Lad Jokes

80 lad jokes and hilarious lad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Lad Short Jokes

Short lad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lad humour may include short lass jokes also.

  1. What did the Irishman text his Wife? "Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."
  2. I found a hat with £17.50 in it I thought this other lad was going to pick it up.
    But he was to busy juggling.
  3. Paul: "So lads, any idea how we're gonna end 'Hey Jude'"? John: Nah.
    George: Nah.
    Ringo: Nah.
  4. Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups... And ask to speak to the man in charge.
  5. Killing Time. Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups...
    And ask to speak to the man in charge.
  6. A boss just hires yes-men... He's also a nepotist; his latest hire, he raised from a oui lad.
  7. Teacher: Class, who can tell me what "group necrophilia"means? Little Johnny: It's a desire to crack open a cold one with the lads.
  8. The use of a period can really change the meaning of a sentence. For example;
    The lads are on their holidays.
    The lads are on their period.
  9. "So, how was your week off ill?", asked the co-worker to his Scottish counterpart. "Aye, was okay lad, but it was only a wee cough".
  10. For the Day that's in it: What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland? Are ye alright in the back there lads?

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Lad One Liners

Which lad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lad? I can suggest the ones about kilt and youth.

  1. What do you call a boy that's half Scottish and half French? A oui lad
  2. Met Kelvin the other day What an absolute unit, that lad.
  3. Whats the difference beetwen a lad and a lass? The d
  4. Stay safe lads What are an electrician's last words?
    "Hey, what is that cable used f..."
  5. English kid: Miss, I need a wee! His Scottish teacher: A wee what, lad?
  6. In awe at the size of this lad. |unit|
  7. What will a lad tell a step ladder? "You are not my real father!"
  8. What do you call a lad that put on his glasses? Seymour.
  9. I once met a kid who could speak French He was a oui lad
  10. My lad got arrested for setting a house on fire... the police told me it was arson.
  11. Out with the lads from OCD anonymous tonight. Things aren't gonna get messy.
  12. Why should you go out with the lads before you water the garden? Bros before hose.
  13. What do you call a male Disney character at a formal event? A lad in a suit.
  14. What do you call someone in an Aladdin costume? A-lad-in a costume.
  15. A boy walks into confession.... a short commotion later the lad limps back out

Uproarious Lad Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about lad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dude jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lad pranks.


A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn. Evening, boys. What are you doing? Nothing much, Pastor, replied the one lad. We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his s**... life. Boys, boys, boys! intoned the minister. I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about s**... at all. The boys looked at each other and then said in unison, You win, Pastor!

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him...

Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.
Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.
Man : By eating chocolate?
Boy : No. By minding his own business.

This young lad gets in the elevator, I'm standing by the b**..., so he says "fifth floor mate?"

When we get there I say "There you go, son" and he says "Don't call me son! You're not my dad!"
And I say "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

What is s**...?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's s**...?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

Welsh pub

One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.
All the other men in the bar looked at him and the bartender asked, "You're not from around here, are you lad?"
"No," replied the man, "I'm from London."
"So, boyo," said the bartender, "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a taxidermist." Replied the man.
"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them do?"
"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."
The bartender then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's o.k. lads, he's one of us!"

A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.

After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?
I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.
Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian tribe called the Fakawi!
Excited by this discovery Johnny runs home to tell his mother about his find.
"Mum, mum!", Johnny shouts, "I met native members of the Fakawi tribe today!".
"How did you know who they were?" Mum asks.
"Well that was easy," says little Johnny, "everywhere they went they were telling people, "We're the fakawi!"".

My career's in ruins!

A man walks into a bar and finds its patrons raucously celebrating with a young man standing on the bar shouting for more drinks, on him.
He walks up to the bar and shouts to the young man, What's the occasion?
My career's in ruins! the lad cackles.
The man, shocked, replies, Then why the h**... are you celebrating?
I've just completed my PhD in archaeology!

A kid gets out of his bed at night as he can't sleep...

He walks into his parents room and see's them going at it. Visibly shocked, he asks whats going on. His Dad just laughs and says go back to your room I'll come and talk to you in 20 mins .
20 mins later his Dad walks into his room and see's the young lad b**... his grandma. The kid looks up and says 'see, not so funny when it's your mum is it?'

