Lactose Jokes

100 lactose jokes and hilarious lactose puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lactose that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lactose Short Jokes

Short lactose jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lactose humour may include short milk jokes also.

  1. I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living. He can't take it, but he can dish it out.
  2. My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe Apparently she's lactose intolerant.
  3. I had to break up with my girlfriend after I ran over her feet with a lawnmower... I'm lactose intolerant.
  4. What did the lactose intolerant guy say after having a glass of milk? Please excuse my dairy air
  5. I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant. We broke up because she couldn't stomach my cheesy jokes.
  6. What do lactose intolerant people call a collection of meat and cheese? A shart tootery board
  7. Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant? Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .
    I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw
  8. I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite. I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.
  9. I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife But they're all too cheesy
  10. I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant. We don't have to pose for pictures.

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Lactose One Liners

Which lactose one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lactose? I can suggest the ones about breast milk and dairy.

  1. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they.... lactose.....
  2. Why do cows have hooves and not feet? Because they lactose
  3. I like my women like I like my milkshake Not at all. I'm lactose intolerant and gay
  4. What do you call someone who hates people who are missing toes? Lactose intolerant
  5. Do you know why cows have hooves? Because they lactose...
  6. [OC] Why cant milk cartons walk? Because they lactose.
  7. What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant!? Non buy dairy.
  8. Why can't cows do ballet? Because they lactose.
  9. Why do cows have hoofs? Because they lactose
  10. I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant... He seems to eat a lot of Derry
  11. They say life is like a box of chocolates... And I'm lactose intolerant.
  12. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
  13. Why do people who drink milk struggle to walk? Because they lactose.
  14. Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops? Because they lactose.
  15. What do you call a lactose intolerant Mexican bodybuilder. No whey Jose

Lactose Intolerant Jokes

Here is a list of funny lactose intolerant jokes and even better lactose intolerant puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a lactose intolerant music artist? Post Provolone
  • I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day... She's lactose intolerant.
  • Spray Cheese When you're lactose intolerant all cheese is spray cheese
  • What do they call the side effects of lactose intolerance in France? Smelly derriere (dairy air)
  • I like my women like I like my milk That's the end of the joke, I'm lactose intolerant.
  • A friend of mine one told me: "If you want a girl to like you, use cheesy pickup lines." That didn't really work for me. Apparently all the girls I talk to are lactose intolerant.
  • TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant Whoops, wrong sub.
  • What do you call a lactose-intolerant person's farts? Their dairy-air
  • None of my friends seem to care that I'm lactose intolerant But tell them I'm racist and they all flip out.
  • People who don't eat cheese because they are lactose intolerant… …need to learn to be more accepting of different cultures

Lactose Intolerance Jokes

Here is a list of funny lactose intolerance jokes and even better lactose intolerance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • [OC] My best friend recently lost the front of his foot in a boating accident and now I hate him. I'm surprised by how lactose intolerant I am.
  • The Outsiders: Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant? He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop.
  • My wife teases me with ice cream bc she knows I'm lactose intolerant. She really milks it too.
  • Yo mama so dumb She thought her indigestion was lactose intolerance living in the milky way.
  • what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone? please excuse my dairy air
  • I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian. I'm a cultured man
  • My friend told me he can't drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein. I said No whey!
  • Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman? She committed soya-cide.
  • What did the lactose intolerant Mexican say? No whey Jose.
  • I worked with a guy on a building site... I once worked with a guy on a building site who never wore steel toe caps. When I asked him why, he said he didn't them. Turns out he was lactose intolerant.
Lactose joke, I worked with a guy on a building site...

Lactose joke, I worked with a guy on a building site...

Great Lactose Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about lactose you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sugar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lactose pranks.

Why do cows need four legs to walk?

Because they lactose.

Did you hear about the lactose intolerant man who ate a whole wheel of cheese?

it was not gouda for him later.

When you're trying to be cheesy

But everyone around you is lactose intolerant

Why can't cows wear flip-flops?

Because they lac-tose!

Why don't cows wear flip flops?

They lactose.


God: (creates cheesecake)
God: (While stuffing his face in front of the angels) Oh wow! This is so great!
Angel: Don't you think you should be sharing that?
God:(creates lactose intolerance)

Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily

They lactose

Why don't cows wear shoes?

Because they lactose

What do you call racist milk?

Intolerant Lactose.

Why do milk monsters walk weirdly?

Because they lactose.

Why do cows have trouble running?

They lactose.

Why can't cows go rock climbing?

Because they lactose.

Did you hear about the gay guy who was lactose intolerant?

They call him the Non Dairy Queen

Here in Wisconsin, we're known as the Dairy State

Or for the lactose intolerant among us, the Diarrhea State

Do you know how lactose-free milk is made?

It is made by adding toes to normal milk, so that way it no longer lactose.

I'd tell you a dad joke...

But I heard you were lactose intolerant

Not your dairy insect

An ant was walking around when it found a 5inch ant of his very same species:
- Why are youso big, it asked
- I drink a lot of milk
"Lactose in taller ant"

What's the difference between somebody who doesn't drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

Milk cows have hooves at the end of their legs. Not feet, like you and me.

They lactose.

A man is talking to a woman and he asks for a fun fact about her. she tells him "I am missing all my toes". the man says, "I'm sorry but I can't date you". The woman asks why and the man responds:

I am lactose intolerant.

I'm lactose intolerant and…

Last night, I decided to have ice cream, just for s**....

Why don't cows wear high heels?

Because they lactose.

Lactose joke, What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant!?

jokes about lactose