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Knocked Up Beard Jokes

4 knocked up beard jokes and hilarious knocked up beard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knocked up beard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Cheerful Fun Knocked Up Beard Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What is a good knocked up beard joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

A funny true encounter

I was spending some time alone in an isolated cabin in the Ozarks. Not a neighbor for hundreds of meters. One day at around 9 p.m. I get a knock on the door, so I go to answer it. I see a large, p**... bellied man with a huge bushy beard.
"The name's Hank. I live just a mile down the road. I see you're new around here. I'm throwing a party tonight and I thought you might like to come."
"Sure, sounds great!" I said.
"There's gonna be drinking!"
"I can drink with the best of them!"
"There's gonna be fighting!"
"Sounds like fun!"
"There's gonna be some wild s**...!"
"Sweet! What should I wear?"
"It don't matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

A homeless man knocks on a woman's door, looking for help...

"Think you could spare a few bucks? maybe some food?"
The woman thinks to herself for a few seconds, then says,
"You could do some handy work around here, I'd be glad to give you $30 if you paint my porch. There's some green paint and a brush right around the corner there, have at it."
He thanks her, and heads towards the bucket. She returns inside and resumes her knitting. After about an hour, she gets up to check on his progress, and sees no man, or a freshly painted porch. Just then, she hears a knocking again at her door, and goes to open it.
She is greeted by the same man, green paint splattered on his clothes and in his beard, a wide grin on his face.
"All done ma'am. and by the way, it's a Cadillac, not a Porche."

Alaskan retirement.

Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress,
he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from
humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and
gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and
quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks
on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Stan, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having
a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at
about 5:00."
"Great", says Jeff, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some
drinkin!"
"Not a problem" says Jeff. "After 25 years in the business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fighting' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can
handle myself pretty well .....I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Jeff, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the
way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

Peace'n quiet in Auz

Tom had been in Police work for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks thank you.'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'
'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'
'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! .
I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,'
'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.

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