Lager Jokes

37 lager jokes and hilarious lager puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lager that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

As summer approaches, it's time to put those lager jokes to the test! Read on to find out which brews can give you the most laughs - from Fosters to Lucky Lager - and some hilarious stories from bar staff and brewers about their draught creations.

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Funniest Lager Short Jokes

Short lager jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lager humour may include short warehouse jokes also.

  1. When I was small my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager It wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered
  2. I started brewing beer specifically for certain professions. The first two batches were brewed for lumberjacks and bellhops. A lager and a porter.
  3. What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._
    A Boston lager.
    I made this up yesterday in the car.
  4. Bought some high strength lager. On the label it says Please drink responsibly. Well, I've got my seat belt on...
  5. When I was growing up my Mum always use to wash my hair in lager It wasn't until many years later that I realized I had been fostered......
  6. When I was a baby, my parents used to bath me in really cheap Australian lager... It wasn't until my 18th birthday that they told me I'd been fostered.
  7. Another 'walks into a bar' joke The barman says, 'That'll be two pounds please.'
    He ordered a pint of lager.
    A time-traveller walks into a bar.
  8. As a baby and toddler I was bathed in cheap Australian lager.... It was only when I reached 28 that my parents admitted that I had been Fostered.
  9. A cheeseburger walks up to a bar.. Cheeseburger says: "Excuse me, can I have a pint of lager please?"
    Barman says: "No sorry, we don't serve food."
  10. What do you call two beer drinkers arguing about sea turtles? Lager-heads at loggerheads about Loggerheads.

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Lager One Liners

Which lager one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lager? I can suggest the ones about laden and cellar.

  1. My Mum and Dad make me have a bath in Australian lager. Their my foster parents.
  2. What's the official beer of Starfleet? Captain's Lager!
  3. I called my children Lager and Guinness My wife's bitter
  4. What do you call a woman juggling pints of lager and playing snooker? Beatrix Potter
  5. A skeleton walks into a pub And says give me a lager and a mop.
  6. What's a Lumberjack's favorite drink? A lager
  7. What kind of beer do lumberjacks drink? Lagers.
  8. Samuel Adams came out with a new lager called the Boston Jogger But I heard it bombed
  9. What's the favourite beer of a jew? A lager!
  10. What do you call a woman who can balance 5 pints of lager on each arm? Beatrix

Lager joke, What do you call a woman who can balance 5 pints of lager on each arm?

Uproarious Lager Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about lager you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean depot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lager pranks.

My rubbish dog joke.

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'.
The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!'
The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'

An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.

The father bought his son a stout, but he didn't like it and didn't want to drink it.
The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.
He didn't like it either. So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider.
Lager, cider, cream ale... he didn't like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whiskey instead.
He didn't like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.
By the time they left the bar. The father was so drunk he could barely push his son's stroller home.

A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat.

He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please?" The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"

A huge crab walks into a bar...

...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"

A Man Rushes Into A Bar And Says

Quick! Give me a pint of lager, and then a whisky, then another pint and another whisky, then a pint and a whisky, a pint and a whisky, a pint and a whisky, another pint, another whisky, and finally a pint and a whisky
As fast as the bartender is pouring the drinks, the man is knocking them back, one after the other.
The bartender says You okay mate? What's brought this on?
The man replies Man, I should *NOT* be drinking all this with what I've got…
My god replies the bartender, what have you got??
Man replies About five bucks..

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 pints of lager followed by 12 shots of v**...

The barman then watches, amazed, as the bloke downs them one after the other. Recovering, the customer says:
'I shouldn't have done that with what I've got.'
'What have you got?' Asked the barman.
The customer looked at him guiltily. 'Oh, about two dollars.'

3 Psychoanalysts walk into a bar

Bartender says: we have every beer from around the world. What can I get you fellas?
Sigmund Freud says: I'll have an Austrian lager in a pint glass
Carl Jung says: I'll have a Swiss lager also in a pint glass
Bartender looks at the third guy and says: where you from buddy?
Third guy says proudly: oui oui, I am from France
Bartender: well, a french lager probably like your pals; bottle or a pint?
Jacques says: a lager oui, but do you have it in Lacan?

Offering from the noticeboard of the Linga Longa pub, Gundy, new South Wales

Prayer for Beer:
Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk
At home as it is in the pub
Give us this day out foamy head
And forgive us our spillages
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer
The bitter, the lager

Man walks in to a bar and asks for a spoonful of lager in a pint glass, topped up with water.

"That's a strange drink to order" says the barman.
"That's what you'd be drinking if you had what I've got" replied the man.
"What have you got?" Asked the barman.
"Eleven Pence"....,

I'm not Deaf

I shouted to the barmaid, Two pints of lager please.
She said, I'm not deaf.
I said, Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening.

Having a Party?

My wife came in from shopping with two 18-pack cases of lager, a case of bitters, six bottles of wine, four handles of v**..., two bottles of Bourbon, a case of club soda, ice and two loaves of bread. …
I said, Are we having a party? …
She said, No.
I said, Why did you buy two freakin' loaves of bread then?"

When I get something stuck in my t**... I just dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager.

It's called the Heineken Manoeuvre!

Lager joke, What's a Lumberjack's favorite drink?