Landing Jokes

123 landing jokes and hilarious landing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about landing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article takes a humorous look at the world of aircraft landing. Becoming a pilot is no joke and planes need just the right amount of landing gear to hit the ground safely. Whether it's a hard, or soft landing, all pilots have tales to tell. Read now to learn more about the comedy of landings!

Funniest Landing Short Jokes

Short landing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The landing humour may include short landed jokes also.

  1. As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time" I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
  2. Why did elon musk choose SpaceX to land on mars? Because if he chose SpaceY he'd land on 14 year old boys.
  3. In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him
  4. So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
  5. A plane carrying Donald Trump made an emergency landing in New Orleans after alleged engine failure over the Gulf of Mexico. Turns out there was just a loud whine coming from the right wing.
  6. Elon Musk lands on mars and steps out of his spaceship ### "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says the ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
  7. The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
  8. TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon
  9. Elon Musk lands on Mars and steps out of his spaceship "It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says ground control officer and cuts off all communications.
  10. TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.

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Landing One Liners

Which landing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with landing? I can suggest the ones about plane landed and arrival.

  1. Why do Indians hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.
  2. Why is the ocean so salty? Because the land doesn't wave back.
  3. La La Land wins Oscar in Best Picture But Moonlight won the popular vote
  4. Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings. They're all fake
  5. What's the most popular red wine?? We want our land back!!
  6. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale La La Land?
  7. Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.
  8. What's the oldest red wine in America? "Give us back our land!"
  9. The Holy Land isn't a fake place Israel
  10. How does the blind skydiver know he's about to land? The dog leash slackens.
  11. How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.
  12. Why don't native Americans like snow? Because it's white and all over their land.
  13. Why is the sea salty? Because the land does not wave back.
  14. My son thinks the land of the Jews is fake. I told him it Israel.
  15. If aliens really landed in America "Take me to your leader"
    "... you sure?"

Plane Landing Jokes

Here is a list of funny plane landing jokes and even better plane landing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the Flat Earther who went skydiving? He landed on a plane.
  • What did Daddy Plane say to his Son when he refused to land? I don't appreciate your altitude right now,
  • Grandmother's in a better place now... Her plane landed in Spain half an hour ago.
  • 9/11 jokes are like the planes, They don't land
  • A German man is leaving a plane after landing in Poland. The immigration officer asks him
    "Occupation?" And the German man replies
    "No just visiting"
  • What do bad jokes have in common with the planes on 9/11? They don't stick the landing.
  • I took a photo while my plane was landing and got arrested... Apparently, its in-descent exposure.
  • If a plane tries to land but can't deploy its wheels, what sound does it make when it bounces off the ground? Boeing
  • Did you hear about the Russian plane that had to land in the middle of a corn crop? Don't worry, that pilot is the best in the field.
  • Say what you will about terrorism in Europe At least our planes take off and land at an airport.

Pilot Landing Jokes

Here is a list of funny pilot landing jokes and even better pilot landing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Pilot: Ladies and gentleman, I have to inform you we are losing altitude (pause)
    And the reason we are losing altitude is because we are about to land.
    (Jesus Christ, funny pilots...)
  • What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine? A jet engine stops whining after it lands
  • Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk... ...But now he's an Air Friar.
  • A Belgian pilot... A Belgian pilot is landing his plane,
    Pilot: wow, what a short runway!
    Copilot: yea, but it's sooo wide though!
  • Why a Netherlander pilot can't never land his plane? The Flying Dutchman can never make port.
  • During covid lockdown a pilot friend of mine....... Did some interior painting, I had a look and you should see how good his landing was.
  • I'm glad that flight attendants are never obese. So pilots have only one option for a soft landing.
  • A pilot was coming in for a landing in France... Right as the plane was about to touch down, the pilot aborted the landing. I guess he had to much Toulouse
  • On a busy day at the ATC control tower, the ATC, in a very gruff German accent says "Have you never flown to Berlin before"? To which the pilot answered "Yes, in 1945 but I wasn't looking to land".
  • Why do pilots have it easy when they get fired? Because they always *land* on their feet
Landing joke, Why do pilots have it easy when they get fired?

