Lamp Jokes
157 lamp jokes and hilarious lamp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lamp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious lamp jokes! From lava lamps to magic lamps, oil lamps to flashlights, lightbulbs to incandescents, and even genie lamps, we've got the best jokes about all kinds of lamps. Have a little fun with these funny lamp puns and stories!
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Funniest Lamp Short Jokes
Short lamp jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lamp humour may include short lantern jokes also.
- Why are genies always male? Well, there are female genies, but the men who find their lamps never know how to rub it just right.
- My Girlfriend is always covered in bruises because she doesn't listen.. I'm always like "You're about to run into that lamp!"
- I quit drugs, and it made everyone happy. Except for my lamp. It won't talk to me anymore.
- My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp, I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again.
- My friend got offended when I insulted his broken lamp... Then again dark humour isn't his thing
- I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though the wife thinks it's weird.... I don't see why, I think it makes a great hat!
- I woke up this morning and my bedside light had turned into a moth... That's the last time I ever buy a larva lamp…
- The fuse had blown on a lamp I was throwing away and my mother suggested I give it to a charity shop I told her I couldn't do that, they'd only re-fuse it
- A robber went into someone's house and stole all the lamps To his surprise, he later found the owner of said house de-lighted
- How many mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? I'm sorry sir, this light bulb was discontinued 12 years ago. you're gonna need a whole new lamp. that'll be $12,500.
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Lamp One Liners
Which lamp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lamp? I can suggest the ones about torch and light bulb.
- A man came home to discover that someone had stolen all his lamps. He was delighted.
- My boss asked me to fix the plug on his lamp... I simply refused.
- Forrest gump finds a magic lamp he rubs it, and out pops "a Jennay."
- Did you hear about the criminal who stole a lamp? He got a very light sentence.
- Today I broke the lamp outside my neighbor's house For some reason he's delighted
- Seeking 1 night stand Possibly two since I have two lamps
- What do you call it when someone breaks magic lamps? Geniecide
- Have you ever been to a store that only sells lamps? I've heard it's pretty lit.
- One day a man rubbed a lamp and a genie came out "I'm gay" said the genie
- Girl, are you a lava lamp? Cause I could watch you go up and down for hours
- My friend told me he broke my lamp He said I hope you're not mad.
No, im delighted - What do you put in a box to make it lighter? A lamp.
- What do you call an increase in the cost of magic lamps over time? Djinnflation
- They should have called it Silence of the Lamps It was a dark film
- I think lamps don't show electricity enough respect... They just make light of it
Genie Lamp Jokes
Here is a list of funny genie lamp jokes and even better genie lamp puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jeff Bozos was cleaning his bedside lamp when a genie popped out. Genie: One wish only, my good sir.
Bezos: Name it. - A man rubs a lamp A genie appears. You have two wishes, says the genie.
Can you make it three?
Granted, says the genie - What did the iron genie say when he escaped the lamp? I'm Fe!
- You're walking down the street when you find an old antique lamp. You give it a shine, and a robotic genie pops out. What do you do? You mech a wish
- What do you call a person who wishes for more genies when given a genie lamp? a genie-us
- I rubbed a lamp and genie popped out, he said I could have ONE wish, so I wished for some of my words to be replaced with the names of cartoons I am having a few Rugrats
- A man finds a magic lamp The genie inside tells the man he will grant him three wishes.
The man says "I wish I only had two wishes."
"Granted." - So this dude rubs a lamp and a genie pops out
- Lotion is a lot like the genie in the lamp ... ... only you take it out of the bottle first, then rub it until you get your wish.
- A mental question I'd have if I were to find a magic lamp and wish for a new car Lamp or Genie...?
Magic Lamp Jokes
Here is a list of funny magic lamp jokes and even better magic lamp puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I once found a magic lamp and rubbed it... ...a genie came
- A man found a magic lamp.. And he didn't rub it.
Oil Lamp Jokes
Here is a list of funny oil lamp jokes and even better oil lamp puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Is it possible to wish for a nice car if you find an oil lamp? Depends whether it's a Lamborghini.
- What are American bugs attracted to? Oil lamps
Lamp Post Jokes
Here is a list of funny lamp post jokes and even better lamp post puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Still don't know what I did wrong. My girlfriend was happy when I brought her home a bouquet of flowers.
Her mood changed when I told her I found them by a lamp post.
