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Landscaped Jokes

95 landscaped jokes and hilarious landscaped puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about landscaped that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Landscaped Short Jokes

Short landscaped jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The landscaped humour may include short jokes also.

  1. I managed to buy some GameStop stocks at only $8/share! It is called "GameStop Total Landscaping," right?
  2. Trump will still be president of The United States after January 20th He's having Rudy draw up the paperwork to form The United States Total Landscaping Co. as we speak!
  3. My gf told me if I trimmed my bush it would make my deck bigger She's been spending a lot of time with the landscaper so I'm guessing she learned it from him
  4. I recently hired a landscape gardener He said he couldn't help me as my garden was portrait.
  5. I think I'm going to hire the same landscaper I used last year. He was really easy to get a lawn with.
  6. I bought a new lawn mower for my landscaping company Mine just wasn't cutting it.
    I'm sorry
  7. Trump is going to make soon a major announcement Meet us again at Four Seasons Total Landscaping parking lot
  8. Why did the Trump Campaign book Four Seasons Landscaping? Because he ran his presidency into the ground
  9. Landscape Gardeners I've been trying to get someone to redo my garden, but i'm not having much luck.
    I've found several landscape gardeners, but mine is portrait.
  10. TIL Arthur Conan Doyle wrote a series of short stories about crimes committed by landscapers He collectively referred to them as *Holmes and Gardens*.

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Landscaped One Liners

Which landscaped one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with landscaped? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. Where do all the New York City landscapers live? Lawn Guy Land
  2. I bet the ChatGPT servers are taking a leisurely stroll through the digital landscape.
  3. Four Seasons Total Landscaping I'm not ready to stop laughing.
  4. What's the funniest landscape? Hill areas.
  5. Two rival landscaping companies have been killing each others staff They're in a turf war
  6. How come Landscapers have huge loads? They are always edging.
  7. I fired my landscaper today. He just wasn't cutting it.
  8. A landscaper's favourite musical genre? Mow-town.
  9. What do you call a boxer who enjoys landscape gardening in his spare time? Manny Patio
  10. What would be the best way to describe the winter landscape in Westeros? Stark.
  11. Why did the landscaper get fired? He kept dropping his plants in public!
  12. I just got fired from a landscaping business by mail. They sent me a John Deere letter.
  13. Why did the king have his landscaper hanged? For planning high trees, son.
  14. What do you call a rude landscaper? a grasshole
  15. What do you call the CFO of a landscaping company? A hedge fund manager

Landscaped Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about landscaped you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make landscaped pranks.

A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" His reply was, "What am I? An electrician?!" A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have s**... with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!"

Alex The Gardener

A supervisor of a landscaping business got a call from one of his workers on Friday afternoon "Hey boss, it's me Alex, I'm not feeling so good today, I've got a big headache and just don't feel well." The boss replies; "You know, when I don't feel well, I like to go to my wife and ask for s**..., then I feel much better. You should try it."
Three hours later, the boss gets a phone call from Alex; "You were right boss, I did what you said and I feel great, I'll be at work soon! By the way, you have a really nice house!"

There I was, waiting to pay for my landscaping materials, when suddenly...

...I was charged for aggregated basalt.

So I'm going to start a business offering landscaping, painting, moving and other handy man services

called Manuel labor

They say, "the grass is greener on the other side..."

That's why Pablo, my landscaper, imports my m**....

The wizard of oz, synopsis.

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

My friend, who is a landscaper, was cheating on his wife and I told him to stop.

He replied, "it's hard man.. I got to much love for the h**..."

My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers;

I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job

How do landscapers keep their seams from ripping?

Well let me tell you; They don't beat around the bush! They n**... it in the bud and use Hem-Lock!

It is the year 2066.

Scientists in the space colony on Mars are testing the feasibility of using animals to navigate the natural landscape. They decide to send a cat in a spacesuit with a radio collar and a camera to roam around.
After a day, they notice the radio collar hasn't been moving in several hours. The scientists walk over to the location of the radio collar and discover the remains of a brutally dismembered cat. Confused, the scientists take the corpse, camera, and collar back to the lab for analysis. Upon reviewing the camera footage, they discover something truly disconcerting.
Curiosity killed the cat.

We just hired an ex-con, who was in for tax evasion, to do our landscaping

And I must say he is terrific at cutting the corners.

So I had to fire my landscaper last week...

because I told him to spread his seed on my lawn, not all over my wife.

As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face:

I'm having a s**....

If I had a dollar for every racist thing I've said.

I'd hire a Mexican to do my landscaping.

Have you ever heard the one about the landscaper who lost everything after his wife left him and his dog died?

No?
Maybe I shouldn't tell it. It's a sod story.

A Russian artist was drawing a landscape and he messed up...

...so he had to retrace his steppes.

The name for a landscaping business I'm about to start

Lawngevity

Only picture of my grandfather shows he is either Native American or Mexican.

To figure it out I was told to go the woods. If I start hunting, he's Native American. If I start landscaping, he's Mexican.

Utah Geologic Survey was advertising landscape calendars for the upcoming holidays...

...and said, "Hurry before they run out!"
What, the national monuments or the calendars?

I used to be a landscape gardener.

Got my clothes too dirty so I started doing it in portrait.

Why do conspiracy theorists make terrible landscape gardeners?

They're too obsessed with inside jobs.

Duuuude, I paid to take a landscaping course with Bruce McArthur!

Only cost 206 bones, Dude.

Meaning of Adultery

Adultery: what happens when you don't keep up your landscaping around the yard.

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

A married couple goes on safari....

A married couple goes on safari in Africa. Upon their arrival, they're greeted by a guide who shows them around as they explore the landscape and catch glimpses of the wildlife.
In the distance, however, there is a constant tribal drumming that continues day and night, without stop. It goes on for days and days until one morning it suddenly stops. The guide freezes and begins to sweat, nervously. Panicked, the couple asks,
"What's wrong? What's happening?"
"Drums stop--very bad."
The guide shifts, uncomfortably.
"Next comes bass solo."

My grandmother, a life-long abstract artist, has dementia.

For the longest the family couldn't be sure of her mental illness, but eventually we all saw the landscape.

Switzerland has good food and beautiful landscapes

On top of that their flag is a big plus

My brother and I were stopped at a red light

My brother and I were stopped at a red light when a landscaping truck drove past, its entire back laden with fresh green sod.
"Wow," he deadpanned. "I wish I had enough money to send my lawn out to get cut."

Asked a Landscape gardener for a quote

They said they couldn't help me as my garden was portrait

Violent Video Games are alot like Landscaping..

a whole lot of mowing through stuff with a few patches here and there

Why did the timid lawyer sue her landscaper for delivering oversized rocks?

She wanted to try something a little boulder.

I hired a landscape gardener...

But he said he couldn't help me because my garden was portrait.

I hired a landscape gardener.

He couldn't help. My gardens portrait.

Whats the diffrence between landscaping and 911?

Landscaping is an outdoor job, 911 was an inside job

I hired a dog landscaper the other day.

I guess you can say he was "Ruff around the hedges".

Last week I met Mr. T's brother who, though dyslexic, worked many years as a backyard landscape architect.

Right when I asked what he did he said,
"I fitty the pool."

Why were the grounds at Estadio Azteca terrible?

All the good landscapers moved to the US

They had to move the Rams V Chiefs game from Mexico City to LA due to poor field conditions

They should have seen it coming since all the good Mexican landscapers are in the U.S.

Cheesy pick up line.

Im like an excavator operator. I will dig into your imagination and drop rocks. Then lay some pipe. Sometimes the landscape gets wet and needs maintenance.

My buddy's landscaping company has suddenly become hugely successful since Fall is well and truly upon us...

He's raking it in!

What's with Trump and landscape equipment?

First he's raking for California, now he's hoeing for Saudi Arabia.

What do you call a landscaper's bank account?

A hedge fund

I'm going to go get me some h**... and w**...

Killer, so i could finally do some landscaping in my backyard.

What do you call it when you use an app to pay your landscaper?

Ven-mowing

Who do satanic landscapers pray to?

The Planti-Christ (I'm sorry my brain works this way 😂)

Landscaping

Q: Why did a landscaper named George look startled when he went back to his project?
A: A Bush was missing from his clients lawn.

I was visiting Salt Lake City and I asked a m**... if he knew of a good w**... man

He said, "Only the best" and gave me a card of Landscaping Company.

I'm trying to convince my wife that we should become polygamists.

If we married a housekeeper, baby sitter, and landscaper, we wouldn't have to pay them.

A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...

He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"
The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"
The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"

I wanted a stone wall built around my house but the landscaping company was being very rude and unhelpful.

So I took a fence.

I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

The Black Panther is starting a landscaping and sod business.

He's calling it Wakanda Grass.

Who is Rudy Giuliani's favorite band?

Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

Hated the view from my yard because of the tree...

So I called a tree guy to take it down. I asked him to remove the stump, and he said "Oh I can't, you have to call a stump guy."
So I call the stump guy, he takes out the stump, and I say "Aren't you gonna fill the hole?"
He said "Oh, no, you'll have to call a landscaper for that.
So I call the landscaper, and I'm in a rush for my flight and I tell him "Just make it look pretty."
I come back from vacation, and he's planted a tree.

After Rudy Giuliani held a press conference at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, he experienced chest pains.

He was quickly rushed to Mount Sinai Heating & Plumbing.