The Best 34 Kosher Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Kosher jokes. There are some kosher challah jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kosher spaghettos puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Kosher Jokes and Puns
News reports say a Muslim hid several Jews in a freezer at the kosher market in Paris last week
I guess the oven must have been broken
Kosher Deli
A man walks into a Kosher Deli in New York City and steps up to the counter.
"I would like zee bagel und lox please." He says in a heavy German accent.
The man pays, sits down with his food, and is clearly enjoying it. When he's done he walks up to the counter again and says, "Zat vas amazing. I can't get food like zat back home."
The guy behind the counter looks at him disapprovingly and says, "Now whose fault is that?"
I had to get rid of a friend...
I had to get rid of a friend at college this week. He did nothing but steal my hoodies and eat bacon in every class. I asked him why, and he responded "Keep your friend's clothes, and your enemy's kosher".
What do you call Kosher ice?
Iceberg
Going to take my girlfriend out on a date to a Jewish restaurant.
Hopefully it'll bring us kosher.
Benedict Cumberbatch, if we dissect his name it means "Blessed batch of cucumbers"
In other words, he is just a jar of Kosher Dill Pickles
A man invites his Jewish friend out for lunch
Upon arriving at the restaurant, his friend says "I'm not sure I can eat here. Is Burger King kosher?" The man waved his hand dismissively and says "Don't worry, it's Burger King: Have it Yahweh."
What do you call a Jewish cop?
Kosher Pork.
I told a joke to my Jewish friends about kosher food, but they didn't like it at all...
they said it was too ham-fisted.
A leading rabbi has ruled that marijuana is kosher
Now we know what kids are gonna be doing for the Jewish High Holidays...
I want to start a kosher hotdog company
And call it Anne Franks...
You can explore kosher sausages reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kosher zyklon dad jokes. There are also kosher puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?
A communion wafer
What do you call an unsweetened, kosher lemonade?
acidic juice
How do you eat a kosher meal?
You Jew it.
I can't pull my hamstring
Its not kosher
I started using kosher yeast in all my baking
Now my bread rises 3 days later
Need-a-joke: The English language is like ________, there are lots of rules and ______________.
Not sure if this is kosher here, but I need a joke for a student's speech I'm helping with, something about English and rules.
What life advice did the Jewish cannibal give to his friend?
Keep your friends close, but your enemies kosher
I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly.
It's a real breath of fresh air.
How do you make pickles kosher?
Cut the tips off.
Did you know you can't go into a Kosher kitchen if you're having an argument with dairy?
Because then you would be having beef with cheese.
I recently found out that "shlong" was Yiddish.
It made me wonder what other Kosher things my dad gave me as a child.
What do Kosher bars serve?
Juice.
If He has risen...
...does that mean Jesus isn't kosher for Passover?
What does the Jewish track coach do to the female runner?
He Kosher.
Guy demands a pound of Polish sausage
A man walks up to a counter and asks for a pound of Polish Sausage! The clerk looks at the man and says wow... you must be Polish.
The man says how dare you sir! You're a racist! Do I have to be Italian to eat Italian sausage...? Do I have to be Jewish to eat kosher beef...? Can only Germans drink German beer...?
The clerk responds well no... but this is Home Depot.
I'm like a jumbo kosher pickle
Guess you could say I'm a pretty big dill.
What do you call a truck that hauls Kosher goods?
A Semite truck.
Noah's son walks into a kosher deli and orders a sandwich.
"Sorry," said the owner. "We don't serve Ham."
Im going to open a Kosher Hotdog stand in my attic.
It's called Anne's Franks.
What do you call someone who only drinks kosher Hydrochloric Acid?
Acidic Jew
Rabbi Schwartz and Father O'Malley were at a diner enjoying lunch
Father O'Malley put down his ham and cheese sandwich and commented, This sandwich is so good! Kosher dietary restrictions made sense in ancient times, but when are you going to join the modern age and eat delicious, wholesome food like this?
Without missing a beat, Rabbi Schwartz replied, At your wedding.
Today my culinary teacher challenged us to make a food pun
She's going to have a rutebega'ning when we tell her challenging kids isn't kosher.
A German man on his first trip to America decides to see New York City.
As he's wandering around the smell of corned beef and fresh baked rye bread draws him into a Kosher deli. The man sits at the counter, eyes the menu and says, "I vood like to try ze bagel and ze lox." In a thick accent.
On his first bite he's throughly enjoying his food and pipes up to the guy behind the counter, "Zis is voonderbar! Zey do not have food like zis vere I am from."
In a heavy Brooklyn accent the guy behind the counter replies, "Now whose fault is that?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kosher halal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working kosher seder piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.