Hard Landing Jokes

Here is a list of funny hard landing jokes and even better hard landing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard. Actually it was a jaw breaker
  • I have a hard time with asymptotic jokes... They never land.
  • Landing a plane isn't hard. Taking off again though, that can be tricky.

Emergency Landing Jokes

Here is a list of funny emergency landing jokes and even better emergency landing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend with very dry lips caused his flight to make an emergency landing. Crew members took action when they noticed he had boarded the plane with a balm.
  • (True Story) Just got off a plane through the pacific and realized something... There is no such thing as an emergency water landing. It's called crashing into the ocean.
  • Emergency Landing: Gary thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to c**... I cou- hold on...
    *to copilot* STOP CRYING, GARY WILL HELP
Landing joke, Emergency Landing:

Hilarious Landing Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about landing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean leaning jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make landing pranks.

The moon landing was fake

But the film director demanded they film on site

The Door

Flying through the air, a bird pondered his place in the universe. "Why am I here? What is my purpose?"
At that moment, he espied a crowd of animals on top of a massive mountain, gathered around an imposing door. Upon landing, he found them all debating how to open the door. They did not know what was inside, but knew they must get in.
"I am the lion," said the lion. "I will tear this door open"
But try as he might, he could not open the door.
"I am the ssssnake," said the snake. "I will ssssolve the sssecrets of itsss sssafeguardssss".
But try as she might, she could not open the door.
The bird did not hear them. He was transfixed by the sight of the door. He had found his purpose. When he announced that he would open the door, they all asked him how that was possible when no one else could. So he told them.
"This is a turdoor."
"It is sealed with a turlock."
"And I am the turkey."

So last night I fell off my balcony...

Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.
The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.

What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing.
(Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show)
"My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."

Three old ladies were sitting at the kitchen table........

.....discussing their problems with getting old. One said,
"Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady says: "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one says: " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have those problems. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said:
"That must be the door, I'll get it!"

Make me feel like a woman.

The captain of an airplane has just announced that the plane will run out of fuel and will be forced to make a c**... landing. He asks everyone to call their loved ones now as things are looking bleak. As the passengers become more and more uneasy a lady jumps up, rips off her shirt, and screams "Someone make me feel like a woman one last time!" A male passenger jumps up, rips off his shirt, and hands it to her along with an iron.

Emergency Landing

A pilot was flying at night when his engine quit, so he hurriedly looked up what to do in the flight manual.
"First, establish a stable glide speed. Turn the landing light on. If the terrain appears unsuitable for a forced landing, turn the landing light off."

Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday

We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.
"Hey yea sorry about that rough landing...
...wasn't the captains fault,
...definitely wasn't my fault, was the asphalt."
The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.

my old man had a joke from his days in the Air Force

Background: my dad was a biomed tech and did work for all branches throughout many areas.
One day, he's at a Navy submarine repair station. as him and his buddy are walking in, 2 Navy guys see em and say 'Air Force? what are you guys doing here? where are they going to put the landing s**...?'
the other Navy guys says, 'fuck that, where are they going to put the golf course?'

What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

An unfortu-naut...
God that was horrible....

Two friends are disscussing...

"Who do you think is the biggest figure in the last 100 years?"
"Definitely that Armstrong guy."
"Why are you even asking? Playing the trumpet like a champ, landing on the Moon and winning tour de France is not big enough for you?"

The flag planted on the moon is now completely white, since it has been bleached by decades of cosmic radiation...

The US should replace the flag sometime soon, we don't want people to think the French were the first to complete a lunar landing!

So we've now landed a probe on a comet...

and a lot of people are now saying "why are we spending billions landing on a comet when there are starving kids in Africa"...why do they want to land a probe on starving kids in Africa, maybe one of you can explain it to me?

How does a Range Rover Evoque look after landing on it's roof?

Exactly the same.

Chinese Philosophy.

The Great Lao-Tzu said:
"It is only when you see a mosquito
landing on your t**... that you realize
there is always a way to

solve problems without using violence.

