koala Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious koala puns

Girls say I'm an animal in bed.

More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.

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Koala bear and prostitute

This is the first dirty joke I ever learned.

A koala bear walks into a brothel picks out the best looking girl and heads upstairs with her.

While up there he eats her out like a madman doing things she's never even heard of.

After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.
The girl stops him and demands payment.

The bear doesn't understand. She has him look up prostitute in the dictionary, a person who trades sex for money. Still a little confused he asks what does it say about me.

Koala bear, an Australian native animal that eats bushes and leaves.

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A Koala walks into a bar...

So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs

So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of prostitute in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does sexual acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."

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Why did the koala bear get hired?

He was the most koalafied.

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A little lizard

A little lizard is walking through the jungle one day and spots a koala bear up in a tree.
"Hey, what are you doing?" asks the little lizard. Koala bear replies, "I'm getting high, come up and join me."
So the little lizard climbs the tree and shares a joint with the koala bear. Pretty soon the little lizard gets thirsty, he spots the river and says he's going to go get a drink. So the little lizard climbs down the tree, walks over to the river and as he is drinking he ends up falling in. An alligator saw this and rushes over to help the little lizard out of the water.
"What the heck are you doing?" asks the alligator.
"Well, I was getting high with the koala bear in the tree and then I got thirsty and then...."
"Whoa, wait a minute. You were getting high with a koala bear? I've got to see this." Says the alligator as he goes walking off into the jungle.
The alligator spots the koala bear in the tree and shouts up "Hey, what are you doing up there?"
The koala bear looks down and says "Shiiiiiiiiiiit, Dude, how much water did you drink?"

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A koala bear is smoking a joint...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink... The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!' So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude... How much water did you drink!?'

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So Koala was smoking in a tree...

... And he was getting really high. He'd been up there for a pretty long time, and lizard walked by. Lizard sees Koala and says "hey koala! You got enough to share? I haven't smoked in forever!"
Koala, being a pretty chill dude, says "sure man!" And lizard climbed the tree and joined him.
They'd been at it for a while when lizard suddenly gets thirsty. He heads to the river after promising to Koala that he'd return.
Once at the river, he sees crocadile. Crocadile notices that lizard is tottering around, stoned out of his mind, and says "hey lizard, you want to share?" Lizard of course refers him to koala, and proceeds to take a nap next to the river.
Crocodile walks up to Koala's tree, and shouts up to him, "Hey Koala!" Koala looks down the tree, and shouts back, "Damn Lizard! How much did you drink!"

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A Koala walks into a bar...

A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a BLT sandwich. The Koala eats the BLT sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar. The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you ate my sandwich and shot my piano player, and just where do you think you're going!?" The Koala replies, "Hey, I'm a Koala. Look it up." The frustrated bartender pulls out a dictionary from behind the bar and looks up Koala: The dictionary said "n. a marsupial that eats shoots and leaves."

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A koala goes to a brothel

So a koala goes to a brothel and does the deed with the prostitute. When they are finished, he gets up and starts to head out the door. The prostitute stops him and says "Hey! The definition of prostitute is we have sex for money!" The koala looks at her and says, "Well the definition of koala is eats bushes and leaves."

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An Australian joke...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink..

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said,

'Hey you!'

The koala looked down at him and said,

'FUCK ME! How much water did you drink!?'

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A koala bear breaks in to a prostitutes home,

And starts to perform oral sex on her. He does his thing and when he is done he jumps up and heads for the door. The prostitute stops him and demands pay. The koala bear is bewildered. So she grabs a dictionary and opens it up to prostitute. Under the heading the find "a woman or man who sells sex for money." Unfazed the koala casually thumbs back to koala and points. Under the heading they find " a bear native to Australia who eats bushes and leaves."

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Why aren't Koalas actual bears?

They don't meet the koala-fications

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Why aren't koalas actual bears?

The don't meet the koalafications

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A koala wakes up next to a prostitute....

The koala tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the protitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala refuses to pay, so the protitute says "let's look in a dictionary for the definition of prostitute". The two proceed to look up the definition to find that it is 'someone who has sex for money'. The Koala then flips a few pages back to the definition of koala, then walks out of the room. Confused, the protitute looks down at the page. The dictionary says 'Koala: An animal who eats bushes and leaves'

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Why didn't the Koala get the job?

He didn't have...


The Koala-fications.

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A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint...

when a lizard walks up and says "Hey koala what are you doing?"

The koala answers "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink.

The lizard, so stoned, leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to rescue him. When they get onto dry land, the croc asks, "What's wrong with you, lizard?"

The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a koala, and he got too stoned and fell in while taking a drink.

The croc has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the koala. When they get back to the tree, the croc looks up at the koala and says "Hey, you."

The koala looks down and says "Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?"

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Koala and Lizard get high

One day, Koala is sitting up in a tree getting stoned. Lizard is walking by underneath, and looks up and sees Koala. "Yo Koala!" he says, "What you doing man?" "Puffin tough homie!" says Koala. "Let me get some!" Says Lizard. "Come on up then man!" Says Koala. So Lizard climbs the tree, settles down next to koala, and they start an epic smoke sesh. After a little while, Lizard gets mad cottonmouth. So he says "Hey Koala, I got mad cottonmouth, I gotta get some water, I'll be back bro." Koala says "Word."

Lizard climbs down the tree, and heads towards the river. He gets there, and leans down to drink, but he's so stoned he falls in. Not being the aquatic type of lizard, he starts to panic, because he can't swim. Right when he thinks he's done for, someone comes from behind and pushes him back onto the bank. As soon as he's recovered, he turns around to thank his savior, and it's Crocodile. Lizard says "Crocodile! You saved my fucking life! Thanks homie!" Crocodile says "No problem bro. Whats your deal though? You'd never jump in here on purpose, and you're way to agile to fall, you sick or something?" Lizard says "oh dude, I'm high as a fucking kite. Koala and I just had an epic all morning smoke sesh over in that tree." Crocodile says "Oh man, this I gotta see." So he wanders over to Koala's tree, looks up and says "HEY! KOALA!" Koala looks down and says, "DUDE, how much fucking water did you drink?"

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Koala bear and a prostitute

A Koala bear decided to visit a prostitute.
They got a hotel room and got undressed.
The Koala bear went down on the prostitute for about 30 minutes and then got up and got up and headed towards the door.
The prostitute said, "Hey, what about my money!" The koala bear was confused and said. "what money?" "I'm a prostitute" she said.
The koala bear said, "So, what's that have to do with anything?" "Look up prostitute in the dictionary." She said. "It says 'has sex for money'".
"Oh yeah?" said the Koala Bear. "I'm a koala bear. Look THAT up in the dictionary. It says 'eats bushes and leaves'.

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A koala walks into a barber shop

A koala walks into a barber shop and hops up into the chair. He points to the excess fur that has grown around his ears and asks the barber, "Can eucalyptus?"

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I've always said that college students are a lot like koala bears

They sleep 22 hours a day, and 90% of them have chlamydia.

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What did the koalas say to the zookeeper after he cut their claws?

"Eucalyptus!"

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A Lizard was walking one day and happened to look up and see a Koala getting high...

So the Lizard shouts "Hey Koala, what are you doing up there?"

The Koala responds by saying "Nothing man, just smoking a joint, want to come up for a bit?"

The Lizard agrees and quickly scurries up the tree. After a few passes, he tells the Koala he's extremely thirsty and the Koala reminds him that a river isn't far from the tree they are in.

The Lizard goes down the tree and races to the river but due to him being so high, once he gets to the water he slips and falls in. A Crocodile watching him swims over and saves the little Lizard from drowning.

"What's wrong with you?" asked the Crocodile.

"Dude, I was just in a tree smoking a joint with Koala and I got so thirsty and came to get a drink but I slipped and fell in," the Lizard replies

The Crocodile decides for himself he needs to go check out the Lizard's story and goes to find the Koala. After a few moments, he sees the Koala in the tree smoking a joint just as the lizard had said.

"Hey Koala!" Crocodile shouts at the tree.

The Koala looks down at the Crocodile and says:

Shiiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?

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A koala bear and a hooker...

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed. The koala bear goes down on the hooker for three hours straight. She has multiple orgasms! After three hours he stops, gets up and puts on his little koala clothes. The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion.

"Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money." The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.

Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes. Then the hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf, grabs a dictionary and thumbs through it to "hooker." She hands it to the koala bear and it reads:

"HOOKER: person who has sex for money."

Then the koala bear turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The hooker reads:

"KOALA BEAR: Furry Mammal That Eats Bushes and Leaves."

