Knees Jokes
152 knees jokes and hilarious knees puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knees that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy this humorous collection of funny jokes about knees: from ashy knees, to getting down on your knees, the "bees knees", weak knees, getting new knees, kids knees, having no knees, wrists, and even prostrating for the "wittle" ones.
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Funniest Knees Short Jokes
Short knees jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knees humour may include short knee pain jokes also.
- When you are born you actually have 4 kidneys. But as you get older, two of them turn into adult knees
- I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷" - What do women put on their ear to look more attractive?... Their knees.
(Not sure if this one translates well to english) - As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass.
- How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."
- The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
- As a doctor I often get asked why I use that rubber hammer to tap patient's knees. I dunno. I just get a kick out of it.
- A man escaped from a bear only with a bow in hand But his friend who got an arrow in the knee was not as lucky.
- A joke my late grandfather told me... Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.
- Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"... …have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
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Knees One Liners
Which knees one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with knees? I can suggest the ones about ankle knee and elbow.
- Why did eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
- EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.
- Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
- What's the nationality of someone with many knees? Polynesian
- When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees Sycamore
- My brother's daughter and I fell down on hard pavement My knees hurt
- When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee.. ..That's a moray..
- I used to have two kidneys Now I have two adult knees
- Mickey mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?
Mickey: Disney - Which athlete was the first to take a knee? Tonya Harding.
- What's in the middle of girls' legs? Their knee.
- what are cows knees called? burger joints
- What did the child say when he bumped his knee? Ow, my kidney.
- The best pick up advice I've ever been told is.. ..always bend your knees.
- My niece calls me ankle... I call here knees
We are a joint family!
Weak Knees Jokes
Here is a list of funny weak knees jokes and even better weak knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did the pothead have weak knees and elbows? He didnt have any joints.
- I found the one When I saw her my knees got weak and my vision got blurry. That's when I realized I drunk the wrong glass.
- I just don't understand why everyone is making such a big deal about Eminem kneeling at the Super Bowl… He literally said his knees were weak like 2 minutes earlier…
- I love hillary Clinton so much. It makes me weak at the knees.
- My job keeps asking me to sign up for a marathon. I keep telling them I can't. I'm out of shape, I have weak knees, and 401k is a long way to run.
- Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.
Kid Knees Jokes
Here is a list of funny kid knees jokes and even better kid knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was in quite a severe accident when I was younger, it damaged my legs really bad. I had to get a double kid knee transplant.
- Did you hear about the med school student who switched from nephrology to pediatric orthopedics? He went from kidneys to kid knees.
- My little brother doesn't have knees anymore. Apparently they meant kids knees instead of kidneys.
- What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap? I don't need your bad kid knees.
- Should a patient with Osgood-Schlatters be referred to a nephrologist? After all, they are Kid-knee experts.
- What knee is the smallest in your body? The kid-ney.
- Little kids will love this one .... promise ... How high does a frog stand in the water?
Knee-deep. - Did you hear about the kindergartener with a bad knee? He needed a kid knee transplant.
New Knees Jokes
Here is a list of funny new knees jokes and even better new knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A new flour made from ground-up insects could keep millions around the world from going hungry! It's simply the bee's knees!
- A new company has started 3d printing knee replacements They called themselves Cartilage World
Bees Knees Jokes
Here is a list of funny bees knees jokes and even better bees knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the bee say to the nosy bee? Mind your own Bees knees!
- Which part of the bee is most profitable? Bee's knees
- Which part of an insect is the best? The bee's knees.
- Why are bees so rich? They have their own bees knees.
- I recently took up Anthophila patellas It's the bees knees
- One could say that bees... are the bee's knees.
- Lazy thought by my girlfriend Her: "Why is it Bees Knees, Why not Bees Nuts?" (Deez nuts)
- I once played the back end of a wasp in a pantomime play. But I thought I was the bees' knees...
- What's the best thing about bee's? It's knees.
Uproarious Knees Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about knees you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean toes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knees pranks.
I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a hard and long night's wait, he finally broke down to his knees and began to cry "It's a boy! it's a boy!"
..he was too emotionally drained to leave the Thai brothel.
A Shlep on the Beach
A woman is at the beach with her grandson when a huge wave suddenly washes the boy out to sea. Grief-stricken, she falls on her knees, looks up to the sky and implores: "Oh God, return my grandson to me and I'll give all my money to the synagogue and devote my life to prayer and good works!"
Suddenly, the clouds part, the sky clears and another wave washes the boy back on the beach, completely unharmed. Once again the woman looks up to the heavens and cries out:
"He had a hat!"
What's better than being up to your knees in beer?
Being up to your nuts in cider.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women don't have to stand for s**... a**...
They can get on their knees as well.
So there's this mollusk
And he walks up to the sea cucumber and he says, "With knees like these, who needs anemones!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife finally s**... her p**...
I can see her knees again.
A woman heard a milk bath was good for your skin
Next time the milk man stopped by she was sure to ask if he could bring enough next time for a bath. "Would you prefer pasteurized?" He asked. "No, just up to my knees is fine".
A man was being chased in the woods by a lion who was going to eat him...
He ran his hardest, but the lion was advancing quickly. Just as it looked like the end for him, he decided on a last ditch effort. Being Catholic, he looked to the sky, dropped to his knees, and desperately prayed. "Lord!" he exclaimed. "Make this lion a Christian!" Instantly the lion pressed his paws together and prayed "For this meal in which I am about to partake..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Doctor is examining a young women...
and says:
- Everything seems OK, but I am worried about those bruised knees and elbows.
- Oh, it's because of all the d**... s**... I have.
- Don't you know any other position?
- I do, but my doggy doesn't.
Wittle Wabbit
little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other night my wife and I had an argument, and by the end of it I had that woman on her knees!
She was saying, 'Come out from under the bed, you coward.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
911?
Husband: "Hello, Yes, there's this Hindu fellow who's been following my wife around for the past few hours, and it's starting to really creep us out. He just now got down on his knees and he's... praying, or something."
911 Operator: "Sir, calm down, there's no issue here- Hindus are well known to worship cows."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mother superior is doing the orientation ...
of the new nun. The neighbourhood is rough and so she thought she would put some hypotheticals. "What would you do if you were walking alone at night and got cornered by a man on who demanded to have s**... with you?"
"Well, I would ask him to drop his pants." replied the new nun coolly
Flabbergasted the Mother pressed "And what then?"
"Well, then I would hike up my habit above my knees." replied the nun, still calm.
Aghast at this the Mother could not but ask "And what then?"
"Well, I would start running. I can run a lot faster with my habit hiked up than the man whose trousers are at his ankles."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Got in a fight with my wife last night
Says o**... to his friend.
"Again", said the friend, "How did it end this time?"
"Well, she ended up on her knees, practically begging"
"Really, what did she say?"
"Get out from under the bed you coward"
A man hard of hearing flies to Indonesia to cure his arthritis...
He returns without luck, determined to give the doctor a piece of his mind, but the doctor corrects him: "I said that the most threatening inflammation was *in your knees again*.
I rolled my first joint last night!
Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The difference between men and women.
Women only have two knees. Men have three, left knee, right knee, and a w**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
His palms are sweaty...
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already.
WebMD: *TYPHOID FEVER*
My wife has really dry skin
My wife has really dry skin so I asked my doctor what I could do about it.
He said, "Give her a milk bath."
I said, "Pasteurized?"
The doctor replied, "No, just up to her knees will do."
One day a devout, Christian man was walking through the forest...
...when he spotted a lion lurking towards him ready to pounce. So, he got on his knees and began to pray to God, "Please, Lord. Let this lion be a Christian lion, so that he will not eat me." The lion then got on his knees and prayed, "Thank you, God for providing me this dinner...
My dad called in and told this joke to win a corny joke contest in the 70's
What has two knees and swims in the ocean?
A Two-knee fish!.....
Do you remember the teen who had that kidney problem a decade ago?
He's doesn't have that problem anymore. He's knees are normal sized now.
Two older gentlemen were talking
One told the other "You know, I had my old lady on her hands and knees, begging " the other night.
His friend replies "How'd you accomplish that?"
He answered "Yeah, she was yelling 'Come out from under the bed and fight like a man!'
How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse?
She's the one with dirty knees.
A boy is looking over a tall cliff...
A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".
Sometimes I like to sit on the floor, bring my knees up to my chest and then lean forward.
But that's just how I roll.
I have bad knees. It runs in my family.
Now nobody in my family runs.
Study Finds Birth Control Pills Linked to Fewer Severe Knee Injuries in Teen Girls...
This is easily explained by the fact that they spend less time on their knees, and more time on their backs.
I lost my kidneys when I turned 18
My knees are 100% adult now!
There's a Russian gay couple...
One of them is called Vladislav, the other is called Karl. After happily loving each other for a fair few years, Karl discovers Vladislav is having an affair with Vladimir.
Devastated, Karl gets onto his knees in front of Vladislav and bellows:
"VLADISLAV? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"
Donald Trump walks into an elevator...
and a gorgeous woman is inside and says, "When the doors close, I could drop to my knees and blow you." Trump replies, "And what's in it for me?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...
Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!
I told my parents that I lost my virginity.
Which they didn't take well, considering they're Catholics.
They sat me down and said, "You must beg to God for forgiveness."
So I got down on my knees and said, "God, I've done enough kneeling today, please forgive me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man proposes.
