JokoJokes

Lady Boy Jokes

85 lady boy jokes and hilarious lady boy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lady boy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lady Boy Short Jokes

Short lady boy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lady boy humour may include short ladies man jokes also.

  1. A young lady from my office just sent me an email saying "ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"
    Oh boy am I excited, but what does "ternative" mean?
  2. so as I went in to vote this morning, an old lady told me to make sure I voted for the candidate that could make change. Boy, is my bank teller going to be surprised!
  3. Why did it take three Boy Scouts to help the little old lady cross the road? Because she didn't want to go.
  4. When I was a boy, my father told me never to ask a lady her age. But the judge didn't see it that way.
  5. Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book".
  6. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout?
    A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
  7. In the 90's did the backstreet boys have a cafeteria? I mean a bacteria.Thank you ladies and germs.
  8. Old lady in computer store An old lady walks into a computer store and says "Oh boy these computers have a lot of b**..." and the clerk says "Well yeah, they would look really s**... with zippers"
  9. What's the best thing about have s**... with a lady boy You can reach round and pretend its went all the way through
  10. Priest: why did u have s**... before marriage ? U sinner ! Lady : u need to test a car before you buy it! Just like u test the little boys potential without their consent.

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Lady Boy One Liners

Which lady boy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lady boy? I can suggest the ones about lady and girl boy.

  1. I heard ladies like bad boys.. Lucky for them I'm bad at everything.
  2. A lady selling makeup at Macy's wouldn't stop bothering me. Boy, eyelashed out.
  3. A boy is selling fish on a corner ... ... a blind man passes by and says "hello ladies".
  4. Ladies, Who ever says " boys without bread are like babies to me " you can feed us
  5. What do you get when you cross a road with an old lady? A Boy Scouts badge.

Lady Boy Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about lady boy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean boy to girl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lady boy pranks.

A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate.

He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate.

He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck?!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents.
They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder.
"Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don"t know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what"s going on."
So the boy"s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. "I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn"t intend to come back."
"He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money.
So I did."

A huge airplane, full of passengers, had just taken off when a 5 year-old bad behaved boy created havoc with yelling and crying out loud.
Despite his mother's efforts, the boy could calm down.
The passengers, obviously frustrated, gossip about it and some mentioned Herod way for salvation, but they still manage to get through the t**... by staying calm and noble.
The boy though, had no plans on ease up with his attitude.
In fact, he gets worse.
Starts screaming, swearing and spitting all around the plane.
People got desperate.
Suddenly, an old man stands up and walks towards to the little boy with a slow but majestic walk.
He was wearing an air force general costume with badges and medals all over his suit jacket.
He nudges to the mother so she can stop trying all of her hopeless efforts to quite the boy and then, kindly bends over and whispers something to the boy's ear.
The child, immediately stops, takes his seat and fastens his seatbelt.
The man went back to his seat with the same confidence, while the whole plane admired his achievement.
"Excuse me Mr. General, but what did you say to that child and made him quite?" a lady wondered.
"I showed him my medals, ma'am, and told him that I've won them on the battlefield and that those medals give me the right to through a passenger off the plane on any flight I feel like, only once a year and then I mentioned that this year... I haven't picked one yet..."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Little Tommy gets asked to stay after class...

so little boy tommy isnt very good at math so his teacher kindly asks him to stay after class so she can help him.He agrees and listens to the teacher as she gives an example.She starts off by saying that if there are 10 birds on a telephone pole and you shoot one off, how many are left? he quickly answers "none". she says "no tommy, there would be 9". he then looks at her and says "thats impossible, obviously if you shoot one off, they would all fly away". she tells him that she likes the way he thinks. he follows up by saying "can i ask you a question miss, if there are 3 ladies holding a lollipop, 1 s**... it, 1 l**... it, and 1 biting it...which one is married? the teacher quickly replies with "the one s**... it". he looks at her and says "no, the one with the ring on her finger, **but** i like the way you think

Another Soviet Joke

In a small town outside Moscow a very proud primary school teacher began the Monday the same was she began every monday: by asking the students what they did to help their fellow comrads in the glorious Soviet Union. She turned to Illya Ivanovich.
"Illya Ivanovich, what did you do today to help the Collective?"
Illya thought a moment and replied, "Well, Katerina Maximovna, I helped an old woman cross the street."
"Wonderful," his teacher replied, "you truly helped your country. And you, Alexander Michaelovich, what did you do this weekend to help the Collective?"
"Well, you see Katerina Maximovna, I was helping Illya to help the old lady cross the street."
"OK. Good work. You certainly helped your nation and your fellow comrads." Katerina then looked at Dimitri Fyodorovich.
"And you, Dimitri Fyodorovich. What did you do this weekend to benefit the Collective?"
Dimitri thought for a moment, and then said, "Katerina Maximovna, you see, I was also helping Alexander and Illya to help the old woman across the street."
Katerina Maximovna paused a moment, and then with a confused look she said, "OK, Dimitri Fyodorovich, it is always good to help others. But I am confused. Why did it take three strong young boys to help one old babushka across the street?"
Dimitri thought for a moment and answered, "Well, you see, she didn't want to cross."

Three ladies meet up for a drink

Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

A middle aged lady decides to revamp her s**... life with her husband.

She asks her friends what she should do and the concensus is to get some s**... l**... and surprise him. So she goes out and buys a lacy bra and crotchless p**.... That night when her husband is in bed watching TV she appears in the doorway wearing the l**... and says 'hey big boy! Fancy some of this?', he looks over casually, his eyes widen, he sits bolt upright in the bed and shouts 'fuck no! Look what it did to your p**...!'.

I try to tell this joke in english :]

There's a young boy, with no arms, nor legs called Lumpi.
Lumpi plays in front of his house in the sandbox, then a window opens on the 4th floor and Lumpi's mother yells at him "Lumpi time to eat!" and she throws down a rope.
As Lumpi sees the rope hanging out of his window, he starts to rob to the rope and bite's it! He trained hard to hold himself on the rope with his teeth. Lumpi is very hungry and starts to pull himself up only with his teeth. Lumpi pulls and pulls, he's on the 1st floor, the window opens and a young Lady smiles at him, Lumpi smiles back, then pulls again...and again, 2nd floor the window opens and an old man sees him and waves at him, Lumpi shakes his head to greet back, then he start's to pull himself up again. Lumpi, all sweaty and hungry now on the the 3rd floor, near his own window on the 4th floor. The window on the 3rd floor opens and a Lady sees him, then she says "Hi Lumpi! What are you going to eat now?" and Lumpi replies " Pizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!...."
Sry for my bad english, I just tried to tell a joke in english that I know in my own language. :)

Itchipussy

A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:
Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.
Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.

Ugly Woman in the Park

A young man was sitting on a park bench when a hideous middle aged woman walked by. 
The poor crone had two children with her, a young boy and a baby girl. 
The young man smiled at the lady, gestured to her children, and asked if they were hers. 
The woman replied that yes, they were indeed her children and thank you for asking.
The young man remarked that they were beautiful children, and asked if the boy and girl were twins.
The ugly woman was a little taken aback, but thanked the man, and asked him why on earth he thought that they were twins, given their obvious age difference.
The young man replied,
"I just can't believe that you got laid twice!"

Even as a women, this is funny.

Lady goes to the Doctor, she looks horrible and stressed. The doctor asks "What's wrong?" She replies "Well, my husband has a bad temper and he likes to yell at me." He looks concerned and says "Next time, get a bottle of water and swish some in your mouth until he leaves." So she goes home, and to her demise he starts yelling, so she gets her bottle of water and starts swishing. He leaves the room. She comes back two weeks later looking better and refreshed. "Doctor! It worked! But you have to tell me, what's with the water?" Doctor looks over and says "It's not the water, it's keeping your mouth shut."
Yeah boy. x]

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.