Lava Lamp Jokes
Here is a list of funny lava lamp jokes and even better lava lamp puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did a hippie head to a volcano? So he can get himself a lava lamp!
Uplifting Lamp Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about lamp you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flashlight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lamp pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure.
He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out.
The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double."
The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion."
The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions.
The man said "I would like a million dollars."
The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars.
Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Texan and the Yankee
A Texan and a y**... are walking on a beach when they come across a genie's lamp. The genie promises to grant them each a single wish. The Texan thinks and says "I want a wall two miles high and two miles deep around Texas. Nothing can get in and nothing can get out." The y**... asks the genie, "so nothing can get in or out?" "Yes," says the genie, "two miles high it stands and two miles deep."
"Fill it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two genies in a deserted house..
A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
A man stumbles across an old lamp.....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Double Genie
A man comes across a magical lamp with a genie inside who grants him 3 wishes. The only stipulation is that whatever he wishes for, his ex-wife gets double.
The man says, "I wish for a million dollars." The genie replies, "It is done. Your ex-wife gets 2 million."
The man says, "I wish for a mansion." The genie replies, "It is done. your ex-wife now has 2 mansions."
The man says, "For my last wish... I wish you would beat me half to death."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
First Thatcher dies, then Ferguson retires...
Somewhere there is a scouser with a lamp and one wish left.
/english humour
A man wakes up with a lamp
A man wakes up with a lamp in a cave, he rubs the lamp and the genie says 'you have one wish left.' In his excitement he asked "I Wish I truly knew myself ".
The genie laughed, 'that was your first wish!'
'What was my second wish? '
'To forget. '
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."
The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and his mother-in-law has two billion dollars.
The man then says, "I wish for a 10,000 square foot home on 100 acres." The genie grants his wish and gives his mother-in-law a 20,000 square foot home on 200 acres.
Finally, the man cleverly says, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."
A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach
He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."
After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."
"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.
"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.
"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.
Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.
"I wish to donate a kidney."
An Irish man finds a lamp
He rubs it enthusiastically and out pops a genie who states "Thank you for freeing me, I grant you 2 wishes" the Irishman ponders this for a while before making his first wish "I wish I had a pint of Guinness that never goes down" he says excitedly. The pint appears in his hand, he takes a swig and it immediately refills. "This is marvellous!" The Irishman says "I'll have another one of those please!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie.
''You're a kind lady, so I'll grant you one wish,'' the genie tells her.''See this cat? I'd rather have a strong, handsome man,'' she says.The genie agrees and – p**...! – the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.''Do you have anything to say before we make love?'' she asks.''Yes,'' he says. ''I bet you wish you hadn't had me neutered last week.''
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many p**...-smoking hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Does anyone know? I'm having a party and my lava lamp is burned out.
very today ;)
One day a woman found Aladdin's lamp, she rubbed it and Genie jumped out and asked her for a wish
- I wish my husband loved me like nothing else, I wish he looked at me as first thing in the morning, I wish he spent all his time with me, I wish he touched me a lot and was always by my side
And Genie turned the woman into a smartphone
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everything you wish for, your wife gets two of
So, I found a magic lamp and the genie said I get 3 wishes but with a catch, everything I wish for, my wife gets double.
My first wish was for a car, my wife gets two cars.
My second wish was for a house, my wife got two houses.
Then for my final wish, I asked to be beaten half to death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many feminists you need to change a lamp?
"That's not funny..."
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stuff appeared. They both had a great party but suddenly the effect of these drugs ended.
"What is your second wish?" - genie asked
"I want another two lines of the best stuff on the world."
Another two lines appeared and they both were on high again. When the effect ended, Genie asked: "And your third wish?".
"Two lines of the best stuff on the world again."
Two lines appeared again and they were on high. When the effect ended, the genie appeared again:
"So, my friend, what is your fourth wish?"
The teacher told the kids: name a few things that you can put in your mouth.
Kids: Apple, chocolate, cookie, lamp
Who said that last one?
Johhny stood up and said: it was me.
Why do you think you can put a lamp in your mouth? the teacher asked.
Because last night, after I went to sleep I heard my dad tell my mom to turn off the lamp so he can put it in her mouth.
A genie gives a man three wishes...
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, first off, it's called a lamp...
I think lamps are my favorite furniture.
They're always brightening up my day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I found a lamp in a back alley
When I rubbed it the genie said
'You may have a long memory, or a long p**...'
