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Ladies Golf Jokes

33 ladies golf jokes and hilarious ladies golf puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ladies golf that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Ladies, if you're looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of golf jokes. From funny one-liners to hilarious stories, these jokes are sure to have you in stitches. So whether you're a seasoned golfer or just getting started, be sure to check out our lady golf jokes for a good time.

Funniest Ladies Golf Short Jokes

Short ladies golf jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ladies golf humour may include short womens golf jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between looking for a lost golf ball and Lady Godiva? Looking for a lost golf ball is a hunt on a course.
  2. I was at a golf course... And I asked a lady, who looked like a regular "Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?". She answered "About an inch".

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Ladies Golf One Liners

Which ladies golf one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ladies golf? I can suggest the ones about women golf and golf wives.

  1. They always claim that golf is a sport for lady people... My caddy seems to disagree...

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Ladies Golf Jokes

What funny jokes about ladies golf you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean couples golf jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ladies golf pranks.

My wife came back from golfing with the ladies, looking miserable

I asked her what was wrong. She said, I got stung by a mad hornet between the first and second holes!
I told her, your stance is too wide.

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings

A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.
The pro asks: where'd you get stung?
Between the first and second hole , she answers.
The pro replied: your stance is too wide .

Peeing in the Flowers...

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."

A lady runs up to a golf pro giving a lesson ...

... and says "Help! I've just been stung by a bee!". The golf pro asks where. The lady says "Between the first and second holes." The pro says, "Well, I can tell you right now your stance is way too wide."

Parking...

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!

Two guys are playing golf.......

The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.
So one man says to his friend, ‟I am gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through.
He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.
He replies, ‟One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why do not you go talk to them?
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, ‟Now what happened?
To this he replies, ‟Small world.

So a guy decides to walk to the bar by strolling across an adjacent golf course.

So a guy decides to walk to the bar by strolling across an adjacent golf course. As he walks he picks up stray b**... and stuffs them in his pants pocket. Later, seated at the bar he notices the lady next to him staring at the huge bulge in his pants. "Golf b**...," he explains. "You poor man," the lady exclaims. "And here I thought my tennis elbow was bad."

Lady goes to her doctor...

Lady goes to her doctor and says I got stung by a bee while golfing!
Doc says were did it sting you?
Lady says between the 1st and 2nd holes.
Docs says wow you must have wide stance..

Ladies at the Golf Course

Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club, when a n**... man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies stare in awe at the size of his manhood. The first lady says, "He is definitely not my husband." The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, "He is not mine either." After a very considered inspection, the third finally says, "He's not even a member of this golf club.

A woman is out playing golf, when she is stung by a bee.

Started to not feel well, she heads to the emergency room. A doctor comes in to examine her.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Woman: I was, playing golf when I was stung by a bee.
Doctor: Where exactly did it sting you?
Woman: In between the 1st and 2nd hole.
Doctor: My god lady, you must have an extremely wide stance.

n**... man on a golf course

A foresome of ladies came across a man n**..., asleep in the bushes on their course. His hat was sheild in his face. Not my husband! says the first lady. The second and third repeat this not my husband refrain. The final lady approaches the man. She hmms and haws … then says Not my husband, but worse yet, he's not even a member of our club

I was working as groundskeeper on a golf course...

...when a lady came up to me and complained of getting stung by a wasp between the first and second holes.
I told her she needed to close her stance a bit.

My Grandpa told me this one about a crazy dog

I was out at the golf course the other day and there was a stray dog. It ran over to the shed of golf carts and starting l**... up some spilled gasoline. Suddenly it started running around and going crazy then it just stopped and fell over. The lady next to me asked, "What Happened?!?" and i told her, "He must of ran out of gas"

Old old married couple was out golfing

The husband was about to putt and he stopped. He looked at his wife of 50+ years and said he needed to confess something.
40 years ago I had an affair and I'm so very sorry and I regret it every day.
That's okay said his wife. It was a very long time ago and we've had a wonderful life together.
It was her turn to putt and she stops. Turns and looks at her husband. I just want you to know that before we were married I was a man.
Her husband get very angry and yells. You son of a b**...! You've been hitting from the ladies tee's for 50 years!

An American man goes on a business trip to Japan.