How do you get into Heaven?

When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

A young lad enters a barber shop...

and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son?
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied,
Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, h**... announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.
"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.
"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.
"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.
Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has h**... seen this map?"

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

Yale educated

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.

"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.

"Yale," replied the lad.

"And what's your name?" barked the manager.

"Yim Yohnston," he replied.

I saw a lonely young man sitting at the bar

He was softly singing to himself *21 today, 21 today*.
Feeling sorry for the lad I bought him a beer.
With a smile and a nod of the head he sings *22 today, 22 today*!

I tried training for the Samaritans once.

But they told me I wasn't good at listening and I said "what?" and they said I wasn't good at listening.
-- This joke was made by a friend on facebook in the UK who currently has a really really bad time - homeless and suicidal. I found the joke really funny. Would be really nice if I could show him that he is actually a pretty funny lad and has reasons to continue living. (I'm 100% serious!!)

A young lad walks in his his parents bedroom.... find his dad in bed cracking one out.
"What you doing, Dad?" the lad says.
His Dad Replies "Don't worry son, You'll be doing this soon."
"Why's that then, Dad?"
"Because my arm is aching........."

So the other day I was standing in a line for an ATM...

There was an old lady there who looked like she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, after a bit of fumbling with the keys, she turned to me and said, "You look like a helpful young lad, Could you help me check my balance."
So I pushed her over.

An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?" "Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!",

The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key." About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The Irishman looks down woefully and moans "OOH GOD... they got me girl too!"

Jack the lad at work came out with this one today... What's the difference between 3 d**... and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke..

One day at school the lad who sat next to me swallowed his calculator. I stood up for him when everyone else said he was a w**.... I told them, "He may be a bit weird,

but it's what's inside him that counts!"

A young Irish lad goes up to his parents..

"Mum, dad, after much soul-searching, I've decided I'm an atheist" he says.
"Yes yes, that's all fine." says the father. "But are you a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"

Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a high school lad came up to his table.

Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?
What kind of favor? Sinatra asked.
"Well, I'm here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say 'Hi, Bernie!'
OK, kid, I'll try, said the singer, smiling.
A little later he dropped by the boy's table, and said, Hi, Bernie!
The boy looked up at him and snapped, Don't bother me now, Frankie. Can't you see I'm busy?

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar...

...and each take a seat and order a beer. When the Englishman gets his beer, he sees a fly floating in it, and politely asks for a different brew. The Scotsman, intrigued by this, looks into his beer and also notices a fly in it. He shrugs and picks it out. When the Irishman's beer arrives, also containing one fly, he's had enough. He picks up the fly, holds it very close to his mouth, and says...
"Spit it out, lad, spit it all out!"

A British Soldier and an Australian Soldier are in the trenches of the Somme

The British soldier asks the Australian: "Tell me lad, did you come here to die?"
The Australian says "Nah mate, I came here yesterdie!"

A lad named Jack confronts his alcoholic father

You s**... old man, our last name is Inoff you did this on purpose!
His father replies Nah I named you after Jack Daniels. But that's pretty d**... funny too!

A Spanish pirate walks into a bar... [OC]

A Spanish pirate walks into a bar, and he appears down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks,
"Aye, what'll ye be havin'?"
"Agua, por favor."
"Hm, whatever floats yer boat, lad."

2man Team

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."


A man and a little boy go into the barber's.
The man has his hair done and then sits the little lad in the chair.
"Now wait here when your finished, I'm just off to do some shopping." says the man and leaves without paying.
Two hours later, the boy's still waiting, when the barber says, "I think your dad's forgotten you".
The little fella says, "He's not my dad, we just met outside and he asked me if I wanted a free haircut".

Tunnel love

A gawky lad from New England came to New York with his girl, and took her to nearby Playland Amusement Park. They had heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out. But when they got home, the kids expressed disappointment.
Shucks, the boy said, it was dark and damp and uncomfortable. Besides, we got soaking wet.
How come? asked a friend. Did the boat leak?
The kid looked amazed. There's a boat?

Two Irishmen were looking for a job together.

One day, they see an advert saying we're looking for tree cutters.
Thrilled, one of them turns to the other and says look, we found a job to do!
The other replies No lad, they're looking for tree cutters, not two.

