Lager Jokes
34 lager jokes and hilarious lager puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lager that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
As summer approaches, it's time to put those lager jokes to the test! Read on to find out which brews can give you the most laughs - from Fosters to Lucky Lager - and some hilarious stories from bar staff and brewers about their draught creations.
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Funniest Lager Short Jokes
Short lager jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lager humour may include short warehouse jokes also.
- When I was small my parents used to bath me in cheap Australian lager It wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered
- I started brewing beer specifically for certain professions. The first two batches were brewed for lumberjacks and bellhops. A lager and a porter.
- What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._
A Boston lager.
.
.
.
.
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I made this up yesterday in the car.
- Another 'walks into a bar' joke The barman says, 'That'll be two pounds please.'
He ordered a pint of lager.
A time-traveller walks into a bar. - What do you call two beer drinkers arguing about sea turtles? Lager-heads at loggerheads about Loggerheads.
- Two Psychics Walked into a Bar... The second one said, ''I'll have one too.''
The first psychic said, ''I'll have a pint of lager please.''
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Lager One Liners
Which lager one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lager? I can suggest the ones about laden and cellar.
- What's the official beer of Starfleet? Captain's Lager!
- I called my children Lager and Guinness My wife's bitter
- What do you call a woman juggling pints of lager and playing snooker? Beatrix Potter
- What's a Lumberjack's favorite drink? A lager
- What kind of beer do lumberjacks drink? Lagers.
- Samuel Adams came out with a new lager called the Boston Jogger But I heard it bombed
- What's the favourite beer of a jew? A lager!
Uproarious Lager Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about lager you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean depot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lager pranks.
My rubbish dog joke.
A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please'.
The barman says, 'Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!'
The dog replies, 'Why? Do they need electricians?'
An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.
The father bought his son a stout, but he didn't like it and didn't want to drink it.
The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.
He didn't like it either. So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider.
Lager, cider, cream ale... he didn't like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whiskey instead.
He didn't like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.
By the time they left the bar. The father was so drunk he could barely push his son's stroller home.
A huge crab walks into a bar...
...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"
A Man Rushes Into A Bar And Says
Quick! Give me a pint of lager, and then a whisky, then another pint and another whisky, then a pint and a whisky, a pint and a whisky, a pint and a whisky, another pint, another whisky, and finally a pint and a whisky
As fast as the bartender is pouring the drinks, the man is knocking them back, one after the other.
The bartender says You okay mate? What's brought this on?
The man replies Man, I should *NOT* be drinking all this with what I've got…
My god replies the bartender, what have you got??
Man replies About five bucks..
3 Psychoanalysts walk into a bar
Bartender says: we have every beer from around the world. What can I get you fellas?
Sigmund Freud says: I'll have an Austrian lager in a pint glass
Carl Jung says: I'll have a Swiss lager also in a pint glass
Bartender looks at the third guy and says: where you from buddy?
Third guy says proudly: oui oui, I am from France
Bartender: well, a french lager probably like your pals; bottle or a pint?
Jacques says: a lager oui, but do you have it in Lacan?
Offering from the noticeboard of the Linga Longa pub, Gundy, new South Wales
Prayer for Beer:
Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk
At home as it is in the pub
Give us this day out foamy head
And forgive us our spillages
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer
The bitter, the lager
Barmen.
Man walks in to a bar and asks for a spoonful of lager in a pint glass, topped up with water.
"That's a strange drink to order" says the barman.
"That's what you'd be drinking if you had what I've got" replied the man.
"What have you got?" Asked the barman.
"Eleven Pence"....,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm not Deaf
I shouted to the barmaid, Two pints of lager please.
She said, I'm not deaf.
I said, Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I get something stuck in my t**... I just dislodge it by drinking a pint of lager.
It's called the Heineken Manoeuvre!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hope you guys like lager!
the only bitter we've got around here lives in the White House
A pokemon trainer walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "Wow, you're in luck, we're running a contest, and the first to drink 15 bottles of Samuel Adams new lager wins a MagiKarp!"
The trainer replies, "Uhh, who cares? Why would anyone bother competing for a MagiKarp?"
The bartender answers, "Because anyone who drinks Sam Adams automatically gets TM 87"
"What's TM 87?"
"*Swagger*"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man runs into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'm a s**... offender, and I'm on the run..."
"I'm afraid I can't help you too much," replies the bartender, "although I can probably hide you in the basement."
"Thanks, I really appreciate this." The man responds.
As the bartender shows the man to the basement he asks "Is there anything I can get you while you're here?"
"A lager would be great" answers the man thirstily.
Shocked, the bartender stops and says,
"I didn't know Catholic priests could drink!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes into a bar and says "T G I F, hey bar keep, give me a beer."
The bartender replies, "s**.... what would you like?
The woman says "uh, okay. I'll have a lager. Whew, T G I F"
The bartender says, "s**..., here you go," and hands her the beer.
The woman starts to get irritated and says "why do you keep saying s**...? I'm a lady and I think that's rude. "
The bartender says "well you keep saying T G I F."
"Well, thank god it's Friday." She says
"Sorry, honey, it's Thursday."
In honor of St. Patrick's day, here's my best Irishman joke.
An Irishman decides it's time for him to have his first ever drink with his son. He takes him down to the local pub and orders a pint. But his son didn't like the taste of it, so the Irishman drank it for him. Then the Irishman orders Guiness, hoping his son would like it better. But he still didn't like the taste, so the Irishman drank it for him. Distraught, the Irishman spent the rest of his money on the most elegant and expensive lager that money could buy, and gave it to his son. But alas, his son still didn't like the taste, so the Irishman drank it for him. After downing all of his and his son's beers, he was so hammered that he could barely push the stroller.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys walk into a bar, an air force pilot, a marine, and a police officer...
The pilot says "I'll have a pint of your finest lager." The bartender serves him some beer. The marine says, "Line up three shots of r**...." The bartender obliges. Finally the cop says "Give me a glass of cabernet." The bartender gives the cop his wine. The three men pay, have their drinks and leave.
The bartender looks bemused as though he expected something different. He sets out some tumblers, and starts pouring gingerale into each one. He follows with some orange juice. The old wino at the end of the bar asks him what's up. He says "After all this, I felt we needed a punch line."
Five Men Walk Into A Bar...
The Irishman turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have a Pint of Guinness."
The Brit turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have a Gin and Tonic."
The Frenchman turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have a Glass of Wine."
The German turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have a Stein of Lager"
The Bartender brings them all their drinks, then turns to the last man and asks what he wants.
The Australian turns to the Bartender and says "I'll have two of whatever these ladies are having."
