JokoJokes

Labor Jokes

136 labor jokes and hilarious labor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about labor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article offers a selection of funny jokes about labor, including jokes about child labor, pregnancy labor, manual labor, union labor, and Labor Day. Laugh at stories involving hospitals and months as an expectant mother, and as a worker.

Funniest Labor Short Jokes

Short labor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The labor humour may include short labour jokes also.

  1. My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, What's wrong? . She screamed. These contractions are going to kill me! I am sorry, honey, I replied. What is wrong?
  2. What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant? an imPASTA!
  3. The people who write instructions for places like IKEA must be in good shape. All that manual labor
  4. A woman in labor suddenly shouted........ A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
    "Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
  5. A women in labor suddenly starts shouting, SHOULDN'T, WOULDN'T, COULDN'T, CAN'T Don't worry, said the doctor.
    Those are just contractions
  6. A woman in labor yells... "CAN'T! DIDN'T! SHOULDN'T!"
    Her doctor says "Wow, these contractions are coming fast."
  7. A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"
    The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"
    He says, "No! This is her husband!"
  8. If someone tried to make me dig my own grave I would say no. They're going to kill me anyway and I'd love to die the way I lived : avoiding manual labor.
  9. America is in the labor room right now... Within 24 hours we will know if it's a boy or a girl.
  10. Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor. I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.

Share These Labor Jokes With Friends




Labor One Liners

Which labor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with labor? I can suggest the ones about working and worker.

  1. To all the women who gave birth today… Happy Labor Day!
  2. My friend is so rich He thought Manual labor was a Spanish musician
  3. What did the pregnant orange see after 9 months? The fruits of her labor.
  4. My wife was in labor for so long... It felt like a maternity
  5. How do you make tear-free soap? Don't use child labor.
  6. I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor.. But I messed up the delivery.
  7. What do French labor reforms and French citizens have in common? They'll never work.
  8. America is in labor now Soon we will know if it's a boy or a girl.
  9. I wish labor day was 9 months after spring break
  10. They say having a kid is a lot of work But having twins is labor-intensive
  11. Did you hear about the child laborers that died at the candy factory? It was Haribo.
  12. My wife went into labor while we were camping. It was in tents.
  13. A maternity ward was overflowing one national holiday It was Labor day
  14. What is the most confusing holiday in Detroit? Labor Day.
  15. How do you know if a baby is ready for work? It goes into labor.

Labor Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny labor day jokes and even better labor day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • "Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day
  • On the day I was born, my mom went into labor, but the assistant was nowhere to be found. She had a midwife crisis.
  • What did children used to celebrate on thei r date of birth when Industrial Revolution took place? Labor day.
  • Why didn't Jason wear his hockey mask for Halloween? Because you don't wear white after Labor Day.
  • Today Americans celebrate Labor Day By not working and expecting to get paid for it.
  • You know what? I love manual labor. In fact, I could watch it all day.
  • What is the day when most Babies are born? Well, I was always told it's Labor Day.
  • I am a labor and currently loving it, especially on the 1st day of May every year. It made May day
  • I woke up, did my tax return, aced my exam, right before going into labor and giving birth It was a reproductive day.
  • What's a holidays for Pregnant woman? Labor Day

Child Labor Jokes

Here is a list of funny child labor jokes and even better child labor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I called the hospital and pleaded, "Doctor! She's going into labor and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do!?" "Is this her first child?" he asked. "No, this is her husband!"
  • So I heard they're being stricter with teen pregnancies. Apparently people have problems with the child labor.
  • A Husband calls his doctor and say: My wife is going into labor what should I do? Doctor: Is this her first child?
    Husband: No, this is her husband.
  • I finally get why Santa's elves are small Most of our mass produced presents are made through child labor
  • I'm thinking of starting a business will use free child labor in exchange for temporary housing. Although I don't know if I can compete with the Girl Scouts...
  • I adopted a child from overseas to save him from labor factories. For some reason he hates it when I take him to Build-a-Bear Workshop
  • I heard Steve Jobs was a Buddhist Due to abusing child labor in asian countries, his karma was getting killed by a PC.
  • Teen pregnancy is horrible... It creates child labor.
  • How many child laborers does it take to make a leather jacket? Just one of you don't mind short sleeves.
  • Due to controversies over child labor in China, Apple has recently had to lay off thousands of people due to loss in sales... They fired the kindergarteners and half the first grade.
Labor joke, Due to controversies over child labor in China, Apple has recently had to lay off thousands of peopl

