Lamentable Jokes

30 lamentable jokes and hilarious lamentable puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lamentable that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lamentable Short Jokes

Short lamentable jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lamentable humour may include short jokes also.

  1. Rick Astley's releasing a new song lamenting the 'Brexit' result... It's titled:
    Never Gonna Give EU Up
  2. A racist man laments... ​If people gave him $1 for every racist thing he said or done he'd be able to make a small contribution of 1 million dollars to Donald Trump's campaign.​​
  3. A disordered protein is found brutally murdered. It looks like just another random robbery gone wrong. A cop looks at the scene and laments:
    "It's a crime without motif"
  4. There was a young lady from Ryde There was a young lady from Ryde,
    Who ate a green apple and died,
    Inside the lamented,
    the apple fermented,
    and made cider inside her insides.

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Lamentable One Liners

Which lamentable one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lamentable? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. What do you call an element that always complains? a lament.
  2. Why were all of the British politicians crying on the golf course? Par-lament
  3. An old man's lament: It takes me all night to do what I used to do all night.
  4. A dead guy once told me ... my humor is meta and lame. I'd say it's LAMEnted
  5. A man's son goes off to join isis. The man laments saying: Why? j**... so much potential!

Lamentable Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about lamentable you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lamentable pranks.

An archeologist walks into a bar

An archeologist walks into a bar, orders a beer and gives a heavy sigh. "What's wrong?" the bartender asks. "I thought I discovered a fully intact dinosaur skeleton at my dig yesterday," the archeologist laments. "Sadly, upon further excavation today it turns out that it was just a fossil arm."

A woman visits her hypnotherapist

A weeping woman visits her hypnotherapist and laments, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and slept with another man... The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!"
To which the hypnotherapist replies, "Jesus Christ, not again!"

A farmer and a necromancer sit in a bar and lament their suffering

Famer: raising a family is hard.
Necromancer: not if they're buried close enough to each other. With planning and skill, a single spell is all it takes
Farmer: what?
Necromancer: what?

Guy gets a call from his doctor.

"Your blood test results are in... I'm sorry to tell you that you have contracted leprosy," says the doctor.
"What? How?" Guy exclaims.
"Can't be sure, but we need to discuss treatment options. There is a cure, but it is extremely expensive."
"What choice do I have, doc?" Guy laments. "How much will it cost?"
"An arm and a leg."

This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet...

Xylophone, yak, zebra.

What are you looking for in a woman?

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and lets out a heavy sigh. "I just don't know what I'm looking for in a woman anymore," he laments to the bartender. "I suppose it's time I give up my practice as an OB-GYN."

you're all right

A friend of mine recently got into a really bad accident, they had to amputate his left arm and left leg. When I visited him in the hospital he was very upset, so I told him the important thing is you're all right. he looked me in the eyes, "how can I be all right" he lamented "when I have nothing left?"

A Taxing Poem

"Taxpayer's Lament"
Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
Tax his pants, Tax his coat;
Tax his crop, Tax his work;
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;
Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
Teach him taxing is no joke.
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
Tell him, Taxing is the rule.
Tax his oil, Tax his gas
Tax his notes, Tax his cash
Tax him good and let him know,
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers, Tax him more;
Tax him till he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
Tax his sod in which he's laid.
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove him to his doom."
After he's gone, we won't relax.
We'll still collect inheritance tax.

Old Soviet man goes for Rations...

An old Soviet man goes to the butcher to stand in line for his daily ration of meat. Lamenting the long wait, he finally reaches the front of the line, only to be told they had run out. Infuriated, he turns to his comrade.
"How can we be expected to survive without food? This is b**...!"
The other man turns to him and says "Careful friend, they used to shoot people for talking like that."
The Old Soviet trudges home to his wife to deliver the bad news. Standing in the doorway, she asks "Did they run out of meat again Ivan?"
He replies "No, worse. They ran out of bullets."

A Saudi Arabian Oil Baron sends his son to study abroad...

To help his son in his life and studies abroad, he gives his son a good deal of money and more importantly, a Ferrari sportscar, as he though it might be a good idea to flaunt some wealth.
Despite this, a few weeks later his son calls him and laments Dad, every time I go to lectures, I drive there with my Ferrari, but everyone else there takes the train, its really awkward as I'm the only guy with a car!
Incensed, the Oil Baron practically yells into the phone Son, I'm depositing 10 million Euros into your account now, stop embarrassing your family and buy yourself a train!

Three men walk into heaven after death and find there is only one rule.

There are ducks running around everywhere, and God tells them that the only rule is to not step on any ducks. You must watch your step wherever you go. The punishment of stepping in a duck is that you are forced to marry someone hideous.
The three men begin to like heaven. They are roaming around when the first man hears a loud, pained quack and discovers he had accidentally stepped on a duck. The next day, he finds that God was serious about the rule, and was forced to marry an very unattractive woman.
The next day, the second man went off on his own. He was daydreaming, and accidentally stepped on a duck. He, too, was made to marry a very ugly woman.
When the two men were lamenting over their punishments, they found their friend with a beautiful supermodel wearing a wedding dress. They go up to God ask how he got to marry such a beautiful women.
"Because, she stepped on a duck."

Two Jewish mothers are at lunch...

During the meal, one of the mothers says to her friend, "I have some distressing news. I sent my son to Israel to become a better Jew, but he came back a Christian."
Her friend looks up in surprise and says, "Funny story! I also sent my son to Israel to become a better Jew, and he came back a Christian! Let us go and talk to the Rabbi."
The two mothers stroll down to the local synagogue and lay their problems before the Rabbi, whom, upon hearing their Lamentations replies, "Funny story! I also sent my son to Israel to become a Jew, and he came back a Christian! Let us pray for guidance."
The three of them kneel in prayer, and are answered by the voice of God: "What troubles you, my children?" He says.
"Father," says the Rabbi, "Each of us sent our sons to Israel to become better Jews, and each of them has become a Christian."
To which God replies:
"Funny story..."

A s**... club owner is lamenting about his dwindling business to his wife.

A s**... club owner is eating breakfast with his wife. He begins to cry. "Honey, things are changing. Men just ain't spending money at t**... bars like they used to."
"Oh that can't be." She responds. "There are some things men will always go to a s**... club for."
"But honey, I've tried everything. They just seem disinterested these days." He hangs his head in defeat, wiping tears from his eyes.
His wife leans in to try to comfort him. "It's ok. Your business will come back around. Men will always enjoy being groped by a strangers, spending hundreds of dollars for the VIP experience, the occasional BJ in the bathroom, and getting black out drunk then waking up in a completely different city. That's what s**... clubs are for."
The husband looks up and responds. "I know, but Delta airlines offers a round trip."

Blond man joke

An Irish, Mexican, and blond iron worker were sitting on the top of a skyscraper under construction for their lunch break.
The Irishman opens his lunch box, "Corned beef and cabbage again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The Mexican opens his lunch box, "Tacos again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The blond opens his lunch box, "A ham and cheese sandwich again. If I get this one more time I am going to jump off this roof!"
The next day the Irishman gets corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican gets tacos and jumps to his death. The blond gets a ham and cheese sandwich and jumps to his death.
At their wake, their wives sit together to mourn the men.
The Irishman's wife laments, "If he would have told me he hated his food I could have made something else."
The Mexican's wife agrees, "I could have made my husband quesadillas or enchiladas."
The women look over at the blond's wife, who responds, "Don't look at me, he made his own lunch."

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette..

are having their usual lunch of PB&J sandwiches in their high school cafeteria one day, when the blonde speaks up "I can't stand it, every day for the last year our mothers only make PB&J and I'm sick of it!"
The other two girls agree they are tired of the same lunch, so the blonde comes up with the idea that if tomorrow they receive the same lunch, they'll jump off the school.
The next day, the girls meet up on the school's roof, and one by one open their lunchboxes to PB&J again. They jump off and all die from the fall.
Later at the f**... the brunette's and redhead's mothers are crying together; lamenting over their stubbornness and not giving their daughters different lunches. They notice that the blonde's mother is quiet and distant, so they ask how she's feeling and why she looks so confused. "I'm upset of course, but don't understand" she replied. "You see, she always makes her own lunch"

Mark's dating woes...

Mark was having a problem dating girls in that every time he invited one to his parents' house to meet his parents his mother showed a strong dislike towards her.
So, one night when out with his buddies, Mark confided to his friend, David, this problem. David took a drink of his beer and told his friend, "If you want your mother to like your girl, find someone who shares common interests with her."
About a month later, Mark and David were in the pub again and Mark was again lamenting to David his problem. "Did you take my advice?" asked David. "Yeah, it was going great, too. I brought her to my parents' house and she and Mom hit it off, talking and laughing the entire evening." David was puzzled. "So what happened?" he asked.
Mark took a drink of his beer. "My dad can't stand her."