Lake Jokes
126 lake jokes and hilarious lake puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lake that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your friends laugh with some fun lake-related jokes! From swan lake to the great lakes, the data lake to crater lake, you'll find a variety of lake themed jokes to share. Explore the salt lake, the pink lake, the lake district, and more with these funny jokes related to trout, shorelines and ponds.
Quick Jump To
- Short Lake Jokes
- Lake One Liners
- Great Lake Jokes
- Salt Lake Jokes
- Lake Erie Jokes
- Swan Lake Jokes
- More Lake Jokes
Funniest Lake Short Jokes
Short lake jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lake humour may include short river jokes also.
- Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic. AAA: This is AAA, not AA.
Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake. - Devil: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in Me: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma
Devil: You understand this is why you're here, right? - Hi, my name is Bob, and I'm an alcoholic Sir, this is Triple A, not alcoholics anonymous
I know, I'm just trying to explain why my car is in a lake. - My dad taught me to swim by rowing me to the middle of a lake and tossing me overboard... It was pretty easy once I got out of the bag!
- A blonde sees a another blonde across a lake and asks "How do I get to the other side?" the other blonde replies... "You are on the other side".
- Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake. One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",
to which the other replies "You are on the other side!" - A man offers Descartes $100 to jump in a lake. Without thinking, Descartes ceases to exist.
- Why did the squirrel swim in the lake on the first day of spring? It wanted to make a splash!
- What do you call a wine convention in upstate New York? The Lake Champlain Champagne Campaign
- Cop: "Excuse me Miss, but swimming in the lake is not permitted." Woman: "Why didn't you mention this to me when I was getting undressed? Cop: "Well, because that is permitted."
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Lake One Liners
Which lake one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lake? I can suggest the ones about pool and isle.
- My Bluetooth speaker wasn't working so I threw it into the lake... Now it's syncing.
- Why did the hipster fall into the lake? He went ice skating before it was cool.
- In which state is the Great Salt Lake? Liquid
- What state is Lake Michigan in? In liquid state 😛
- Hey girl, are you a large concrete structure forming an artificial lake? ...because dam.
- A Pokemon Go player walks into a bar. And a tree. And a wall. And into a lake.
- What do you find at the bottom of the lake? Bassturds.
- I once dropped my laptop into the lake Now it's just a dell rolling in the deep
- I had a row with my boss at lunchtime Perks of working near a boating lake
- Why did the introvert walk around the frozen lake? Because he didn't wanna break the ice
- Is it okay to eat a lake monster's vegetables? Not Nessie's celery.
- Why don't blondes water ski? They can't find a lake with a slope
- I watched a film about a giant crocodile with erectile dysfunction.... Lake Flaccid.
- I told my son a fun fact about the Nile He asked me "source?"
I answered Lake Victoria - What do you call a lake that's desperately trying to be modest? A koi pond.
Great Lake Jokes
Here is a list of funny great lake jokes and even better great lake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- the police called me They told me they found my husband's body in the lake.
Thats great and all, but I didnt put the body there. - Did you hear about the guy with dementia floating out into the great salt lake? He was drifting slowly into salinity.
- Did you hear about Erie? It's a great lake, but another is Superior.
- Chuck Norris has 5 bathtubs, they are known as the Great Lakes.
Salt Lake Jokes
Here is a list of funny salt lake jokes and even better salt lake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was talking to my physics teacher... Teacher: hey, do you know what salt lake city is?
Me: yeah
Teacher: cool, you know what den city is?
Me: no?
Teacher: oh, its mass over volume - I hear that in Chicago there's a lot of mist. but in Salt Lake City Bigamist.
- Why does salt lake everything taste better Because it's sodi-yummm!
- I was visiting Salt Lake City and I asked a m**... if he knew of a good w**... man He said, "Only the best" and gave me a card of Landscaping Company.
Lake Erie Jokes
Here is a list of funny lake erie jokes and even better lake erie puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is Dracula's favorite lake? Erie.
- Where do ghosts go on vacation? Lake Erie
- What is the spookiest body of water? Lake Erie.
Swan Lake Jokes
Here is a list of funny swan lake jokes and even better swan lake puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The difference between a nutcracker and a nutbuster. The nutcracker is a ballet performance like Swan Lake. Whereas a nutbuster is the lesbian scene from Black swan.
- Why couldn't the lake birds get along? Because they were SWAN enemies.
- TIL that Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky is Russia's most famous composer He composed, Swan Lake, The Nutcracker, sleeping beauty and president Trumps favorite composition Marche s**....
Howlingly Hilarious Lake Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about lake you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hill jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lake pranks.
