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Knock Knock Job Jokes

23 knock knock job jokes and hilarious knock knock job puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knock knock job that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Knock Knock Job Short Jokes

Short knock knock job jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knock knock job humour may include short knock knock work jokes also.

  1. TIL that the wife of one of the members of the band Chumbawumba had to take a brief hiatus from her breakdancing job while she was pregnant and nursing. She got knocked up, but she got down again.
  2. Don't knock threesomes. Having a t**... is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.

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Cheerful Fun Knock Knock Job Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about knock knock job you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knock knock office jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knock knock job pranks.

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

Two Native Americans

Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"

Job Fatality in Ireland

An Irish woman is making supper when she hears a knock on the cottage door. It's the priest and he has his hat in his hand, looking solemnly at the ground.
She's says "oh no, it's bad news isn't it father!"
"Yes, tis" says the priest.
"About my husband?? is he dead, father?" She gasps.
"There was a terrible accident at the brewery, he fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned"
"Was it a quick death, father?"
"Truth be told, he got out 3 times to pee"

Two whales are swimming along in the ocean...

When one whale spots a fishing boat. So he says to the other whale "Hey, that is the boat that harpooned Frank, we should get back at them"
The other whale says "Oh yeah? What should we do?"
"I say we both go under their boat, and blow our blowholes as hard as we can, that will knock over their boat!" And so both whales went under the boat, and with a powerful blast they were able to capsize the boat and send all the sailors into the water.
The first whale then says "Now that they are all in the water, I say we eat them!"
And the second whale replies "Woah, woah, woah. I was all for the b**... but I won't s**... any s**...".

Two out-of-work Mexicans knock on a rich guy's door - looking for odd jobs

The rich guy feels for them, so he says, "I'll give you 100 bucks to go out back and paint my porch."
The Mexicans can't believe their luck - and agree. The rich guy gives them a few gallons of paint and some brushes.
About an hour later, they knock on the door. The guy answers, and the Mexicans tell him they are done. He says, "I can't believe you're done so fast. That should have taken at least 5 hours."
One of the Mexicans says, "We are done, Senor. But I have to tell you - that wasn't no porch. That was a Mercedes."

A blonde was going door to door...

She was looking to do odd jobs and chores to make some extra money. She knocks on a door, a guy answers and she asks if he has any chores he needs done. He said "sure I need my porch painted. I'll give you $100 if you do a good job". He shows her where the paint and brushes are and she says she'll make it look great. 30 minutes later, she knocks on his door and says "I'm done" and he replies "already? I thought it would take hours". She assured him she was finished and then said "by the way, that's a Ferrari, not a porch".

An Irishman is going door to door in a suburban neighbourhood looking for work

He knocks on a ladies door and she asks him if he will paint her porch. Two hours later he knocks on her door and tells her that he's finished the job. She says "it doesn't look like you painted it" he replies " oh I painted the whole thing but I got to tell you lady it's not a porch it's a BMW"

Paint it green

A young man shows up for a job at a large house and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and gives the young man a gallon of green paint and a brush and tells him to go out back and paint the "porch green." After a few hours the young man comes back and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and the young man says, "Sir, I'm done paintin', but that aint no porch you got out back, it's a Ferrari."

Kid looking for odd jobs comes to a guys door

"Hey mister" he starts out, "I'm looking for some work for pocket money over the holidays".
Impressed by the youngster's work ethic the man says "Sure son; there's a few tins of paint in the garage. Go get them and paint the porch and I'll give you $20"
4 hours later there was a knock on the man's door by a paint spattered youth holding his hand out for payment who says "I've finished and by the way that's not a porch it's a BMW"

Painting a Church: My favourite joke

Bill, an unscrupulous painter, would often thin down his paint when hired to do a job, and pocket the money he'd save.
One day, the local church decided to do some long-awaited maintenance, and hired Bill for the job.
Bill gets to work, and after a good few hours, he's nearly done - as he stands on his scaffolding to finish off the steeple, he smiles to himself: the paint job looks pretty good, he's scammed the church out of a few hundred bucks, and he'll be done before dinner.
Suddenly, thunder ensues, a huge bolt of lightning knocks Bill right off his scaffolding, and the skies open up - and all of Bill's newly-applied paint washes right off the church.
Bill, a religious man despite his thievery, knows it's a sign from God. He falls to his knees in a puddle of rainwater and paint, and cries, "Oh God, forgive me! What should I do?"
And amongst the thunder, a booming voice: "REPAINT! REPAINT! AND THIN NO MORE!"

A farmer passing by his neighbours barn saw a strange sight inside

The farmer peered inside the barn door and there was his neighbour dancing around and taking off his clothes in front of an old John Deere. He knocks on the barn door, walks in and asks him why he's stripping and dancing in his barn. The neighbour says that him and his wife have been having trouble in the bedroom lately and that he has been going to the doctor to seek help. Still puzzled the farmer asks how this will help to which his neighbour replied Well, after the Doctor and I had a good chat he seemed to think I need to do a better job of getting her in the mood so he suggested I start with doing something s**..., to a tractor.

The Guinness Factory in Dublin Experiences a Workplace Fatality

The unhappy job of giving the news to the widow falls upon the deceased man's best friend, Gerald.
Gerald knocks on the door of his dead friend's house and Mary, the widow answers the door.
"Mary, I'm afraid there has been an accident at the factory, Tom was involved."
"My God." says Mary, "is he alright!?"
"Well, the fact is, no, he died. Drowned in one of the vats" Gerald tells Mary and she begins to cry.
"Was it at least a quick death?" Mary asked.
"As a matter of fact... no. He got out three times to pee."

A blonde was desperate for money...

so she decided to go to the richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs.
At the first house, a man answered the door and told her. 'Yeah, I have a job for you. Could you paint the porch?'
'Sure,' smiled the blonde, 'I'll do it for $100.'
'Great,' the man replied. 'You'll find the paint and stuff you need in the garage.'
The man went back into the house to his wife, who'd been listening. 'A hundred bucks! Does she know it goes all the way around the house?' asked the wife.
'Well, she must. She was standing right on it!' he said.
About 45 minutes later, the blonde knocked on the door. 'I'm all done,' she reported.
The man was amazed. You painted the whole porch?'
'Yeah,' the blonde said. 'I even had some left, so I put on two coats!'
The man reached into his wallet to pay her.
'And by the way,' said the blonde, 'that's not a Porsche. It's a Ferrari.'

Hobo paint job

A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."
So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."

A blond woman goes around a rich neighbourhood looking for work...

A blond goes around a rich neighbourhood, looking for jobs to make some quick money. She goes up to one of the houses front doors, and asks the man who answered the door if he needs any painting done. He asks if she could paint his porch. She agrees, and tells him it will cost $50 do do. The man goes back inside, and tells his wife that the woman is painting his porch for $50. The wife, surprised resonds but the porch goes all around the entire house. $50 isn't near what we should be paying to get it painted." The man dismisses this, and 15 minutes later, the woman knocks on his door, saying she is done, and even did a second coat. The man, amazed, asks her how she got done so quickly, to which she responds its not *that* big. And by the way, it's not a Porsche, it a Ferrari"

There's this lady who works in a bank...

... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.
One day, while she's going about her daily tasks, a frog hops up onto her counter.
"I want a loan," says the frog.
"Have you filled out the application?" asks Patricia.
"No," replies the frog. "I don't need to bother with all that b**.... Just go and get your manager. I've dealt with him before, and he'll give me the loan."
"Hang on," says Patricia, "I don't see any paperwork or ID, and I don't know the first thing about you. I don't know if you're having me on, or trying to defraud the bank. What's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," says the frog.
"Now you're really having me on," says Patricia. "Get out of this bank before I call the police."
"No, seriously, go talk to your manager," says the frog. He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a Mr Bean Bobblehead. "Take this and give it to him. He'll know what it is."
Patricia reluctantly takes the toy, and walks upstairs to her manager's office. She knocks on the door, and he waves her in.
"What is it, Pattie?" He asks.
"Well, sir, there's a frog downstairs wanting a loan, but has none of the necessary documents or ID. He says he knows you, and to give you this." With that she places the bobblehead on the manager's desk.
The manager looks at it for a little while, smiles and says, "No worries, Pattie. You can go ahead and approve him up to $20,000."
"But sir!!! He has no ID or credit history with him! He didn't bring any paperwork, and won't do this by the book at all! What's going on, anyway? And what is that... toy that he made me bring to you, anyway?? What's that got to do with it?"
The manager sighs, leans forward, and says, "It's a nick-nack, Pattie Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

A German, a Mexican, and a c**...

A German, a Mexican, and a c**... all come to the U.S. together eager to live the American dream. Ready to work, they go around knocking on doors asking if anyone needs help. An old man answers the door and informs them that he needs a new barn built. The three agree to do it and follow the old man behind the house.
The old man explains what he wants and leaves them to it telling them that they'll find tools in the old barn.
The German takes charge and says, "I'll design it and supervise the job." Points to the Mexican and says, "You'll do the labor and dig the foundation," and points to the c**... and says, "You'll be in charge of the supplies."
Immediately the c**... takes off. After a little while the German completes the design and the Mexican gets right to work. A little while later the foundation has been excavated and the German and the Mexican look at each other wondering where the c**... is with the supplies. About half an hour later, the Mexican climbs out of the hole and joins the German in the search for the c**....
They are look around the old barn and as they're about to round the corner, the c**... jumps out with a smile on his face and his hands flailing in the air and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

"That's no excuse not to write to your mother."

p**... and Maggy Dunn send their son, Neely, from Ireland to the United States to find a job and build a dream career. Off Neely sails on a freighter, earning his way across the Atlantic as a deckhand.
Upon arriving in the U.S., Neely sends his mam and pap a letter, explaining the glorious sights and sounds he beheld. As Neely searches for a job, his letters dwindle in frequency and, before long, cease altogether.
p**... 'n Maggie are concerned, naturally, and send their second son, Liam, to the States to find Neely and see if he was okay. Off Liam sails.
Liam is so overwhelmed by the vastness of the U.S. that he has no idea how to find his brother. So he walks up to the nearest structure, knocks on the door, and asks, "Are ye Neely Dunn?"
"Yes," comes the reply from the porta-p**..., "but I've run out of paper."
"*That's no excuse not to write to yer mother!*"

Tickle Me Elmo

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duties, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45AM, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee.
He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.
Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.
The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

So there was an abandoned church...

and few nuns get sent over to clean it up a bit and restore its former glory. As they were painting the ceiling, one of them says, "Sisters, it is VERY hot in here, and we're working so feverishly, and i really don't want to get any paint on our robes. What say you, we just s**... down, and finish this paint job in our birthday suits. This church has been abandoned for years, and even if somebody comes, we can always throw our robes back on in a second." The other nuns agree.
A few minutes later there's a knock on the door. One of the nuns looks through the mail slot and sees a man standing there. So she says "Who is it?" and the man answers "I'm the blind man."
Relieved the nun opens the door, and the man walks in and says "Nice h**.... Where do you want these blinds?"

Alaskan retirement.

Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress,
he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from
humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and
gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and
quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks
on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Stan, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having
a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at
about 5:00."
"Great", says Jeff, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some
drinkin!"
"Not a problem" says Jeff. "After 25 years in the business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fighting' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can
handle myself pretty well .....I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Jeff, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the
way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."