Knitting Jokes

58 knitting jokes and hilarious knitting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knitting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for something to make your knitting needles and crochet hooks smile? Check out these hilarious knitting jokes! Whether you're laughing at a bad knitting pun, a confused grandma with her sleeves, or an amusing yarn, it's sure to leave you in stitches!

Quick Jump To

Funniest Knitting Short Jokes

Short knitting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knitting humour may include short sewing jokes also.

  1. A policeman spotted an elderly lady driving while knitting. "Pullover!" he screamed.
    "No, it's a scarf!" she yelled back.
  2. What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she gave him a scarf for Christmas? Gee, you knit?
  3. A police officer spotted an elderly lady knitting whilst driving "Pullover", he exclaimed.
    "No, it's a scarf", she replied.
  4. A police man spots a blond driving a car and knitting at the same time. He gets her to roll down her window.
    Pull over he yells. No silly she replies it's a scarf !
  5. What did 50 cent's grandma say to him when he gave her a hand woven scarf for mother's day? G u knit?
  6. My wife started a program to support whistle blowers by knitting them sweaters. She calls the program Snitches get Stitches
  7. What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine? An animal that knits its own sweaters.
  8. Did you hear about the nun who got addicted to knitting? She said that needles were habit forming.
  9. My Grandma Discovered an online knitting forum She was upset the other day, apparently she used the *wrong thread* and the Mods banned her.
  10. A knitted afghan can be a good accent piece that can also keep you warm... That's just a blanket statement.

Share These Knitting Jokes With Friends

Knitting One Liners

Which knitting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with knitting? I can suggest the ones about weaving and spinning.

  1. I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting Oops, wrong thread.
  2. What did 50 Cent say to his grandmother when she made him a pair of sock? Gee, you knit?
  3. What did eminem say when 50cent gave him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
  4. What did the rapper, The Game, say when 50 cent gifted him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
  5. What's a pirates favorite thing to knit? Scaaaaaarrves
  6. What did 50 Cent say to his grandma after she gave him a homemade scarf? "Gee, You Knit?"
  7. What did 50 Cent say when Lloyd Banks gave him a new sweater? Gee, you knit?
  8. What did 50 cent say to his grandmother after she made him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
  9. I just perfected the art of turning yarn into alcohol! I knit you shot.
  10. What did 50 cent say to his grandma after she crocheted him a sweater? G! You knit!
  11. What do you call a knitting snake? A nanaconda.
  12. What does Dr. Dre say to 50 cent when he gives him a sweater? Gee, you knit?
  13. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family... ... in another city!
  14. Did you here about the nun who took up knitting? She was making quite the habit of it.
  15. Learning to knit is really hard. The details are really nitty gritty.

Grandma Knitting Jokes

Here is a list of funny grandma knitting jokes and even better grandma knitting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Grandma said I she'd knit whatever I want if I pick the yarn... So I bought her some steel wool and asked her to knit me a car
  • My grandma was not allowed to bring her knitting needles on the airplane. They were worried she might knit an afghan.
  • What did 50cent say to his grandma when she gave him a knitted sweater for his birthday? G u knit!
  • I don't know why my grandma got kicked out of Knitting club... She only asked the others if they wanted to make glove
  • What did 50 cent say to his grandma when he saw her knitting? "Gee U Knit!"
  • My grandma made a sweater with glitter yarn It was pretty knit
  • What did the pirate say when his grandma asked if she could teach him to knit? Yarrrrrghn!
  • I asked my Grandma how many hobbies she has. She said 70! 69 and knitting.

Knitting A Pullover Jokes

Here is a list of funny knitting a pullover jokes and even better knitting a pullover puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • An old lady was speeding down the highway while she was knitting.
    A cop sees this and speeds up alongside her vehicle.
    "Pullover!" the cop says
    "No!" the woman replied, "They're mittens!"
Knitting joke

Bad Knitting Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad knitting jokes and even better bad knitting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have been trying knitting and i believe i am quite bad at it Oops,wrong thread
Knitting joke, I have been trying knitting and i believe i am quite bad at it

Amusing Knitting Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about knitting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean skiing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knitting pranks.

A cop is driving down the freeway when he looks over and spots a granny knitting whilst balancing the steering wheel with her knees

He pulls alongside the granny, and angrily shouts "pull over!"
The granny shouts back, "no, it's a scarf"

5 minutes

A cop drives up Lovers' Lane and sees a car parked. He walks up to the car and sees a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book, and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting, and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."


A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."

A state trooper pulled along side a speeding driver and is shocked when he sees a elderly woman behind the wheel knitting.

The trooper rolled down the window and yelled, "Pull Over!"
"No!" yelled the woman, "It's a cardigan!"

Three pregnant women were knitting tops for their soon-to-be born.

One posh one says "I'm taking vitamin A, as I want my baby to have strong bones and teeth". The other posh one says "I'm taking vitamin C, as I want my baby to have a good constitution and good heart". The chavvy one says "I'm taking Thalidomide cos I can't knit arms".

An old man found a box in his attic.

Inside were two knit bonnets and $250,000. He went to his wife and asked if she knew anything about it. She explained, "Every time I was mad at you, I'd knit a bonnet." The man was happy to find that, in 40 years of marriage, he'd only angered his wife twice. "OK, that explains the bonnets, but what about the money?" the old man asked. His wife smiled and said,"That's from selling all the bonnets I've made over the years."

A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway

Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting
The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver pull over
No! yelled the woman it's a cardigan

The last batch of s**... b**... were very tight knit.

They used to sing together, dance together, laugh together. True brethren. At the end they had a blast doing their job.

Just In Time

A cop was on night patrol driving up near lover's lookout when he noticed a parked car with a young man reading on the front seat and a young woman knitting on the back seat. He pulled over and walked up to their car. "What are you doing, Son?" the cop asked. "Reading," the young man answered. The cop shone his flashlight on the back seat. "And what is she doing?" "She's knitting," the young man answered. "How old are you?" the cop asked suspiciously. "I'm twenty one," the man answered. "And how old is she?" the cop asked. The young man looked at his watch, "In forty five minutes she'll be eighteen."

Today there's been another gruesome m**... by the killer that police have nicknamed "The knitting needles killer"

Police fear he may be working to a pattern

Did you hear about the scarf that Eva Braun knitted for h**...?

He said it was kampfy and that he reiched it a lot, but that it could have used fuhrer stitches.

A maniac is on the loose after stabbing 6 people with a knitting needle...

Early reports from the police suggest he is following some kind of pattern...

There is a serial killer currently on the loose

He has been murdering people with knitting needles. Police think he is following some kind of pattern.

Knitting joke, There is a serial killer currently on the loose

jokes about knitting