kneeling Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious kneeling puns

Breaking News: NFL responds to lost revenue from kneeling controversy

Breaking News: The NFL announced today that because of lost revenue due to kneeling, an NFL Team had to be cut. Tampa Bay and the Green Bay Packers will be combining forming the Tampacks. They will be good for only one period and will have no second string...

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I told my parents that I lost my virginity.

Which they didn't take well, considering they're Catholics.

They sat me down and said, "You must beg to God for forgiveness."

So I got down on my knees and said, "God, I've done enough kneeling today, please forgive me!"

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Why did you have to die?

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself and replied, "My wife's first husband."

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I hate church with all the sitting, standing, and kneeling.

I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me.

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I used to hate going to church as a kid, with all the standing and kneeling...

I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me.

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A bank robber just finished his heist

Unfortunately, his mask accidentally dropped for a few seconds. He picked it up, put it back, then asked a guy kneeling next to him.

"Did you see my face?" Asked the robber.

"Yes, but I swear I won't-" A bullet went through the guy's head. Then the robber asked the next guy kneeling next to his wife.

"And you? Did you see my face"

"No, sir. But my wife did"

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Ooops

Joe bursts into a house with great urgency

Joe: "Mom! I just saw dad doing something with the neighbor lady!" exclaimed Joe

Mom: "What is that?"

Joe: "She was kneeling in front of him, and he was pushing that...thing into her mouth"

Mom: "Well, how about you tell that to everybody at the party tonight" said mom coyly.

Later that evening at the party:

Joe: "I have something to say to all of you. Earlier today I saw my dad pushing his....Mom, what is it called, the thing that mailman always pushes in your mouth?"

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A man was passing by a small courtyard when he starting hearing...

...voices and murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said, "NIL."

White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity and The Blessed Emptiness.

The man turned to a white-robed observer beside him and asked, "Is Nothing Sacred?"

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A man placed

some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, " Why did you die? Why?! Why did you die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"

The mourner answered, " My wife's first husband! Why did you die? Why did you die?!"

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On St. Patrick's day, a guy in an Irish bar goes into the bathroom to take a piss.

Next to him, there's a really short guy, wearing all green, with a top hat and a pipe. He also has a huge dick.

First guy notices and says, "I'd do anything to have a dick that big."

Short guy says, "I'm a leprechaun. I'll grant you your wish, if you suck my dick."

The guy thinks about it for a minute, and being sauced, he agrees. He's kneeling down, sucking the smaller guy's dick for a few minutes, and then stops and says, "I can't believe I'm sucking a leprechaun's dick!"

The short guy replies, "I can't believe that you think I'm a leprechaun!"

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I was walking thru the graveyard the other morning...

Saw a guy kneeling behind a headstone. I walked up to him and greeted him "Morning!"

He replied, "Nah, I'm just taking a shit"

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Halloween trick or treat

I remember a story from last year. I was sat in my living room when I heard a small knock at the door. As I opened the door there was a little boy dressed as the Predator, with his dad. I asked "and who are you meant to be?" kneeling down to give him a sweet, "a child Predator" his dad responds. "What a coincidence" I thought.

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How can you tell you're in a gay church?

Only half the congregation is kneeling.

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A groundskeeper was walking through a graveyard

A groundskeeper was walking through a graveyard when he heard someone sobbing. He turned down a row of headstones to see a man kneeling in front of a grave and wailing.

"How could you do this to me?! ?" He cried. "I can't eat, I can't sleep, every second is agony! Why didn't you say anything?!" he paused when he noticed he wasn't alone.

"I'm sorry for your loss." the groundskeeper said awkwardly. "You must miss your wife terribly."

"My wife?" The kneeling man said through his tears.

"This grave belongs to her first husband!"

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"My wife's first husband."

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself and replied, "My wife's first husband."

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I loved church when i was little, but what i hated was all the standing up, and sitting down and kneeling

I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me already.

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Nike names the first Kaepernick shoe...

The Kneel Armstrong - inscription on the sole (to be viewed while kneeling of course), that's one small kneel for man, one giant kneel for mankind .

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I just became a Catholic recently...

I still don't understand why we have to keep sitting down, standing up and kneeling. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me!

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I hate church

I hated church when I was a child, with all the standing and kneeling and sitting.

I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me.

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This kneeling during the national anthem thing is getting really out of hand.

Now even the competitors of the Paralympics are doing it.

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How does a gay man propose to his partner?

Well he starts by kneeling down on two knees...

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Two guys walk into a bar. Why are they kneeling?

It's a US flagpole.

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I was raised catholic ...

and the thing that used to annoy me was all the standing up and sitting down and kneeling...


I wish the priest could just pick a position and fuck me.

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What are the most funny Kneeling jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Kneeling? Well, here are the best Kneeling dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Kneeling pick up lines to share with friends.

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