Labour Jokes

61 labour jokes and hilarious labour puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about labour that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Labour jokes are funny stories and one-liners related to all topics involving work, from small tasks to labour unions, birth and parenting to jokes about the joys and hardships of pregnancy and labour. Find some of the best and funniest labour jokes to make light of, and laugh about the daily grind of work, productivity and child labour.

Funniest Labour Short Jokes

Short labour jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The labour humour may include short labor jokes also.

  1. A woman in labour suddenly shouts out "wouldn't, couldn't, didn't, can't" "Don't worry", the doctor replies, "they're just contractions".
  2. A man calls the hospital and yells that her wife is in labour... The nurse tells him to calm down and asks "Is this her first child?" to which the man replies "NO THIS IS HER HUSBAND!"
  3. When I was younger I couldn't afford a house. But after years of hard labour and pain, I still can't. But my boss has five.
  4. I went for an interview for a labouring job The boss said starting pay is £60 a day, and after six months it goes up to £80. When do you want to start?
    I said in 6 months
  5. An old man told me unpaid labour is the best kind of work there is. But honestly, it makes no cents.
  6. *Me to my wife in labour* Me: What's wrong honey?
    Her: These contractions are killing me!
    Me: Oh I'm sorry, what is wrong honey?
  7. A woman in labour suddenly shouted "Shouldn't, Wouldn't, Couldn't, Didn't, Shan't, Won't, Can't" "Don't worry", said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
  8. I called up the doctor and said, "Doctor, my wife is going into labour and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do?" Is this her first child?" he asked.
    "No, this is her husband."
  9. I adopted a child from overseas... I adopted a child from overseas.
    To prevent him from working child-labour factories.
    And on his very first birthday, we took him to build a bear workshop.
  10. During his wife's labour, the nurse came up to them and said, "How about Epidural Anaesthesia?" Dave said, "Thanks, but we've already picked a name."

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Labour One Liners

Which labour one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with labour? I can suggest the ones about labor and delivery and toil.

  1. OP is in labour. Still can't deliver.
  2. Teen pregnancy? More like *child labour*
  3. I can't understand what the fuss is about the Labour manifesto! I'd give it full Marx.
  4. What do you call a group of Mexicans doing work? Manuel labour.
  5. What do you call a dog working as a door salesman? A labour-ador
  6. What is another name for a birth day? Labour day!
  7. My wife just went into labour... I think I'm gonna have a mid wife crisis.
  8. What Kind Of Food Does The Labour Party Eat? Unions...
  9. What do females and capitalists have in common? They both exploit the labour of men.
  10. What is the similarity between child labour and birds? They're both cheap.
  11. Why does Theresa May not have children? She's never wanted to be in Labour
  12. I'm strongly opposed to child labour Because children really lack a sense of quality
  13. Your mum is so fat.. That she eats the fruits of her labour.
  14. Germans: Why you don't work on the 1st of Mai - Labour Day Arbeit macht Frei

Child Labour Jokes

Here is a list of funny child labour jokes and even better child labour puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I called the doctor and said, Hurry! My wife's going into labour! What must I do? The doctor said, is this her first child?
    I said, no, this is her husband!
  • It's disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL c**...! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with! Yep, child labour.

Labour Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny labour day jokes and even better labour day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • UK ELECTIONS UPDATE It's post election fever in the UK.
    And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
    They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂
  • 12 days of Labour Why does Jeremy Corbyn enjoy advent calendars?
    Because it is the only time he will open the door to Number 10.
Labour joke, 12 days of Labour

Labour Party Jokes

Here is a list of funny labour party jokes and even better labour party puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As a Brit, I'm sick of all this Labour and Conserative party arguing... ...We all know there ain't no party like an S Club party.
  • Why are the Labour Party MPs anti Semitic? They stand for the many, not the privileged Jew.

