The Best 74 Knock Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Knock jokes. There are some knock strike jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these knock america knock knock puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Knock Jokes and Puns

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

A man and woman live in a two story house.

A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.

"Who's out there?" he asks.

A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."

"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."

He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"

"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.

"Yes."

"Do you still need that push?"

"Yes."

"Where are you?" the man asks.

"I'm over here on your swings."

This has been my stand-by joke since I was about 12

Two brothers want to go deer hunting but the only land nearby is owned by a grumpy farmer.

The decide to ask him if they can hunt on his property but when they pull up in the driveway neither brother wants to go knock on the door.

They play rock-paper-scissors and the older brother loses. He walks to the door and asks the farmer if they can go hunting.

The old farmer points to a nearby corral and says "See that horse? She's been mine for 20 years. She's blind and dying and I don't have the heart to put her down. If you do that for me, you boys can hunt on my land".

The older brother agrees and while walking back to the truck he thinks of a prank to play on his younger brother.

"I'll teach that lousy no-good farmer to say no!" he exclaims. "See that horse over there? Watch this!" He levels his rifle and shoots it! He hears gunshots next to him and looks at his brother.

"I got two of his cows" yells the younger brother, "lets get out of here!"

A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door.

She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.

"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve.

"Good for you." the woman said, and closed the door, left the towel by the door and got back in the shower. A second knock came, and she saw it was John, another friend of hers. Again she wrapped the towel around her and opened the door.

"I won the lottery!" John said, and the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. for the third time, a knock on the door came. she looked through the peephole and saw it was Tom, her blind friend. she didn't bother putting on a towel.

"What is it Tom?! This is the third time I have been interrupted while showering!"

Tom gleefully replied:
"I can see!"

jokes about knock

The wedding night

A young women marries a very rich very old man. On the wedding night they have adjoining suites. The young woman tells her husband that she loves him for his mind and that he should feel no performance pressure. If he feels up to sex to just knock on her door.
She goes to bed expecting a restful and undisturbed night but about 5 minutes later there is a knock and in comes the old man. They proceed to have fairly rambunctious sex after which the old man returns to his room. The bride settles back to go to sleep. 10 min later there is another knock at the door and in he comes again, and another round of sex. Afterward he again leaves. The young bride is very tired by now and is looking forward to a good night's sleep. 10 minutes later there is another knock at the door. She bursts out incredulously, "Again?". The old man opens the door and replies, "What? Have I been here before?"


Birth

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"

"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

The Elusive Midget Nun

Two Eskimos, a big one and a little one, walk up to the convent door. The big one nudges the little one and says, Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door.

The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big Eskimo nudges the little one and says, Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question.

The little Eskimo timidly says, May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?

The Mother Superior answers, There are no midget nuns living here.

The big Eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question.

The little Eskimo asks in a quavering voice, Well, are there any midget nuns in Alaska?

The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, I know most of the nuns in Alaska and I don't believe so.

With this the big Eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably. See, he says to the little Eskimo, I told you that you screwed a penguin!

Knock joke, The Elusive Midget Nun

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be.

The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down."
"The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back."
"The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

Where did sally go when the bomb went off?

- everywhere.

Why did sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms..

Knock knock..
Whose there?
-not sally.

Job Fatality in Ireland

An Irish woman is making supper when she hears a knock on the cottage door. It's the priest and he has his hat in his hand, looking solemnly at the ground.

She's says "oh no, it's bad news isn't it father!"

"Yes, tis" says the priest.

"About my husband?? is he dead, father?" She gasps.

"There was a terrible accident at the brewery, he fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned"

"Was it a quick death, father?"

"Truth be told, he got out 3 times to pee"

A woman hears a knock a her door...

She answers and a man is standing on her front porch.

"Hello" he says, "I'm your new neighbor. I'm obligated to inform you that I am a registered sex offender."

"This is totally unacceptable," she proclaims, "I'm calling my congressman!" And she slams the door.

A few seconds later there is another knock at the door. She opens the door and the same man is standing there.

"Hello, I'm your congressman."

You can explore knock punch reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean knock knock knock clothing dad jokes. There are also knock puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.

He opens it to find two policemen standing there. One policeman asks if he is married. He says, Yes, I am.

The policeman then says, I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck.

The guy replies, I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.

My cute younger brother's contribution.

Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Don't know, why?
Brother: To go to the ugly guy's house.
Me: Huh??
Brother: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Brother: The chicken.

When Police Knock On Your Door

Police: Knock Knock
Me: Who is it?
Police: its the Police.
Me: What do you want?
Police: We just wanna talk
Me: How many of you are there?
Police: 2
Me: Then talk to each other.

Dad: Got a good joke for you, it's a knock knock joke

Me: OK...

Dad: you have to start...