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
So people are loading into an airplane
And the pilot of this airplane is blind. At the end of the take off s**... is a huge lake. All the people on the plane are relaxing reading books and talking to each other as the airplane starts to roll down the s**.... A few people see that they are heading towards a lake but they assume the pilot knows what he's doing. The airplane is going dangerously close to the lake and the plane is still not taking off, at this point people are starting panic. The plane is still not taking off and it's way too close to the lake. At this point everyone on the plane is screaming and yelling because the plane is about to plunge into the lake at the end of the s**.... The plane is about 10 feet away from the lake then it lifts off the ground and takes off. The passengers calm down slowly and return to reading and talking . In the front of the plane the pilot laughs to himself and mumbles "one of these days the passengers won't scream and we'll all die."
Jesus and his disciples are fishing in heaven....
After a while Peter says, "hey Jesus, remember when you walked on water...that was awesome!" Jesus says, "Yeah, that was fun! I'm going to do it again!" He steps off the boat and immediately sinks to the bottom of the lake. After a lot of effort the disciples manage to get him out of the lake. Paul asks, "Jesus, what happened?" Jesus responds, "I don't know...I guess last time I wasn't as holy...."
If you drop a brown bear and a white bear into a lake, which one dissolves first?
The white one, because it's **Polar**.
Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing
One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
A lawyer and the pope die at the same time and go to heaven...
The pope is first and meets St. Peter at the gates to heaven. St. Peter says welcome to heaven and gives him a nice little plot of land with a decent sized house. The lawyer is next and St. Peter directs him to this huge mansion on the shore of a beautiful lake with anything the lawyer could want. The lawyer asks St. Peter "Why do I get this mansion with anything I could ask for and the holiest man on earth gets a small house?"
St. Peter replies by saying "We've got hundreds of popes up here, but you're the only lawyer!"
A story about a r**... and a Game Warden.
A r**... with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the r**.... "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The r**... said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man.
I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The r**... released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the r**....
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the r**....
A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back,
"Naw man, you're in de-nile"
So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing
The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it's time for the old man to play. His ball lands on the top of a tree. Instead of getting the ball, he just waits. After a few minutes, a squirrel hiding in the tree takes the ball and goes down. Then a wolf attacks the squirrel, kills it and eats it. He goes further and ends up vomitting the ball, which is then taken by an eagle. The eagle goes even further, but a hunter shoots it down. The ball falls down and lands exactly in the golf hole. It's hole-in-one and the old man wins. Moses looks at Jesus and says: "I hate playing with your dad."
Sorry if it's a bit long, but I really like that one. Also sorry for my writing, I'm not a native English speaker.
Two p**... go fishing
These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing on a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other says "well, just make sure you mark the spot!" After they get back on shore, the first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat. The other p**... says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat tomorrow?"
An Ole and Lena joke
Lena: "Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart. It has vater in da carburetor."
Ole: "Vater in da carburetor? Dat is ridiculous."
Lena: "Ole, I tell you da car has vater in the carburetor."
Ole: "You don't even know vat a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Ver is da car?"
Lena: "In da lake."
Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad are fishing on a boat
As Jesus winds down the fishing lesson, he notes the time. He bids them farewell, and walks across the lake home.
After a while, Moses decided he wasn't very good at fishing, so he parted the lake and went home.
Being the last one left, Muhammed ██████████ █████ ████████████████ ██████████ ███████████████ ███████
So two boys are by the lake...
...and see a n**... women. One runs away crying while the other stays.
Later, they meet up and the one that stayed said, "Why did you run away like that?"
"Mummy said if I saw a n**... women I would turn to stone, and I felt something going hard!"
f**...
Emily died last week after she fell in the lake.
It's a shame she never learned how to swim.
We brought a life preserver to her f**....
It's what she would have wanted.
The f**...
A f**... procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
A passer-by remarked, "That guy must have been a very avid fisherman.
"Oh, he still is," remarked one of the mourners. As a matter of fact, he's headed off to the lake as soon as we bury his wife.
A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"
officer answer the lady who came for swimming
Officer: "Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake."
Lady: "Why didn't you tell me when I was removing my clothes?"
Officer: "Well, that's not prohibited."
My brother and I took our dog to go play on the frozen lake.
But then the ice broke and my dog fell in. I jumped in to save him. Later, I came home and told my mom about how I saved our dog. She said I should've saved my brother instead.
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a frozen lake.
They weren't talking so I decided to go over and break the ice.
Three cats are competing in a race.
There's an American cat named "One Two Three," a German cat named "Ein Zwei Drei," and a French cat named "Un Deux t**...." The cats all swim across a lake. The American cat finishes first, the German cat finishes second, but the French cat is nowhere to be found.