I forget my response
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend started a lamp shop for chavs, so i went the other day...
It was well lit.
I was walking today when i saw a man writing something on top of a lamp post
So i asked: "what are ye writing, mate?"
"Climb up here and read" - he answered
So i climbed up, read it and really shocked. It really said "climb up here and read"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two mortal enemies get lost in the desert...
Two mortal enemies get lost in the desert. "It's all your fault!" Guy #1 says. "No, it's all your fault!" Guy #2 says. Suddenly, guy #1 finds a genie lamp. The genie appears, and says, "I can grant each of you one wish.". Guy #1 says, "I want 2x what he gets!". "Very well, what is your wish, Guy #2?" The genie asked. Guy #2 grinned, and says, "I want to be beaten half to death!"
My lamp has stopped working.
Lost his job at pixar.
Old genie joke...
Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. After several years, despite their differences, they become close friends out of necessity. One day, they find an old lamp. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish.
"I wish to return to my old life!" Two of the men shout, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
The third man, a little slow, looks around at the empty island. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here."
A man from quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar....
A man from Quebec and a man from Newfoundland meet in a bar, one of them finds a lamp, he rubs it and a genie comes out, he grants the two with one wish each.
the guy from Quebec says "i want a big, 40 foot wall arround the entire province"
the genie claps his fingers and says "here, done"
the one from Newfoundland aks "is your wall waterproof?"
"uhh yeah?" responded the guy from quebec
"fill her up"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get if you stuff a donkey into a lamp?
A g**...-a**...
I broke my mums lamp the other day, I thought she was going to get angry.
But she was delighted
A man rubs a lamp and a genie pops out and grants him a wish.
Genie: What is it you wish for mortal?
Man: Well, I'd like to stop second guessing myself all the time.
Genie: Really?, Is that what you really want to wish for?
Man: Hey, its my wish so I get to-...Heyy!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
With all the recent allegations of s**... assault...
I want to come out that I s**... assaulted a lamp. I know it isn't i**..., but it does shed light on my past
Everyone and everything has great potential
For example, today I was circulating through a furniture shop and saw an unplugged lamp that looked like it could really light up a room if only it was given the opportunity to shine
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I threw a lamp on my grumpy friend...
... and told him to brighten the f**k up!
So this guy finds a magic lamp...
This guy finds a magic lamp. Obviously, a Genie comes out of it.
*The Genie: You can make 1 wish, it can be anything. What do you desire?
*The guy: Well, I'd like to have a railroad that connects New York City and Moscow.
*The Genie: That... might be a liitle too much. Is there anything else you would like?
*The Guy: Well, if that's the case, I'd like to be able to understand Women
* The Genie: Did you want express trains as well?
A father finds a magic lamp...
and when he rubs it, a genie pops out and offers to grant him anything he wants.
The man asks for a unicorn for his daughter.
The genie says unicorns aren't even real, try to be more realistic.
So the man decides to ask the genie to let the Browns win a single game.
The genie sighs and asks the man what color unicorn his daughter would prefer.
Electric engineer exam
3 students are getting prepared for the exam.
The teacher calls one in.
Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?
First sudent: No.
Teacher: Get out please!
Calls in the next one.
Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?
Second student: Yes.
Teacher: Get out please!
Calls in the last.
Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?
Last student: It's an argon lamp.
Teacher: Finally! We can start now.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lampshades are just a lamps f**...!
That's all I wanted to say.... Thanks
A man is stranded in the desert when he comes across a genie's lamp. He rubs it and the genie grants him just one wish. The man said, "I could die happy here, if I could just get..."
... one more 's'.
What do you call a lamp that's an intern?
A lantern!
What did the one lamppost say to the other?
Let's go out together !
I broke the lamp today
Cause nothing shines brighter than me.
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp
An Irishman is walking along and trips over a genie's lamp. The genie pops out and says "I will give you three wishes"
Irishman says "I want to live forever"
Genies nods and says "It is done. You will live forever"
Irishman says "I want a mug of beer that never runs out"
Genie nods and a bottomless beer mug appears in the guy's hand. Genie says "You have one more wish to use"
Irishman says "This is great! Gimme another one of these mugs"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A married man man finds a magic lamp...
He rubs the lamp a few times and a genie comes out and says You are my new master and I'm a genie with a twist so whatever you wish your wife gets two of!
