The Best 54 Lad Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lad jokes. There are some lad youngster jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lad boyo puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Lad Jokes and Puns

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him...

Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

This young lad gets in the elevator, I'm standing by the buttons, so he says "fifth floor mate?"

When we get there I say "There you go, son" and he says "Don't call me son! You're not my dad!"

And I say "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

What is SEX?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

Welsh pub

One day a man walked into a pub in Wales and ordered a pint of beer.

All the other men in the bar looked at him and the bartender asked, "You're not from around here, are you lad?"

"No," replied the man, "I'm from London."

"So, boyo," said the bartender, "What do you do for a living then?"

"I'm a taxidermist." Replied the man.

"A taxidermist?" asked the barman, "What's one of them do?"

"Well," replied the man, "I mount animals."

The bartender then turned to all the other welshmen in the bar and said, "It's o.k. lads, he's one of us!"


A nice Scottish lad moves to New York.

After 6 months his mom calls him and she asks how he finds the Americans. Horrible, he says. They always yell and scream. He hates how they pound on the walls and stomp the floors. Oh pure! she says, how do you get by?

I just relax in bed, playing me bagpipes, says the lad.

I found a hat with Β£17.50 in it

I thought this other lad was going to pick it up.

But he was to busy juggling.

Little Johnny, a young American boy, is down at the shops when..

He sees a group of disgruntled looking Australian tourists holding maps and wandering around.

Being the inquisitive young lad that he is he decides to try and find out a bit about them. Although he cant understand a word they're saying he quickly learns that they're from an ancient Australian tribe called the Fakawi!

Excited by this discovery Johnny runs home to tell his mother about his find.

"Mum, mum!", Johnny shouts, "I met native members of the Fakawi tribe today!".

"How did you know who they were?" Mum asks.

"Well that was easy," says little Johnny, "everywhere they went they were telling people, "We're the fakawi!"".

My career's in ruins!

A man walks into a bar and finds its patrons raucously celebrating with a young man standing on the bar shouting for more drinks, on him.

He walks up to the bar and shouts to the young man, What's the occasion?

My career's in ruins! the lad cackles.

The man, shocked, replies, Then why the hell are you celebrating?

I've just completed my PhD in archaeology!

A kid gets out of his bed at night as he can't sleep...

He walks into his parents room and see's them going at it. Visibly shocked, he asks whats going on. His Dad just laughs and says go back to your room I'll come and talk to you in 20 mins .

20 mins later his Dad walks into his room and see's the young lad banging his grandma. The kid looks up and says 'see, not so funny when it's your mum is it?'

How do you get into Heaven?

When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" Tim answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, Tim answered, "NO!"

The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.

Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

You can explore lad lass reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lad tis dad jokes. There are also lad puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A young lad enters a barber shop...

and the barber whispers to his customer, This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, Which do you want, son?

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

What did I tell you? said the barber. That kid never learns!

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?

The boy licked his cone and replied,

Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!

Dr joke I just made up

A young medical intern was standing in a hospital hallway, looking flustered whilst try to examine a patients' CAT scan. Seeing his confusion, an older doctor came to see what the problem was. He saw that the intern was reading the scan upside down, and turned it around for him. Seeing that the young intern was embarrassed by his mistake, the doctor said, "don't feel embarrassed, lad, there's more than one way to skim a CAT."

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.

The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"

"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."

"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America.

"And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory.

"And we're also at war with the British Empire," added Hans. "Where is that?" His father pointed out all the territories of the empire upon which the sun never set.

"And where is Germany?" asked Hans. His father pointed to their country in central Europe.

Hans thought for a moment and then said, "Father, has Hitler seen this map?"

Yale educated

The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.


"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.


"Yale," replied the lad.


"And what's your name?" barked the manager.


"Yim Yohnston," he replied.

I saw a lonely young man sitting at the bar

He was softly singing to himself *21 today, 21 today*.
Feeling sorry for the lad I bought him a beer.
With a smile and a nod of the head he sings *22 today, 22 today*!

I tried training for the Samaritans once.

But they told me I wasn't good at listening and I said "what?" and they said I wasn't good at listening.

-- This joke was made by a friend on facebook in the UK who currently has a really really bad time - homeless and suicidal. I found the joke really funny. Would be really nice if I could show him that he is actually a pretty funny lad and has reasons to continue living. (I'm 100% serious!!)

A young lad walks in his his parents bedroom....

.....to find his dad in bed cracking one out.
"What you doing, Dad?" the lad says.
His Dad Replies "Don't worry son, You'll be doing this soon."
"Why's that then, Dad?"
"Because my arm is aching........."


So the other day I was standing in a line for an ATM...

There was an old lady there who looked like she had absolutely no clue what she was doing, after a bit of fumbling with the keys, she turned to me and said, "You look like a helpful young lad, Could you help me check my balance."
So I pushed her over.

An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?" "Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!",

The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key." About this time the cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The Irishman looks down woefully and moans "OOH GOD... they got me girl too!"

Jack the lad at work came out with this one today... What's the difference between 3 dicks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke..

