Lamb Jokes

What are some Lamb jokes?

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:

"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."

The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

When Mary had a baby boy, the wise men weren't surprised...

...but you should have seen their eyes when she had the little lamb.

If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God,

Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

A black women named betty goes to a butcher shop.

Betty: Can I get a half pound of beef?

Butcher: No Black Betty, ham or lamb.

Technology has ruined our kids

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davy, what noise does a cow make? "
"It goes moo. "
"Alice, what noise does a cat make? "
"It goes meow. "
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "
"It goes baaa. "
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "
"Errr.., it goes.. click! "

An African-American lady called Betty came into my restaurant.

She proceeded to look at the menu for about half an hour before asking "Is there any chicken on the menu?"

Exasperated I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."

My son is just starting to use words, and he likes to hold the tv remote to his ear like a phone,...

...and say "Hello." So we'll hold up something to our ears and do the same, as though we were answering his call.

Yesterday I happened to be holding his stuffed animal lamb when he was doing this, so I held the lamb to my ear and responded. I looked over to my wife and said something like "look dear, he's calling me on the lamb-line."

She conceded that that was actually a pretty good one, at least for me.

At what point does a Lamb become a Sheep?

When its had it's Baaaaa-Mitzvah!

An albino child in an African tribe...

This puts the tribe's chief in a fury and immediatly summons the white missionary that was sent by the Church in his village.

Chief: "Explain the white kid, white man!"

Priest: "Well, you see, a white child amongst your black tribe is... like the black lamb that was recently born in your herd of white sheep, they..."

Chief, interrupting: "If... if you keep quiet about the black lamb, I'll keep quiet about the child."

An African lady named Betty came into my restaurant today and asked, "Is there any chicken on the menu?"

I replied, "No, Black Betty, it's ham or lamb."

My wife asked me what the price of lamb meat is. I told her I didn't know much but...

I know it ain't sheep.

There was a writer named Wright / And Mary had a little sheep

There was a writer named Wright

He asked his son to write Wright right

He said ' Son, it is not right to write Wright as Rite

Try to to write Wright Aright'.

___________________________

Mary had a little sheep

And with that sheep she went to sleep

That sheep turned out to be a ram

Mary had a little lamb

When Mary had a little lamb, The doctor was surprised.

But when Old MacDonald had a farm, The doctor nearly died.

Mary had a little sheep

Mary had a little sheep
and with the sheep she went to sleep.

The sheep turned out to be a ram
so Mary had a little lamb.

Mary had a little lamb...

and the midwife passed out.

What's a wavelength's favorite animal?

A lamb, duh!

Mary had a little lamb

And the midwife fainted

Black Betty walked into a butcher shop and asked for beef.

The butcher replied, "No Black Betty, Ham or Lamb?"

I bought some lamb today labelled 'Reared in Wales'

I always thought that was just a racist joke.

Took my wife Mary out to a fancy restaurant last night. I had the filet mignon...

Mary had a little lamb.

What is it called when a dyslexic has a slow computer?

A rack of lamb

What did the baker say to the baby lamb who stole his dough?

"Oh baby ewe...you got what I knead!"

If Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God...

Did Mary have a little lamb?

I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...

...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.

"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.

She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"

What do you call dentures made for sheep?

Lamb chops!

When you go to a French-Afghani fusion restaurant...

...but you can't decide between the lamb burger or l'hamburger.

I want to get a lambda tattoo on my posterior.

But why?


Yes.

Mary had a little lamb

And a side of mashed potatoes

When theres a rack of lamb, there is not a lack of ram.

In light of Eid Mubarak, here's one...

*Mary had a little lamb ... Now she doesn't!*

*Eid Mubarak :)*

A sacrificial lamb is really nothing more than

a mutton for punishment.

What do you call a young eigensheep?

A lamb, duh!

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb,

Mary had a little lamb and then she had some pork

What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose?

A radical mooselamb

Me: HOW COULD YOU LET YOUR EVIL BABY SHEEP ESCAPE? Sous: I hid it away with Gordon Ramsey.

Me: WHERE'S THE DAMNED LAMB SOUS??!!

Mary had a little lamb

The doctor fainted.

What do you call a pirate who became a sheppard?

A Lamb Lover

In USA being -on the lamb- means:

:Running away from the Police, because they committed a crime.
In Wales it means...well, something else.

Mary had a little lamb...

... and the doctors were really surprised.

Mary had a little lamb...

Boy, was she surprised.

The price of lamb has gone up in the Middle East

It's now $5.00 per hour.

What did Mary tell the little lamb when it asked what this green plant was?

"Marijuana, Little Lamb."

What do you call a knife made to kill goats?

A lamb shank.

What's a Muslims favourite animal?

Its Lamb

What do you call sheep in the Middle East?

Arak of lamb

Why wasn't the little lamb allowed to frolic in the meadow with the other little lambs?

Because he had a serious gambolling problem.

What is a muslims favorite animal?

His lamb

Reports coming in of mass sheep rustling

Suspects on the lamb

Terrible Food Pun

Someone offered me a pureed lamb "shake" . . .

 

My first thought was eww.

 

They also had some ram jam. Despite the name, still eww.

Lamborghini

A blondie was driving down the road with her Lamborghini. She stops at a red light.
A man walking on the sidewalk sees the car.


Man: Wow.. So beautiful!

The blonde rolled down her window.

Blonde: Are you talking about the car or me?

Man: I was talking about my reflection

Red sky at night; shepherds delight, red sky in morning; shepherds warning

Minced lamb, potato, onion and carrot; shepherd's pie.

Did you hear about the new protagonist in Mass effect 4?

It's Commander Lamb.

(From a friend of mine... Told it to me while we were in a party chat)

While at the slaughter house: How much for a whole box of lamb? - 70$ he said.

-That's sheep.

Drunk Welsh man walks into a bar

A drunk welsh man walks into a bar. How many women are pregnant at the end of the night? None, but I wouldn't eat the lamb!

I got dinner at the Italian restaurant Maserati

I got the lamb borghini

Flossy the lamb isn't a lamb anymore, but won't give up frolicking

We're going to have to send her to Gambollers Anonymous

Why do lambhorghinis have no air conditioning?

Because they have a vented door

Mary Had a Little Lamb

She also had a bear.

I've seen Mary's little lamb.

But, I've never seen her bear.

Marry had a little lamb, she also had a duck. She put them on the windowsill to see if they would...

dance.

What do you call a wolf in sheep's clothing?

~~A~~ The big ba^ha^ha^had lamb

the horse meat scandal

during the recent horse meat scandal in the UK they discovered that the Welsh lamb in Asda ( Walmart ) had 2% human dna.

Why do lambs go to casinos?

They love to gambol.

What would Vincent Van Gogh be if he was a sheep?

Lamb Gogh

What do you call a rotten lamb chop?

Food gone ba-a-a-a-a-ad.

Marry had a Little Lamb...

Marry had a little lamb,
Little lamb,
Little lamb.
Marry had a little lamb...

The Doctor was surprised.

Do you know the best way to cook lamb?

Well done ewe.

Why did the mother feed her newborn lamb?

Because it's baby food.

How to make Lamb jokes?

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