Knowledge Jokes

A teacher was testing her students' knowledge of words' antonyms. She asked, "What is the opposite go?" A student answered, "Stop." "Very good," the teacher replied. "What is the opposite of adamant?" Another student said, "Eveant."

It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."

Seek knowledge from cradle to the grave.

repost (pretty sure) suspiciously knowledgable wife

wife calls the husband at work. "can you send a mechanic to our house, the carburettor is flooded."
husband is taken aback and becomes suspicious. "how do you know that?" he asks.
"because the car is at the bottom of the pool".

Blonde interviews to be a policeman

A blonde goes to an interview to be a police officer. The interview goes well until the interviewer asks some general knowledge questions. She does ok on the first few, until she is asked, " who shot Abraham Lincoln?"
She tells the interviewer she doesn't know, and he tells her to go home and work on the answer. Her mom calls her later and asks how the interview went.
She tells her mom, "great, they already have me working on a case"

An Indian guy is getting a job at a call center for copy machine support

The interviewer decides to test his knowledge of mixing light vs. Mixing pigments by asking him to use green, pink, and yellow in the same sentence about his job.
He says "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'Yellow?'"

Why are circles so knowledgeable?

Because they have three hundred and sixty degrees.

A strict agnostic says to another strict agnostic...

"All knowledge is subjective."
The other strict agnostic thinks about this for a moment and responds, "Yeah, well, that's just, like, your *opinion*, man."

Was talking religion over at a Chinese restaurant with some friends when...

one friend pondered if there were any Chinese Jews.. Nobody at the table had ever heard of one so we decided to ask our server. We called him over and inquired if he knew of any any Chinese Jews.,. He looked a little perplexed and said he would go and ask his manager. He returned some minutes later declaring that to his knowledge there were no Chinese Jews.. He only knew of Orange, Pineapple and Cranberry....

My poor knowledge of Mexican food has always been my chilaquiles heel.

You didn't even have to click through to get the punchline.

[Serious] Have any animals besides humans been shown to exhibit humor in their social interactions?

Looking for anyone with specific knowledge of this. Any zoolologists out there?

I was going to write a book about my knowledge of tea..

But i decided against it since it would only be a Novel Tea.

I've always wanted to improve my knowledge of Greek Mythology....

It's been my achilles elbow for quite some time.

Why was Ben Stein the only Jew that had prior knowledge of 9/11?

Because he had clear eyes.

Knowledge is liberal

We are synonymous.
We are battalion.
We do not pardon.
We do not fail to recall.
Anticipate us.

Never stop seeking knowledge. It is how we grow as a society.

But if you do, go ahead and run for office.

Knowledge is knowing Napoleon..

... was about the average height for his time.
Wisdom is not putting Napoleon in a fruit salad.

Little Johnny

A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, "Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny knowledgeably. "It's just like with Santa Claus. I know it's really my dad."

Zwei Gin Bitte!

During World War 2, two German spies recieved an intensive training in English so they could do their job in London without causing suspicion.
To test their knowledge they enter a pub.
Spies: "Two gins, please!"
Bartender: "Dry?"
Spies (confused): "Nein, zwei!!

Polish people are really knowledgeable about politics.

Every time the news is on they keep saying "Let's see what the Poles have to say."

People say I'm well educated

I never went to actual school, but I significantly deepened my knowledge in the well.

If I'm in an electrical engineering class and gaining knowledge about electricity...

Does that make me a shock absorber?

My date just tried to show off with her Shania Twain knowledge

But that don't impress me much

The year is 1945...

The Soviet army is pushing closer to Berlin with each day. As they march closer, they start to find the concentration camps. In one of these camps, a Polish man with a limited knowledge of the Russian language is talking to Russian military officers about the camps, with assistance from a translator. As he explains, he reaches a word he doesn't know, and turns to the translator.
"How do you say civilians?"
"Acceptable casualties."

100 women walk into heaven

God greeted them and then said:
-If you've ever looked at your boyfriend's phone without his knowledge to see if he was talking to other women, take 5 steps forward
Ninety-nine of the women take the five steps forward, God then says
-Someone please get the deaf girl

The theoretical physicist had trouble getting a job...

... They could apply their knowledge.

Twitter has banned "foreign spy" as hate speech.

The acceptable term is "undocumented knowledge worker."

My medical knowledge and Spanish is pretty much the same.

Just enough to start a conversation that ends with me getting a rare disease.

My knowledge of Greek mythology is pretty average to hold an intellectual conversation about it.

You can say that it's my Achilles elbow.

A man walks into a coffee shop and asks for a latte. Having never seen the word before, he mistakenly pronounces it "la tea".

The barista replies, "Sorry, my musical knowledge only goes so fa".

Me and my brother are the keepers of all of the knowledge in the universe

We split the information 50/50 between us. Go ahead, ask me anything!!

Knowledge is knowing that Frankenstein is not the monster

SparkNotes is knowing that Frankenstein *is* the monster.

The other day my friend was telling me I didn't know what irony meant

With my knowledge as an English major, i corrected him.
Not sure what that had to do with our discussion about sarcasm

I was watching the ted bundy tapes on Netflix

When he was first arrested, the police departments from the different states got together in a hotel to have a conference and share knowledge with each other.
It was the world's first Ted Talk.

God and it's Presidents

God recently was looking for humble person, who in an unselfish way with great self-knowledge could help God on Earth make America great again.
Bush, Obama and Trump was invited and went for the job interview with God
God asks Bush: What do you believe in? Bush answers: I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation! Very well , says God. Come sit to my right.
Next, God asks Obama: What do you believe in? Obama answers: I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all. Good , says God. You shall sit to my left.
Finally, God asks Trump: What do you believe in?
Trump answers: I believe you're sitting in my chair.

A Greek philosopher's lecture on knowledge was really confusing and frustrating.

Episteme off.

I was really confused about Buddha statues and why a lot of people revered them so much, So I asked a Hinduist about them. He was very knowledgeable, and after he finished explaining he asked,

"So now does it make sense to you at all?
​
And I said "Yeah, idol makes sense to me now."

Don and his friend Eva we're exploring caves in the town of Level for our palindrome school project

Eva said there were many things they could not do in caves. Don asked her a question using his knowledge from palindrome school. Don said, Eva can I stab bats in a cave . She said no don . Don then said, Eva can I pose as aesop in a cave . She again said, no don .

My wife is a teacher.

One day I came back home and found a note of my son which stated, " Mom is teaching with laim man. "
I felt proud as she was following her passion and putting her knowledge in use.
Untill I remembered my son is dyslexic.

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!"

Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

A Donkey Was Found Dead In Front of a Church

So the priest did the reasonable thing and called the police chief.
Hey, i would like to report a donkey has been found dead in front of the church
The Chief replies: But father isn't that your specialty? You are knowledgeable on how to clean the body and prepare it for burial, right?
The priest replies: You are correct, but we like to notify the next of kin.

A man goes for an interview

The first question he faces - "What are your strengths and weaknesses?"
Man - I have a good sense of humor, but my general knowledge is weak.
Interviewer - Okay tell me joke
Man - Knock Knock
Interviewer - Who's there?
Man - The first president of The United States of America
Interviewer - The first president of The United States of America who?
Man - That I don't know

How many covid deniers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

No way to know, it's common knowledge that the number of lightbulb repairs is always over inflated so custodians can get reimbursed for lightbulbs that didn't burn out.

A college student writes a letter to his parents back home.

Dear Mom and Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. My profe$$or$ are al$o $uper cool! With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Mi$$ you guy$!
Love, Your $on
They reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, Mom and Dad

A New Strain Spreading Faster Than COVID

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.
Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a loss as to how to combat them.
These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information, and yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive."

3 blondes were standing around some tracks.

The first blonde said "look at these tracks! Do you think they're deer tracks?"
The second blonde shook her head "no, there are no hoof prints. If anything these are dog tracks".
The third blonde chuckled, "come on you two. Look at the even spacing, the consistent depth, the distance between the tracks - it's obvious they're bear tracks!"
The other two blondes looked at the third in admiration of her excellent knowledge of nature, and then all 3 were hit by a train.