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Labor And Delivery Jokes

24 labor and delivery jokes and hilarious labor and delivery puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about labor and delivery that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Labor And Delivery Short Jokes

Short labor and delivery jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The labor and delivery humour may include short baby delivery jokes also.

  1. Once I told a joke to my wife as she was in labor. I thought I did a good job telling the joke but she told me to focus on the delivery.
  2. When my wife was in labor I would tell her jokes to keep her mind off the pain. She wasn't amused though. I think it was the delivery.
  3. What happens when a hospital runs out of labor and delivery nurses? They have a mid-wife crisis.
  4. While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused... **It must have been the delivery.**

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Labor And Delivery One Liners

Which labor and delivery one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with labor and delivery? I can suggest the ones about childbirth and giving birth.

  1. I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor.. But I messed up the delivery.
  2. A blonde in labor walked into a pizza shop because the the delivery was free.
  3. Got news from my doctor about my wife in labor "It's not delivery. It's digorno."

Charming Humor Labor And Delivery Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about labor and delivery you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean baby birth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make labor and delivery pranks.

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...
I think I've really improved the delivery!

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn't laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I've persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she's in labor with our fourth and I've finally got her laughing...

...I think I've really improved the delivery!
(True Story: Today is baby number four, and this is basically the same lame joke I told/posted when our last child was born. Dad jokes 4TW!)

I was waiting outside the movie theater to buy some tickets, when a pregnant woman walked over and hit me in the face.

"Ow!" I yelled. "Why did you do that?!"
"Oh, so sorry." She replied. "I thought this was the punchline."
"Was that supposed to be a joke?!" I asked.
"Yep, guess I need to work on the delivery." And then she went into labor.

An very obese woman goes to the ER complaining about stomach pains

The nurse checks her in and takes her vitals. She asks if she's s**... actively, the patient says No
A while later the doctor comes in to do a pelvic exam and notices a baby's head crowning. He calls for labor and delivery and exasperated, asks the woman I thought you said you weren't s**... active?!
She replies I'm not, I just lay there.

Dad joke while in labor and delivery

Wife is getting induced so we are currently at the hospital and while talking to the nurse she asked how many kids she had. To which she replied 3 as any seasoned Dad would do I decided to introduce a joke that had me cracking up in my head so I turn and look and say 3 kids with a frown that's an odd number. Made my day but was made to a tough crowd so came here for a better response.

A midwife calls a doctor

Doctor she's been in labor for 36 hours we need to do a c section.
Not so fast, says the doctor there's one more thing to try
He goes to the obviously pained mother to be and says what do you call maids in space.
After the woman gives him a blank stare the doctor says Vacuum cleaners
Upon hearing this joke the woman cringes so hard that she expels the healthy crying baby.
Releived the new mother says Thank you doctor but that's the worst joke I ever heard
The doctor smiled and said the punchline s**... but the delivery was perfect

A woman goes into labor with twins.

She all alone, no husband, but excited to meet her son and daughter. Unfortunately, she has a massive s**... during delivery and falls into a coma*.
She wakes up, miraculously, five years later! She has a million questions: are her babies ok? Who has them? How long has it been?! When she learns her brother took guardianship of her children, she's instantly worried. Her brother is an IDIOT! What kind of mess has he made with them?! God, what did he even name them?!
They bring in her kids. She tentatively asks the little girl, "What's your name?"
"Denise." The little girl offers. The woman is relieved. That's not so bad. It's actually kind of lovely. "And you?" she asks the boy.
"Denephew."

A doctor invents a machine to transfer labor pain from the mother to the father...

He asks a young couple having their first baby if they'd like to test it. They agree and hook the husband up to the machine. The doctor starts it at. 10%. The guy says he's fine. They crank it up to 40%. The wife is having significant relief, so the husband says crank it up to 80%."I don't know what women are complaining about, this is a breeze."
After a very easy delivery, the couple arrives home the next day to find the mailman dead on their doorstep.

A woman pregnant with twins goes into labor unexpectedly.

Her brother drove her to the hospital, since her husband was away on business. It was a very risky delivery, and the doctors had to put her under during the procedure.
The woman woke up and immediately asked, "Are my babies okay?"
The nurse on call said reassuringly, "Oh yes, your children were born healthy, a boy and a girl. However -- your brother had to name them because we needed to get the birth certificates filled out."
Nervously, she asked, "What did he name my daughter?"
"Denise," the nurse replied.
Relieved, the woman said, "That's a lovely name! I was worried he'd come up with something truly awful. And my son?"
"Denephew."

The Lantern

Deep in the back woods of Letcher County, Kentucky a h**...'s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
As there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here..You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!" Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa, there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern
down - I think there's another one coming!" Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
"Keep holding that lantern up - don't set it down! There's another one!!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby. "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The h**... scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You
reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"

Childbirth: Special Delivery

A woman goes to a hospital with her husband to give birth because she is going into labor. When she arrives, the doctor tells her, "Ma'm, we have a device that will transfer pain from the mother giving birth to the father. It's incredible! Would you like to use it?"
The woman agrees and they hook her up to the machine. They turn the pain transfer to 25% given to the father. Her husband says that he is not feeling anything, but the woman is feeling less pain. So, they turn it up to 50% and the husband still feels nothing. The hospital staff turn it straight up to 100% and the woman has a painless childbirth and leaves hours later with her child.
When they arrive home, the woman says to her husband, "That was great! It's incredible that we both went through without any pain." As they get out of the car, the family goes to the front door to find the mailman dead on the doorstep. *

In honor of Mother's Day ... sort of

A woman goes into labor and her husband is her birthing coach. In the delivery room, a doctor shows the two a brand new invention that allows the father to share some of the labor pains, which takes some of the pressure off of the mother. The man agrees. He begins at 20%. "No problem," he tells the doctor, so they turn it up to 40%. The man says "I don't see what the big deal is! Crank it up!" Finally they put him at 80%. The mother has a much easier labor and a gives birth to a baby boy.
Later that day, the man gets a telephone call from one of his neighbors. "It's the damndest thing," the neighbor says. "The mailman just dropped dead on your front doorstep this morning."

h**... Birth

Deep in the back woods of Eastern Kentucky, a h**...'s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, 'Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing!'
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. 'Whoa there', said the doctor, 'Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there's another one coming.'
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. 'Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!' Said the doctor.
Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby 'No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!' cried the doctor.
The r**... scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, 'You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?'

Hold this lantern . . .

In the backwoods of Appalachia, Mr. Johnson's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.
"Now don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there's yet another!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"