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Lamp Post Jokes

7 lamp post jokes and hilarious lamp post puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lamp post that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Lamp Post Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good lamp post joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

I was walking today when i saw a man writing something on top of a lamp post

So i asked: "what are ye writing, mate?"
"Climb up here and read" - he answered
So i climbed up, read it and really shocked. It really said "climb up here and read"

Still don't know what I did wrong.

My girlfriend was happy when I brought her home a bouquet of flowers.
Her mood changed when I told her I found them by a lamp post.

A PhD student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park.

They find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one.
Me first! Me first! says the PhD student.
I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman.
p**...! He's gone.
Me next! Me next! says the post-doc. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.
p**...! He's gone.
You're next, the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.

Don't Despair

Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair ~ Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper and wrapped the $100 bill in it Then she got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge w**... of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "*Don't Despair* paid 80-to-1!"

Help me finish a joke?

I don't even know if this is the right place for this, but I'll try it and see what happens...
This sounds ridiculous, but here goes. In a dream last night, I told a joke. I don't exactly remember all of it, and woke up towards the end. But I like the setup. Please take a look at the part that I'm able to remember and add your own interpretation. Feel free to change anything you need in order to make the joke better.
Also, if there's a better place for me to post this, please let me know.
Here's what I remember...
Three ducks are out swimming, heading "somewhere", when they come across a magic lamp. The first duck rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The first duck asks the genie for a quicker way to reach "somewhere". With a clap of the genie's hands, a rowboat appears in the lake.
The ducks row for a while, but they get tired. The second duck rubs the lamp, and again, the genie pops out. The second duck says the boat is nice, but asks for a quicker way to get "somewhere". Again, the genie claps his hands, and an outboard motor appears at the back of the rowboat. They fire up the motor and get moving.
That's what I remember telling in the dream. I'm just curious what you all can come up with based on that. Change whatever you like, but would appreciate if we could keep the ducks, the genie, and the rowboat please. Thanks for reading.

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park...

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes t**...." p**...! He's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." p**...! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the professor.
The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."

A drunk looks at his watch...

A man, who has fattened the coffers of the local pub this night, looks at his watch and says, "Well, it's about time I go home, and spend some quality time with the wife."
He gets out of his chair, and can't even take two steps without falling on his face. "Don't worry!" he yells, "I can just *crawl* home!" Everyone in the bar has a good laugh at his optimism, and the man crawls out of the bar.
Once outside, he realizes he needs to sober up. Takes a few deep breaths, uses a lamp post to pull himself up... and proceeds to fall flat on his face again. "I don't live *that* far..." the drunk reasons to himself. So he crawls home... it takes him nearly an hour to get there. He's finally at his front door, and he's trying to open it all silent-like, but his wife opens the door and has that scowl of *you-f**...-up*.
"How much did you have to drink tonight?" she asked, nonplused.
"I--" and before he can even lie, she says, "The bar called. You left your wheelchair there."

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