Lactose Jokes

Following is our collection of intolerant puns and milk one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Lactose jokes for adults, dirty lactoes jokes and clean legendairy dad gags for kids.

The Best Lactose Puns

I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.

He can't take it, but he can dish it out.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they.... lactose.....

My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe

Apparently she's lactose intolerant.

I like my women like I like my milkshake

Not at all. I'm lactose intolerant and gay

[OC] Why cant milk cartons walk?

Because they lactose.

Why do cows have hoofs?

Because they lactose

Why can't cows do ballet?

Because they lactose.

What did the lactose intolerant guy say after having a glass of milk?

Please excuse my dairy air

I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant...

He seems to eat a lot of Derry

I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.

We broke up because she couldn't stomach my cheesy jokes.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant?

Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .

I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw

Why do people who drink milk struggle to walk?

Because they lactose.

I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite.

I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.

I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife

But they're all too cheesy

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

Why do cows need four legs to walk?

Because they lactose.


What do you call a lactose intolerant Mexican bodybuilder.

No whey Jose

I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant.

We don't have to pose for pictures.

Why don't cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose

Spray Cheese

When you're lactose intolerant all cheese is spray cheese

Why do milk monsters walk weirdly?

Because they lactose.

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:

- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk

"Lactose in taller ant"

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant

Whoops, wrong sub.

I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day...

She's lactose intolerant.

None of my friends seem to care that I'm lactose intolerant

But tell them I'm racist and they all flip out.

Why can't cows wear flip-flops?

Because they lac-tose!

[OC] My best friend recently lost the front of his foot in a boating accident and now I hate him.

I'm surprised by how lactose intolerant I am.

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

My friend told me he can't drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said No whey!


God: (creates cheesecake)

God: (While stuffing his face in front of the angels) Oh wow! This is so great!

Angel: Don't you think you should be sharing that?


God:(creates lactose intolerance)

Why don't cows wear flip flops?

They lactose.

What did the lactose intolerant Mexican say?

No whey Jose.

I worked with a guy on a building site...

I once worked with a guy on a building site who never wore steel toe caps. When I asked him why, he said he didn't them. Turns out he was lactose intolerant.

Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily

They lactose

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

What's the difference between somebody who doesn't drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

Why do cows have trouble running?

They lactose.

What do you call racist milk?

Intolerant Lactose.

The Outsiders: Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant?

He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop.

Here in Wisconsin, we're known as the Dairy State

Or for the lactose intolerant among us, the Diarrhea State

Did you hear about the gay guy who was lactose intolerant?

They call him the Non Dairy Queen

Did you hear about the lactose intolerant man who ate a whole wheel of cheese?

it was not gouda for him later.

I'd tell you a dad joke...

But I heard you were lactose intolerant

Do you know how lactose-free milk is made?

It is made by adding toes to normal milk, so that way it no longer lactose.

Why can't cows go rock climbing?

Because they lactose.

My friend named Lactose told me he supported gay marriage.

I guess you could say he was lactose and tolerant!

When you're trying to be cheesy

But everyone around you is lactose intolerant

What polemon can you eat if you are lactose intolerant?


Get it?

GeT It?

There is an abundance of fructose jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 49 funniest jokes and lactose puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any whey witze you can hear about lactose.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes