Knees Jokes

163 knees jokes and hilarious knees puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knees that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy this humorous collection of funny jokes about knees: from ashy knees, to getting down on your knees, the "bees knees", weak knees, getting new knees, kids knees, having no knees, wrists, and even prostrating for the "wittle" ones.

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Funniest Knees Short Jokes

Short knees jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knees humour may include short kneels jokes also.

  1. My priest is surprisingly homophobic... ...for a man who spends his nights on his knees, begging for another man to come for a second time.
  2. When you are born you actually have 4 kidneys. But as you get older, two of them turn into adult knees
  3. I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
    By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
    The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷"
  4. What do women put on their ear to look more attractive?... Their knees.
    (Not sure if this one translates well to english)
  5. As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass.
  6. As I looked into her eyes across the candlelit table, I felt my knees go weak, my heart began to race and my stomach turned to butterflies... That's when I realized I drugged the wrong glass!
  7. The other night my wife and I had an argument, and by the end of it I had that woman on her knees! She was saying, 'Come out from under the bed, you coward.'
  8. How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."
  9. The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
  10. As a doctor I often get asked why I use that rubber hammer to tap patient's knees. I dunno. I just get a kick out of it.

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Knees One Liners

Which knees one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with knees? I can suggest the ones about thighs and ankles.

  1. Why did eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
  2. EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.
  3. Babies are born with 4 kidneys. When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.
  4. Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
  5. What's the nationality of someone with many knees? Polynesian
  6. When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees Sycamore
  7. My brother's daughter and I fell down on hard pavement My knees hurt
  8. When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee.. ..That's a moray..
  9. I used to have two kidneys Now I have two adult knees
  10. why are black people so tall? because their knee grows
  11. Children are born with 4 kidneys. Upon maturity, 2 develop into adult knees.
  12. Mickey mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?
    Mickey: Disney
  13. Did you know humans are born with four kidneys? Two of them grow into adult knees.
  14. How is God just like every other man? If you're not on your knees, he's not interested.
  15. Which athlete was the first to take a knee? Tonya Harding.

Weak Knees Jokes

Here is a list of funny weak knees jokes and even better weak knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As I gazed into her eyes, my knees got weak and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach... I knew right then and there, I poisoned the wrong glass.
  • Why did the pothead have weak knees and elbows? He didnt have any joints.
  • I found the one When I saw her my knees got weak and my vision got blurry. That's when I realized I drunk the wrong glass.
  • I just don't understand why everyone is making such a big deal about Eminem kneeling at the Super Bowl… He literally said his knees were weak like 2 minutes earlier…
  • What's the best way to make a girl weak in the knees? Kick em.
  • As i glazed into her eyes, my knees got weak and I could feel the butterflies in my stomach.... I knew right then and there..... I had roofied the wrong glass!
  • I love hillary Clinton so much. It makes me weak at the knees.
  • My lady friend told me she wishes to find a love so strong that it makes her weak in the knees So I broke her knee caps.
  • My job keeps asking me to sign up for a marathon. I keep telling them I can't. I'm out of shape, I have weak knees, and 401k is a long way to run.
  • Steve Austin had to be rebuilt as the Six Million Dollar Man after he looked Chuck Norris in the eye, shook his hand and then went weak at the knees.

Kid Knees Jokes

Here is a list of funny kid knees jokes and even better kid knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • TIL when you're a child, you have 4 kidneys Well, 2 kidneys and 2 kid knees.
  • I was in quite a severe accident when I was younger, it damaged my legs really bad. I had to get a double kid knee transplant.
  • [OC] Did you hear about the med school student who switched from nephrology to pediatric orthopedics? He went from kidneys to kid knees.
  • My little brother doesn't have knees anymore. Apparently they meant kids knees instead of kidneys.
  • Why did the pediatric orthopedist become a nephrologist? Because he was dealing with kid knees.
  • What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap? I don't need your bad kid knees.
  • Should a patient with Osgood-Schlatters be referred to a nephrologist? After all, they are Kid-knee experts.
  • What knee is the smallest in your body? The kid-ney.
  • Why did the fat kid buy his black friend some shorts? Because that boy sure loves brown knees
  • Little kids will love this one .... promise ... How high does a frog stand in the water?
Knees joke, Little kids will love this one .... promise ...

New Knees Jokes

Here is a list of funny new knees jokes and even better new knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A new flour made from ground-up insects could keep millions around the world from going hungry! It's simply the bee's knees!
  • Head and Shoulders Head and Shoulders just came out with some new body wash. Knees and Toes.
  • A new company has started 3d printing knee replacements They called themselves Cartilage World
  • I'm developing a new dandruff shampoo designed specifically for p**... hair. I'm going to call it Knees and Toes.

Bees Knees Jokes

Here is a list of funny bees knees jokes and even better bees knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the bee say to the nosy bee? Mind your own Bees knees!
  • Which part of the bee is most profitable? Bee's knees
  • Which part of an insect is the best? The bee's knees.
  • Why are bees so rich? They have their own bees knees.
  • I recently took up Anthophila patellas It's the bees knees
  • One could say that bees... are the bee's knees.
  • Lazy thought by my girlfriend Her: "Why is it Bees Knees, Why not Bees Nuts?" (Deez nuts)
  • I once played the back end of a wasp in a pantomime play. But I thought I was the bees' knees...
  • What's the best thing about bee's? It's knees.
Knees joke, What's the best thing about bee's?

Uproarious Knees Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about knees you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean knee pain jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knees pranks.

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.

I met a beautiful girl in the park.

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we were making love, I thought .... "These taser guns are well worth the money."

A pastor goes hiking

as he comes around a corner on the trail he comes across a giant grizzly bear. The bear lets out a growl and is about to charge when the pastor falls on his knees and prays: "Lord, I pray that the bear would be a Christian." In an amazing miracle, the bear is converted instantly and stops where it is. It looks upwards and begins to give thanks: "Thank you Father, for the meal I am about to eat..."

After a hard and long night's wait, he finally broke down to his knees and began to cry "It's a boy! it's a boy!"

..he was too emotionally drained to leave the Thai brothel.

A Shlep on the Beach

A woman is at the beach with her grandson when a huge wave suddenly washes the boy out to sea. Grief-stricken, she falls on her knees, looks up to the sky and implores: "Oh God, return my grandson to me and I'll give all my money to the synagogue and devote my life to prayer and good works!"
Suddenly, the clouds part, the sky clears and another wave washes the boy back on the beach, completely unharmed. Once again the woman looks up to the heavens and cries out:
"He had a hat!"

What's better than being up to your knees in beer?

Being up to your nuts in cider.

My wife finally s**... her p**...

I can see her knees again.

A man was being chased in the woods by a lion who was going to eat him...

He ran his hardest, but the lion was advancing quickly. Just as it looked like the end for him, he decided on a last ditch effort. Being Catholic, he looked to the sky, dropped to his knees, and desperately prayed. "Lord!" he exclaimed. "Make this lion a Christian!" Instantly the lion pressed his paws together and prayed "For this meal in which I am about to partake..."

Doctor is examining a young women...

and says:
- Everything seems OK, but I am worried about those bruised knees and elbows.
- Oh, it's because of all the d**... s**... I have.
- Don't you know any other position?
- I do, but my doggy doesn't.

Wittle Wabbit

little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?

The "head" nurse.


Husband: "Hello, Yes, there's this Hindu fellow who's been following my wife around for the past few hours, and it's starting to really creep us out. He just now got down on his knees and he's... praying, or something."
911 Operator: "Sir, calm down, there's no issue here- Hindus are well known to worship cows."

A cowboy is riding across the plains when he sees an Indian on his knees with his head on the ground.

The Indian looks up at him and says "Many buffalo come"
The Cowboy asks "Can you hear them?"
Then Indian says " No, ground sticky."

Mother superior is doing the orientation ...

of the new nun. The neighbourhood is rough and so she thought she would put some hypotheticals. "What would you do if you were walking alone at night and got cornered by a man on who demanded to have s**... with you?"
"Well, I would ask him to drop his pants." replied the new nun coolly
Flabbergasted the Mother pressed "And what then?"
"Well, then I would hike up my habit above my knees." replied the nun, still calm.
Aghast at this the Mother could not but ask "And what then?"
"Well, I would start running. I can run a lot faster with my habit hiked up than the man whose trousers are at his ankles."

The (wo)man of the house

Walking into the bar, Bob said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, I just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said John "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Bob replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under that bed, you little chickenshit!!

Got in a fight with my wife last night

Says o**... to his friend.
"Again", said the friend, "How did it end this time?"
"Well, she ended up on her knees, practically begging"
"Really, what did she say?"
"Get out from under the bed you coward"

Some good advice on how to pick up girls

Bend at the knees and lift slowly. Avoid turning or twisting your body.

Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years. His Glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees.

Apparently she stood him up.

I like to squat down, wrap my arms around my knees, and lean forward.

That's how I roll...

Einstein, Newton & Pascal are playing hide and seek

Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. Instead of hiding Newton knees down and draws a square of one meter side length. Then he steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "No, what you see is one Newton over one square meter - so what you have found is one Pascal."

My wife has really dry skin

My wife has really dry skin so I asked my doctor what I could do about it.
He said, "Give her a milk bath."
I said, "Pasteurized?"
The doctor replied, "No, just up to her knees will do."

A little girl walked into a pet shop and asked in the sweetest lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shop keeper's heart melted, he got down on his knees to her level, asking: "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like this cute widdle bwown wabbit over here?"
The little girl leaned forward and said: "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."

My dad called in and told this joke to win a corny joke contest in the 70's

What has two knees and swims in the ocean?
A Two-knee fish!.....

Two older gentlemen were talking

One told the other "You know, I had my old lady on her hands and knees, begging " the other night.
His friend replies "How'd you accomplish that?"
He answered "Yeah, she was yelling 'Come out from under the bed and fight like a man!'

How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse?

She's the one with dirty knees.

The real reason women will never be the ones to propose...

As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.

A boy is looking over a tall cliff...

A young boy is peering down a high cliff when an old man walks over. The old man says "Hey its dangerous up here, where are your parents?". The boy tearfully replies "my mom just fell off the cliff". The old man horrified asks "Where is your father?". This time the boy falls to his knees and cries "He fell trying to save her". The old man unzips his pants and says "Sorry kid, today just isn't your day".

The best pick up advice I've ever been told is..

..always bend your knees.

I lost my kidneys when I turned 18

My knees are 100% adult now!

There's a Russian gay couple...

One of them is called Vladislav, the other is called Karl. After happily loving each other for a fair few years, Karl discovers Vladislav is having an affair with Vladimir.
Devastated, Karl gets onto his knees in front of Vladislav and bellows:
"VLADISLAV? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"

what do you call a 9 year old african boy crying on his knees

Midlife crisis

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's v**... on his sweater already...

Woman: Did you just quote Eminem?
Doctor: Your husband's alcohol poisoning is not a joke, madam!

I told my parents that I lost my virginity.

Which they didn't take well, considering they're Catholics.
They sat me down and said, "You must beg to God for forgiveness."
So I got down on my knees and said, "God, I've done enough kneeling today, please forgive me!"

A man proposes.

A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her:
*Marry Me... and Make me the Happiest Man in the World*
Looking bewildered she replied:
**You want Both !!!??**

The Lion with Christian feelings

Once upon a time... there was a m**... walking along the savannah when he suddenly encountered himself with a very hungry lion.
Scared to death, the m**... went down on knees and prayed "Oh dear Lord, please come down and give christian feelings to this poor criature".
After one second, the miracle occurred: the lion knelt down and prayed "Oh dear lord, bless this food you have provided me".

Golf is like urinating in a public toilet

- Keep your back straight
- knees bent.
- Feet shoulder width apart.
- Form a loose Grip
- keep your head down
- avoid a quick backswing
- stay out of the water
- try not to hit anybody
- if you taking too long you should let others go ahead of you
- you shouldn't stand directly in front of others
- be quite when others are about to go
- keep strokes to a minimum

A cop is walking down the street and notices

A cop is walking down the street and notices a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. Can I help you? he asked.
The blonde woman replied, I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it.
The cop asked, Did you drop it right here?
No, responded the blonde, I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here.

My niece calls me ankle...

I call here knees
We are a joint family!

What is the nationality of someone with many knees?


What goes "Chest, Chest, Chest, Chest"?

A T Rex doing "Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes".

Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.

Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"
Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .
The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a b**....
Bartender says, "What do ya think?"
Guy says, "That's great."
Bartender asks, "You wanna try?"
Guy says, "Sure, but don't hit me so hard."

Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

Why don't blondes pray in church?

When they are on their knees, their mouths are usually full.

Sometimes I squat on the floor and put my arms around my knees and lean forward

because that's how I roll

I was on a first date last night.

We were at a bar and when i looked at her i couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I started to go weak at the knees and sweat all over my forehead.
It was only then i realised, that i drugged the wrong drink.

I wish i could go back to how it was in the mid 90s

Back when my president didn't mind people getting on their knees

A Christian man was getting chased by a bear in the woods

The man realized the bear was catching up, so the man got down on his knees and yelled "DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET THIS BEAR BECOME A CHRISTIAN SO THAT HE DOESN'T EAT ME" then the bear got down on his knees and said, "Dear God, thank you for this meal."

What's the difference between bucks and fawns?

Your mom won't get on her knees for five fawns

Miranda had scraped knees...

..."Why have you got those marks on your knees?" her friend asked.
"Oh! It's from making love. d**...."
"Well, why don't you change positions then?"
"I'm willing, but the dog isn't."

A little boy caught his mom riding his dad.

The little boy said, Mom what are you doing?
She said, Son, your daddy's stomach is too big so I sit on top to flatten it out.
He said, Aw momma you're wasting your time because when you're not here the lady next door gets on her knees and blows it back up!

My dad keeps quoting Far Cry 5. "The father is coming" he says...

Well i wish he would, I've been on my knees for 20 minutes now.

I was walking in the park the other day, when

I suddenly saw the girl of my dreams. Our eyes locked and there was this instant spark between us and she instantly went weak at the knees and fell before me.
As we lay on the grass making love, I thought to myself. These stun guns are well worth the money.

"Thank you Lord"

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

How do you know which nurse is the head nurse?

Look for the one with dirty knees.

A cowboy and a red Indian are walking through the desert...

After a short time the Indian stops the cowboy before dropping to his knees and placing his ear to the ground. Upon standing the Indian says firmly "Buffalo come"
"That's amazing" says the cowboy, "How can you tell that?"
The Indian replies...
"Sticky face"

A priest, jesus and Shaggy sitting in a drowning boat...

Jesus goes to his knees and prays. Stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.
Shaggy stands up and walks over the Water to the coast.
The priest prays on his knees stands up and tries to walk over the Water, but drowns.
On the coast jesus asks shaggy : "shouldn't we told him where the stones were"
"Like, which stones" shaggy answers...

The world's most sarcastic man stands trial.

"How do you plead?" asks the judge.
"Well," says the man. "Usually on my knees with my hands together."

How do you spot the head nurse at the hospital?

She's the one with the dirty knees.

m**... is like buying IKEA furniture.

At first, it sounds like a great idea.
But then you're on your knees in the living room, with a mess on the carpet, wishing you'd have just paid someone.

I don't know if you ever tuck your knees under your chin and lean forward as far as you can, but I do it all the time.

It's how I roll.

My grandpa would always tell me girls have two knees but guys have three

You have your left knee, right knee, and your WEEknee

Doctor, it hurts...

Says the patient with so much pain.
Patient: It hurts when I touch my head.
Doctor: \*Takes a look at the head\*, \*Does MRI\* Well, what else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my shoulders.
Doctor: \*Takes shoulder x-ray\* Hmmm, is there anything else?
Patient: It hurts when I touch my knees too.
Doctor: \*Does that hammer thingy\* I see. I can conclude now.
Patient: What is it?
Doctor: Your finger is broken.

Doctor: I'm terribly sorry, but your kidneys are failing.

Me: I can't believe this is happening.
Wife (sobbing): How will we tell our son?
Me: ... I'll tell him.
[Later at home, sitting down with son]
Me: Bad news kid, your knees are failing.

TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys.

When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.

A very religious man went on a safari

When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.

Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

In a statement released by doctors, it has been been revealed the following symptoms: his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Not to mention that there was v**... on his sweater already.
Initial testing suggests that the cause is: Mom's Spaghetti.

Knees joke, Rapper Eminem has tested positive for COVID-19

jokes about knees