Why?
Because the un deux t**... quatre cinq.
Give a man a fish he eats for a day...
Teach a man to fish, he sits out on the lake drinking beer all summer
An old man is fishing in a lake next to a country road
Suddenly, he sees a f**... procession driving slowly down the road.
So he stands next to the road, puts his cigarette away, takes off his hat and waits flow the procession to pass.
2 hours later, the f**... director comes up to the man , this time by himself.
"That was very respectful, what you did. I want to thank you for your manners."
"Well," says the man, "it's the least I can do for my wife."
Three guys were found trespassing in the city lake
They were put on trial and the judge called them in one by one
Judge: What were you doing in the lake after 9 pm?
Man 1: Your honor, I was blowing bubbles.
Man 1 exits, Man 2 comes in
Judge: What were you doing in the lake after 9 pm?
Man 2: Your honor, I was blowing bubbles.
Man 2 exits, Man 3 comes in
Judge: Dont tell me you were blowing bubbles too.
Man 3: No sir my name is Bubbles
Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...
"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"
"I did Teacher"
"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"
"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."
"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"
"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"
Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...
"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."
Two Bald Eagles
A bald eagle decides to stop by a small lake to get a drink. As he's drinking another bald eagle lands next to him.
He looks at the eagle and notices a tulip, a rose, and a rabbit's foot on top of his head.
"What's with the stuff on your head?", the eagle asks.
"Oh this?", he points to his head with his wing, "I'm trying hare in plants."
An Old Man and His Lake
An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."
I was out fishing on the lake with my dad yesterday. When we were ready to call it a day my dad goes to start up the motor and it doesn't work.
Dad: "Looks like we're gonna have to row back to the bank. Pass me one of those paddles."
Me: "Which one?"
Dad: "Either oar."
I dated a girl in a wheel chair once.
it was a tough relationship tho. Have you ever heard the saying "If you love her then let her go, and if she comes back then it was meant to be"?
Well don't let her go on a hill by a lake, cause she don't come back
There's two cats, and both have to swim across a lake.
The first cats name is One, two, three, while the second cats name is Un, deux, t**.... Which cat makes it to the other side of the lake?
One, two, three makes it across because Un, deux t**..., quatre, cinq.
This is by far one of the worst jokes I've ever heard and you can only understand it if you know some French. Regardless it never ceases to make me chuckle.
My wife came home yesterday...
and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the radiator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburettor," she insisted.
"Ok, honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake."
Two blondes at the cinema, one says to the other I bet that girl falls out of that boat and into the lake, second blonde, no way, I bet you 50 bucks, sure enough the girl falls into the lake, second blonde says how did you know that?
first blonde, I saw this film last week, second says so did I, didn't think she would do it twice.
Wife: Honey, the car won't start. I think there's water in the carburetor.
Husband: You don't even know what a carburetor is. Alright, where's the car?
Wife: In the lake.
Jesus and Moses are at a lake in heaven
They both want to see if their powers still work
so moses splits the lake, walks right through, and says "alright jesus, now you try it"
So jesus tries to walk atop the waters but winks right through, and swims to the other side.
"What happened?" Moses asks, "Did you lose balance or something?"
"Well last time I didn't have holes in my feet"
Came across a body lying on the sidewalk
A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.
The operator asked him where he was and the man replied, I'm on Sycamore Drive.
How do you spell that? the operator asked.
S-i-c-k… the man began. No, s-i-c-a….. no, s-i-k-a…. oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I'll call you back.
An English cat named One Two Three and a French cat named Un Deux t**... raced each other across a lake. Who won?
One Two Three, because Un Deux t**... cat sank.
I had this horrible nightmare last night!
It was just horrifying, I was on a boat in a lake, when suddenly my boat tipped over! As I fell into the lake I realized it was orange, orange crush infact! Tasted delicious, but after a minute I started sinking, I was going to drown in a lake of orange crush!
That's when I woke up and realized, it was just a fanta-sea
Did you hear about the blonde who didn't learn to water ski?
She couldn't find a lake with a slope
I chucked my phone into a very deep lake
f**... thing's still synching.
Three cats were racing across a lake
They were named OneTwoThree, UnDeuxTrois, and UnoDosTres. OneTwoThree won, UnoDosTres got second, but UnDeuxTrois was nowhere to be found.
Because the UnDeuxTrois quatre cinq.
I went fishing at the weekend and there was this bloke splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, "I can't swim! I can't swim!"
"It's alright, mate," I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, "It says no swimming anyway."
Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of a lake
-Hey, how do I get to the other side? Yelled one blonde
-You are already on the other side. The other one answered
My wife dosent like d**... anymore
Because last time while fetching the ball she fell into the lake
Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.
Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.
Jesus: Hey Moses, when's the last time you parted the water. You still got it in you.
Moses: It's been a while. Let's see.
And standing in the boat he held out his hands and the water parted.
Moses: What about you? Can you still walk on water?
Jesus: Let's see.
So Jesus steps out of the boat and sinks
Jesus: I haven't tried it since I got these holes in my feet.
Credit to u/kaptin_hippy
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the f**... home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a p**... of chili, so he can tear my a**... up just one more time."
Two boys walk late into class
Their pants were wet up to their knees.
The teacher asks, "Where have you been."
One of the boys says to the teacher, "We were throwing pebbles in the lake."
The teacher, feeling generous told the boys to sit down at their desks and tells the class there will be a new student joining them today, and starts the lesson
Ten minutes later a girl walks into class, soaking wet from head to toe.
The teacher asks, "You must be the new student, what's your name dear?"
The girl responds, "I'm Pebbles."
A Couple on their Honeymoon decided to take a trip to Africa. While walking in the countryside, they saw a beautiful lake...
There was a little boy who was standing by the bank, enjoying himself. The couple approached him and asked if it was safe to go into the water, if there were any sharks in the lake. The boy said no and went back to playing.
The couple jumped into the lake but after awhile felt uncomfortable so got out and asked the boy again if he was sure there were no sharks.
The boy, looking at the couple, a little irritated now, said: Believe me, Sharks don't come where there are Crocodiles.
A German and an Englishman are having a conversation in the park when suddenly a young girl falls into the lake.
They both rush in to save her, but when they emerge she's unconscious.
The Englishman asks the German if they know the number for emergency services.
999.
The Englishman replies, fine, I'll call them myself.
A couple of outdoorsmen were on a lake in their kayak when they started getting cold. But when they lit a fire in their craft it immediately began to sink, proving once and for all that...
...you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
My dad always believed in learning things by doing them
so when I was a kid, he threw me in the lake
just so he could teach himself cpr
A Mexican man was found dead at the bottom of a lake.
He was t**..., had chains wrapped around him, and had seven bullet wounds.
When the local sheriff was asked what had happened, the sheriff replied, It is truly the worst d**... case of s**... I've ever seen.
A game warden sees an old man going out fishing alone and asks if he can go along.
The old man relents and rows out to the middle of the lake. Then he opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and drops it into the lake. After it goes off the boat is surrounded with dead fish and the old guy starts scooping up the bodies. The warden is incensed and says 'That's i**... and a thousand dollar fine when we get to shore!' So the old guy pulls out another stick of dynamite, lights it and hands it to the warden saying..
'You want to just talk all day or are you going to start fishing?'
Did hear about the math teacher who took off all her clothes and went swimming in a lake?
She came out with an algae-bra.
My grandfather's favorite joke
An old fisherman makes camp up in the wild north country near a blue-green lake, and in the morning he starts to make breakfast. As he's cooking, a little family of moles living in a mole-hill nearby begin to smell what the old fisherman's cooking. The mother mole says Hey! Old Fisherman's cooking, and it smells like bacon! The father mole sniffs the air and says No no I smell pancakes, butter and maple syrup! The teenager mole says You're both wrong! He's making eggs! And the littlest mole says I don't know what you're all talking about, all I smell is mole-a**... .
A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.
Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as happy. "I can hear everything again!" The disabled guy in the wheelchair drives in, splashes around and then comes out, beaming and cheerful. "Guys, I have new tires!"
At a monastery
3 disabled friars are walking the grounds of the monastery. 1 blind, 1 deaf and 1 in a wheelchair. They walk past a lake and the blind one says it is a holly lake that miracles occur in. The guy in the wheelchair says let's try. The blind guy enters and when he comes out he says "what a beautiful morning" . The deaf guy enters and when he comes out says "listen to the birds". The guy in the wheelchair rolls in and when he comes out exclaims "NEW WHEELS"
What happens when you accidentally pour coffee in your Ryzen Processor?
You get a Coffee Lake
(This is a bit of a dark joke, I apologize)
A drag queen from TV said this joke ages ago (Darienne Lake) and it's still one of my favorites.
I asked my mom why I was so weird, was I dropped on my head as a baby?
She said 'oh honey…you have to be HELD in order to be dropped.'
(Hear me out) What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam
**What did the wall say when the fish hit it?**
Dum bass
**What do you find at the bottom of the lake?**
Bass Turds
Authorities in Lake Tahoe are on the lookout for three bears that have collectively broken into more than 30 homes
Current leads suggest that the bears' location to be somewhere in the goldilock zone