Engine failure

A Boeing 747 was having trouble with the engines. The pilots called the cabin crew and asked them to prepare the cabin for an emergency landing.
After a while, the pilots call back and ask if the cabin is secure. The flight attendant replies "Yes, captain. But there are some lawyers walking around handing out business cards"

A pilot is coming in for a nighttime landing...

He decides to mess around so he turns off his lights and says to the tower:
"Guess who?"
The tower replies by turning off the runway landing lights and says:
"Guess where?"
(from my old flight instructor) :)

A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree

He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas g**... and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."

My boyfriend offered to do analingus if I'd trim a "landing s**......"

I told him he should be more worried about Skid Row.

Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

No connection

Two pilots are landing a plane.

Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.
When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!

Did anyone see GOT tonight? (spoilers!!!)

Tommen took King's Landing much too seriously

Where was Tommen found when he jumped off the roof?

King's landing.

(SPOILERS) I guess you could say Tommen...

Made a King's landing.

Once in a lifetime opportunity…

Unknown: Define once in a lifetime opportunity.
Unknown: A mosquito, landing on your wife's face.

If the moon landing was indeed fake

NASA would owe us a huge Apollo-gy.

Landing a job in the moisturizer industry is tough. My advice?

Apply daily.

Do you know how many people it would take all lying to fake the moon landing?

How come Russia and China will do everything they can to make the U.S. look bad...

Yet they won't expose The Moon Landing Hoax?

I decided to trim my p**... in the ever popular landing s**... style.

I look like a sundial at noon when I lay down now.

What goes bump in the night?

A baby falling down a staircase.
What goes bump in the day?
The mother tripping on the stair landing.

Uncle John is burning through his bucket list.

Uncle John's health has been declining and he's trying to get his bucket list done.
He goes skydiving with a tandem team and has a great time.
After sticking the landing he's being debriefed by the jump master.
Ok great jump John but what was with the screaming all the way down?
John say's, well I'm blind.
Why would you scream just cause you're blind?
Oh no it wasn't me....Maybe I should have left the seeing eye dog on the plane.

The moon landing was faked....

but the director was so good he shot on location

My father asked me what I wanted for my birthday. He sent me from King's Landing to the Wall.

I think he misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna Watch."

I don't know how Neil Armstrong messed up his line on the moon landing.

He wasn't under any pressure!

The Priest and the Tiger

A priest visits the zoo, but accidentally trips over, landing in the tiger enclosure. The tiger slowly approaches the priest, so the priest begins to pray.
To his surprise the tiger prays too.
'Its a miracle!' The priest exclaims. 'I thought you were going to eat me.'
'Shut up you idiot, I'm just saying grace!' Replies the tiger.

Why didn't they make today a national holiday to signify the first moon landing?

Because everyone hates moon days.

I started standing at my desk during work and got fired for it

Apparently not wearing seatbelts during take off and landing is against company policy

People who don't believe in the moon landing are crazy!

Like c'mon, who still thinks the moon is real?

Set for First Man movie

Did you hear where they filmed the movie First Man?
On the set of the original landing.

What do you get when you cross the bible with the Moon Landing?


Rehoming wiff very aside,

From sign holding on landing, hol on bc small does have plain showing
What steals. ...would?kindli s(h)errWIF GET IS DECK FOR ON?

If people clap after landing in a plane...

Why dont people clap after reaching a bus stop?

A friend said the moon landing was faked so I stopped talking to him.

What kind of idiot still believes in the moon

The anniversary of Sully's heroic landing reminds us: You know you've succeeded in life if they cast Tom Hanks to play you in a movie...

Either that or you're just a really lucky idiot.

Why did the sailor quit his acting career?

Because he wasn't landing any good roles.

I was on a flight a few weeks ago, and our descent was very turbulent, followed by a hard landing that was quite jarring.

Once on the ground, our flight attendant announced, "Well, folks, that wasn't my fault, and it wasn't the captain's fault, but it was definitely the as-phalt."
The passenger reactions were a mix of chuckles and groans.
Shoutout to our Southwest Airlines flight crew from BUR-LAS flight 4606, good job keeping things safe!

