Knot Tying Jokes
115 knot tying jokes and hilarious knot tying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knot tying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Knot Tying Short Jokes
Short knot tying jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knot tying humour may include short tying knot jokes also.
- How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
- Did you hear about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? It was a knot-for-profit.
- What did the shoelace say when I tried to tie it? Uh, like, can you knot?
*yessss my first original joke* - You need to be able do your shoelaces before you get married. Otherwise you might struggle to tie the knot.
- A teen walks into a girl scout meeting. They're learning how to tie different types of knots.
The girl says "Can I join you?"
They reply "Can you knot?" - After 5 years with my girlfriend, I decided it was time to tie the knot. Hopefully the gag stays on too and I can finally get some peace.
- I want to tie a rope into the shape of the letter Y. Why you ask?
Y knot. - A man dedicated his life to tying bits of string together. Unfortunately, it was all for knot.
- Did you hear about the two junkies that fell in love? They tied the knot.
- My friend tied the knot and has been married for 25 years now. Now he just wants the stool kicked out from under him.
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Knot Tying One Liners
Which knot tying one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with knot tying? I can suggest the ones about rope knot and frayed knot.
- There are only two outcomes in a knot-tying competition. Win or loose.
- At first, I forgot how to tie my shoe Then I did knot.
- What do you call an Aztec Mayan snake god tied in a knot? Pretzalcoatl
- Did you hear about the new toll for tying shoes? It's knot fare
- If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply.
- Can anybody else here tie pieces of string with their mind? Thought knot...
- Should you tie or stitch your loose ends? Maybe sew maybe knot!
- I was trying to make a pun about knots... ...But I couldn't tie it together
- Did you hear about the knotting championship match? They tied.
- Turns out I can only tie my shoelaces in one direction. That is knot right
- Built a robot to tie rope together... But it does knot work.
- How do you tie space shoes? With astro-knots.
- How does Cthulhu wear a tie? With an Eldritch knot.
- My scout friend recently passed away. He died doing what he loved Tying knots
- My friend: I am the best at tying strings together. Me: Know your knot!
Knot Tying Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about knot tying you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shoe tying jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knot tying pranks.
A length of rope walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and says "get out, we don't serve ropes in here!"
The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together.
Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends.
He walks back into the bar and the bartender says "hey, aren't you that rope I just kicked out?"
And the rope replied "no, I'm a frayed knot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A married man is talking to a woman and she accuses him of trying to hit on her...
He replies, "I'm knot, I'm t**...."
No Strings Allowed
Three strings were walking down the street looking for a good time. They come upon a bar and figure they'd go in for a drink. The first one stops & points out a sign to the others "No Strings Allowed". Well, the first one, not wanting to be discriminated against says "Screw this, I'm going in." As he enters the bar, the bartender shouts "HEY STRING, get out! no strings allowed in here," as he pulls out some scissors. The string slowly backs out of the bar and tells his friends. The 2nd string says, "i'm not putting up with that!" and goes in. Again, the bartender yells, this time coming out from behind the bar with his scissors "Hey! No strings allowed in here!" Seeing the large bartender coming towards him, the 2nd string turns and goes back outside. The 3rd string says, "well, i don't care, i'm getting a drink". But before he enters, the 3rd string musses his ends and ties himself up in the middle. He enters the bar and the bartender shouts again "Hey, No Strings Allowed." The 3rd string calmly says, "I'm no string". The bartender pauses and says, "you're not a string?" and was somewhat confused. The 3rd string replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
A rope walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Get out of here! We don't serve ropes here!"
So the rope heads around the block, walks up to a stranger and says "Hey, can you tie me in a knot?" Stranger shrugs and does it.
The rope hangs out a little longer, till a lady walks by and he asks "Hey, could you fray my ends a bit?" Woman thinks it's weird, but does it anyway.
So the rope goes back into the bar. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you the rope I just kicked out of here?"
"No," answers the rope. "I'm a frayed knot."
I'm really good at tying laces...
I can tie up my shoes at a rate of knots.
Ex-Wife
An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
He replied, "I wasn't."
3 pieces of string walk into a bar..
3 pieces of string walk into a bar but the barman says "sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here", so they all leave. One of the pieces of string says to his friends "Hey, that's not fair, i'm going to go ask again". So he goes in but he is immediately stopped by the barman who says "Sorry, but we don't serve pieces of string here". The piece of string leaves and tells his friends. Then one of the othere pieces of string tassels his hair and tied himself into a knot and walks in. He is then told by the barman "Go away, we don't serve pieces of string!". The piece of string replies "No, i'm afraid not!"
I could see me saying something like this...
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't. "
A rope walked into a bar...
A rope walked into a bar. The bartender said, "We don't serve your kind here! No ropes allowed!" The rope left, tied his top end, and fluffed out the fringe. He reentered the bar, and the bartender said, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just threw out?" "No," the rope said. "I'm a frayed knot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke from my 84yo patient earlier today...