And he arrives there a day early before the meeting. So he decides to enjoy the night-life a little bit. The man goes out to a bar, picks up a lady after having a few drinks, and takes her back to the hotel. Eventually they start having s**... and the lady keeps saying, "Oshi Moshi! Oshi Moshi!"
The man thought that was weird but he kept going. The next day, he meets some business men on a golf course and sees one of them shank the ball. The guy is absolutely livid and shouts, "Oshi Moshi!"
The American man looks at him and asks, "I hate to bother you, but what does 'oshi moshi' mean?"
The golfer replies, "wrong hole!"

A rich old man goes golfing with his friends

And he brings along a gorgeous young lady.
"Well guys, meet my new fiancée" he says, full of pride. And for the rest of the afternoon the friends can't take their eyes off the beauty.
After the round of golf the rich man goes up to the bar to order drinks for the group. One of his friends accompanies him and quietly asks: "how did you manage to hook up with such a beautiful young lady? You're seventy. She must be at least fourty years younger than you!"
"I lied about my age"
"And she believed you!? How old did you say you were?"
"I told her I was ninety"

Three guys and a woman are playing golf...

The woman is having the round of her life as she steps onto the 18th green after hitting a beautiful shot 10 feet from the pin. If she makes this putt, she will beat the course record that has been around for over 50 years.
So she says the guys, "If one of you help me make this putt, I will give you a b**...."
This lady is drop dead gorgeous so they are all excited.
The first guy steps up and says, "Okay you want to give it a soft touch, it's downhill and to the right."
The second guy pushes him out the way and says, "No No! Give it a firm tap, it's flat and slightly left."
The third guy is standing there not doing anything so the lady asks, "Don't you have any advice for me?"
He looks over at her and says, "I say it's a gimme."

Cheating Golfers

An old married couple were golfing one day. On the first hole, the husband stopped mid-swing and broke down. "I can't take it any more, I have to tell you! 20 years ago, just before we were married, I cheated on you with your best friend Sally!" His wife said, "Oh, why even bring that up- it was so long ago. I forgive you sweetheart". The husband was relieved, and they continued the game. On the 18th hole, his wife stopped her s**... mid-swing as well, and broke down. She said, "I have something to confess as well. 25 years ago, before we were married, I had gender reassignment surgery. I was born a man." Her husband throws a tantrum, and is carrying on all over the tee box when he yells out, "This whole time, FOR ALL THESE YEARS???! You were playing from the Ladies tees?!?!"

A woman is golfing with some friends.

After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path to the second tee when she gets stung by a bee. She rushes the short distance back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor.
She bumps into the resident golf pro, who says, "What can I help you with?"
The woman tells him she's been stung by a bee.
The pro asks, "Oh really, where?"
The lady replies, "Between the first and second hole."
To that the golf pro states, "Well, first of all, your stance is way too wide."

An avid golfer meets a woman on the golf course...

...and they decide to spend the rest of the day golfing with each other. Enjoying each other's company, the two spend many more weekends golfing and eventually fall in love.
The two get married. That evening as they are about to consummate their love, the woman admits she has a confession. She explains to the golfer that she was born a man, but underwent surgery to become a woman.
The golfer is visibly upset. His face turns bright red and he is silent.
The woman apologizes and says, "I am sorry. I wanted to tell you before, but I didn't know how to. I understand if you don't want to make love to me."
The golfer says, "It's not that. You've been teeing off from the ladies' tee this whole time!"

Out on the golf course, a beautiful woman asks three men for some help with her putt.

"Whichever of you can help me sink this putt, I will give that guy a night he will never forget."
The teenager walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup."
The middle-aged man walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster! Aim 12 inches to the right, and the ball will break left two feet from the hole and fall into the cup."
The elderly man looks at the other two men in disgust, picks up the ball, drops it into the cup, takes her by the arm and says, "That's a Gimme."

Dork Ruined Joke Then Deleted It Because He Couldn't Stand The Downvotes: Reposted Right

An American gentleman arranged a liaison with a Japanese lady. As they were indulging in s**... i**..., she repeatedly shouted a Japanese word which he did not understand but took to mean "Wonderful" or something similar which increased his ardor, his efforts with the lady, and his enjoyment, as well as her apparent enjoyment because she kept shouting that word.
The next day, he played golf with some Japanese business associates and hit a hole in one. In elation, he shouted out the same word his poule de nuit had been shouting the night before. One of the Japanese gentlemen present, perplexed, asked, "What do you mean "'wrong hole'"?