Me: OK, Knock knock

Dad: Who's there.....

Me: ΰ² _ΰ²  .... Well I don't know, IT'S YOUR JOKE!

If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)

What's this in my hand?
Behind your back?
It's soap on a a rope!
Whack whack whack!

What's this in my sock?
Tick tock, knock knock.
A large steel lock!
Chock chock chock!

What's this in my breeches?
I heard that you blab..
Snitches get stitches!
Stab stab stab!!

Knock joke, If Dr. Seuss were a convict (poem)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: It's the chicken!

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door

The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" The Jehovah's Witnesses look at each other and says to the houseowner, "We don't know what to say, we've never made it this far."


There was a knock at my door.

I said, "Who is it?" and they told me that it was the police. I asked them what they wanted and they said that they wanted to investigate my property for marijuana.

I said, "I haven't got any. Now be on your way."

"Well then," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"

I said, "Because you might find the cocaine."

A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

Do you know any jokes?

**Her:** "Do you know any jokes?"

**Me:** "No."

**Her:** "I'll teach you one."


"Knock! Knock!"

**Me:** "Who's there?"

**Her:** "Ash."


"Now ask, Ash: who?"

**Me:** "Ash: who?"

**Her:** "Please cover your mouth when you sneeze."

**Me: rekt**

Hitler is in his Bunker

One day, Hitler is in his bunker planning his strategy for the next phase of the war when there is a knock at the door. He says "enter" and Goebbels walks in.
"What is it Goebbels? Can't you see I'm busy?!" asks Hitler, clearly irritated.
"Mein Fuhrer," says Goebbels, "I have news. The Italians joined the war today."
"No problem," replies Hitler, "send a division against them."
"Mein Fuhrer, they are on our side."
"Ah," says Hitler, "then send two divisions."

I had a tough conversation with my parents

Dad: knock knock

Me: who's there?

Dad: water

Me: water who?

Dad: water you even doing with your life? I ask you this in the form of a joke because it seems this best relates to the course of your life thus far.

When interacting with police follow their instructions carefully

Me: [hears knock on door] "Who is it?"

Trooper: "State Police identify yourself."

Me: "Police identify yourself"

Trooper: "State Police"

Me: "Police"

Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is shocked to see two leprechauns standing at the threshold, hats in hand. The first leprechaun speaks, "Mother Superior, would you be having any leprechaun nuns in this convent?"

"No, my son. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent."

"And mother, do you have any leprechaun nuns in all of Ireland?"

"No my son, I don't believe there's a single leprechaun nun in the whole church!"

The first leprechaun rounds on his companion and shouts, "AH TOL' YE YOU'D BEEN FOOKIN' A PENGUIN!"

Knock joke, Mother Superior is in the convent, when she hears a knock at the door. She opens the door and is sho

I only knock up anti-vaxxers.

Better to pay 4 years of child support than 18.

I always knock on the front door of my fridge ...

Just in case there is a salad dressing.

A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke

Dog: Tell me a joke

Man: Don't be silly, you're a dog

Dog: Oh, go on

Man: You're a dog, you won't understand

Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese

Man: OK. Knock Knock

Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….


The creator of the very first knock knock joke..

Must have won a no-bell prize

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"

Stupid firemen.

Cargo Owl Joke

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

Two whales are swimming along in the ocean...

When one whale spots a fishing boat. So he says to the other whale "Hey, that is the boat that harpooned Frank, we should get back at them"

The other whale says "Oh yeah? What should we do?"

"I say we both go under their boat, and blow our blowholes as hard as we can, that will knock over their boat!" And so both whales went under the boat, and with a powerful blast they were able to capsize the boat and send all the sailors into the water.

The first whale then says "Now that they are all in the water, I say we eat them!"

And the second whale replies "Woah, woah, woah. I was all for the blow job but I won't swallow any seamen".

Naked painting

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."

They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"


Knock, knock

*shouting thru door*
Just leave it outside, Thank you!

(2020 update)

It's a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin...Sorry if it is not funny enough for you

him: Knock knock

me: Who's there?

him: A snail

me: a snail who?

him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why

I always knock before I open a fridge

Just in case there's a salad dressing

Knock Knock

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Door mom.

Door mom who?

Door mom who, I've come to bargain!

A Nun was taking a bath when there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" She asked. The voice back replies "It's the blind man, can I come in?" The Nun thinks for a moment and says "yes that's fine". The door opens and the man says.

Nice tits, where you want me to hang the blinds?

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield

The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.

"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.

The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:

"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce pause this joke for a word from our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends

My now knocked up GF just told me that she's an anti-vaxxerr

so I only have to pay for 4 years of child support instead of 18.

I always knock on the refrigerator door before I open it.

There might be a salad dressing.

Before the surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...

