Knife Jokes

Funniest Knife Short Jokes

Short knife jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knife humour may include short killer jokes also.

1. How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
2. 2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
   Both started running away.
3. In the middle of the battle, I decided to use a knife to preserve my ammo. All the other paintball players started freaking out though.
4. I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
5. Whenever I see two lovers names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I think it's shocking how many people bring a knife on a date.
6. How do you stop a fight between two blind men? Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.
7. i started carrying a knife after a mugging attempt years ago Since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
8. I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"
   Then they both ran away
9. Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife? The invitation said to look sharp.
10. Today I saw two blind guys fighting... Should've seen their faces when I said "My money's on the one with the knife"

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Knife One Liners

Which knife one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with knife? I can suggest the ones about needle and weapon.

1. I got banned from laser tag today. Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
2. If you ever get in a knife fight with a group of clown Go for the juggler
3. I used my knife to conserve ammo... the rest of the paintball tournament were horrified
4. For me, getting girls is like spreading butter... It's much easier with a knife.
5. So...I got banned from laser tag today Apparently you can't use a knife to conserve ammo
6. Once Chuck Norris threw a knife in Call of Duty And killed someone in Battlefield
7. How can you potentially kill someone with some Potassium, Nickel & Iron With a KNiFe
8. I just bought a knife that can cut 8 pieces of bread at once. It's a four loaf cleaver.
9. Last night, a guy tried to stab me with a butter knife He said i was toast.
10. A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins... Multi-porpoise!
11. I know Mexican judo Judo know if I have a knife.
    Judo know if I have a gun.
12. In a knife fight with street entertainers I always go straight for the juggler.
13. What do you call a guy with a knife sticking out of him? An ambulance
14. Why buy an invisible knife? I don't see the point
15. how to stop two blind guys from fighting Yell "HE HAS A KNIFE"

Fork And Knife Jokes

Here is a list of funny fork and knife jokes and even better fork and knife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting" then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"
• I remember when I was a kid, at dinner my parents gave me a knife and fork, so I'd bang them on the table.. ..We were quite an incestuous family.
• A recent survey found only 20% of parents were eating dinner with their children... ...the other 80% were using a knife and fork.
• Can somebody please hand me a knife? This fork just isn't cutting it.
• Once a man named his cats Spoon, Fork and Knife They were his Catlery
• A fork and a knife's conversation Knife: forks are basically useless.
  Fork: why? What will people eat with?
  Knife:with their hands.
  Fork: you've got a point
• Spooning leads to forking But if you fork the wrong dish, you could get knifed.
• Utensils Guy 1: "Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?"
  Guy 2: "That's forked up!"
  Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2*
  Guy 2: "What? Too spoon?*
• What did the spoon say to the knife. It's knife to meet you. You wanna fork.
  The knife then says, I can't there's to much on my plate.
• Why didn't the fork and spoon want to hang out with the butter knife? He was just too dull.

Knife Fork Jokes

Here is a list of funny knife fork jokes and even better knife fork puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How to cannibals eat their meals? With a fork and knife, like everyone else.
  What kind of monsters do you think they are?
• What do you call an aggressive knife and fork? Cutlairy.
• Wanna fork? Not to-knife, but as spoon as I feel better.
• Chuck Norris invented the spoon because it's too easy to kill someone with a knife or fork.
• What do you call the trendy game kids are playing with their silverware? Fork-Knife
• I heard the fork was having an affair with the knife... Or is it too spoon to bring that up?
• Why are you eating the soup with the knife? Because the fork leaks.
• What did the spoon say when he caught his knife cheating on him? Get the fork outta here!
• If Spooning leads to Forking, what does Knifing lead to? Abortions.
• Dinner is a lot like r**... You have the choice between a fork and a spoon or a knife

Butter Knife Jokes

Here is a list of funny butter knife jokes and even better butter knife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Spreading girls's legs is alot like spreading butter You can do it with a credit card, but it's much easier with a knife
• Using a butter knife on steak... it just doesn't cut it.
• A man has an option to turn into any object in the universe, he chose a butter knife. He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer...
• Why did the butter break up with the knife? It kept getting left on bread.
• What is the same with spreading butter on a toast and getting a woman to spread her legs?
  It is possible with a credit card, but much easier with a knife.
• What is a butter knife's favorite song? I Wanna Be Serrated 🤘😁🤘
• Spreading a woman's legs is like spreading butter... It can be done with a credit card, but I prefer to use a knife.
• A woman's legs are a lot like peanut butter It's much easier to get them to spread if you have a knife
• Chuck Norris cut's a knife with butter.
• In a restaurant I found a WW2 Swiss Army knife It was a very good butter knife

Pocket Knife Jokes

Here is a list of funny pocket knife jokes and even better pocket knife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy. Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket
• Today, I gave a homeless man a watch, a phone, and $300. You won't believe how happy I felt after he put his knife back in his pocket.
• I just gave a homeless guy 530 dollars and my new iPhone x He was so happy he even put his knife back in his pocket
• Today I donated a watch... Today I donated a watch and $500 dollars to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt as I saw him put back his knife in his pocket.
• Today I donated my watch, phone and $100 to a poor man on the street. You have no idea how happy I felt when he put the knife back in his pocket.
• Today I donated my watch, phone and 90 bucks to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt .... ... as I saw him put his knife back in pocket.
• Today I donated my watch, phone and $500 to a poor guy. You don't know the happiness I felt when I saw him put the knife back in his pocket.
• I donated my watch to a homeless person today. I was so happy when he put his knife back in his pocket.
• So today I gave my watch, my phone and $500 to a homeless guy I was so happy when he put his knife back into his pocket.
• Today I donated a watch, a phone and my wallet to a poor guy Words cannot describe the happiness i felt as he put his knife back in his pocket...

Swiss Army Knife Jokes

Here is a list of funny swiss army knife jokes and even better swiss army knife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• 2 members of the Swiss army get in to a knife fight, then a corkscrew fight then a twezzer fight then a ......
• "Ain't" is like a Swiss Army knife It's got a lot of uses but you can't use it in school.
• If the Swiss Army knife is so good.... How come the Swiss army never fights?
• The Swiss army uses a Chuck Norris knife.

Unearthly Funniest Knife Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about knife you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toolbox jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knife pranks.