Lactose Intolerant Jokes

81 lactose intolerant jokes and hilarious lactose intolerant puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lactose intolerant that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lactose Intolerant Short Jokes

Short lactose intolerant jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lactose intolerant humour may include short lactose intolerance jokes also.

  1. I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living. He can't take it, but he can dish it out.
  2. My new girlfriend dumped me when she found out I was missing a toe Apparently she's lactose intolerant.
  3. I had to break up with my girlfriend after I ran over her feet with a lawnmower... I'm lactose intolerant.
  4. What did the lactose intolerant guy say after having a glass of milk? Please excuse my dairy air
  5. I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant. We broke up because she couldn't stomach my cheesy jokes.
  6. What do lactose intolerant people call a collection of meat and cheese? A shart tootery board
  7. Pickup line : hello, are you lactose intolerant? Just wanted to make sure, my pickup line is very chessy. .
    I used that once...she laughed...her husband laughed i walked away...true story btw
  8. I discriminate against people who lose digits on their feet to frostbite. I guess you could say I am lactose intolerant.
  9. I need to get a valentine's card for my lactose intolerant wife But they're all too cheesy
  10. I'm not doing anything cheesy for my girlfriend on valentines day... She's lactose intolerant.

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Lactose Intolerant One Liners

Which lactose intolerant one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lactose intolerant? I can suggest the ones about dairy intolerant and lactose.

  1. I like my women like I like my milkshake Not at all. I'm lactose intolerant and gay
  2. What do you call someone who hates people who are missing toes? Lactose intolerant
  3. What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant!? Non buy dairy.
  4. I sure hope Pennywise isn't lactose intolerant... He seems to eat a lot of Derry
  5. They say life is like a box of chocolates... And I'm lactose intolerant.
  6. What do you call a lactose intolerant Mexican bodybuilder. No whey Jose
  7. I'm glad my wife is lactose intolerant. We don't have to pose for pictures.
  8. What do you call a lactose intolerant music artist? Post Provolone
  9. Spray Cheese When you're lactose intolerant all cheese is spray cheese
  10. I like my women like I like my milk That's the end of the joke, I'm lactose intolerant.
  11. What do you call a lactose-intolerant person's farts? Their dairy-air
  12. The Outsiders: Why is Ponyboy lactose intolerant? He hates Dairy but likes Sodapop.
  13. Did you hear about the depressed lactose-intolerant woman? She committed soya-cide.
  14. What did the lactose intolerant Mexican say? No whey Jose.
  15. What do you call racist milk? Intolerant Lactose.

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Lactose Intolerant Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about lactose intolerant you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean intolerant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lactose intolerant pranks.

Yo mama's so lactose intolerant, human kindness makes her throw up!

Unfortunate man comes back from a war

A man was relieved from service after losing his feet. His wife subsequently left him because she was lactose intolerant.

I'm not lactose intolerant...

I just can't stand milk!

What's the best way to announce that you're lactose-intolerant

I'm allergic to
Wait for it

I'm really irritated by people that are missing phalanges.

I guess I'm lactose intolerant.

Did you hear about the lactose intolerant man who ate a whole wheel of cheese?

it was not gouda for him later.

[OC] My best friend recently lost the front of his foot in a boating accident and now I hate him.

I'm surprised by how lactose intolerant I am.

what did the lactose intolerant man say after eating an ice cream cone?

please excuse my dairy air

What do you call a lactose-intolerant camel?

....A dromedary with dairy drama

My dad is in the hospital, he needed to get some toes amputated because of his diabetes.

He's been good about it. He says he's lactose intolerant.

When you're trying to be cheesy

But everyone around you is lactose intolerant

A random stranger laughed at how I was lactose intolerant

How dairy

TIFU by accidentally giving my girlfriend my sandwich that had extra cheese when she's lactose intolerant

Whoops, wrong sub.

Those who cannot stand other people with 8 toes are...

Lactose intolerant....

None of my friends seem to care that I'm lactose intolerant

But tell them I'm racist and they all flip out.

The good thing about being lactose intolerant is that..

If you ever want to lose some weight you could just drink a tall glass of milk.


God: (creates cheesecake)
God: (While stuffing his face in front of the angels) Oh wow! This is so great!
Angel: Don't you think you should be sharing that?
God:(creates lactose intolerance)

My boss ordered me to take a diversity awareness program.

Shouldn't have said I was lactose intolerant.

I worked with a guy on a building site...

I once worked with a guy on a building site who never wore steel toe caps. When I asked him why, he said he didn't them. Turns out he was lactose intolerant.

Did you know lactose intolerance is a genetic thing?

Runs in the family.

I can't condone the consumption of dairy.

I was raised lactose intolerant.

Life isn't really a piece of cake

When you're lactose intolerant.

I almost got fired last month because the word got out that I was intolerant...

I had to explain all about lactose to the Human Resource department.

Did you hear about the gay guy who was lactose intolerant?

They call him the Non Dairy Queen

Cannibal mom and her child are having lunch

"Mom, the we've ran out of hands," the child says.
"Well, have a leg then," the mom suggests.
"But moooom, you know I'm lactose intolerant!"

Everyone keeps talking about racial intolerance. It's time we address lactose intolerance.

can't believe this is still a problem in 2018. Justice for dairy products

Hope you're not lactose intolerant

If you have 15 cows and 5 goats what would you have?
Plenty of Milk

Life is like a box of chocolates

I can't get anything because I'm lactose intolerant

What polemon can you eat if you are lactose intolerant?

Get it?
GeT It?

Here in Wisconsin, we're known as the Dairy State

Or for the lactose intolerant among us, the Diarrhea State

My friend told me he can't drink milk. I asked him if he is lactose intolerant. He said he is actually allergic to the milk protein.

I said No whey!

I'm lactose intolerant, but I still eat chees because I'm not a barbarian.

I'm a cultured man

I'd tell you a dad joke...

But I heard you were lactose intolerant

What's the difference between somebody who doesn't drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

Yo mama so dumb

She thought her indigestion was lactose intolerance living in the milky way.

My wife teases me with ice cream bc she knows I'm lactose intolerant.

She really milks it too.

A friend of mine one told me: "If you want a girl to like you, use cheesy pickup lines." That didn't really work for me.

Apparently all the girls I talk to are lactose intolerant.

People who don't eat cheese because they are lactose intolerant…

…need to learn to be more accepting of different cultures

A man is talking to a woman and he asks for a fun fact about her. she tells him "I am missing all my toes". the man says, "I'm sorry but I can't date you". The woman asks why and the man responds:

I am lactose intolerant.

What do they call the side effects of lactose intolerance in France?

Smelly derriere (dairy air)

I'm lactose intolerant and…

Last night, I decided to have ice cream, just for s**....