Labor And Delivery Jokes

Here is a list of funny labor and delivery jokes and even better labor and delivery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When my wife was in labor I would tell her jokes to keep her mind off the pain. She wasn't amused though. I think it was the delivery.
  • What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses? They have a mid-wife crisis.
  • A blonde in labor walked into a pizza shop because the the delivery was free.
  • Got news from my doctor about my wife in labor "It's not delivery. It's digorno."
  • While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused... **It must have been the delivery.**

Manual Labor Jokes

Here is a list of funny manual labor jokes and even better manual labor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • so dumb... I knew a guy who was so dumb, he thought manual labor was the president of Mexico.
  • A got a job helping write an instruction booklet It's mostly manual labor.
  • Manual Labor Ever heard of Manual Labor?
    Yeah, he's the President of Mexico!
  • what's the most common name for a Mexican ? manual labor ........
Labor joke, what's the most common name for a Mexican ?

Hilarious Labor Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about labor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wages jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make labor pranks.

A woman goes into labor with her child.

The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...

...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"

A married couple is having a baby...

As she is going into labor, the doctor asks the man, "would you like to take part in this new technology that allows half the pain of the pregnancy to be put on to the father." The husband accepts, and they go on with the birth. Afterwards they ask him how he felt, he replied, "I didn't feel anything I don't understand what the big deal is about this. Later that day, they find the postman dead at their house.

Woman in labor

A man is sitting with his wife in the hospital while she is in labor with his first child. While in labor, he hears her screaming, "Don't! Won't! Couldn't! Can't! Didn't!" The man then asks the doctor, "Why is she screaming those words?".
The doctor then replied, "She's having her contractions".

The Montana Department of Employment

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.

p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"

So a man and woman are getting a divorce and are in court fighting for custody of their child.

So a man and woman are getting a divorce and are in court fighting for custody of their child. The judge ask the woman why should you get the the kid and she is saying how she was in labor and held the child in her w**..... The judge says good argument now Mr. Jones your argument.. He sits there and thinks for a moment and says if you put a dollar in a coke machine is the coke yours or the machines?

A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor...

After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
then, another!
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"

A North Korean soldier runs across the DMZ and yells to the US Army "Kim Jong Un is an idiot!" and gets thrown in a labor camp for 16 years by the government.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and the other 15 for revealing a state secret.

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor...

"Push harder" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.
"Screw you" she screamed back at me.
Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!

A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.

A man parks his car on the street and goes into a shop....

...When he comes out, the car is not where he left it and apparently was stolen. So he calls the police and hopelessly goes back home. Two days later, he finds his car at his front door, with a note left in:
I am very sorry but I had to borrow your car, because my wife was in labor and about to give birth and I had to act quickly. I deeply apologize and send these front-row concert tickets for you and your wife to enjoy this tuesday evening.
So the man and his wife go to the concert tuesday evening. When they return home, they realize someone broke in and the house was burgled. And a note was left on the floor: Soo, did you like the concert?
Sorry for the terrible grammar :D

A heavily pregnant woman goes into labor in a retail store.

A crowd gathers around her as people struggle to help, or at least make her comfortable.
Panicked a man looks around and asks "Is anyone here a doctor?!"
From the crowd steps a man wearing skinny jeans and a plaid shirt, with short, neat hair and a scruffy beard. "I'm a vegan!"

A group of friends were named after their professions.

The artist was named Drew because thats what he did. The laborer was called Manual because thats the type of labor he did. The lawyer was called be Bill because f**... People Out of Money' takes to long to say.

I was waiting outside the movie theater to buy some tickets, when a pregnant woman walked over and hit me in the face.

"Ow!" I yelled. "Why did you do that?!"
"Oh, so sorry." She replied. "I thought this was the punchline."
"Was that supposed to be a joke?!" I asked.
"Yep, guess I need to work on the delivery." And then she went into labor.

When a woman is in labor...

When a woman is in labor and the pain is so unbearable, it is the closest she comes to understanding what it is like to be a man with the common cold.
:}

Height matters

For example, a difference in how high the rocket flew determined the years the scientists spent in a labor camp.

My wife screamed in pain during labor...

"What's wrong, honey?" I asked.
"*What's wrong*!?" she screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, babe," I replied. "*What is* wrong?"

An almost hysterical man calls 911...

He yells, "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her labor just started now, it's really intense!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.
"No d**...! It's her husband!"

Im going to start a handyman business that employs i**... for odd jobs...

I'm going to call it Manuel Labor.

guy: Doctor help me, my wifi is in labor

doc: Don't panic, is this her first child ?
guy: No, this is her husband you m**...!

