Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they.... lactose.....
My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe
Apparently she's lactose intolerant.
I like my women like I like my milkshake
Not at all. I'm lactose intolerant and gay
Vegan in a restaurant
Customer: I'm vegan, I don't eat gluten or carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and allergic to nuts. What should I get?
Waiter: the fuck out
Why do cows have hoofs?
Because they lactose
Why can't cows do ballet?
Because they lactose.
What did the lactose intolerant guy say after having a glass of milk?
Please excuse my dairy air
I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant...
He seems to eat a lot of Derry
I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite.
I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.
Why do people who drink milk struggle to walk?
Because they lactose.
Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?
Because they lactose.
Why do cows need four legs to walk?
Because they lactose.
Moo
I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant.
We don't have to pose for pictures.
What do you call a lactose intolerant Mexican bodybuilder.
No whey Jose
Why don't cows wear shoes?
Because they lactose
Why do milk monsters walk weirdly?
Because they lactose.
I have lactose intolerance.
I would say I don't give a crap, but in the end I always do.
TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant
Whoops, wrong sub.
I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day...
She's lactose intolerant.
None of my friends seem to care that I'm lactose intolerant
But tell them I'm racist and they all flip out.
What's the difference between a guy that can't drink milk and a bunch of Nazi soup kitchens that ran out of bread?
The guy's lactose intolerant. The others lack toast and tolerance.
...god damn, that was painful. I'll show myself out.
*edit* for slightly better delivery
[OC] My best friend recently lost the front of his foot in a boating accident and now I hate him.
I'm surprised by how lactose intolerant I am.
Why can't cows wear flip-flops?
Because they lac-tose!
I think i'm lactose intolerant
I've had 6 milkshakes today and feel like crap.
Why don't cows wear flip flops?
They lactose.
Cheesecake
God: (creates cheesecake)
God: (While stuffing his face in front of the angels) Oh wow! This is so great!
Angel: Don't you think you should be sharing that?
—pause—
God:(creates lactose intolerance)
what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?
please excuse my dairy air
I worked with a guy on a building site...
I once worked with a guy on a building site who never wore steel toe caps. When I asked him why, he said he didn't them. Turns out he was lactose intolerant.
Finally found out why dairy cows lose their balance so easily
They lactose
What did the lactose intolerant Mexican say?
No whey Jose.
The Outsiders: Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant?
He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop.
Why do cows have trouble running?
They lactose.
What do you call racist milk?
Intolerant Lactose.
Me: how is your bacteria converted into lactose, mixed with some sugar and milk and fruit to give it that nice extra flavor?
Friend: It's called yogurt asshole
Did you hear about the lactose intolerant man who ate a whole wheel of cheese?
it was not gouda for him later.
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What are the most funny Lactose jokes of all time ?
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Lactose? Well, here are the best Lactose dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Lactose pick up lines to share with friends.