A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her:
*Marry Me... and Make me the Happiest Man in the World*
Looking bewildered she replied:
**You want Both !!!??**
Golf is like urinating in a public toilet
- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum
A woman gets home from the hospital.
She is walking slowly into the house so her husband asks if she is okay. " NO! my knees hurt and my jaw is sore." Her husband looks at her and says " I hate to say I told you so, but I told you not to take the job as Head nurse."
A cop is walking down the street and notices
A cop is walking down the street and notices a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. Can I help you? he asked.
The blonde woman replied, I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it.
The cop asked, Did you drop it right here?
No, responded the blonde, I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here.
Some people have bad knees,
But I have fun knees
What goes "Chest, Chest, Chest, Chest"?
A T Rex doing "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.
Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"
Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .
The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a b**....
Bartender says, "What do ya think?"
Guy says, "That's great."
Bartender asks, "You wanna try?"
Guy says, "Sure, but don't hit me so hard."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My priest is surprisingly homophobic...
...for a man who spends his nights on his knees, begging for another man to come for a second time.
A 5 year old boy was in kidney failure.
Dad: "Son, I'm sorry, but your kidneys aren't working anymore."
Son: "it's gonna be fine, dad."
Dad: "I know...we can start dialysis and get you on the donor list."
Son: "I was actually thinking about just asking for my adult knees early."
I was on a first date last night.
We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.
It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.
I wish i could go back to how it was in the mid 90s
Back when my president didn't mind people getting on their knees
Hey girl, is your name Colin Kaepernick?
Cause I got a feeling I'm gonna see you on one or more knees tonight.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know? There is a species of frog in Alaska
There is a species of frog in Alaska that freezes during the winter and while frozen, the frog stops breathing, its heart stops beating, its palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, there's v**... on its sweater already, mom's spaghetti.
A Christian man was getting chased by a bear in the woods
The man realized the bear was catching up, so the man got down on his knees and yelled "DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET THIS BEAR BECOME A CHRISTIAN SO THAT HE DOESN'T EAT ME" then the bear got down on his knees and said, "Dear God, thank you for this meal."
God isn't that different from us regular folk
He's not interested if you're not on your knees.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between bucks and fawns?
Your mom won't get on her knees for five fawns
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Miranda had scraped knees...
..."Why have you got those marks on your knees?" her friend asked.
"Oh! It's from making love. d**...."
"Well, why don't you change positions then?"
"I'm willing, but the dog isn't."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.
The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!
My dad keeps quoting Far Cry 5. "The father is coming" he says...
Well i wish he would, I've been on my knees for 20 minutes now.
Dogs are the best wingmen
They get girls on their knees in seconds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting people on their knees to test their reflexes.
He really seems to get a kick out of it.
A priest, jesus and Shaggy sitting in a drowning boat...
Jesus goes to his knees and prays. Stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.
Shaggy stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.
The priest prays on his knees stands up and tries to walk over the Water, but drowns.
On the coast jesus asks shaggy : "shouldn't we told him where the stones were"
"Like, which stones" shaggy answers...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pat and m**... were walking down the street when Pat fell into a big hole filled with milk.
m**... runs over to the hole and asks:
Pat, is it pasteurised?
To which Pat replies:
Nah, it's only up to my knees!
The world's most sarcastic man stands trial.
"How do you plead?" asks the judge.
"Well," says the man. "Usually on my knees with my hands together."
Chris used to drink only regular coffee, then he got in a car accident and lost both his legs below his knees...
Now he goes with de-calf.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
m**... is like buying IKEA furniture.
At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.
My grandpa would always tell me girls have two knees but guys have three
You have your left knee, right knee, and your WEEknee
Doctor, it hurts...
Says the patient with so much pain.
Patient: It hurts when I touch my head.
Doctor: \*Takes a look at the head\*, \*Does MRI\* Well, what else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my shoulders.
Doctor: \*Takes shoulder x-ray\* Hmmm, is there anything else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my knees too.
Doctor: \*Does that hammer thingy\* I see. I can conclude now.
Patient: What is it?
Doctor: Your finger is broken.
Out of 6 nurses how can you tell which is the head nurse?
The one with the dirty knees.
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees just to test their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
Doctor: I'm terribly sorry, but your kidneys are failing.
Me: I can't believe this is happening.
Wife (sobbing): How will we tell our son?
Me: ... I'll tell him.
[Later at home, sitting down with son]
Me: Bad news kid, your knees are failing.
A couple sees a man sobbing on his knees at a cemetery.
The man is yelling out "why did you have to die?", "I cannot live like this!"
The couple come over to console him, and notice the tombstone is of someone of similar age as the distraught man.
"Sir, who was this?" Asks the woman, "was it your brother? Your friend?"
The man looks up at them "my wife used to be married to him until he passed away".
Continues crying out: "Please come back, I cannot take her any longer!"
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus.
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with v**... on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.