They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two, shiny silver walls that could
move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse
order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old
blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."

A r**... family was visiting the city...

...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."

A young lady gets on a bus...

A young lady gets on a bus but it's standing room only. A middle-aged man seated next to her is ignoring her, and she says "Excuse me, sir, would you mind standing so a pregnant lady can sit?". He excuses himself and stands for her. As she's sitting down, he realizes she doesn't look pregnant at all. He asks her, "Excuse me miss, but how long have you been pregnant?" She says "About 15 minutes, and boy are my legs tired!".

Halloween. Three boys knock on the door of an old lady.

They are in single file and stand there silently. She says to the first boy "Well? It is Halloween right? When you come to the door what do you say??". The boys start to chuckle as Spiderman mumbled "trick or treat?". He takes his candy in silence as the woman asks "now what do you say?". The boys laugh a little harder as the boy mutters a thank you. When the vampire approaches silently she becomes irritated. "You clearly heard me earlier...you were laughing. What do you say?" The boys laugh louder and he gets his treat. "Now what do you say?" nearly falling over with laughter the boy thanks her. The woman becomes agitated and asks them why they think that politeness is a joke to them. The third boy was dressed as a fox.
EDIT content and some caps original from mobile.

Bing Crosby

A long time ago, back in the autumn of 1952, when Bing Crosby was
filming the movie "White Christmas" in New Hampshire, the Mayor of
Nashua, NH thought it would be a great idea to have Bing visit their
fair town & present him with the key to the city on the steps of City
Hall. You know, a nice little photo op for the mayor's re-election &
a
way for some of the town's dignitaries to meet the Great Bing Crosby.
Now one as to remember, Bing Crosby at this time was at the peak of his singing career. He was bigger than Elvis, the Beatles, Sinatra, Lady GaGa & the Beach Boys all put together. He crossed generational lines, admired by young & old as one of the "coolest cats" in the music world.
Well, word leaked out that Bing would be in town so hundreds of
teenagers skipped school to attend the little ceremony. The
authorities were not prepared for such a large crowd, there were only a few policemen present, and things soon got out of hand. Pushing &
shoving began as the teenagers all wanted to get closer to see their hero. It soon looked like the Mayor was going to a have a riot on his hands and he was growing more frantic by the minute. All he wanted was a nice little ceremony with Bing and now he had a full fledged uprising threatening to ruin everything.
Throughout all this Bing was seated in his chair, calmly observing
what was happening. When the crowd started to push through the barricades that were set up, he had had enough. Bing got up, strolled to the microphone & said in a commanding voice, "All right, everyone cool down right now"! The rioting crowd immediately calmed down and the Mayor's little ceremony went on without a hitch & everyone went home happy.
The next day's newspaper headline read: CROSBY STILLS NASHUA YOUNG!!

Yet *another* pirate joke

A young boy dressed as a pirate for Halloween and was happily trick-or-treating when he came upon this one house. He rang the bell and an older woman opened the door.
"Oh my," she said. "What a fearsome pirate. But tell me, please, where are your buccaneers?"
The little boy sighed and said, "Under my buccin' hat, lady. Where are your buccin' eyes?"

A little boy was eating a bag of candy...

A little boy was eating a bag of candy when a lady approached him and said, "you know, that candy will rot your teeth and shorten your life", to which the boy replied, "I dunno, my uncle lived to be 107 years old". "Oh", said the lady, "and your uncle ate alot of candy I suppose"? "No", said the boy, "he minded his own f**...' business"!

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

Don't you hate it when people keep talking about their kids

Ugh, the rest of us are not interested in your little brat. It's the worst when people want to show you pictures of their kids. So annoying!
Just this morning there was a woman going around with a picture and telling everyone "here's my kid, this is my little boy".
I'm like, listen lady give it up already. He's been missing for six months. You're *not* going to find him.

Pregnant Lady on the Train

A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"

She Knows Why

**boy whispering to mum during wedding**
Boy: "Mummy?"
Mum: "What?
Boy: "Why is the lady dressed in white?"
Mum: "Because this is her happiest day in her life"
Boy: "... So Why is the man dressed in black?"

