Knock Knock Office Jokes
38 knock knock office jokes and hilarious knock knock office puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knock knock office that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Knock Knock Office Short Jokes
Short knock knock office jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knock knock office humour may include short office knock knock jokes also.
- Went to the optometrist office today and bumped into an old friend! I also bumped into the optometrist, the receptionist and I knocked over their sunglasses display.
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Cheeky Knock Knock Office Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about knock knock office you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knock knock business jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knock knock office pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What We Learn From the Movies:
It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
No one involved in a car chase, h**..., e**..., volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was sitting in traffic when a cop knocked on his window.
He rolled down the window and asked the officer: "Why is there such a traffic jam?"
Officer: "A group of terrorists kidnapped a few politicians and are blocking the road. They have threatened to burn the politicians alive in 1000 gallons of gasoline if they don't get a 5 million dollar ransom within the hour. I'm going from car to car collecting donations and would like to know if you'd please help."
Man: "Ok. How much are other people giving?"
Officer: "On average, about two gallons."
So a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde all work in a very small office
One day their boss Ms. White tells them, "Hey guys, I am going to knock off a little early. I'll see you tomorrow."
Well, the three ladies start talking and they all decide that since the boss wasn't around, they were going to leave too.
The red head went to meet her friends at a bar, the brunette called her boyfriend and went to a movie, but the blonde just went home.
When she got there she heard noises coming from her bedroom. She carefully peeked in and saw her boss and her husband passionately knocking the boots.
Well, she dashed out of the house as quietly as she could and went to the mall until it was her normal time to go home.
The next day Ms White told her three workers she was leaving work early again. And again the three discussed sneaking out early. The blonde said, "No way! The last time we did that, I almost got caught!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..
tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"
edited for grammar n**....
Mothman
So a man is out late at night, walking to his doctors office. He gets there and knocks on the door. The doctor comes out and asks the man why he came so late. The man responds by saying:
''Doc, i'm sorry to be bothering you at such a late hour, but I think that I may be turning into a moth!"
"A moth! You don't need to see me, you need to see a psychiatrist!" says the doctor
"Well, I was on my way, but I noticed that your light was on!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
how to get out of a speeding ticket
cop pulls me over and we start into the standard lines
officer: "do you know how fast you were going?"
me: "no in all honesty i don't, see my crack pipe slipped out of my hand and when i went to grab it my gun fell on the gas pedal then the h**... in my trunk wouldn't shut up so i had to start swerving trying to knock her out"
the officer looked at me really strange before asking me to step out of the vehicle, he hand cuffed me and sat me on the curb waiting for back up, and the drug sniffing dog. finally after all is said and done they search my car, find nothing then his commanding officer walks up to me
commander: "now son my officer here tells me you admitted to doing drugs, having a firearm, as well as a h**... in your trunk"
i look shocked then reply
me: "i bet he told you i was speeding to didn't he?"
What's going on?
A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple in a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver's seat and a young lady in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine. The officer knocks on the window and asks whats going on.
"Listening to music," the guy says.
Pointing toward the lady in the backseat, the officer asks, "And what's she doing?"
"Reading a magazine, of course."
"How old are you?" asks the officer.
"I'm 28."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in 11 minutes she'll be 18."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Driving on the highway
Ed was driving on the highway when a cop pulled him over and informed him that he'd won a $1000 safe driving award.
"So what are you going to spend the money on?" asked the cop
"I guess I'll use it to get that drivers' license." smiled Ed.
"Take no notice, officer," said Jenny in the passenger seat. "He's a real smartass when he's drunk and s**...."
Just then Ray in the back seat hissed: "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
As the cop took all this in, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said: "Are we over the border yet?"
A lawyer is working late one night. There's a knock on his door, and in walks Satan...
Satan walks in, takes a seat, and starts talking.
"I'm here to make you an offer. I will give you all the fame, success, power, and wealth that you've ever desired. You'll be the top of your field; you can even get into politics, if you want. Schools will adopt your name. Want to own an island? How about three islands? All of that, and more...
"...and the only thing I ask for in exchange is a promise from you. You promise that your soul, the soul of your wife, and the souls of your children will be mine for all eternity."
The lawyer says nothing. He stands up, scratches his chin, and wanders around the office for a few minutes, thinking. Finally he turns to Satan and says incredulously, "All right, all right, wait just a second here. What's the catch?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's this lady who works in a bank...
... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.
One day, while she's going about her daily tasks, a frog hops up onto her counter.
"I want a loan," says the frog.
"Have you filled out the application?" asks Patricia.
"No," replies the frog. "I don't need to bother with all that b**.... Just go and get your manager. I've dealt with him before, and he'll give me the loan."
"Hang on," says Patricia, "I don't see any paperwork or ID, and I don't know the first thing about you. I don't know if you're having me on, or trying to defraud the bank. What's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," says the frog.
"Now you're really having me on," says Patricia. "Get out of this bank before I call the police."
"No, seriously, go talk to your manager," says the frog. He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a Mr Bean Bobblehead. "Take this and give it to him. He'll know what it is."
Patricia reluctantly takes the toy, and walks upstairs to her manager's office. She knocks on the door, and he waves her in.
"What is it, Pattie?" He asks.
"Well, sir, there's a frog downstairs wanting a loan, but has none of the necessary documents or ID. He says he knows you, and to give you this." With that she places the bobblehead on the manager's desk.
The manager looks at it for a little while, smiles and says, "No worries, Pattie. You can go ahead and approve him up to $20,000."
"But sir!!! He has no ID or credit history with him! He didn't bring any paperwork, and won't do this by the book at all! What's going on, anyway? And what is that... toy that he made me bring to you, anyway?? What's that got to do with it?"
The manager sighs, leans forward, and says, "It's a nick-nack, Pattie Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
45th birthday
Two weeks ago was my and I wasn't feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!" and probably would have a present for me.
As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember.
The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.
I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day."Let's go!" We went to lunch.
We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable".
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake -- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
And I just sat there --on the couch -- n**....
A hearty laugh after a long time.
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.
He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.
"What are you up to here, son?"
"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's playing a game on her phone."
"Have you been drinking tonight?"
"No, sir. I'm only twenty."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."
A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door...
"Mr. Smith," The officer goes on, "as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."
So, Mr. Smith says, "alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!"
A new bishop was visiting the homes in the ward
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "revelation 3:20" on the back of the card and stuck it in the door.
The following Sunday he found that his card had been returned under his office door. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the verse, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Edit, jokes are hard when i am drinking
So a cop knocked on my door this morning.
He asked, 'sir we believe your dog has been chasing a boy up the road on his bike.'
I replied, 'sorry officer, you must have the wrong house. My dog doesn't own a bike.'
Wrong Number
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
position, the Colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass
along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want ?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook-up your telephone."
[OC] The fake Mona Lisa
So a copy of a Mona Lisa painting is in her house when a policeman knocks at the door.
The Mona Lisa opens the door and says "Yes, officer?"
The policeman replies: "You're under arrest."
"What, why?"
"Well," the policeman says, taking out a photo from a security camera of two paintings, one with a decorative golden edge and another with none at all, "two Mona Lisa paintings entered a bank yesterday, and one commited a bank robbery in which $10,000 was lost."
The Mona Lisa copy examines the photo closely. "But that can't be *me*!"
"Why?" responds the officer.
"Well, that other painting had no border - I was framed."
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and
informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
It's an Army Captain's first day as Company Commander.....
He is in his new office, unpacking his stuff and setting things up, there is a knock on the door. The new Captain wants to impress his new soldiers, so he sits down, picks up the phone, and says "Come in."
A private enters the room, the Captain holds up his finger and starts talking "Ok General, thanks for the invitation to dinner at your house. I'm excited to be here and thanks again for hand picking me to Command this unit. See you Friday night. bye."
He hangs up and looks at the private and says "Hey there, what can I do for you?"
The private says "Good morning Sir, I'm just here to hook up your phone. "
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
Two men are driving down the road....
A police officer pulls them over and approaches the car. He knocks on the window and they roll it down.
The officer says "excuse me gentlemen we are looking for two child molesters in the area."
The driver rolls the window up for a moment and converses with his passenger. After a moment he rolls the window back down.
"OK officer, we'll do it."
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
A driver was swerving all over the road...
... then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,
"Sir, please blow into this machine"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack"
"Okay, could we get a blood sample then?"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I have diabetes, and it might upset my blood sugar level"
"Okay, then just step outside your car and walk in a straight line"
"Sorry officer, I can't"
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk"
A car
A police officer stopped a car on the highway and went up to the driver. He saw the man, and said: "You've just won $1000 for wearing a seat belt! What are you going to do with your prize money?" The man thought, and said back: "Maybe go to the driving school and get my licence!" His wife told the cop: "Don't listen to him, he's a smartass when he's drunk".
All of this talking made a passenger in the back of the car wake up, and he blurted out: "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car. Why didn't you change the number plate?" A knock emerged from the trunk of the car, and the person in the trunk said: "Are we at the border yet?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is crossing a busy road
A man is crossing a busy road when he'**... by a red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow, lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry, red Lorry, yellow, lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry and finally another red lorry.
Later that day a younge police officer knocks on the door of the man's wife to inform her of the news
Wife - "officer what is it?"
Officer - "your husband was in a terrible accident"
Wife - "oh no what happened"
Officer "ma'am there's no easy way to say this"
"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
5 Minutes !
The police just knocked on my door and asked Where were you around 8.05pm last night sir?"
"Funny you should ask," I replied. "I took the wife upstairs at 8pm to make love."
"Yes officer, that's true," my wife shouted over, "But god knows where he was at five past."
A policeman pulls over a guy for speeding
The officer walks up to him and says "look buddy, its 16:50 on a Friday night and I knock off in 10 mins. I really don't want to be filling in paperwork so tell you what? Give me a good excuse for speeding away from me, and I'll let you go. The man thinks for a second and says "my wife ran off with a cop last week. I was afraid you were trying to give her back "
"Have a nice weekend, sir!"
A man is sitting at home when he gets a knock on the door from a police officer…
The officer asks the man if he is married, and the man replies yes, I am.
He then asks the man if he has a recent photograph of his wife. The man tells the officer to hold on one moment while he pulls out his phone to show him a picture of her.
The officer takes one look at the photo and tells the man I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been hit by a train...
The man says yes, I'm aware of that, But she has a great personality, makes me laugh, and it is a really excellent cook!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A police officer just knocked on my door...
and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes. Pfft, my dogs don't even own bikes, idiot.
A Cop on patrol sees a car in a deserted parking lot (Long)
So he walks over to it and sees and older man in the front seat and a skimpy dressed young woman in the back reading a book. He knocks on the door and the man rolls down the window.
"Can I help you officer?"
"What are you doing?" The cop asked.
"I am just listening to music." The cop pointed at the girl
"And her?"
"She is just reading a book." The cop is a little worried about the age difference between the pair."
"How old are you?"
"I am 45."
"And her?" The man looks at his watch.
"In 11 minutes and 23 seconds she will be 18."
Police Officer (Outside the house): Knocks on a mans door
Man (From inside the house): "Who are you?
Police Officer: "We are the police. You are requested to open the door."
Man: "Why? What do you want?"
Police Officer: "We just want to talk"
Man: "How many of you are there?
Police Officer: "There's two of us"
Man: "Perfect talk to each other"
A man in the army walks up to the General's office...
A man in the army walks up to the General's office and knocks. The General says "Come in". The man enters the office, salutes at the General, and says "Sir, I'd like you to demote me from my rank, all the soldiers make fun of me!"
"Sorry, but demotion is not something we carry out in the army, Major Failure"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blind Man
Two female privates are ordered to paint the general's office. They are warned not to get paint on their uniforms. So they lock the door, s**... off their clothes and get to work. An hour later, there's a knock at the door. "Who is it?" they ask. "Blind man." Thinking nothing of it, the privates open up. "Hi," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Celebrity m**...
Dwayne Johnson was murdered in a hotel room he was staying at. Police were called as soon as the body was discovered, and they did some investigating.
An officer knocked on the door of someone living one floor down. He asked the man who answered if he heard anything unusual above him, but he didn't know what the officer was talking about.
He was living under The Rock all this time and had no idea what was going on.
Cop on Patrol
A cop is patrolling at night and sees a car parked in lover's lane.
He knocks on the window, when it's rolled down he sees a guy in the front seat playing on his phone and a girl in the back seat reading a magazine.
The cop says What's going on here?
The guy says, nothing at all officer.
Cop says Let's see some ID, how old are you? The guy hands the cop his license and says he's 27.
The cop says, And her, how old is she?
The guy looks at his watch and says
She will be 18 in exactly 9 minutes.
