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Lane Highway Jokes

25 lane highway jokes and hilarious lane highway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lane highway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lane Highway Short Jokes

Short lane highway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lane highway humour may include short highway jokes also.

  1. Today on the highway driving home. Me: Ah! Come on man stay in your lane.
    My wife: I'll bet he is communist.
    Me: what? Why?
    My wife: because now it's 'our' lane.
  2. I got pulled over for driving in the left lane on the highway. He said "This a passing lane only. Are you from around here?"
    I said "No I'm just passing through."
    He let me go with just a warning.
  3. I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off
  4. I used to write snide humor about the people pulled over in the emergency lanes on busy highways... I called it flatire.

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Lane Highway One Liners

Which lane highway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lane highway? I can suggest the ones about lane and motorway.

  1. What's the feminine name for the Internet Highway? e-Lane
  2. Where does Jay-Z drive when he's on the highway? In the HOV lane.

Fun-Filled Lane Highway Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about lane highway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean roadside jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lane highway pranks.

Man finds a Genie in a bottle

Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie
"Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it"
"Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii"
"Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something else, pick something else"
"Ok, I want to understand Women"
"So you want this to be a Two or Four lane highway?"

Two guys driving in the highway with broken side mirror car

The driver wants to switch lanes and tells the passenger: Can you look if there any car is coming
The passenger turns and looks back and says: No there's no car coming .
Driver turns the signal on and proceeds to change the line and huge truck hits them.
Driver turns to passenger and screams: YOU SAID THERE WAS NO CAR!!!
The passenger replies: YOU SAID CAR, NOT A TRUCK!
P.S. old joke that my father told me

A genie grants a man one wish

The man says 'I want a superhighway that connects New York and Moscow'.
The genie says 'Woah, I can grant wishes, not miracles. Do you have a easier wish?'
The man thinks and says 'um ok...I want to fully understand women.'
The genie looks at him and says 'ok, so how many lanes did you want on that highway?'

A policeman pulls over a driver...

for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.
Okay, we'll just get a u**... sample down at the station.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm drunk.

A man is walking along a beach and finds a bottle.

When he rubs the bottle, a genie appears and says, "I can grant you one wish." "Well," says the man, "I have never been too fond of flying, so could you make a highway from California to Hawaii?" The genie says, "Do you know how much of my power that would take?" The man says, "Okay, I have never really gotten girls, so could you make that happen?" The genie says, "You want that highway two lane or four lane?"

The impossible wish

A guy saves a frog from a forest fire. The frog turns out to be a magical frog, and is very grateful to the man for having saved its life. So the frog offers to grant him three wishes. The man says, Great. So I want:   1. Lifelong access to any cinema,   2. I want to be 10 years younger and   3. I want a highway that goes straight from here to Hawaii.   I'm happy to help you but the third wish is really difficult. You'll have to wish for something else instead of that third wish, says the frog.   OK, agrees the man reluctantly, in that case I'd like to finally understand women. - The frog looks at him for a while: And should the highway be a three-lane or a four-lane one?

A man walks into a car dealership…

And a sales representative walks up to him and asks if he could help him find a car. The man responds with little to no detail about what *kind* of car he is looking for. The sales representative continues to ask the man to think of something that would help narrow down the kind of car that they should be looking at.
The man finally says, On the highway, I tend to not use my turn signals…and…if there is traffic, I justify the shoulder as an open lane for me since I *need* to get home. Does that help?
BMWs are this way, sir.

A man is driving down the highway when a State Trooper appears at his bumper and turns on his lights ...

The man starts to speed up a little and realizes the trooper is still following him. He changes lanes and the trooper is still following him. The man then proceeds to floor it as fast as his car could go.
After about a 30 minute chase, the man runs out of gas and the State Trooper approaches his window. The man, who is older and has his hands up, appears to be shaking.
The State Trooper says, Sir, why wouldn't you pull over?
The man says, well, about 15 years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper ... I ran because I thought you were bringing her back.

A blonde is walking along the side of a highway...

When she sees a brunette jumping in the middle between the opposing lanes of traffic chanting "twenty, twenty, twenty..."
Curious the blonde asks what she's doing.
"I'm jumping up and down saying twenty, do it with me, " replies the brunette.
So they both start to jump when a truck suddenly runs over the blonde, killing her.
The brunette calmly walks over to the body, and drags her to the side of the road. She then returns to the middle of the highway, starts jumping up and down, and chants "twenty one, twenty one, twenty one..."

A man finds a magic lamp...

He rubs it and a genie comes out and say "hello! You have found my lamp and I shall grant you one wish. Perhaps the one thing you want most in life." The man thinks and responds "well, I've really wanted to go to Hawaii so I want you to build a bridge from San Diego to Hawaii." The genie responds "that's impossible! Think about the logistics! How would the supports reach the bottom on the ocean? Who would maintain it? No, ask for something else." So the man thinks again and says "well, I've been divorced 4 times and my current marriage isn't going well so I just want to be able to understand what is going on in my wife's mind, just to be able to understand her more." The genie responds "do you want a two lane highway or four."