A kid is sitting at a bus stop eating candy.

An old lady comes up to the bust stop and sits down. As they're waiting for the bus, she watched the boy eat the candy. One after another, by the dozens. 10 minutes pass, and the young man is showing no signs of stopping. Concerned, she looks over and says:
"Young man, eating candy is bad for you! You sould stop."
"Well my grandpa lived to be 104!" he replies.
"Did he eat this much candy often?" she asks surprised.
"No, he minded his own business."

There once was a farmer who's name was Rick

There once was a farmer who's name was Rick,
And he just loved to play with his...
Banjo, and the lady next door,
You could tell by just looking that she was a...
Fine, fine lady, she rolled in the grass,
And when she rolled over, you could see her bare...
Legs in the moonlight, she walked like a duck,
And she taught Rick the right way to...
Raise fine children, the girls learned to knit,
And the boys learned to shovel big piles of...
Hay and barley, this story goes well,
And if you don't like it, you can go straight to...
Bed.

a young man goes to confession

the priest asked " do you have any sins to confess?"
" yes father, i've had carnal knowledge of a young lady."
the priest shakes his head " was it molly watson? i've seen how short her skirts are."
" i can't tell you father."
" was it the smith girl? i've seen how low her tops are cut."
"was it the jones girl? she always seems to be looking at boys."
" i really can't tell you father."
" alright, say 100 hail marys and 200 our fathers and come by every week next week for community service."
the young man meets a friend outside, who asked" well, what'd you get?"
the young man smiles...." 3 GOOD LEADS!"

A little boy is always biting his nails...

A little boy is always biting his nails. In the end his mom gets angry and says, "If you continue to bite your nails you'll get bigger and bigger and bigger until you blow up like a balloon!" A few days later the little boy is on the bus when a very pregnant woman sits opposite him. After a few minutes the lady realizes that the little boy is staring at her. "Do you know me?" she asks. "No," says the boy. "But I know what you've been doing."

The telephone rings, and the little boy answers it.

"Are your Mom or Dad home?" asks the lady at the other end of the line.
"They was in earlier, but now they is out," replied the little boy.
"My," said the lady. "Where's your grammar!"
The boy replied, "She's upstairs napping."

The Fat Dad

A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

Pumping up his stomach

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**... and the mother throws on a robe and rushes him out of the room. "I was just hopping on daddy's big belly to make it smaller" she says, but the little boy tells her "That's useless because every time you go shopping the neighbor lady comes and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

A young boy dresses up as a pirate for Halloween...

At one house an old lady opens the door and says, "What a wonderful pirate costume! But where are your buccaneers?" The boy looks at her, confused, and says, "My buckin' ears are under my buckin' hat!"

A lady was looking for a turkey...

A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied "No they're dead."

Sweet Young Boy

One day, a boy named Tom got on a very crowded bus.
Sitting opposite him was a fat lady who said, "If you were a polite young man, you'd let someone sit down."
"If you were a polite lady," Tom replied, "you'd let FOUR people sit down!"

A little boy is hit by a bus...

...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about s**... in a time like this?"

A hot woman was standing in a bus.

A kid saw her standing, got up and said, "hey lady, you can sit here. I've vacated my place for you."
At this, woman got real livid and slapped the kid.
"These days you can't even be nice to anybody", said the boy and went back to sit on his father's lap.

A young man was looking for work...

He comes across an old lady's house and asks if she has any work for him.
The lady says, "Actually I do need someone to paint the porch."
After some time the boy returns and says, "I've finished painting, but you should know it's a BMW not a Porsche."

A 5-year-old sat next to a pregnant lady.

Boy: Why is your tum-tum so huge?
Lady: Because I have a baby inside it.
Boy: Is it a nice baby?
Lady: It is a very nice healthy baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**....

"Mommy, why are you on top of Daddy?" he says. The mom thinks fast and says "Well, your daddy has a big belly, so sometimes I get on top of him and try to flatten it out." The boy says "well that will never work." "Why?" says the mom. "Because when you go out shopping on Saturdays, the lady next door comes over and blows it right back up again."

Ladies and gentlemen

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants
I've come to tell you a lie that is true.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys rose up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Pulled out knives and shot each other.
Two deaf policemen heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

Woman bathing n**...

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys was lingering over by a bush. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long, so he walked over to the bush, and to his astonishment saw a woman bathing n**... in the stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn't understand why his friend ran away so abruptly, so he took off after him. When he finally caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.
The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a n**... lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.

A mother takes her three son's to enroll in school. The teacher asks.
Teacher: What are your son's names?
Lady: This boy's name is Leroy, this other boy's name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son's name.
Teacher: Isn't it confusing having all three boy's named the same?
Lady: Oh no, you see when it's time for lunch I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for lunch, and they all come a runnin. When it's time for dinner I just holler out the door, Leroy! it's time for dinner and they all come a runnin.
Teacher: Ok, so what do you do when you want a specific boy?
Lady: Oh, well then I just holler out their last name.

Three Pregnant Ladies

Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"

Son walks in on Parents...

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

A n**... lady enters the costume party behind the turtle

She has nothing but a monkey covering her p**... area.
The host takes one puzzled look.
"Alright, I give up. Judging by what I asked the turtle, I may regret asking this, but what are you supposed to be?"
"I'm an Italian boy!"
"What's with the monkey?"
"That'sa not a monkey! That's a macaque!"

An old lady told me this

You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the glove, the longer they have to hold their hand in the molten rubber.
Betcha can't guess how condoms are made?

A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.

The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!

The Oxymoron poem

Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.

A cute little boy dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating....

He goes to the door and rings the bell. A sweet old lady opens the door and says, "Oh, what a handsome pirate you are! But where are your buccaneers?"

The cute little boy replies, "Under my buccan hat!"

Pirate for Halloween

A little boy with a speech impediment dressed as pirate for Halloween. He knocked on the door and when the lady answered he said "pick or peat". The lady asked what? He replied "pick or peat" and shook is bag. The lady said oh trick or treat and the little boy shook his head yes.
The lady then asked what are you dressed as? The boy responded a "birate". Lady asked what? The boy responded a "birate". Lady then said a "pirate" and the boy shook his head yes.
The lady then asked where are your "Buccaneers" which the little boy reached up grabbing his ear and said " right here lady where are your bucking eyes"

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I am having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It is a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
"Then why did you eat him?"

If boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider...

and girls go to college to get more knowledge... does that mean that ladies go to hades when they have babies?... this would explain a lot about pregnancy

A pregnant lady went into a coma

Months later she wake up, no longer pregnant
"You had twins, a boy and a girl" the nurse exclaims "your brother named them"
"What did he name the girl?" the woman asked
"Denise"
"That's alright, I like Denise, what about the boy?"
"Denephew"

A little boy walked in on his parents in the heat of their l**..., "Mommy, what are you doing?"

"Urn," she stammered, "well, Daddy is so fat
that I'm bouncing all the air out of him."
"I don't know what good it's going to do,"
the boy replied. ''The lady next door is just going to blow him up again!"

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office. He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby." With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She answered, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby." With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked:
Then why did you eat him?

Forgive me Father for I have Sinned

A teenage boy goes to confession. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I've had premarital s**....
The priest says My son, who was the young lady? Was it Mary O'Toole?
I won't say her name. I don't want her to get in trouble.
Was it Jane Thompson? Laura Smith?
Father, I'm not saying who it was.
He exits the confessional and his friend asks What'd you get?
Ten Hail Mary's, five Our Father's, and three good leads.

