Labor Jokes
130 labor jokes and hilarious labor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about labor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article offers a selection of funny jokes about labor, including jokes about child labor, pregnancy labor, manual labor, union labor, and Labor Day. Laugh at stories involving hospitals and months as an expectant mother, and as a worker.
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Funniest Labor Short Jokes
Short labor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The labor humour may include short labour jokes also.
- My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, What's wrong? . She screamed. These contractions are going to kill me! I am sorry, honey, I replied. What is wrong?
- What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant? an imPASTA!
- The people who write instructions for places like IKEA must be in good shape. All that manual labor
- A woman in labor yells... "CAN'T! DIDN'T! SHOULDN'T!"
Her doctor says "Wow, these contractions are coming fast." - A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"
The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"
He says, "No! This is her husband!" - America is in the labor room right now... Within 24 hours we will know if it's a boy or a girl.
- Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor. I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.
- How did the Halloween store stay open during the labor shortage? They operated with a skeleton crew.
- What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses? They have a mid-wife crisis.
- In Labor I remember when my wife was in labor and the nurse came in and said How about Epidural anesthesia? I said That's a great idea but no thanks...We already picked out a name!
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Labor One Liners
Which labor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with labor? I can suggest the ones about worker and toil.
- To all the women who gave birth today… Happy Labor Day!
- My friend is so rich He thought Manual labor was a Spanish musician
- What did the pregnant orange see after 9 months? The fruits of her labor.
- My wife was in labor for so long... It felt like a maternity
- How do you make tear-free soap? Don't use child labor.
- I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor.. But I messed up the delivery.
- I wish labor day was 9 months after spring break
- They say having a kid is a lot of work But having twins is labor-intensive
- My wife went into labor while we were camping. It was in tents.
- A maternity ward was overflowing one national holiday It was Labor day
- What is the most confusing holiday in Detroit? Labor Day.
- How do you know if a baby is ready for work? It goes into labor.
- Today Americans celebrate Labor Day By not working and expecting to get paid for it.
- Tomorrow: The best labor saving device of today.
- You know what? I love manual labor. In fact, I could watch it all day.
Labor Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny labor day jokes and even better labor day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day
- On the day I was born, my mom went into labor, but the assistant was nowhere to be found. She had a midwife crisis.
- What did children used to celebrate on thei r date of birth when Industrial Revolution took place? Labor day.
- Why didn't Jason wear his hockey mask for Halloween? Because you don't wear white after Labor Day.
- What is the day when most Babies are born? Well, I was always told it's Labor Day.
- I am a labor and currently loving it, especially on the 1st day of May every year. It made May day
- I woke up, did my tax return, aced my exam, right before going into labor and giving birth It was a reproductive day.
- What's a holidays for Pregnant woman? Labor Day
- My cousin is most likely going to give birth tomorrow. I guess it really is Labor Day.
- I always suspected that Matthew McConaughey was a rebel. That suspicion was confirmed when I saw what he wore every single day after Labor Day. All white, all white, all white.
Child Labor Jokes
Here is a list of funny child labor jokes and even better child labor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I heard they're being stricter with teen pregnancies. Apparently people have problems with the child labor.
- I finally get why Santa's elves are small Most of our mass produced presents are made through child labor
- I'm thinking of starting a business will use free child labor in exchange for temporary housing. Although I don't know if I can compete with the Girl Scouts...
- Teen pregnancy is horrible... It creates child labor.
- How many child laborers does it take to make a leather jacket? Just one of you don't mind short sleeves.
- Due to controversies over child labor in China, Apple has recently had to lay off thousands of people due to loss in sales... They fired the kindergarteners and half the first grade.
- What's short, tired, and very profitable? Child labor
- A woman goes into labor with her child... Welcome to China.
Labor And Delivery Jokes
Here is a list of funny labor and delivery jokes and even better labor and delivery puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A blonde in labor walked into a pizza shop because the the delivery was free.
- Got news from my doctor about my wife in labor "It's not delivery. It's digorno."
Manual Labor Jokes
Here is a list of funny manual labor jokes and even better manual labor puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A got a job helping write an instruction booklet It's mostly manual labor.
- Manual Labor Ever heard of Manual Labor?
Yeah, he's the President of Mexico! - what's the most common name for a Mexican ? manual labor ........
Hilarious Labor Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about labor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean workers union jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make labor pranks.
A woman goes into labor with her child.
The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.
A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...
...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"
A married couple is having a baby...
As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.
The Montana Department of Employment
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter
Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"
A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor...
After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
then, another!
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"
What day do most mothers give birth?
Labor day.
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...
"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!
Kate Middleton was in labor?
I thought she was conservative...
A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....
...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:
I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about to give birth and I had to act quickly. I deeply apologize and send these front-row concert tickets for you and your wife to enjoy this tuesday evening.
So the man and his wife go to the concert tuesday evening. When they return home, they realize someone broke in and the house was burgled. And a note was left on the floor: Soo, did you like the concert?
Sorry for the terrible grammar :D
A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.
