Lads Jokes

49 lads jokes and hilarious lads puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lads that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Lads Short Jokes

Short lads jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lads humour may include short gents jokes also.

  1. What did the Irishman text his Wife? "Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."
  2. I found a hat with £17.50 in it I thought this other lad was going to pick it up.
    But he was to busy juggling.
  3. Paul: "So lads, any idea how we're gonna end 'Hey Jude'"? John: Nah.
    George: Nah.
    Ringo: Nah.
  4. Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups... And ask to speak to the man in charge.
  5. Killing Time. Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups...
    And ask to speak to the man in charge.
  6. A boss just hires yes-men... He's also a nepotist; his latest hire, he raised from a oui lad.
  7. Teacher: Class, who can tell me what "group necrophilia"means? Little Johnny: It's a desire to crack open a cold one with the lads.
  8. The use of a period can really change the meaning of a sentence. For example;
    The lads are on their holidays.
    The lads are on their period.
  9. "So, how was your week off ill?", asked the co-worker to his Scottish counterpart. "Aye, was okay lad, but it was only a wee cough".
  10. For the Day that's in it: What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland? Are ye alright in the back there lads?

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Lads One Liners

Which lads one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lads? I can suggest the ones about dads and bros.

  1. What do you call a boy that's half Scottish and half French? A oui lad
  2. Met Kelvin the other day What an absolute unit, that lad.
  3. Whats the difference beetwen a lad and a lass? The d
  4. Stay safe lads What are an electrician's last words?
    "Hey, what is that cable used f..."
  5. English kid: Miss, I need a wee! His Scottish teacher: A wee what, lad?
  6. In awe at the size of this lad. |unit|
  7. What will a lad tell a step ladder? "You are not my real father!"
  8. What do you call a lad that put on his glasses? Seymour.
  9. I once met a kid who could speak French He was a oui lad
  10. My lad got arrested for setting a house on fire... the police told me it was arson.
  11. Out with the lads from OCD anonymous tonight. Things aren't gonna get messy.
  12. Why should you go out with the lads before you water the garden? Bros before hose.
  13. What do you call a male Disney character at a formal event? A lad in a suit.
  14. What do you call someone in an Aladdin costume? A-lad-in a costume.
  15. A boy walks into confession.... a short commotion later the lad limps back out

Lads joke, A boy walks into confession....

Giggle-Inducing Lads Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about lads you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean young boys jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lads pranks.

Boy scout: Sir, I found a snake, is it poisonous?

Me: No little one, this snake isn't poisonous at all
*Snake bites boy and boy immediately starts to spasm and foam at the mouth, leaving the other kids watching, horrified*
Me: However, this snake is venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time lads

It's WW1 on the straits of Gallipoli, the soldiers are ready to charge from their trenches.

The british officers decides to make a rousing speech to his troops: "Listen here lads, did you come here to die?" and the australian answers "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterday!"

Boy Scout: Sir, the lads and I found a snake. Is it poisonous?

Me: No, this snake is not poisonous at all.
* one of them picks up the snake, which bites him. He begins to spasm and foam at the mouth.*
Me: However, this snake is very venomous. Venom is always injected, poison is ingested or absorbed through the skin. Let's get it right next time.

What did the s**... bomb instructor say to his students?

"Right lads, I'm only going to show you this once!"

Father and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?"

"That's a 3pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night."
"What about the 6pack dad?"
"Those are for University lads. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12pack then?"
"Married men son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."

A s**... b**... instructor addresses a group of new recruits.

"All right lads pay attention cos I'm only gonna show you this once"

A man was close to passing and said to his wife "Please answer one final question honestly for me"

"Anything" replied his wife.
The man continued, "We have three sons. Two are fine strapping lads, handsome, tall, strong. They have been the pride of my life. But our third son is so different, he is small, weak, and always ill. Please tell me honestly before I die, is he actually my son?"
His wife replied sincerely "Yes, you don't have to worry, he is our son". And with his mind set at ease the man passed away.
His wife thought to herself, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other two."

I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins...

All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."

A Scottish Sargent knocks on a w**...-house door.

When the madam answers he says "Excuse me madam. But could you tell me how much you would charge for the pleasure of my company?"
The madam gives her price and they negotiate back and forth until they come to a bargain. Once the reach agreement the Sargent says "That sounds like a fair price."
Then he turns, gestures behind himself and yells "OK lads. We have a deal. Company h**...!"

What do s**... bomb instructors always start their lesson with?

"Right lads, I'm only going to show you this once!"

A bunch of different birds are chilling in a large group when

Another type of bird comes out of nowhere. "sorry lads I've just arrived from europe!" says the bird,
"Ukraine?" askes another. "Nah mate I'm a pelican"

A group of lads go out for a night and then go to a cowboy themed bar.