A little boy walks into his parents' room

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

A little old lady is late for work

And settles into a pew at the back just as the priest is saying "And anyone who has recently committed adultery should stand up." Being somewhat hard of hearing, she asks the boy next to her to repeat what the priest just said. "He asked everyone who wants a mint to stand up." The boy replied mischievously.
The old lady unsteadily gets to her feet, much to the priest's horror. "At your age?" He exclaims, "You should be ashamed!" The old lady swiftly retorts "Just because I don't have any teeth left doesn't mean I can't s**... on something from time to time!"

So dad said he went on a business retreat with the guys for the weekend .

Well I decided to call him and a lady picked-up so I told mum about bit. Boy was she upset!
When Dad returned they got into a very big fight as dad denied ever meeting another woman all weekend. Finally mum told me," tell this cheat what the lady said when you called his line!"
I turned to them expressionlessly and said, "she said, " the number you are calling is not available at the moment please try again later"
I wonder why they have both been muderously chasing me for twenty minutes now!

3 pregnant ladies in a coffee shop

So a blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sitting in a coffee shop talking about their pregnancies.
The brunette says to the other 2 that I heard if you have s**... on top, your more likely to have a boy
The redhead say oh that must mean I'm likely to have a girl
There was a pause and then the blonde say Uh Oh imma be having puppies!

In a circus full of people the entertainer walks onto the stage

"Ladies and gentlemen! Up next is our brand new act. Welcome to the stage - the boy with a phenomenal memory".
Following the entertainers introduction, a boy comes out from behind the stage, starting to unzip his pants.
"Now the said boy is going to urinate on everyone in the front row!", - announced the entertainer.
People in the front are confused and terrified, they start to hussle, trying to leave their seats, when the entertainer exclaims:
"There's no use in running, ladies and gentlemen! The boy has a phenomenal memory!"

A young boy passes a brothel on his way home from school when

the lady of the house leans forward and waves her pinky finger at him. "Hi little boy", she laughs.
He asks her, "why do you wave like that?"
She holds up her pinky finger again, "well, that's how little 'it' is".
The next day the boy strolls by and the lady does the same. "Hi little boy" she jests, waving her pinky finger in the air.
The little boy puts a finger in each corner of his mouth, stretching it as wide as possible and says, "hiya big lady".

A kid with a speech impediment is trick or treating on Halloween...

At his last door a nice elderly lady opens it and he says the traditional " Bick or beat!" She replied "Oh what do we have hear what are you dressed as little boy?" He proudly replied "I'm a Birate!"
"Oh you're a Pirate!" She responds "Well where are your Buckaneers?" He scowls at the lady and points to his head and shouts "My bucken ears are right here why don't you use your bucken eyes?!"

A woman and her 10 year old son are driving in a taxi at night in Detroit…

It's raining hard and and all the prostitutes are huddled under an awning. The young boy asks his mom, what are those ladies doing? The mom responds, they're all waiting for their husbands to get off work.
The taxi driver is annoyed and responds, Lady, just tell your son the truth! They are prostitutes and they have s**... with random men for money! The boy asks, mom, is this true? She responds, yes son, it's true.
The boy then asks, what happens to their babies? Mom responds, they grow up to be taxi drivers!

Thats my Boy

Teacher asked his students to make rhymes with their names
Bran :
my name is brand
When I grow up to be a man
I want to go to Russia and Japan
If I can , if I can, if I can
Jady :
My name is Jady
When I grow up to be a lady
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can , if I can
Dan :
My name is dan
When I grow up to be a man
To h**... with Russia and Japan
I am going to help Jady with her plan
I know I can , I know I can

Certain public employees who have to submit daily to the rapid fire ...

... of well-meant but needless questions may be excused if they occasionally turn upon their persecutors. This is how an elevator boy dealt with one of them:
"Don't you ever feel sick going up and down this elevator all day?" a fussy lady asked him.
"Yes, ma'am", courteously replied the elevator boy.
"Is it the motion going down?" pursued the lady.
"No, ma'am."
"The going up?"
"No, ma'am."
"Is it the stopping that does it?"
"No, ma'am."
"Then what is it?"
"Answering questions, ma'am."

Source: 1913 newspaper