A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.
Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"
From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"
What do criminal courts in Spain call community service?
Manuel labor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of friends were named after their professions.
The artist was named Drew because thats what he did. The laborer was called Manual because thats the type of labor he did. The lawyer was called be Bill because f**... People Out of Money' takes to long to say.
My sister dropped her daughter at a nightclub last night.
She said the drinking and dancing brought the labor on.
I asked my sister why she always drops her kids at dive bars.
She shrugged, The drinking brings the labor on.
I was waiting outside the movie theater to buy some tickets, when a pregnant woman walked over and hit me in the face.
"Ow!" I yelled. "Why did you do that?!"
"Oh, so sorry." She replied. "I thought this was the punchline."
"Was that supposed to be a joke?!" I asked.
"Yep, guess I need to work on the delivery." And then she went into labor.
America has come out of labor
It's a boy.
When a woman is in labor...
When a woman is in labor and the pain is so unbearable, it is the closest she comes to understanding what it is like to be a man with the common cold.
:}
What do you get when you cross a Marxist with a Socialist?
Two people who generally feel that the value of a commodity is equal to its socially necessary labor time.
TIL why coal production has drastically slowed down within the past 10 years
It is believed the labor involved in this risky job was causing miner pain.
My wife is going into labor.
They plan for the chain to be 6 ft long.
Height matters
For example, a difference in how high the rocket flew determined the years the scientists spent in a labor camp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Amnesia
Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have s**... again.
My wife screamed in pain during labor...
"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.
"*What's wrong*!?" she screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, babe," I replied. "*What is* wrong?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An almost hysterical man calls 911...
He yells, "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor just started now, it's really intense!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.
"No d**...! It's her husband!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Im going to start a handyman business that employs i**... for odd jobs...
I'm going to call it Manuel Labor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
guy: Doctor help me, my wifi is in labor
doc: Don't panic, is this her first child ?
guy: No, this is her husband you m**...!
A mathematician and his wife in labor go into the hospital...
The wife dies while giving birth and the doctor says, "I'm so sorry, there was nothing we could have done. But now how are you going to feed your baby?" To which the mathematician replies, "don't worry, I've got the perfect formula."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny's girlfriend was in labor
Johnny's girlfriend was in labor with their first child. She was shouting out, Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.
She looked at him and said, You did this to me you *******!
He casually replied, If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, 'it'll be too painful!'.
My wife was in labor for forty seven hours. During that time she was visited by friends, families, neighbours....
So I heard
All these women-casted movie reboots
The studios behind the women-casted reboot movies must be making a fortune by cutting their labor costs by 30%
How can you tell if your English teacher has gone into labor?
Her use of contractions gets closer and closer together!
Did you hear about the woman who went into labor at the docks and had a 15lb baby?
It was a wide birth.
Goat birth is called kidding
A goat goes into labor. She screams "I'm dying!" Her husband asks "Really?" She replies "No, I'm kidding."
Dad joke while in labor and delivery
Wife is getting induced so we are currently at the hospital and while talking to the nurse she asked how many kids she had. To which she replied 3 as any seasoned Dad would do I decided to introduce a joke that had me cracking up in my head so I turn and look and say 3 kids with a frown that's an odd number. Made my day but was made to a tough crowd so came here for a better response.
A female coworker told me that men will never know how labor feels...
I said, Well, women will never know how earning equal wage will feel.
A woman went into labor and gave birth to her son in a record 2 minutes! Later that day a nurse goes to check on the new mother. She tells the mother congratulations and exclaims "I can't believe how fast he came!"
The mother replies, "Like father like son"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A judge walks out of his courtroom in Soviet Russia chuckling to himself.
Another judge stops him and says, "What's so funny?"
"I just heard this funny political joke in my courtroom." the first judge says.
"Really?" says the second judge, "Tell it to me, I want to hear it."
The first judge says, "No way. I gave the poor guy 20 years hard labor for it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL College football is actually a combination of two American pastimes
Coercive land grabbing, and exploiting unpaid black labor
Why are men always happy when their wife are in labor?
It's the most painful experience of her life and she can't make him do it.
At the laboratory, what did they name their first experimental subject?
Lab rat Tory
A musician goes into labor
To help keep her mind away from the pain and maintain her breathing, she begins counting her sheet music out loud. Her contractions gradually get stronger, when she calls out, Oh god! The triplets are coming!
One and a two and a three and a!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know the saying "to work up an appetite" originated from back when people would become hungry as the result of physical labor AND THEN consume food? Wow, the more you know!
These days, I've just been saying, "Man, I really j**... up the ability to binge-eat an entire carrot cake."
A woman on discord found herself unable to speak, except for when she went into labor
Turns out her settings were on 'push to talk'
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...
I think I've really improved the delivery!
Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...
A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"
Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" he said "What a coincidence! I work for the 3M Organization!"
Upon hearing this, the third man stood up & muttered: ''I need some air, I work for 7 up!"
I'm thinking I'm going into labor. I can't, I won't, I shouldn't've.
My contractions are getting closer together.
