Lamb Jokes

I want to get a lambda tattoo on my posterior.

But why?
Yes.

Technology has ruined our kids

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "

I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...

...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.
"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.
She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"

An African-American lady called Betty came into my restaurant.

She proceeded to look at the menu for about half an hour before asking "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
Exasperated I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."

Marry had a Little Lamb...

Marry had a little lamb,
Little lamb,
Little lamb.
Marry had a little lamb...
The Doctor was surprised.

Did you hear about the new protagonist in Mass effect 4?

It's Commander Lamb.
(From a friend of mine... Told it to me while we were in a party chat)

What's a Muslims favourite animal?

Its Lamb

Drunk Welsh man walks into a bar

A drunk welsh man walks into a bar. How many women are pregnant at the end of the night? None, but I wouldn't eat the lamb!

When theres a rack of lamb, there is not a lack of ram.

What is it called when a dyslexic has a slow computer?

A rack of lamb

Black Betty walked into a butcher shop and asked for beef.

The butcher replied, "No Black Betty, Ham or Lamb?"

An albino child in an African tribe...

This puts the tribe's chief in a fury and immediatly summons the white m**... that was sent by the Church in his village.
Chief: "Explain the white kid, white man!"
Priest: "Well, you see, a white child amongst your black tribe is... like the black lamb that was recently born in your herd of white sheep, they..."
Chief, interrupting: "If... if you keep quiet about the black lamb, I'll keep quiet about the child."

Reports coming in of mass sheep rustling

Suspects on the lamb

What do you call sheep in the Middle East?

Arak of lamb

Red sky at night; shepherds delight, red sky in morning; shepherds warning

Minced lamb, potato, onion and carrot; shepherd's pie.

What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose?

A radical mooselamb

Marry had a little lamb, she also had a duck. She put them on the windowsill to see if they would...

dance.

The price of lamb has gone up in the Middle East

It's now $5.00 per hour.

While at the s**... house: How much for a whole box of lamb? - 70$ he said.

-That's sheep.

A sacrificial lamb is really nothing more than

a mutton for punishment.

What did Mary tell the little lamb when it asked what this green plant was?

"m**..., Little Lamb."

In USA being -on the lamb- means:

:Running away from the Police, because they committed a crime.
In Wales it means...well, something else.

I bought some lamb today labelled 'Reared in Wales'

I always thought that was just a racist joke.

What do you call a young eigensheep?

A lamb, duh!

m**... in the jungle

A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

I got dinner at the Italian restaurant Maserati

I got the lamb borghini

Terrible Food Pun

Someone offered me a pureed lamb "shake" . . .
 
My first thought was eww.
 
They also had some ram jam. Despite the name, still eww.

My wife asked me what the price of lamb meat is. I told her I didn't know much but...

I know it ain't sheep.

Why wasn't the little lamb allowed to frolic in the meadow with the other little lambs?

Because he had a serious gambolling problem.

What do you call a pirate who became a sheppard?

A Lamb Lover

When you go to a French-Afghani fusion restaurant...

...but you can't decide between the lamb burger or l'hamburger.

What is a muslims favorite animal?

His lamb

What do you call a knife made to kill goats?

A lamb shank.

Lamborghini

A blondie was driving down the road with her Lamborghini. She stops at a red light.
A man walking on the sidewalk sees the car.
Man: Wow.. So beautiful!
The blonde rolled down her window.
Blonde: Are you talking about the car or me?
Man: I was talking about my reflection

Flossy the lamb isn't a lamb anymore, but won't give up frolicking

We're going to have to send her to Gambollers Anonymous

What do you call a gay lamb that doesn't sink?

Lambuoyant

I wrote a movie about a male sheep and his son enjoying a Hostess pastry.

I call it
*Ram, a Lamb, a Ding d**...*

How did the lamb tell the other lamb that it had a crush on her?

Sheepishly.

I saw a sheep in a swimsuit driving a car yesterday

it was a Lamb Bikini

A teacher goes for a walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

The lamb gives her a weird look and runs away.

[Historical] What do the Persians, young boys and spiced lamb meat have in common?

Getting speared by the Ancient Greeks

It's a miracle

A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, It's a miracle!
Not really, said the sheep. Your name is written inside the cover.

My daughters pet lamb died today.

The grieving process was delicious.

A lamb, a drum, and a snake are thrown off a cliff one day!

Baaah dummm tssssssss

I found an animal c**... shaped like Jesus...

...it was a snackrificial lamb.

When Love Fades......

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the cat."

A m**... lives with a tribe in the jungle

one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:
"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"
The m**... hesitates for a moment, then replies:
"Nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."
The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.