The man says I wish for a mansion! The genie says Okay, but your wife gets two!
He wishes for a million dollars, and his wife gets two million.
For his final wish he looks at the genie and says I wish I was beaten half to death.
The Lamp
- Hey, why's that lamp over your head turned off?
- I have no idea.
Actress: I want to be in the Aladdin remake.
Harvey Weinstein: All you have to do is rub my lamp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." p**...! He's back in his government office.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old lady was cleaning an ancient lamp in her attic
And then p**... , a genie appeared and asked if he can grant 3 wishes for her .
The old lady said
- I want to be young and beautiful again
- I want to very rich
- my cat should become a handsome prince
p**... the next moment she is young , sitting in her palace and her cat now transformed into a prince started crying ..
She asked what happened ?
Cat : I guess you forgot the time you had me neutered !!
Eddie Vedder's LED lamp bulb stops working...
He goes out to buy some replacements, and sees that the colour options available consist of blue and yellow.
After testing both colours of bulb on his lamp, he decides that he likes the yellow LED better.
What do you get when you cross a street lamp and a bad comedian?
u/TheJenkinsComic
^^^(sorry buddy I had to do it, LOL)
What's the deal with lamp shades??
If you want a lamp, why do you need shade??
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You're so u**... that, if you found a lamp, rubbed it, a genie popped out and you wished to not die a v**......
He'd make you immortal.
How many Paladins does it take to install a ceiling lamp?
Two, one to the screw the bolts in and the other to uphold the light.
My brother keeps taking my green lamp...
... He's always trying to steal the limelight.
An older couple finds genie lamp.
The genie pops out and says they each get a wish.
The wife guys 1st and says, "I want to travel around the world with my husband!"
Suddenly plane tickets and packed bags appear cute both of them.
The husband grins and says, "I wish my wife was younger!"
In an instant the husband was aged twenty years.
A woman went to the psychiatrist, and once she got there, she approached the psychiatrist and said "Doctor, I think my husband is crazy, he's talking to the lamp"
He asked, "that's crazy, how do you know that?
"The lamp told me about it"
I turned my lamp on...
My girlfriend is jealous...
My friend told me i should enlighten her, so the truth lights up for her.
My lamp just told me i should leave her in the dark...
Any ideas?
I don't get all the hype about lamp memes
It's just going to burn itself out
A Buddhist finds a Genie in a lamp
The genie says "I can grant you one wish." The Buddha says with tears in his eyes "I've always wanted to be Hispanic, and I have also lived this life of poverty. What I would really like is for you to make me Juan, with everything."
Guy finds a magic lamp
He rubs it and out comes a genie granting him 3 wishes!
1st wish: I want a stable job
2nd wish: I want to be driving a costly vehicle
3rd wish: I want to be surrounded by ladies
Genie makes him a bus driver
George W. Bush found a magic lamp.
What do you want from me, mr. Bush? asks the genie.
I regret a lot of stuff. I just want people to see me as wise, rightful man.
And that was the moment when Trump won the election.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 16yr old boy is cleaning his grandparents attic. When he uncovers a strange lamp.
As soon as he grabs the lamp a genie appears. "One and only one wish you have" bellows the genie. Being a young and naive boy only one thought comes to mind. Without much thought he blurts out "I wish the be in between the legs of a beautiful woman". The genie booms "wish granted". With a snap of his fingers turns the boy into a t**....
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"
A guy changes a lamp; he's a man of action
A dude holds a prism in front of that lit lamp; a man of refraction
A man wandering the desert, finds a lamp...
Skeptical, he rubs the lamp and to his surprise a Genie pops out and says:
"You get three wishes, go."
The man thought for a moment before speaking
"You know, I've thought of the perfect first wish!"
He mulled it over a momemt longer before spouting
"I want the greatest thing life has to offer a person!"
"SO IT SHALL BE" The genie snapped his fingers
And the man dropped dead.
what do you call the lamp in the pixar logo?
a kller
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man get lost in a desert and finds a genie's lamp.
The genie tells him he has 3 wishes and can be granted anything but more wishes. The man ponders for a while and says " ok I got it" . " firstly I wish to never run out of water, second I wish to be white, and third of all I wish I got a lot of a**...". The genie tell him " this I can do" and grants all three of the mans wishes at once . he then tells the man "you are now white, will never run out of water, and will get tons of a**... everyday. I've turned you into a toilet"