It was an ether/oar situation.

Late one night in the USSR there is a knock at the door.

Everyone leaps out of bed. Papa goes shakily to the door.


'It's all right,' he says, coming back. 'The building's on fire.'

You should always knock on the fridge door..

Just in case there's a salad dressing.

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic.

He said: Sure, knock yourself out!

My six year old's current favorite joke:

Him: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Him: Interrupting pirate.

Me: Interrupting pira...

Him: Arrrrrrgggh!!!

I hate those people who come and knock on my door, telling me how I have to be "saved" or else I'll "burn"

Stupid firefighters.

Knock Knock

Knock knock

Who's there?

Mary.

Mary who?

Mary Christmas!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Anna.

Anna who?

Anna happy new year!

Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit :)

So a nun is having a bath, and she hears a knock on the door...

The nun shouts "who is it?" and a voice from the other side replies "it's the blind man, can I come in?"

The nun replies "sure" and the blind man comes into the room and says "nice tits luv, where do you want to hang these blinds?"

Q:Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To visit his friend the dummy.

M: Knock knock

Y: Who's there

M: Your friend the chicken!

[My 7yo told me this one and caught me off guard...]

Two dogs are sitting in a bar. The first says, "wanna hear a joke?" The second dog says "sure!" The first dog says "knock knock." The second says...

WOOF WOOF WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!!

I read about a feudal uprising where a duke's son was killed by rebels.

They used a trebuchet to knock him off the battlements with the only available ordinance: a peasant's decapitated head.

It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.

A Nun having a bath

There is a knock at the door. "Who is it" she asks.
"Blind man" comes the reply
Thinking no harm can come from this she says "OK come in"
Guy comes in. "Nice tits" he says "Where do you want me to hang the blind"?

A time sensitive joke for you guys tomorrow..

Knock Knock




Who's there?



9/11



9/11 who?




You said you'd never forget.

Knock knock

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Cow goes.
Cow goes who?
No, Cow goes Moo!

Credit to my 7 year old daughter

My 10 y/o son told me this.

Him: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To find the idiot.
Him: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Him: The chicken...

I saw it coming with the knock knock joke but it made me laugh.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the dummies house.

Knock knock... Who's there?

A chicken.

My 6 year old nephew's favorite joke. Tells it every chance he gets.

A Knock knock joke as told by my 4year old

Him: Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
Him trying not to laugh at his own joke:Tacos!
Me: Tacos who?
Him with glee: No silly tacos don't go who they go crunch crunch!

The Kid's going places I tell ya.

My 4 year old actually got me with this one

4 y/o: "Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

4 y/o: "Interrupting cow goes"

Me: "Interrupting cow go-"

4 y/o: "MOOOOOOOO!"

From my 9 year old yesterday...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To visit the idiot...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The chicken.

Why should you knock on a refrigerator door before opening it?

In case there's a salad dressing

Knock Knock!

- Who's there?


- Doorbell repair guy.

My wife gave birth today, after she was stable and sleeping I thanked the Doctor, then sheepishly asked 'When we will be able to have sex?'

He winked at me and said 'I knock off in 10 minutes, meet me in the car park'

"Knock Knock". "Who's there?". "Little old lady". "Little old lady who?"

Ah, I didn't know you could yodel.

I went to a psychic…

I knocked on her front door
She yelled who is it?
So I left

The conscript receives a summons to the army

He is afraid, so he says to his friend:

\- Knock out all my teeth, then they won't take me into the army!

A friend knocks out his teeth, as he asks.

The next day they meet again.

A friend asks him:

\- How are you?

The conscript replies, lisping terribly:

\- Everything is great! They didn't take me, the doctor said I have flat feet!

Why should you knock before opening a refrigerator door?

Because their might be salad dressing.

Three older ladies are discussing the trials of getting older.

One says, Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away or start making a sandwich. The second lady chimes in, Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down. The third one responds, Well, I'm sure glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood. She raps her knuckles on the table, then says, That must be the door, I'll get it.

A man hires a blonde to paint his porch.

He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage.

About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she's finished.

"Wow" he says, "that was quick. Did you have enough paint?"

"Yup, enough for 2 coats!" she replies.

The man thanks and pays her. As she's leaving she turns around and says "By the way, it's not a porch. It's a Ferrari."

Disclaimer: I did not make up this joke although I wish I had.

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic before my operation...

"Go ahead," he replied. "Knock yourself out..."

I had a Jehovah witness

Knock on my door one day and asked to come in and speak with me about Jesus.

I said sure come on in, so we went to living room and sat down. And I asked, so what do you want to talk about?


And they said we're really not sure we have never made it this far before.

Jim was a man born with no arms

Knock knock
Who's there?
Not jim

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the knock dirty knock knock puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working knock actual funny knock knock piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes