Knock Kick Jokes

16 knock kick jokes and hilarious knock kick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knock kick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Share These Knock Kick Jokes With Friends

Knock Kick Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good knock kick joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost)

...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas."
The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink. The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan."
Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China."
This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that s**... when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Sears and Roebuck."

This guy hears a knock. Opens his door and looks down, and he sees a snail.

Snail says, Hello, sir, I was wondering if -
The guy interrupts the snail and says, Get lost! and kicks the snail across the yard, and goes back inside.
Seven months later, the guy hears a knock. Open his door looks down, and sees the snail.
Snail says:
What the h**... did you do that for?

A very drunk man gets kicked out of a bar...

A very drunk man gets kicked out of a bar. He stumbles down the street and happens upon a nun walking the other direction.
Out of nowhere, he s**... punches her and knocks her to the ground. He continues to beat her up until she's unconscious.
He takes a step back, looks at her, and says, "Not so c**... now, are you batman?!"

I got kicked off my bowling team the other day

I managed to knock all the pins down on my first two turns. Then on my third turn I did it again and the leader of the team turned to me and said "Sorry, you're going to have to leave the team".
Apparently they have a three strike policy.

A drunk wandering around the alley at night...

(...) when in front of him appeared a nun, all dressed in nun clothes. The drunk then starts r**... on the nun, k**... and punching her all over. When he finished her and knocked her out with a round house kick he looked down and screamed:

vote up if My favorite snail joke

A old man is eating dinner and he hears a knock on the door. He says "GET AWAY!" he hears another knock. So he finally gets up and goes to the door and sees a snail. The Man then gets angry and kicks him across the street. 3 weeks later the man is eating dinner and hears another knock he goes to the door and the snail is there and says " What was that for?"

A guy walks into a bar...

…And says to the bartender, *knock-knock*!
The bartender says, What, is that some kind of joke?
The guy replies, Take my wife, please!
The bartender yells, I've had it!
He storms out from behind the bar and kicks the duck and talking dog.
The blonde looks up in surprise and hides behind the priest.
The bartender grabs the rabbi instead and throws him out, hitting the blind guy heading in.
The bartender hops on the horse and rides off.
A time traveler walks into a bar.

The night's winding down, and all the customers have left except for this one drunk.

Bartender: Hey man, you should get going, go back home and get some sleep.
The drunk leaves through the back door of the establishment and, as the bartender is cleaning up, comes back in through the front 10 minutes later.
Bartender: Hey man, I just kicked you out, we're closing for the night!
The drunk leaves through the back, and not five minutes after the bartender locks the front door, the drunk comes and knocks.
Bartender:d**..., didn't I just tell you-
Drunk:Hey, barkeep! How many bars do you work at anyway?

A lawyer hunting in the country shoots a duck...

...and it falls on the other side of a tall picket fence surrounding a rickety old house. As the lawyer is climbing over the fence, an old man comes scrambling out of the house yelling "That duck is on my property and it belongs to me!" The lawyer quickly retorts "I shot that duck! and if you make any move to take it from me I'll sue you for everything you own!" The old man says "Well hold on mister, down in this country we settle arguments with the old three kick rule. I kick you three times and you kick me three times until someone gives up." The lawyer, thinking he could easily take the old man, agrees. Immediately the old man kicks the lawyer once in the mouth, once in the stomach, and once in the groin, knocking him to the ground. The lawyer, after moaning for some time and still in quite a bit of pain, gets up and says "Alright old man, now it's my turn!" And the old man says "No I give up, you can have the duck."

It was all a big misunderstanding..

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
Farmer: "Some things you just can't explain."
Man: "So what happened that's so horrible?"
Farmer: "Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
Man: "OK, but that's not so bad."
Farmer: "Some things you just can't explain."
Man: " So what happened then? "
Farmer: " I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left . "
Man: "Again?"
Farmer: "Some things you just can't explain."
Man: "So, what did you do then?"
Farmer: " I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. "
Man: "And then?"
Man: "And then?"
Farmer: "Well, 1 sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
Farmer: "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the s**... cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
Man: "Hmmm..."
Farmer: "Some things you just can't explain."
Man: "So, what did you do?"
Farmer: "Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. "

Bobby buys condoms

Bobby walks into a drug store to buy condoms but couldn't find them. He tells the pharmacist "I'm going to need a dozen condoms?". The pharmacist replies "Sure thing. Big night tonight?" With a chuckle and a smile the Bobby said "Oh yeah, I'm going to take my girlfriends virginity tonight. She's a bit too immature for me but I'm still gonna pop her cherry. Might as well wear it out before I kick her to the curb". The pharmacist shakes his head and sells the boy the condoms.
Later that night, Bobby knocks on his girlfriends door and the pretty teenage girl answers. With a big hug she says, "Come, I want you to meet my family". "This is my mother and father", the young girl said. "Hello ma'am, hello sir, I was going to take your daughter to a movie and come straight back but only if I have your permission and blessing." With a big smile the girl says "Bobby, you never told me you were such a polite gentleman". Bobby sternly looked at her and said "yeah... and you never told me your dad was a pharmacist".

A knock at the door

Every day, Jim gets two six packs on the way home from work. When he gets home, he sits in his living room until they're gone. One day, just as he's getting to the end of the last beer, he hears a knock at the door. He goes to answer it, and sees a six foot tall grasshopper. Before he can say a word, the grasshopper punches him in the face as hard as he's ever been hit! Floored, he can't respond before the grasshopper leaves.
He decides he'd better be in better shape, so the next day he only gets one six pack. Just as he's finishing the last beer, he hears another knock at the door. He gets up to answer it, a bit more wary this time. Not that it does him any good. The six foot tall grasshopper is there again, and this time hits him *twice*, each one as hard as he's ever been hit! Again, the grasshopper leaves before he can do anything.
On the third day, he decides he'd better just skip his beer. He's sitting in his living room, stone cold sober, when he hears a knock at the door. He checks his peephole. It's the grasshopper. But he figures this time he hasn't been drinking and he can take him, so he opens the door. Before he can do anything, the grasshopper knocks him down and kicks him until he can't move. Again, the grasshopper leaves when it's done.
Obviously he's in bad shape after that, so he goes in to see his doctor. He describes what's been going on. The doctor nods knowingly, "Yeah, there's been a pretty n**... bug going around."

A drunkard is walking down the street...

...when a Nun, dressed in her habit, comes towards him from the other direction.
As the Nun is about to pass the drunkard, he steps back, and takes a massive swing at her head, knocking her to the ground.
Not quite done yet, the drunkard lays a couple of kicks into the Nun while she's on the floor, leaving her sobbing in the fetal position.
The drunkard, finally finished with his assault, looks down at her and says,
"Not so tough now, are you Batman!"

The Tribs

There is a land where Jewish people known as the Tribs live.
Now, there is a giant that lives in a big castle over the hill next to the Trib city, and any time the giant sees a Trib, he kicks it and sends the Trib flying across the land.
The Tribs got fed up with this, so they went to their Rabbi and told him to journey to the giant's castle to get him to stop k**... Tribs.
So the Rabbi journeys to the giants castle, musters up some courage, and knocks on the door.
A few seconds later, the giant answers, and as soon as he does, the Rabbi starts cowering in fear, but the giant just stares at him.
The Rabbi looks up and says, "Well? Aren't you going to kick me?"
To this the giant replies, "Silly Rabbi. Kicks are for Tribs."

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone.

One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?"
The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain.
One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"

A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.

His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, 
"Some things you just can't explain.
This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I t**... his left foot to a pole.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too.
As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and t**... his tail with my belt.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."

Share These Knock Kick Jokes With Friends