What do you call a boy that's half Scottish and half French?

A oui lad

One day at school the lad who sat next to me swallowed his calculator. I stood up for him when everyone else said he was a weirdo. I told them, "He may be a bit weird,

but it's what's inside him that counts!"

A young Irish lad goes up to his parents..

"Mum, dad, after much soul-searching, I've decided I'm an atheist" he says.

"Yes yes, that's all fine." says the father. "But are you a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar...

...and each take a seat and order a beer. When the Englishman gets his beer, he sees a fly floating in it, and politely asks for a different brew. The Scotsman, intrigued by this, looks into his beer and also notices a fly in it. He shrugs and picks it out. When the Irishman's beer arrives, also containing one fly, he's had enough. He picks up the fly, holds it very close to his mouth, and says...

"Spit it out, lad, spit it all out!"

A British Soldier and an Australian Soldier are in the trenches of the Somme

The British soldier asks the Australian: "Tell me lad, did you come here to die?"

The Australian says "Nah mate, I came here yesterdie!"

A Spanish pirate walks into a bar... [OC]

A Spanish pirate walks into a bar, and he appears down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks,

"Aye, what'll ye be havin'?"

"Agua, por favor."

"Hm, whatever floats yer boat, lad."

"...SΓ­."

Met Kelvin the other day

What an absolute unit, that lad.

2man Team

Two Irishmen were working in the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

After a while, one amazed onlooker said: "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

Whats the difference beetwen a lad and a lass?

The d

Haircut

A man and a little boy go into the barber's.
The man has his hair done and then sits the little lad in the chair.
"Now wait here when your finished, I'm just off to do some shopping." says the man and leaves without paying.
Two hours later, the boy's still waiting, when the barber says, "I think your dad's forgotten you".
The little fella says, "He's not my dad, we just met outside and he asked me if I wanted a free haircut".

Two Irishmen were looking for a job together.

One day, they see an advert saying we're looking for tree cutters.

Thrilled, one of them turns to the other and says look, we found a job to do!

The other replies No lad, they're looking for tree cutters, not two.

A young lad sees the Director of the company he works at park up in a brand new Aston Martin.

'Nice car' says the lad.

The Director looks at him coolly on the eye and says 'See this lad, if you work hard, do loads of unpaid hours and consistently exceed your punishing sales targets, well lad, this time next year ...... I can buy another one.'

A boss just hires yes-men...

He's also a nepotist; his latest hire, he raised from a oui lad.

Instruction

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad: When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

A refrigerant walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, how's it going there partner?

The refrigerant answers, well, not going so well, you see back when I was just a wee lad I always wanted to be so much more. I knew my life was being wasted on the mundane activities of day to day life. Then when I turned 5, I started....

**the bartender interrupts**

buddy I'm sorry can you speed it up? I've got customers to serve…

I'm sorry I can't, bad things happen when I condense

English kid: Miss, I need a wee!

His Scottish teacher: A wee what, lad?

Murphy's Car Is Stolen

Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off.Β  Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked.Β  'I don't know she replied, but I got the licence plate'.

In awe at the size of this lad.

|unit|

"So, how was your week off ill?", asked the co-worker to his Scottish counterpart.

"Aye, was okay lad, but it was only a wee cough".

School Essay Test

A teacher says to her class Tomorrow morning there will be a set essay writing exam. You are all to be on your best form and well rested overnight

One lad pipes up with a smirk What if we are suffering from severe sexual exhaustion Miss?

Well, she replies you'll just have to try to write with your other hand!

Overheard a conversation with the other guy saying "...good I might"

Couldn't help but wish the lad a good day as well.

My grandad taught me this one

So a man has three testicles and he is very worried about that so he goes to the doctor and tells him and the doctor says "well you should be very proud of yourself you got three testicles".
So the man gets the train home and sits down next to a lad and he says "hey between you and me there is five testicles" and so the guy replies "oh my god do you only have one"?!.

What will a lad tell a step ladder?

"You are not my real father!"

What do you call a lad that put on his glasses?

Seymour.

Man in a BMW pulls up next to a kid in the street...

and says, "Excuse me, lad. If I give you 5 bucks will you come in my car?"

Kid says, "Give me 10 and I'll come in your mouth!"

Do ya know the difference between Scots and Scotch?

Ay now.

A Scot is a lad that can play the pipes.

Scotch is what makes it so that he canna.

I once met a kid who could speak French

He was a oui lad

My lad got arrested for setting a house on fire...

the police told me it was arson.

When I was a teenager I had two habits: smoking and masturbation

I was a 20-a-day lad and I smoked like a chimney.

What do you call a male Disney character at a formal event?

A lad in a suit.

What's the difference between a Jokes Mod and a drunk Scottish lad fighting a picket fence? [OC]

The brighter one gets to tell his pals "aye, fuck'in took care of that wee-post boys!"

My dad's a pastor.

(1973)
Dad: WHAT DEVILS MUSIC IS THAT?
Me: it's only Mark 14:36
Dad: well could you keep it down! Good lad
And he was none the wiser ah.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lad kilt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lad schoolboy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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