Knock Knock Food Jokes

13 knock knock food jokes and hilarious knock knock food puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knock knock food that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Witty Knock Knock Food Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What is a good knock knock food joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.

He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying: "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. Please, o Lord, please let this bear be a Christian!" The bear catches up to him, knocks him down on the ground, then gets on its knees and says: "Dear Lord, thank you for this food I am about to receive..."

George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she snapped again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
By this time, she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"

Another translated joke

A homeless man is very hungry and looking for food. He knocked on a door and a woman opens it.
"Do you have any food?" He asks.
"Would you like yesterday's borsch?"
"Yes please".
"Then come again tomorrow"

What is Reunion ?

Reunion is when Akhil gets up in the morning and tells his wife he is going to work.
Instead he goes to his neighbour Paul's wife to make love to her.
Her husband Paul comes and knocks on the door.
Akhil goes under the bed.
Paul enters the bedroom.
Feeling uneasy, the wife excuses herself to go to market to buy food items.
Paul takes advantage of the wife's absence to call Akhil's wife.
Akhil's wife quickly arrives and they make love.
Suddenly Paul's wife who had excused herself to go to the market turned back halfway forgetting the list of food items at home and knocks on the door.
Akhil Is Still Under The Bed.
Akhil's wife rushes to hide under the bed.

A homeless man comes to a rich man's house and knocks on the door

"Please sir," says the homeless man, "I've not eaten in the last 3 days. Would you let me come in for some food?"
The owner of the house is sympathetic and tells the man, "you can come in, if you paint the porch round back. There's a bucket of yellow paint next to it."
The homeless man agrees, and half an hour later comes to the door again.
"Finished already? Come on in then, my wife is in the kitchen cooking you up a good meal."
"Thank you, sir," replied the homeless man, "but just so you know, it's a BMW you've got, not a porche."


*What is Reunion?*
Reunion is when you get up in the morning and tell your wife you are going to work.
Instead you go to your neighbour's wife to make love to her.
Her husband comes and knocks on the door.
You go under the bed.
The husband enters the bedroom.
Feeling uneasy, the wife excuses herself to go to market to buy food items.
The husband takes advantage of the wife's absence to call your wife.
Your wife quickly arrives and they make love.
Suddenly his wife who had excused herself to go to the market turned back halfway forgetting the list of food items at home and knocks on the door.
You're still under the bed.
Your wife rushes to hide under the bed.
*This is REUNION*

A homeless man knocks on a woman's door, looking for help...

"Think you could spare a few bucks? maybe some food?"
The woman thinks to herself for a few seconds, then says,
"You could do some handy work around here, I'd be glad to give you $30 if you paint my porch. There's some green paint and a brush right around the corner there, have at it."
He thanks her, and heads towards the bucket. She returns inside and resumes her knitting. After about an hour, she gets up to check on his progress, and sees no man, or a freshly painted porch. Just then, she hears a knocking again at her door, and goes to open it.
She is greeted by the same man, green paint splattered on his clothes and in his beard, a wide grin on his face.
"All done ma'am. and by the way, it's a Cadillac, not a Porche."

USSR jokes about America

My dad told me this one was a classic when he lived in the former Soviet Union:
So as you know, Russia and America would send spies against each other frequently. All American spies were mandated to learn Russian and all Russians English.
Well so, the American spy gets dropped off in the middle of Siberia. Freezing, he goes to the nearest house and knocks.
When the owner gets to the door, the spy says, "May I please have some shelter and food?"
The owner of the house replies, "..........YOU MUST BE SPY!"
The spy immediately is baffled and attempts to cover up, "What are you talking about?!"
"No black man speaks Russian!"

Why some put angels as Christmas tree toppers.

One year, Santa procrastinated too much and had an hour to go over his naughty nice list.
He was in a cabin gaining some progress when he heard a knock on his door. "Santa, we need your help in the workshop!"
Frustrated, Santa yelled "I'm busy right now, handle it yourselves. I can't afford to be interrupted!" And slammed the door.
Not 15 minutes later another knock is heard and his agitation is climbing. He opens the door and yells "What?!"
It was Mrs. Claus and she said startled "I brought you some food."
His face tuning red, he says "I've got a half hour left to check this list, I can't be interrupted!" He then slammed the door on his wife. He then says "I swear, the next interruption I get I'll just lose it."
About 20 minutes passed when he heard a knock at the door. He stormed to the door with a burning hatred when he opened it. It was an angel holding a Christmas tree. "Hey Santa, where do you want the tree?"

Jokes from glorious motherland USSR

A man is walking along the road wearing only one boot. 'Did you lose a boot?' a passerby asks sympathetically. 'No, I found one,' the man answers happily.
What is it that doesn't knock, growl or scratch the floor? A machine made in the USSR for knocking, growling, and scratching the floor.
It is the middle of the night. There is a knock at the door. Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door. 'It's all right,' he says, coming back. 'The building's on fire.'
A shopper asks a food store clerk, 'Are you all out of meat again?' 'No, they're out of meat in the store across the way. Here we're out of fish.'
Why doesn't the Soviet Union send people to the Moon? They are afraid they won't come back.
A man fell asleep on a bus. When someone stepped on his foot, he woke with a start and applauded. 'What are you doing, citizen?' 'I was dreaming I was at a meeting.'
'What is the difference between Pravda [Truth] and Izvestia [The News]?'
'There is no truth in The News, and no news in the Truth.'

A traveling salesman...

A traveling salesman couldn't find a hotel one night.
He saw a light on a deserted road, and decided to knock on the door. It turned out to be a monastery; the monks were preparing dinner.
He was invited to join the others while the food was being prepared. They sat round in a circle; each monk would recite a number and the others would laugh. Intrigued, the salesman spoke up.
What are you guys doing?
One of the elder monks replied, We're telling jokes.
By saying numbers?
Yes. You see, we've heard the jokes so many times, we have them catalogued. We don't need to tell the whole joke; we just refer to its number. Go ahead and try.
The salesman thought for a second, and said, 78.
The monks were in hysterics. Some were doubled over with laughter, others had tears rolling down their eyes, a few were pounding the table with their fists.
When the laughter died down, the traveler asked, Can you tell me what's so funny?
We never heard that one before!

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.

"Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread."
"That's right."
"Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake."
"Well, today is his birthday."

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour.
The chicken was still keeping up.
After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane.
He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
"That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman.
"How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer.
"We've never caught one."

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