Labour Union Jokes

Here is a list of funny labour union jokes and even better labour union puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • is this the beginning of a union? cause I'm feeling a rigidity in my labour market baby ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Labour And Delivery Jokes

Here is a list of funny labour and delivery jokes and even better labour and delivery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Dave's wife is pregnant Dave: Push!
    Wife: [in labour] I AM
    Dave: push harder!!
    Wife: I CAN'T
    Dave: oh my bad [opens door to delivery room] it says pull
Labour joke, Dave's wife is pregnant

Comical Labour Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about labour you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean working jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make labour pranks.

Manual labour

My mate pointed out the window and said, "Is that your wife mowing the lawn out there?"
"Yeah, she never stops," I replied
"Call me old fashioned if you want, but I hate to see a woman doing manual labour."
"Me too," I replied, as I closed the curtains

A woman is going through labour...

...but there is a b**... and her car isn't working. Her husband attempts to deliver the baby. Their young daughter is asked to hold a torch so that her father can see.
After a long and stressful procedure, the baby boy is born. The man spanks the newly born child and the baby starts crying. The mother asks the daughter about what she just saw.
"s**... him again, he shouldn't of crawled up there in the first place."

So a goat wakes up a farmer screaming "I'm going into labour!"

The farmer replies: "are you kidding?"

Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?

Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"

How many babies does it take to paint a house?

None. The minimum age for physical labour in most places is 13-15 and babies would not be allowed to use the paint

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out.

A mother of twins went into labour and passed out. She woke up hours later to find her (not so bright) sister carrying her twins. Nervously the new mother asked her sister whether the children has been named. To which the sister replied yes. The new mother shocked and scared then asked the sister what she named the children to which she replied she named the niece Denise. The mother feeling a little better then asked what she had name the boy to which she replied Denephew.

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"
The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

Entry level position available!

3 years forklift experience required
5 years general labour required
Class 5 drivers license required
2 years kitchen experience required
4 years retail services required
2 years hospitality services required
4 years janitorial services required
3 years business degree preferred
5 years relevant experience required
$11 an hour to start(with 20¢ raise for every year of employment)
That's it. The joke is the current hiring system of the world.

Many countries make prisoners do labour that's of no use to anyone.

In Britain, prisoners would climb a treadwheel that turned a fan.
In Russia, prisoners would break rocks in the Siberian wasteland.
And in Germany, prisoners are forced to fit the blinkers to BMW cars.

A husband's wife is going into labour, so he decides to call 911...

Operator: 911 what's your emergency?
Responder: My wife's going into labour, I don't know what to do.
Operator: Is this her first born?
Responder: No this is her husband.

How does Theresa May change a Lightbulb?

She doesn't. She says Labour already s**... it up.

My wife was going into labour

Frantically I asked her what I should do, and she told me to call her an ambulance.
So I said, You are an ambulance

[UK] How do you induce labour?

Go back to December 2019 and hope everyone votes for Jeremy Corbyn

During labour, a nurse came up to me and my wife & said, 'How about Epidural anesthesia?'

I was like, 'Thanks, but I already picked a name.'

It's only natural

My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push.
She gave it everything she had, until a f**..., that from sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was mortified.
"Don't worry," i said, patting her head. "I've heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth. Isn't that right nurse?"
"Yes," said the nurse gagging, "But it's usually the mother not the father!.."

Mom I think I'm adopted!

Mom: No you're not Nathan! Why would you say such a thing!?
Nathan: Well, I've just got the results back from a DNA test that I did and it says I've got no living relatives?!
Mom: This is nonsense, let's show this to your dad…
Dad *walks in*: Well of course he's not our son, don't you remember the first night in the labour ward after you gave birth… you asked me to change him because he was crying so much? I think I picked a good one don't you?

An expectant father wants to call the local hospital to ask about his wife, who's in labour...

But in his haste, he accidentally calls the local cricket ground instead.
He asks about the situation, and the shock almost kills him.
"All is well, we've already got 3 out, there's another 7 to go, and we're hoping to be finished by lunchtime. Last one out was a duck."
(This one will make more sense to English readers, but enjoy it anyway!)

Labour joke, An expectant father wants to call the local hospital to ask about his wife, who's in labour...

jokes about labour