A young lad sees the Director of the company he works at park up in a brand new Aston Martin.

'Nice car' says the lad.
The Director looks at him coolly on the eye and says 'See this lad, if you work hard, do loads of unpaid hours and consistently exceed your punishing sales targets, well lad, this time next year ...... I can buy another one.'


The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad: When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.
The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

A refrigerant walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, how's it going there partner?
The refrigerant answers, well, not going so well, you see back when I was just a wee lad I always wanted to be so much more. I knew my life was being wasted on the mundane activities of day to day life. Then when I turned 5, I started....
**the bartender interrupts**
buddy I'm sorry can you speed it up? I've got customers to serve…
I'm sorry I can't, bad things happen when I condense

Murphy's Car Is Stolen

Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off.  Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked.  'I don't know she replied, but I got the licence plate'.

School Essay Test

A teacher says to her class Tomorrow morning there will be a set essay writing exam. You are all to be on your best form and well rested overnight
One lad pipes up with a smirk What if we are suffering from severe s**... exhaustion Miss?
Well, she replies you'll just have to try to write with your other hand!

Overheard a conversation with the other guy saying "...good I might"

Couldn't help but wish the lad a good day as well.

My grandad taught me this one

So a man has three t**... and he is very worried about that so he goes to the doctor and tells him and the doctor says "well you should be very proud of yourself you got three t**...".
So the man gets the train home and sits down next to a lad and he says "hey between you and me there is five t**..." and so the guy replies "oh my god do you only have one"?!.

Man in a BMW pulls up next to a kid in the street...

and says, "Excuse me, lad. If I give you 5 bucks will you come in my car?"
Kid says, "Give me 10 and I'll come in your mouth!"

Do ya know the difference between Scots and Scotch?

Ay now.
A Scot is a lad that can play the pipes.
Scotch is what makes it so that he canna.

When I was a teenager I had two habits: smoking and m**...

I was a 20-a-day lad and I smoked like a chimney.

What's the difference between a Jokes Mod and a drunk Scottish lad fighting a picket fence? [OC]

The brighter one gets to tell his pals "aye, f**...'in took care of that wee-post boys!"

My dad's a pastor.

Me: it's only Mark 14:36
Dad: well could you keep it down! Good lad
And he was none the wiser ah.

On the first day at a Ukrainian school, the teacher introduces herself to the children.

"My name is Marivanna and I am Ukrainian," she says. "Now introduce yourselves, children."
A young boy stands up and says, "My name is Taras and I am Ukrainian."
Next, a young girl stands up and says, "My name is Oksana and I am Ukrainian."
Another lad stands up and says, "My name is Vovochka and I am Russian."
"Why are you Russian, Vovochka?" asks the teacher.
"Well, my mom is Russian and my dad is Russian, so that makes me Russian." says the boy.
The teacher then asks, "Well, what if your mom was a p**... and your dad was a j**..., what would you be?"
"Then I'd be Ukrainian" says Vovochka smiling.

My mom told me not to kill the spider but to take it out...

so I did, we had a few drinks, top lad he is..currently working as a web designer.

British humor

A cop walks into a bar responding to a call about a youngster making a ruckus. He asked the young lad "just what are ya getting on with lad?"
The lad responds," none of yobishness mate"

Hurt my arm this mornin and had to go to hospital for an x-ray, as I was sitting waiting to be seen...

...the lad next to me says," Fair fae yer honest sonsieface! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!" I was like, eh?!?!., I turned my head round to the the lady sat on my other side, she said, " ! Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!" , As I grabbed the next doc walking past I said, "here mate is this the psychiatric ward?" He says," no this is the Burns unit! Happy Rabbie Burns Day

Lord Kelvin most of been a real lad

He's an absolute unit

A guy sits down at a bar and orders 3 beers

The bartender says, "Three beers for just yourself?"
The guy says, "Well, I'm drinking one for me, and the other two are for me brothers back home."
So a year goes by, and the guy had become a regular always ordering 3 beers, but one day he comes in and orders just 2 beers.
The bartender says, "Oh dear lad, what happened to your brother?"
The guy looks at the bartender confused.
"You only ordered two beers. Did something happen to one of your brothers?" The bartender asks.
The guy says, "Oh no, they're okay. I quit drinking."

jokes about lad