A mathematician and his wife in labor go into the hospital...

The wife dies while giving birth and the doctor says, "I'm so sorry, there was nothing we could have done. But now how are you going to feed your baby?" To which the mathematician replies, "don't worry, I've got the perfect formula."

Johnny's girlfriend was in labor

Johnny's girlfriend was in labor with their first child. She was shouting out, Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.
She looked at him and said, You did this to me you *******!
He casually replied, If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, 'it'll be too painful!'.

My wife was in labor for forty seven hours. During that time she was visited by friends, families, neighbours....

So I heard

A woman is pregnant with twins

but because of complications during labor, she passed out for about 24 hours after the birth. When she wakes up, she asks to see her children, excited to name them.
The doctor says sure, here they are, but your brother already named them.
What? she exclaims, what did he name them?
He named the girl, Denise, said the doctor.
Hmm, she says, I guess that's ok. I like Denise. What did he name my son?
Denephew.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

All these women-casted movie reboots

The studios behind the women-casted reboot movies must be making a fortune by cutting their labor costs by 30%

My wife was in labor with our daughter

My wife was in labor with our daughter, everything was going well until she started shouting
"Shouldn't! Couldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't! Can't!".
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
"Nothing, she is just having contractions."

Dad joke while in labor and delivery

Wife is getting induced so we are currently at the hospital and while talking to the nurse she asked how many kids she had. To which she replied 3 as any seasoned Dad would do I decided to introduce a joke that had me cracking up in my head so I turn and look and say 3 kids with a frown that's an odd number. Made my day but was made to a tough crowd so came here for a better response.

God's punishment

God gave women labor pains and monthly bleeding as the punishment for the original sin. Men's punishment is to be with his wife and listen to her problems. That's why god hates homosexuals. They found a loophole in this system.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

The concerned father-to-be asked, "Doctor, what's going on?"

The doctor said, "Don't worry, those are just contractions."

A woman went into labor and gave birth to her son in a record 2 minutes! Later that day a nurse goes to check on the new mother. She tells the mother congratulations and exclaims "I can't believe how fast he came!"

The mother replies, "Like father like son"

If I saw my son playing with a Barbie I'd slap it out of his hands.

Because they are manufactured in China and I can't support products that are offshoring labor to a country with numerous human rights violations. Not to mention, that's super gay.

Did you hear about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, "Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"?

She was having contractions.

TIL College football is actually a combination of two American pastimes

Coercive land grabbing, and exploiting unpaid black labor

Why are men always happy when their wife are in labor?

It's the most painful experience of her life and she can't make him do it.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

Don't worry! The doctor said. They're just contractions.

At the laboratory, what did they name their first experimental subject?

Lab rat Tory

A musician goes into labor

To help keep her mind away from the pain and maintain her breathing, she begins counting her sheet music out loud. Her contractions gradually get stronger, when she calls out, Oh god! The triplets are coming!
One and a two and a three and a!

A woman goes into labor with her child

The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father.
He asks if it is ok to use the new device.
The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%.
The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%.
He still feels nothing.
They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%.
The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

A Bodybuilder Enters h**...

After a full day of hard labor, he asks Satan , "Hey man, is there somewhere I can get a protein shake around here?".
Satan replies, " There's no whey in h**...!!! ".

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...

...I think I've really improved the delivery!
(True Story: Today is baby number four, and this is basically the same lame joke I told/posted when our last child was born. Dad jokes 4TW!)

A woman on discord found herself unable to speak, except for when she went into labor

Turns out her settings were on 'push to talk'

A mans wife was in labor when the doctor said...

You know, there is an experimental technology that can transfer your pain to the father, but he will feel the pain 10 times as much
The husband, seeing his wife in pain hurt him too much and said, Do it. I'm strong enough
The doctor then did it, and the man didn't feel a thing, which the doctor found odd.
Later, the couple came home, and found their mailman, on their driveway, dead.

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...
I think I've really improved the delivery!

Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...

A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"
Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" he said "What a coincidence! I work for the 3M Organization!"
Upon hearing this, the third man stood up & muttered: ''I need some air, I work for 7 up!"

A woman was in labor when she suddenly yelled, Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!

Don't worry, said the obstetrician.
* Those are just contractions. *

In Labor

I remember when my wife was in labor and the nurse came in and said How about Epidural anesthesia? I said That's a great idea but no thanks...We already picked out a name!

I'm thinking I'm going into labor. I can't, I won't, I shouldn't've.

My contractions are getting closer together.

Labor joke, I'm thinking I'm going into labor. I can't, I won't, I shouldn't've.

jokes about labor