The Best 35 Knocking Door Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Knocking Door jokes. There are some knocking door jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these knocking door puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Knocking Door Jokes and Puns

Naked painting

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."

They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.

With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having

An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy

And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'


When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully

Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"

Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."

Me: "Police identify yourself"

Trooper: "State Police"

Me: "Police"

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

A Jehovah's Witness knocks on a Jew's door.

Jew: "Can I help you?"

Witness: "Hello sir, I'm here to tell you about the great Lord Jehovah!"

Jew: "Is that what you call him? You know, we have a name for him too..."

Witness: "No way?!"

Jew: "Yahweh."

A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday

So the courier guy knocked on the door today to check if we were ok.

A man is sitting at home and a police officer knocks on his door.

The officer asks him if he is married and the man replies, "Yes I am."

He then asks him if he has a recent picture of his wife. "Sure hold on a second."

The officer looks at the picture, and in a sad voice says, "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train."

The man says, "I know, but she has a good personality and is an excellent cook."

You can explore knocking door reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean knocking door dad jokes. There are also knocking door puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM!

Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums

Had a house party last night

...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"

TodayI discovered that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween...

I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen.

I always knock on the front door of my fridge ...

Just in case there is a salad dressing.

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.

He opens it to find two policemen standing there. One policeman asks if he is married. He says, Yes, I am.

The policeman then says, I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck.

The guy replies, I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.

Knock, knock

*shouting thru door*
Just leave it outside, Thank you!

(2020 update)

Knock Knock

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Door mom.

Door mom who?

Door mom who, I've come to bargain!


There was a knock at my door.

I said, "Who is it?" and they told me that it was the police. I asked them what they wanted and they said that they wanted to investigate my property for marijuana.

I said, "I haven't got any. Now be on your way."

"Well then," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"

I said, "Because you might find the cocaine."

A policeman knocked at my door.....

I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."

I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."

A drunk walks up to a guy...

A drunk walks up to a guy. says to him, " I am God."

The guy says," Go away, you are drunk."

"I can prove it to you, if you want" said the drunk.

"O really! Then prove it."

The drunk went up to a door and knocked on it thrice, three times. The door opened, and a woman came out,

"Oh God, not you again. Go away!"

Son: Daddy, what is the difference between paranoia and schizophrenia?

Dad: Paranoia is when you go to the toilet, when your home alone, and lock the door behind you. And schizophrenia is when somebody knocks.

So a cop knocked on my door this morning.

He asked, 'sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.'

I replied, 'sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn't own a bike.'

Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.

Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.

"What do you want?" he asks.

His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be.

The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down."
"The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back."
"The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

A Nun having a bath

There is a knock at the door. "Who is it" she asks.
"Blind man" comes the reply
Thinking no harm can come from this she says "OK come in"
Guy comes in. "Nice tits" he says "Where do you want me to hang the blind"?

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer

Anyone got any more?

Literally the guy you asked for

A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.

Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.

That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?

His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" The Jehovah's Witnesses look at each other and says to the houseowner, "We don't know what to say, we've never made it this far."

A police officer knocked on my door last night.

He held up a picture and said to me, "Is this your wife?"

"Yes, that's her", I replied to him.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this" the officer said, "but it looks like she's been in a car crash".

"I know" I replied, but she has a lovely personality".

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."

"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.

"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."

Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"

"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."

"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"

"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"

The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"

A rich guy hires an out of work Mexican to do some work.

The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."

The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."

I went to a psychic and knocked on her door...

She asked who is it
So I left.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the knocking door jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working knocking door piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes