Knots Jokes

36 knots jokes and hilarious knots puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knots that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Knots Short Jokes

Short knots jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knots humour may include short knot tying jokes also.

  1. How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
  2. Pretzels Two pretzels walked through a sketchy alleyway
    One was a salted
    The other was knot
  3. I just watched a knot making documentary, it was really good! Especially that ending, what a twist.
  4. My daughter made this one up Why is my hair cost money? Because I just brushed it so it's knot free!!
  5. A beekeeper said he wanted to train his hives to work with stitching and rope. I asked him if he really thought that would work, and he nodded and said May bee sew, may bee knot
  6. I don't worry about my friend whose fiancee left him at the altar I know he wants to hang himself, but he can't tie the knot.
  7. Did you hear about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? It was a knot-for-profit.
  8. What did one doughnut say to the other... look a little glazed
  9. A string walks into a bar looking really tired and dirty, disheveled and twisted and the bartender says: "Hey buddy, are you okay?" To which the string replies: "I'm a frayed knot!"
  10. One man asked another, "Do you often work with rope?" The second man replied, "I confess, I do knot."

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Knots One Liners

Which knots one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with knots? I can suggest the ones about knotty and rope knot.

  1. There are only two outcomes in a knot-tying competition. Win or loose.
  2. TIL: rope can pass through themselves Ohh wait they can knot.
  3. What do you call a tangled rope in space? Astro-knot.
  4. Why did the couple get married in Bangkok? Because they wanted to Thai the knot.
  5. The String Theory might be the answer to everything... ..but then again, it might knot.
  6. At first, I forgot how to tie my shoe Then I did knot.
  7. What do you call an Aztec Mayan snake god tied in a knot? Pretzalcoatl
  8. It's hard to believe, but pretzels are knot bread.
  9. What knot do you use to hang a man at an angle? A hypotenoose
  10. Did you hear about the new toll for tying shoes? It's knot fare
  11. I gave an annoying boy scout two ropes and asked him "Can you knot?"
  12. If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply.
  13. Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose.
  14. Earbuds. You can use them for music, but they'd rather knot.
  15. Would headphones get tangled in space? no, they would knot

Knots joke, Would headphones get tangled in space?

Comical Knots Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about knots you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean frayed knot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knots pranks.

An old sailor decides to get in uniform and hit the "red light" district, for one last good time...

He finds himself a willing "date", and after a bit of haggling, the price is settled on, and the transaction is made. After about 10 minutes, he asks the lady, "How am I doin', honey?" The p**... replies, "About 3 knots, sailor... you're not hard, you're not in, and you're not gettin' your money back."

A rope walks into a bar

He walks up and takes a seat at the bar stool and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender tells him, "Sorry we don't serve ropes around here". So the rope leaves and tries a second place. He takes a seat and once again is told that the place doesn't serve ropes. Frustrated the rope cuts himself up a bit and ties himself up in knots. The next night the rope tries at a new place. The bartender asks him "Hey you're not a rope are you?" To which the rope responds "No I'm a Frayed Knot"

I was trying to make a pun about knots...

...But I couldn't tie it together

What kind of knots only exist in space?


Retired Sailor

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake. He hires a p**... and takes her up to the room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age and asks, "How am I doing?" The p**... says, "Well, sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"How's that?" he asks. She says, "You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

If I needed to climb something and I had to choose between a rope with knots in it or some parallel boards with spaced rungs...

I'd choose the latter.

Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?

So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read
"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."
Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away

How do they tie things down on the space station?

They use astro knots.

A drunken sailor gives a h**... $200, and they proceed to a back bedroom...

After a few minutes, the sailor asks, "How'm I doin'?"
"About three knots," says the h**....
"Three knots?" asks the sailor. "Whaddya mean?"
And the h**... says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back."

What do you call an antique comb used to make braids, buns, and Celtic knots passed from generation to generation

Hair loom.

My scout friend recently passed away. He died doing what he loved

Tying knots

A teen walks into a girl scout meeting.

They're learning how to tie different types of knots.
The girl says "Can I join you?"
They reply "Can you knot?"

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

my cat ate some yarn today, we are all worried he might get sick

His stomach's in knots

I bought a book about knots...

I was hoping for an audio book, but apparently all the narrators kept getting tongue tied.

Why blond girls don't like to eat pretzels ?

Because they get mad trying to untie the knots before eating them.

Was talking to a friend about sailing

And he said today is going to be 15 knots, I replied that's probably enough to tie a boat down

What flowers do Alzheimers patients hate tying into knots ?


Why do surgeons prefer marriages?

Because they just love tying knots.

Knots joke, Why do surgeons prefer marriages?