When a man and a woman get married, they apply for a marriage license. When two l**... tie the knot, what do they get?
A liquor license! (read it out loud)
Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend
Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.
His wife was standing there watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we
are married I think it's time you quit golfing.
Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."
Jim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong ?"
There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.
"Ex-wife !" she screams,
"I didn't know you were married before !"
"I wasn't !"
A rope walks into a bar...
"I'll have a whiskey," he says.
The bartender eyes him, then gruffly replies, "We don't serve your kind here."
The rope leaves, dejected. He turns the corner and gets an idea. He ties himself into a knot and tussles his hair, then goes back into the bar.
"I'll take a whiskey," he tells the bartender.
Again, the bartender looks him up and down, narrows his eyes and asks, "Say, ain't you that rope that was in here a few minutes ago?"
The rope replies, "No sir, I'm a frayed knot."
So this piece of rope walks into a bar...
...and he tries to order a drink, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind roun' here!" The piece of rope walks outside, ties himself in half a couple times, rubs himself in the dirt and drags his edges. He walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey! Ain't you that same piece of rope?!" The piece of rope says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"
Two onions, male and female, knock into each other on the street...
...An affair begins. Onion romance has occurred.
They tie the knot; several months later they have a baby onion.
Father onion takes another shift to make ends meet.
Mother onion is encumbered with house work one day, much distracted.
Baby onion wanders out the open door unsupervised. It crosses the sidewalk and is hit by a car.
At the hospital mother and father onion pace up and down the hospital corridor, crying.
A team of surgeons try all night to save baby onion's life.
Towards dawn the doors to the hospital room open. A doctor walks out, sweating.
Father onion asks "well, what, how is baby onion?"
The surgeon says "well he'll live, but I'm afraid he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
Three strings walk into a bar...
and want to order a couple of beers. The first string goes up to the bartender and asks"Hey, 3 beers for my friends and I please.". The bartender replied"I don't serve your kind here.". The string goes back to the table and says"Sorry guys, he doesn't serve our kind..". Eager to get beers for him and his buddies, the second string goes up to the bartender and asks"Hey, can you get me 3 beers for my friends." He yet again replied with " Look buddy I told yer friend I don't serve your kind here!". The string comes back angry. "Still wont serve us.". The final string, fed up with being denied drinks, ties himself into a knot, and frayed the top of his head and says "watch this, I will get us beers." and walks up and says to the bartender"Hey man, can you get me three beers." The bartender says "Oh, sure coming right u- wait WAIT A MINUTE. I thought I told your buddies I DON'T SERVE YOUR KIND!". The string replies with"I'm a frayed knot."
I got a new job breaking up suicidal couples.
I'm not very good at it, two of them already tied the knot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend was dropping all these hints about tying the knot or taking the plunge...
so I tied a rock around her ankle and pushed her off the pier. She hasn't called since...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young woman has been hinting to her new boyfriend that she wants to get married...
She decides that the quickest way to force the issue would be to get pregnant. That night they go out to dinner and have several glasses of wine and afterwards she suggests they go back to her place and see where things go. So they do just that and almost right away she takes him into the bedroom and they're having crazy s**... until they're both just spent. Afterwards she says, "That was wonderful dear, what should we name the baby?". He calmly pulls off a c**..., ties it in a knot and says, "Sweetheart, if he gets out of this we'll name him Houdini!"
A string walks into a bar
A string walks into a bar and says "bartender, bartender give me a beer"
The bartender replies "We don't serve strings here"
The string walks outside messes up his hair, ties himself in a knot and walks back into the bar and says "bartender, bartender give me a beer"
The bartender asks " aren't you the same string that was just in here?"
The string replies "I'm afraid not" (a frayed knot)
A rope walks into a bar
A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender says "We don't serve your kind 'round 'ere!" and tosses him out.
The rope, really in need of a drink since his main string just left him for a lasso, ties himself in a knot over sorrow, throws himself on the ground, and rolls down the heavily inclined street, bouncing into fencing, trees, garbage cans, and a small child.
The rope, now barely recognizable, picks himself up, marches back into the bar, and demands his beverage of choice. The bartender looks up, suspiciously, and asks "Ain't you that rope I just threw outta 'ere?"
The rope retorts "No, sir, I'm a frayed knot."
Two pieces of string walk into a bar
Two pieces of string walk into a bar. One of them sits down while the other goes up to the bar and says, "two pints of Guinness, please." The barman looks the piece of string up and down and says, "Sorry, but we don't serve pieces of string here."
So the piece of string goes back to his friend and explains the situation, and the friend decides to tie himself into a knot and fray his ends. He walks up to the bar and orders two Guinness's. This time the barman starts to fill the order but halfway through he looks up and says, "Hold on a minute... You're not a piece of string are you?" To which the piece of string answers:
"No, I'm a frayed knot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A piece of string walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "We don't serve no scrawny pieces of string in here."
The piece of string leaves, goes around back, ties himself up, ruffles his hair and re-enters the bar.
