Landlord Jokes
61 landlord jokes and hilarious landlord puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about landlord that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From the best pub landlord gags to clever jokes about tenant-landlord relationships, check out some of the top landlord jokes. Whether it's Euros or eviction notices, these laughs are sure to bring a smile to anyone's apartment.
Quick Jump To
- Short Landlord Jokes
- Landlord One Liners
- Pub Landlord Jokes
- Landlord Tenant Jokes
- More Landlord Jokes
Funniest Landlord Short Jokes
Short landlord jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The landlord humour may include short lords jokes also.
- My landlord told me that he would like to have a chat with me soon... about the house's sky high heating bills this winter.
I told him: "Sure thing, whenever you want. My door is always open". - My landlord wanted to come talk to me about the high heating bill I told him, "My door is always open".
- My landlord yelled at me today because my heating bill is through the roof and that he's going to have to come over soon to discuss a solution. I told him my door is always open.
- Five ants moved into an apartment. Then five more moved in. Now the landlord is asking for rent.
- My landlord doubled my rent. I'm going to give up drinking for a month. Sorry I missed punctuation there.
I'm going to give up, drinking for a month. - AC Bill My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high the air conditioning bill is.
I told him, "My door is always open." - As a landlord, the most laid-back renters I ever had were a Chinese restaurant. They were lo mein tenants.
- I was drunk, the landlord of the pub told me to take a bus home Turns out, I wasn't fit to drive that either.
- So, the other day my landlord asked me out on a date. I mean, they called it "an eviction" but I knew what they meant.
- My landlord called and said he wanted to come talk to me about the high air conditioning bill. I said sure, my door is always open.
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Landlord One Liners
Which landlord one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with landlord? I can suggest the ones about owner and chairman.
- A cheese sandwich walks into a pub. The landlord says, "Sorry, we don't serve food"
- Landlords are so stuck up They act like they own the place.
- What is the opposite of a Mermaid... ... a landlord!!
- Why was the landlord seeing a psychiatrist? He had an apartment complex.
- What did the yoga instructor tell his landlord when he tried to evict him? Namaste
- THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please. LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
- My landlord managed to get rid of 230 pounds of ugly fat... he evicted me!
- What did the yoga instructor say to her landlord when he tried to kick her out? Namaste.
- Pub Landlord Required.... Must Have Own Pub...
Apply with Inn. - How do you know if your neighbourhood is french? The landlord is missing
- What do landlords drink? Proper-tea
- Why did the landlord prefer Chinese restaurants? Because they're lo mein tenants
- Why couldn't Christopher Reeve pay his landlord? Back rent.
- What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Na ma stay
- I just told a friend that my landlord's from Israel. "Is he really?" he asked.
Pub Landlord Jokes
Here is a list of funny pub landlord jokes and even better pub landlord puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub... ...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".
- Two spiral galaxies walk into a pub. The landlord scowls at one of them and says: "Out. You're barred!"
- Roman Centurion walks into a pub and sticks up two fingers at the landlord "The usual five beers, then, Andronicus!" Replied the landlord
- Landlord: That Spanish actor out of Skyfall was k**... off in my pub the other night. Customer: Javier Bardem?
Landlord: No, but he IS on his final warning.
Landlord Tenant Jokes
Here is a list of funny landlord tenant jokes and even better landlord tenant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the landlord say to the tenant before Raksha Bandhan?
This year, you had invited alot of sisters here so if none of them comes to tie Rakhi then make sure you vacate the flat.
- Did you ever hear of the landlord who played favorites? He only did maintenance for his main tenants.
- What do you call renters who eat a lot of noodles and ask little of their landlord? Low mein tenants.
- Tenant landlord question for rental apartment in North Dakota
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Landlord Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about landlord you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dealer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make landlord pranks.
Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar
.
"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth.
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
The Irishman swore every word was true.
"Did this actually happen to you?" they asked.
"No not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman,
"but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."
Irish pubs are the best
As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times
My landlord throws a conniption fit for no reason whenever he sees the inside of mine or one of my co-tenants rooms.
My landlord throws a conniption fit for no reason whenever he sees the inside of mine or one of my co-tenants rooms.
I think he might have an apartment complex.
Did you hear about the time h**... and Stalin shared an apartment?
It turns out that their landlord was the lessor to two evils.
The doorbell rings and the son walks to open the door.
- Who is it?
- It's the landlord, I'm here to collect rent.
- Mom! It's the landlord. Do you have money or should I go play outside again?
The new tenants
Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.
Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.
Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.
Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then practising my trumpet.
I always impress my landlord with my water bill
Every month he messages me and says it's 'outstanding' and I always message him back, 'thanks!'
An immigrant moves to New York City from another country...
He can bearly speak broken English. He notices mice in his apartment and immediately calls the landlord to report the problem. Hello!
-Hello, what's the problem?
-You know Tom and j**...?
-Yes, Tom and j**...?
-Well, j**... problem.
My landlord is threatening to kick me out because I haven't made a single rental payment in years.
She said, "Listen son, your 35. Don't you think you should get a place of your own?"
So I was in my room and I saw a group of ten ants just running around frantically. I felt badly for them so I made a small house for them. out of a cardboard box.
This technically makes me their landlord and they are my.....
Tenants
A man walks into an insect shop...
and asks for several bags of cockroaches.
"What are you using all the cockroaches for?" the cashier asks.
"Well..." the man said, "the landlord asked I leave his property the same way I found it."
The definition of stupidity is When you have a Land Rover, a Land Cruiser....
But still have a Landlord.....
There was a lawyer who had twelve kids.
He could not find a house to rent, as no landlords wanted to have twelve kids breaking their properties. As he believed that he must not lie, he told his wife to bring eleven kids to have a walk at a nearby cemetery. Then he took the other kid and went to meet a landlord. The landlord asked:
\- How many kids do you have?
\- Twelve.
\- Where are they now?
The lawyer answered with sadness:
\- They are at the cemetery, with their mother.
That's how the lawyer rented a house!
Cr
A guy married a girl who lived in a village, near his town.
As her dad was a landlord and wanted someone to look after the assets, the guy moved into their house. After roaming around in the village in search of something entertaining, he came across a bunch of middle aged guys. He asked them, "Why isn't there anything for entertainment in this village ?". One of them replied in a frustrated voice, "We had one thing for entertainment and you married it".
I read that if you're unsure about how much to spend on an engagement ring, a monthly pay check is a good guideline.
So I spent £200 and gave most of the ring to our landlord.
When Pablo Picasso was a young struggling artist, he was several months behind in the rent.
The landlord came by and told him that if he didn't come up with the money he would be evicted on Tuesday.
Picasso exclaimed, "Before you kick me out, just think, years from now people will look at this building and say the great Picasso lived there."
The landlord looked at him blankly and said, "And if you don't come up with the money they can start doing it Tuesday."
BREAKING: Jeff d**...'s former landlord arrested.
He used to charge an arm and a leg for rent.
I was staying the night in a haunted pub
Just as the clock struck midnight a ghostly police officer walked in through the wall and across my room and out through the other wall.
Next morning I told the landlord what I'd seen.
"Oh yes," he said, "that's the inn spectre".
In my room
I was in my room when I saw ten ants running around frantically. I felt bad, so I made a house for them out of a cardboard box.
Technically, this makes me their landlord, which means they are my...
Tenants