Why is Bran unable to walk?

Because he didn't make a kings landing.
sigh! ... I will see myself out.

Smoking the good stuff

me: "Dude, NASA faked the moon landing!"
friend: "Wait, u mean-----"
me: "Yep, the moon never landed at all, it's still out there somewhere!"

A Catholic, a Jew, and a Buddhist are on a plane that is about to c**....

The Jew says a prayer and jumps off, survives the landing but dies in the hospital. The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him.

Crisis averted?

Over the weekend I was sat next to a person eating a bowlful of those really fat pasta tubes in a tomato sauce. As I watched, one got nearer to the edge of the bowl but I couldn't mention it because the person was deep in conversation. I agonised for a few seconds wondering how I could stop a mess landing in the person's lap, but I couldn't think of anything. Yet, it was just then that the penne dropped.

I don't believe that the Moon Landing ever happened.

I mean, come on. The Moon is huge; if it had landed, it would've squished all of the astronauts.

If the moon landing was real…

Then how come I still see it in the sky?

Good pickup line.

Two male flies are buzzing around the farmyard when they spot a female fly landing on a fresh pile of cow dung.
The one fly says, "Wow, she is cute! I'm going to try to talk to her, wish me luck."
He swoops down, lands right next to her and says, "Excuse me Miss, is this stool taken?"

Put to good use..

I have a friend who's a pilot for EasyJet.
But, because of this lockdown, he's off work,
So l asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he's at a loose end, and he jumped at the chance.
l must say, he made a lovely job of the landing.

My mate is pilot..

My mate is a pilot for v**... Atlantic but, because of the lockdown, he's off work so l asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he's at a loose end and he jumped at the chance.
l must say, he made a lovely job of the landing.

The moon landing was staged

The rocket they used had multiple stages

I hear that the Government hired Stanley Kubrick to help film The Fake Moon Landing

But since Kubrick was such a perfectionist he forced the Government to film on location.

When somebody says that the moon landing was faked

Always reply pfffft, you believe in the moon

Rumor has it that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin decided to team up with NASA to fake the moon landing together, but to make it look as realistic as possible, they urged NASA to film on location.

Compliments of Neil De Grasse Tyson

Three reditt astronauts, American, Russian and Chinese go the moon on separate missions arriving at same time, what is one common thing they all say upon landing

"My t**... are jacked"

Two Polish pilots are coming in for a landing

But they touch down too fast and the plane runs off the end of the runway.
After the smoke clears, the one pilot says to the other, "That runway was a lot shorter than I remember."
The other pilot says, "Yeah... and a lot wider than I remember it too."

How do you know a good gynecologist?

He can wallpaper the hall, stairs and landing through the letterbox!

The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidently been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot. They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered:

Neil before Zod.

How can you tell when a jet landing in Australia is from England?

When the engines are turned off the whining continues.

a joke that i saw in a youtube video a few years back

Two markets were flying in the the sky, when suddenly Market 1 stops and says "Wait a minute, markets don't fly", to which Market 2 responds "Oh, right" before falling down to the ground. Upon landing Market 2 looks up and sees Market 1 still up above, so he shouts "Why are you still flying? Markets don't fly!", so Market 1 shouts back to Market 2 "Ah, you see my friend, i am a Supermarket!"

Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older.

One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. The third one responds, Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She raps her knuckles on the table, then says, That must be the door, I'll get it.

Leaked NASA documents show the Moon landing was done in a Studio.

On the moon.

A woman put on some clothes and walked out to her garden and saw a man in her tree.

"What on earth is going on here?" she asked.
The man replied, "I'm every so sorry, madam. An awfully embarrassing incident has happened here. I'm a skydiving instructor, the landing didn't go as I'd expected."
The woman frowned, and said, "But there's no parachute...and why are you holding binoculars?"
"How else do you expect me to find my parachute?" he asked.

The US government hired Stanley Kubrick to film the fake moon landing.

...but he was such a stickler for doing it right that he insisted that they film on location.

Landing joke, The US government hired Stanley Kubrick to film the fake moon landing.

jokes about landing