The bartender says, "Say aren't you that sorry piece of string that I told to beat it?"
The string replies, "frayed knot."
Ex-Wife
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
LPT: How to tie an extremely difficult knot
Just put it in your pocket. Works like a charm with my headphones every time.
What's a sailor's favorite kind of knot?
It's a tie.
Knot Knot
Who's there?
Rope!
Rope who?
Rope Houdini use to tie himself up with!
I bought a book about knots...
I was hoping for an audio book, but apparently all the narrators kept getting tongue tied.
What type of knot do you tie in space?
An astronaut.
How do you stop an elephant going through the eye of a needle?
By tying a knot on its tail.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
**Suggestion for you**
At a formal event, roll your tie up into a little bundle right below the knot. Then ask someone, "Which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?" After they guess, let it unravel and go "It's a tie!".
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar...
A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission.
So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.
He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few moments and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in, just don't start anything."
Why did the Tie Fighters refuse to attack?
They were really Knot Fighters.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't black people commit s**...?
Because they can never tie the knot
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do n**... tie the laces on their boots?
In little knot-sies!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man just got married, but then he hanged himself. How did he do it?
He tied the knot.
I tied some rope yesterday
It was knot that interesting
Confucius say: Man who tie knot...
Soon looking for scissors.
A rope orders a drink...
But the bartender says, "We don't serve ropes here."
The rope goes outside, ties himself up, unravels one end, and goes back inside.
"Hey, aren't you that rope?" Says the bartender.
The rope shakes his head, "I'm frayed knot."
I taught my son to tie some knots the other day. He nailed them on the first try.
He's a knot-ural.
A piece of string walks into a bar...
And the bartender kicks him out while yelling "I don't serve your kind in here, string!" The string really wanted a drink though, so he bent over and rubbed his head on the ground for a bit. Then he ties himself in a bow and walks back inside. The bartender sees him and immediately starts yelling "Aren't you that same string I just kicked out?!" To which the string replies "No sir, I'm a frayed knot".
I asked my girlfriend to tie the knot
She said no, ew
What flowers do Alzheimers patients hate tying into knots ?
Forget-me-nots
A piece of string walks into a bar...
A piece of string walks into a bar, makes his way up a bar stool, and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve bits of string in here.You need to get out!" So the piece of string angrily leaves the bar and starts cursing to himself in the alley. Then he has an idea. He starts tieing himself all up and unwinds himself at the ends. He walks back into the bar, sits in the same stool and asks the same bartender for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you the same bit of string I just kicked outta here?!" and the piece of string says "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
My friend asked me if I could tie a rope...
I awnser him "No, i can knot"
Do you know what do you get when you tie a mother and father together?
Apparently not! (a parently knot)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't you love it when you get beautiful texts from someone that cares about you?
So eloquently written, it ties your stomach in knots. Writing so succinct and captivating it gets your heart pounding and racing. Using words that convey such great ideas. I got one like that one today. It read
"Ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill."
Truly powerful words. They **blew** me away
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just made love to my girlfriend
She asked, "If I get pregnant, what should we name the baby?"
I took off my c**..., tied a knot, and flushed it down the toilet.
"Well" I said, "If he can get out of that, we'll call him Houdini".
Meteorology class was cancelled due to snow today, so I stayed home to practice tying a rope.
I promised myself even if I can't go to school, I will learn weather or knot.
How does a martian tie his shoes?
Astro knots
Was talking to a friend about sailing
And he said today is going to be 15 knots, I replied that's probably enough to tie a boat down
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am a fried nut
A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all t**... and his ends frayed. So he walks back into the bar, and the bartender's like "HEY, ARE YOU THAT STRING FROM EARLIER?" And the string says "nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Dress Code
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
Ex-Wife
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex-wife! , she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't".
Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on."
I say, "When you reach the end of a toilet paper roll, open your wallet, and pull out a receipt."
Can you tie a knot?
I'm a-frayed knot
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a t**... piece of string eat?
Knot Food
A string walks into a bar..
The string takes a seat at the bar and ask the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies, "We don't serve to strings in this bar, you'll have to see yourself out."
The string, feeling dejected, walks out and stumbles upon two rugged strings in an alley. The shady looking thugs stop the string and extort him of his money. Struggling to resist the thugs; the string was ruffled and tied into a knot, left abandoned by the thieves.
The tattered string returns to the bar and seats himself, once again he asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "aren't you the same string that walked in a little while ago?"
The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
I just tied a knot
You did knot
I tried tying my shoes today...
I could knot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why womanizer exists
" A man is like a shoe laces, he goes through many holes before he ties the knot"
-KING LEO
Me and my wife got married. I proposed via Minecraft.
We tied a square knot.
Yesterday I ate 2 pieces of string
Toddy hey came out tied together.
I kid you knot.
My grandpa spent his life trying to figure out how to tie a clove hitch...
...he got close towards the end of his life but sadly it was all for knot.
Why do surgeons prefer marriages?
Because they just love tying knots.