When they go in they see that the bar has installed a spinning bull. They all have a go and the bull spins them around and they all fall off within 30 seconds.Up steps p**... and he jumps on the bull and he stays on for 10 minutes before falling off . The rest of the lads ask how he managed to stay on for so long and he replies
"my wifes epileptic"

My neighbor is a cougar into b**...

You could say she is into strapping young lads.

Sean walks into his local pub in Ireland

His friends all say "Hi Sean", and Sean says "Lads, you wouldn't believe what happened to me while I was walking to the pub. I saw a very shapely lady tied to the railroad tracks. Well, I ran over and untied her and we made passionate love together." One of the guys says "Sean, did you get any head?" And Sean says, "No, I couldn't find it."

two big pieces of tarmac walk into a bar...

the pieces of tarmac walk up the counter and begin to order their drinks, but as they do, a small piece of pink tarmac walks in.
the two larger pieces of tarmac say to the bartender: "please. let the pink tarmac order first."
the bartender replies: "why, are you two big lads scared of a small piece of tarmac like that?"
they reply: "of course. she's a cycle path."

Seamus walked into the pub, sat down at his usual table...

...and proudly announced, Drinks are on me tonight, boys.
His pals looked at each other, knowing that Seamus was very tight with his wallet. Michael spoke up, Are ye OK?
Seamus clapped him on the shoulder and said, Aye, Mikey, I'm just fine. Last night, while I was here with you lads, someone broke into me house.
p**... said, Yer joking! Did he get anything?
Seamus smiled and said, Two black eyes, a busted lip, and a boot to the nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.

Jurgen Klopp, Ralf Rangnick, Brendan Rodgers and Mikel Arteta walk into a pub

Jurgen Klopp, Ralf Rangnick, Brendan Rodgers and Mikel Arteta walk into a pub
Jurgen bought them all a drink. Once they had finished, Rangnick got a round in. Then Arteta put his hand in his pocket. Then Brendan Rodgers got the beers in.
Once they'd all consumed 4 beers, Klopp went to the bar, bought a drink for himself only, and sat at the table. They all looked at him before Rangnick said "Excuse me Jurgen. What about us?"
Klopp looked at them and said, "Sorry lads. This is the fifth round and none of you are in it."

A man walks into a rough pub near Glasgow docks...

..."here, lads, there's been a big department store fire in town, loads of stock's been written off, I can sort you out with a few things, if you'd like, what're you after?"
After doing the rounds and taking orders for various items of clothing, and even a few bigger items, someone up the back of the pub pipes up, "here, I didn't see anything about a big fire on the news, when was it?"

My none-too-bright mate had an accident on a building site when a slate fell off the roof and sliced his ear off…

Here it is said one of the lads working with him holding up what looked like a b**... walkers ridge crisp.
My mate shook his head No, that's not it, mine had a pencil tucked behind it

A couple of Scottish lads were out one night and they pass a small sign for a comedy act.

One friend squints to read it and says, "come on, let's check this out"
The other friend turns to him and says, "Aye, don't go in. He's not funny."
"How d'ya know, have you seen him before?" asks the enquisitive friend.
"Probably." he says, pointing at the tiny sign, "Look, he's a wee poster."

A Scotsman goes into a bar...

Sits at the table and orders 4 pints of Innis & Gunn.
Waiter says: 4 pints?
Aye, me lads have all moved away and we toast each other by drinking a pint for each of us.
A few days later he comes back in and orders 3 pints.
The waiter says oh no sorry for the loss of your friend.
The Scotsman says Ack, no nobody died, I just quit drinking.

Happy p**...'s Day lads and lasses

Irish chat up line:
Have ya got any Irish in ya?
I don't.
Well would ya like some?

Husband tells wife he saved his boss from certain death today...

" I pulled him off the street the last moment before a car came by! The boss was very thankful and said he'd do anything I wanted!"
" So... what did you wish for...?" asked the wife.

" I said... please don't tell the lads at the office it was me that saved you!"

Me and the lads did a Lord of The Rings marathon last weekend

Ran 26 miles dressed as Gandalf

Last Night at the Club...

I spotted a fat chick giving it large on the dance floor in the club last night, so I went over.
"Fancy going for a few drinks somewhere a little quieter?" I winked.
"Oh yes, definitely," she giggled.
"Thanks," I replied. "You're making me and the lads a little sick."

Irish text message to the wife

Mary, I'm just out for a pint with the lads, if I'm not back in 20 minutes, just read this message again

Lads joke, Irish text message to the wife

jokes about lads