cart up to past the check out folks so I could start putting bags in the cart. The women in the lane over says, Oh hello there handsome! Obviously talking to my son, however I shout back, Oh hey! How's it going?
The woman checking us out laughed so hard she had to take a step back and the woman I said it to was so red faced and chuckling she couldn't really say much! The few folks in line began laughing too so it was pretty funny and the epitome of dad joke! Ha! I've made it!

Was driving on the freeway

And over in the fast lane a concrete delivery truck went by and following behind was a contractor in his normal truck. So I pointed it out to the kids in backseat.
Kids asked where they were going.
I replied I don't know but bet when they get there they will have a concrete plan.
The groans were were like a symphony

Local grocery store checkout workers are ignorant, lazy, smelly …

That's the last time I use the self-checkout lane

Cop on Patrol

A cop is patrolling at night and sees a car parked in lover's lane.
He knocks on the window, when it's rolled down he sees a guy in the front seat playing on his phone and a girl in the back seat reading a magazine.
The cop says What's going on here?
The guy says, nothing at all officer.
Cop says Let's see some ID, how old are you? The guy hands the cop his license and says he's 27.
The cop says, And her, how old is she?
The guy looks at his watch and says
She will be 18 in exactly 9 minutes.

Clark Kent was lying in his death bed with his wife Lois Lane beside him.

After some time, Lois said Darling, I have to confess something. Years ago, I had an affair with Superman. It was only one night, but I've regretted it ever since. I hope you can forgive me.
You don't need to worry about that because, Clark said as he took off his glasses, I am Superman! Even if you didn't know it was me, in my eyes you were always faithful.
Oh thank God! said Lois. I can't tell you what a weight that is off my chest.
Glad we cleared that up, said Clark.
So I guess this means you were Batman too.

Lane joke, Why can't Superman drive quickly?

jokes about lane