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A koala bear was in the mood for some oral sex...

so he hired a prostitute. She took him to her room, and opened her legs, and let him go to town.

After a while, the koala bear jumped up, and started to waddle out the room.

"Honey, aren't you forgetting something?" the girl asks him.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, honey, I'm a prostitute... you know what that means, don't you?"

"No idea."

"Here, in the dictionary- Prostitute- is paid for sex."

He smiled, as he donned his hat and said- "Look up Koala Bear while your at it, honey..."

Koala Bear- Eats bush and leaves.

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A koala and a lizard smoke a joint in a tree

After they finish the joint, they both are feeling pretty lit. The lizard says "man, my cottonmouth is out of control, I need to go get a drink". He leaves to go get a drink. An alligator walks by smells the sweet scent of cannabis still lingering in the air. He sees koala up in a tree, but before he can say hi koala yells, " Holy shit! How much water did you drink?!"

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So a Lizard and a Koala sit in a tree an smoke a joint...

They are smoking, talking, simply having a good time. After about an hour, the lizard says: "Man, I'm so thirsty... I gotta go down to the river and drink some water." So he climbs down the tree and goes to the river. There an aligator is chilling in the water and shouts: "Hey Lizard, whats going on? What're you up to?"

"Hey my friend, I'm over there in the tree, smoking pot with the Koala, wanna join us?"

"Haha sure, gotta see this." goes the Aligator. So he climbs out of the water, and starts walking towards the tree. The Koala sees him, opens his eyes in amazement and says:

"Dude... How much did you drink???"

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Koala bears are smart

A koala bear picks up a prostitute and after tries to sneak out of the motel room before the prostitute wakes up. As he opens the door, the protitute wakes up and says "where do you think you're going? You haven't paid me yet". The koala is confused and refuses to pay, so the protitute says "let's look in a dictionary for the definition of prostitute". The two proceed to look up the definition to find that it is 'someone who has sex for money'. The Koala then flips a few pages back to the definition of koala, then walks out of the room. Confused, the protitute looks down at the page. The dictionary says 'Koala: A furry little animal from Australia who eats bush and leaves'

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A koala walks into a bar

A koala walks into a bar one night, slams his paw down on the table, and orders a drink. When he's done, slam goes his paw again for more. This goes on for about half an hour, and just when he was going to do it again, the barkeep told him if he was looking for a good time, there was some one in the back room who could help him, the koala decides why not and goes into the back room. There he meets a prostitute who is waiting for him. That night he has the best sex he has ever had. After the prostitute turns to the koala and says, "How about my money," the koala looked confused and the prostitute brought out a dictionary and it said...PROSTITUTE: Has sex for money.

So in response the koala turn to the definition for the koala and it says. KOALA: Eats bush and leaves.

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The Kuala and the Lizard

So this Koala is sitting in a tree smoking a spliff. Small lizard walks by and ask the Koala what he's doing. Koala says "Having a spliff man, come up and have a few puffs..."

So up the lizard goes, but after a few drags he's thirsty. Koala says "No problem little dude, just little bit down the road there's a river, go have a drink."

So off the lizard goes, but when he gets to the river he is so stoned he falls into the river onto the crocodiles nose. Crocodile squints at the lizard, says " Hey man, what's up with you, why you falling all over the place?"
Lizard says "Man you won't believe this but there's a Koala in the tree smoking a spliff, I had a few drags now I'm stoned.

Crocodile, thinks, heck I've got to go see this. So he puts the lizard down and goes to look for the Koala. Doesn't take long he finds him. So he shouts to the Koala, " Hey Koala, what you doing up there...?"

Koala looks down at him and frowns and says " Sjees dude, how much water did you drink...?!

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Why aren't Koalas actually bears?

They don't meet the koalifications.

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Why isn't a koala considered a bear?

Because it doesn't have a *koala*fication

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A koala, a bear and a panda owned tea shops...

But which one was the best?
The Koala's, as it was the most Koala-Tea.

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Why did the koala lose his job?

He wasn't koalafied enough.

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TIL that a koala is not technically considered a bear

It doesn't meet the koala-fications.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

It was dead.

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first koala.

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
I didn't want it to get lonely so I shot it.

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What are the most funny Koala jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Koala? Well, here are the best Koala dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Koala pick up lines to share with friends.

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