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Lab Week Jokes

7 lab week jokes and hilarious lab week puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lab week that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Lab Week Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good lab week joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

I work at a science lab

Last week the laughing gas chamber broke and everyone was exposed, we ended up laughing for 5 hours straight, it was hilarious.
Not funny? Well, i guess you had to be there.

A teacher tells a student "This lab is due in two fortnights"

Student: "Wow you don't come across fortnight's too often"
Teacher: "Just every two weeks"

We had an e**... in one of our chemistry labs last week.

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.
We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.
One of the substances we cannot use it for is sodium. Even though it does not react with the helium, sodium in an environment with something it can't react with actually causes it to destabilize. In the correct stoichiometric ratio (8:3), it can actually explode. The chemists have a phrase they use to remind themselves of this:
Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, He He He, goodbye.

The phone rings...

...and the lady of the house answers.
"Hello."
"May I speak with Mrs. Smith please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Smith, this is Doctor Kent at Metro Labs.
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, we also received a biopsy from another Mr. Smith as well.
We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Smith asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other one tested positive for h**.... We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Smith.
"Normally we can, but your insurance will only pay for these expensive tests once."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The insurance company recommends that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.
If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him!"

A doctor orders a custom-made wallet

A doctor performs circumcisions at the local hospital. For 12 years he has preserved the discarded foreskins in the lab. One day, he takes the foreskins to a leatherworker and asks him to make a wallet. The leatherworker looks at him skeptically but agrees.
After several weeks the doctor is informed the wallet is ready. When the doctor arrives he is quoted a price of $15,000. Shocked, the doctor asks why the wallet costs so much.
"Well," the designer explains. "When you rub it, it turns into a suitcase."

What doctors really thinking?

- This should be taken care of right away.

I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
- Welllllll, what have we here…?

He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
- Let me check your medical history.

I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
- We have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
- Let me schedule you for some tests.

I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
- I'd like to have my associate look at you.

He's going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
- I'd like to prescribe a new drug.

I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
- This may hurt a little.

Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
- This should fix you up.

The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
- I'd like to run some more tests.

I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
- There is a lot of that going around.

My God, that's the third one this week. I'd better learn something about this.

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