2 old ladies are in a car...

When a state trooper spots them on the highway. He notices that they are going very very slowly in the passing lane, and decides to pull them over because going too slowly can be just as dangerous as going to fast!
When he approaches the car, he notices that the old lady in the passenger's seat is visibly shaken.
The trooper asks "Ma'am, why are you going so slowly on the highway in the left-hand lane? This is the passing lane and your slow speed is endangering other drivers."
The old lady driving gives the trooper a look of bewilderment and says "but officer, the speed limit is very clearly 31 miles per hour, it says so on the sign just over there!"
"No ma'am, that is the highway number. The speed limit is actually 70 miles per hour. You should think about speeding it up to get your sick friend to the hospital!"
The shaken old lady replies "I am not sick, but we did just get off Highway 155"

Bridge to Hawaii

Greg is in his car driving on the highway by the ocean in California when he stops and asks God for just 1 wish for being a super faithful and good human being. God instantly appears and tells Greg that he has earned right for one wish.
Greg: I wish for a bridge from here to Hawaii so that I can drive there and have a great time.
God: Ehhhh…. your wish is too materistic! I would have to get the concrete, carefully think about the design, along with pipes and suspensions for balance and aesthetics. It would be quite a bit to handle on my part! Wish something else and I will grant it.
Greg: Alright…Hmmm OK I wish to be able to read women's minds. I want to know exactly what they're thinking at all times, what they mean when they say nothing . Basically, I want to understand women inside out.
God: So you want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?

The secret to women

A man is walking down a beach in California, when he stumbles across a magic lamp
A genie appears from the lamp and says, "Thank you sir for freeing me, in return i will grant you one wish."
The man replies "I have always wanted to walk the beaches of Hawaii, but I do not ride planes and the trip by boat is to long. I wish for a highway from California to Hawaii."
The genie looks at the man and replies, "A bridge that size takes to much magic, I am not powerful enough to create a bridge of that magnitude, however I will give you another wish.
The man replies "Fine, I wish to learn the secret to women."
Without skipping a beat the genie says, "Two lanes or four?"

An Unlikely Friendship

John is driving north on a highway after a sporting event when he comes to a single lane bridge. He checks the road and begins to cross the river, only to be hit head-on from the oncoming direction. The two cars are completely mangled, but the two drivers are completely fine. John notices that the man who hit him is wearing a jersey from a rival sports team.
The man who caused the accident said, "Hey man, sorry about your car... And even though we represent different teams, I think this is a sign that we should put our differences beside us."
John replies, "I think you're right." He goes and checks his trunk and remarkably pulls out an undamaged bottle of Jack Daniels. "Amazing! How about a drink to celebrate our new friendship?"
The driver agrees and takes a few swigs of the whiskey. He passes the bottle back to John who promptly throws the bottle over the bridge and into the river below. "Oi! What did you do that for? Weren't you going to have some for yourself? What about our new friendship?"
John smirks. "Tell that to the cops when they show up."

So a Man Finds a Magic Lamp...

... The genie comes out and tells the man he has 1 wish.
The man asks "I'd like a transatlantic highway so that I can visit my family in France more easily"
The genie replies "That is a bit of a daunting task, is there anything other than this that you'd like?"
The man says "I've never had any luck with women. So, I'd like to be able to understand a woman's thought at all times and know what exactly she wants."
The genie thinks it over for a bit and says, "So how many lanes do you want this highway to be?"

A man gets into a fight with his wife. (Put together terribly)

They live right on the coast of California, the man gets kicked out of his house by his wife so he goes for a walk along the beach. The man suddenly stops when he hears this loud booming voice.
Terry(Thats his name from now on) I see you have gotten into quite the fight with your wife, its troubling to see you so distraught because you are a very loyal husband, because you have a great relationship with me i am willing to help you. Name one thing you want and i will give it to you.
Terry looks around and is dumbfounded, "God?!" he asks. "Yes it is i, please what could you ever desire?" Terry thinks about it for a little bit and says, "I want a private highway to.... Japan, Italy, and Sweden." God asks Terry if he is sure about that, because that would use a lot of the worlds resources and could cause some serious problems. Terry realizes that wish would be very selfish, so he thinks for a minute and looks up to god and says "God? I know what i want". What is it Terry? Terry asks god to understand everything there is about women, so he can repair his problems with his wife.. God pauses for a minute and says to Terry "So was that highway 2 or 4 lanes?"

A genie granted a man one wish for a great deed he had done...

He explained that it could be anything the man desired, for the powerful genie was capable of anything. The man thought for a bit, and said "Build me a highway from here to Europe." The genie was surprised, he explained that a highway to europe wouldn't be a great way of transportation and how it would be very difficult to build. "Im sorry, its just way too difficult. But anything elso in the world, my friend. Anything at all." The man thought again, and said "alright. Tell me why women act and think the way they do. " The genie looked up at him and replied "How many lanes? "