Play around

So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"

So, a man goes on a business trip..

To Japan, he gets there during the night and is pretty nervous about the business meeting so he decides to order up a p**..., a fine lady walks into his room and they make love for hours, the entire time she is going wild, taking it from behind and screaming "Machigatta ana" after he finishes he's feeling pretty relaxed so he goes to bed.
The following day he meets up with his business clients and they tell him they are taking him to one of Japan's best golf courses. The man is excited as he loves golf and off they go, all is going well and on the 7th hole, a par three, one of the Japanese men gets a hole in one! All the men are ecstatic, jumping up and down when the businessmen gets an idea, he will impress the Japanese men by using the phrase the p**... used the night before, it must have been something good right?! So he loudly proclaims "Machigatta ana!" And both the Japanese men look back at him puzzled and say "huh? No, That's the right hole.."

So I was playing Golf toady.

I was solo and decided just to get partnered up at the Club house. After a little bit I was partnered with this fairly lovely lady. We went out playing and started chatting it up. We were laughing and talking and finding out we have a lot in common. though all the fun though we were not actually playing very well. By the time we got to the 18th hole we both had pretty difficult putts ( I was 25 feet on a bad lie and she was slightly closer on the same lie )
I had been enjoying my time with her so much I made her a deal. I told her if I made the putt I would take her out to dinner ( if she didn't mind ) at one of the best restaurants on the island. I lined up and hit the ball after a tense moment the ball passed the cup but stopped and rolled back dropping in.
I guess she didn't want to be out done, so she turns to me and says. " If I make this putt, after dinner I will invite you back to my place for drinks. We can relax in my hot tub and drink Champagne and see what happens from there, but only if I make this putt."
Hearing her proposal I quickly walk up to her and ask her to let me help her line up the putt. She agrees. So I walk up to her ball bending down and pick it up, then handing it back to her. She looks at me and asks me what am I doing? I look back at her with a straight face and tell her " That's a gimmie if I ever saw one "

John and Bill decide to play some golf one morning...

...and they're not very good. So bad, that old ladies start passing them before they hit the back nine.
At the sixteenth hole, they're both playing from the rough after their first strokes.
Waiting at the tee box they see a skinny bearded man. "Mind if I play ahead?", the man asks.
"Sure thing, buddy! Lord knows how long we'll be here.", Bill yells back.
The man hits the ball over their heads and into the rough.
Laughing and amongst themselves, they meander through the woods to find his ball being held by a squirrel. The squirrel runs up a tree, but is then swooped up by an owl. The owl takes flight over a water hazard and drops the squirrel, still holding the ball. The bearded man joins them and they walk towards the edge of the water. As they approach the water's edge, an alligator leaps out thrashes his head towards the group, spitting out the squirrel holding the golf ball. The squirrel rolls down green and into the hole, only to emerge without the ball and scurry away back into the woods. The three men run over to find the golf ball resting at the bottom of the hole.
"Jesus Christ!", John yells out.
The man nods.
"Yup."

Two guys are playing golf.......

The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.
So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."
He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.
He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"
To this he replies, "Small world."

Some Japanese business men take out an American exec out on the town...

to show him a great time. They hit a bunch of restaurants and eventually settle at a local bar and drink heavily. As the night is coming to an end, the Japanese men think it would be hilarious if they send the American man home with a Japanese h**.... In a drunk state, he agrees and is sent to his hotel room with a Japanese lady of the night.
As they begin to had a good ole time, she starts yelling almost immediately "Machigatta ana!". Not understanding Japanese, he thinks he is doing an AMAZING job. I mean he has her screaming at the top of her lungs the same phrase over and over "Machigatta ana!!". Thinking she is screaming in pleasure he then proceeds to scream this pleasure phrase as well "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ANA!!!".
The next day the Japanese and American man go golfing. The American man goes up for his turn and hits the ball to which all the Japanese men yell "MACHIGATTA ANA!!". Confused, the American man turns to them and asks "I'm sorry, What does that mean?" To which one of the men replies "Oh, it mean 'Wrong Hole' ".

jokes about ladies golf