Kneeling Jokes
31 kneeling jokes and hilarious kneeling puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kneeling that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Kneeling Short Jokes
Short kneeling jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kneeling humour may include short kneels jokes also.
- What do you call a person who kneels after the President makes inappropriate comments? Monica Lewinsky
- Kid in park (crying): "I don't know where my mom's gone to!" Me: "Oh no, that's terrible!"
Wife: :Talk to him."
Me: (kneeling) "Hey, kid, don't end a sentence with a preposition." - Sometimes I like to kneel on the floor, tuck my head into my chest, and lean forward. You might not like it, but that's just how I roll.
- Son: *crying* Santa isn't real! Me: of course he is!
Son: •sniffle• but I stayed up all night and he didn't come
Me: aw, buddy, •kneels down• he must really hate you then - I just don't understand why everyone is making such a big deal about Eminem kneeling at the Super Bowl… He literally said his knees were weak like 2 minutes earlier…
- Why did Colin Kaepernick take a knee before each NFL game? He never had the opportunity to kneel during games
- You're crouched over mike Tyson picking grass clippings off of his body You're doing the kneel, de-grass Tyson.
- In order to stop all the black lives matter protests Just play the national anthem on repeat, they will all sit down or kneel.
- What did renowned Little Shop of Horrors fan, Queen Elizabeth, say to Patrick Stewart at his knighting ceremony? Kneel, Patrick Stewart.
- What did the popular astrophysicist's father say to him after his cleat came undone at soccer practice? "Kneel in the grass and tie, son."
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Kneeling One Liners
Which kneeling one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kneeling? I can suggest the ones about crouching and taking the knee.
- Why did eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
- why do bank robbers make hostages kneel down? cause it's a fell-on-knee
- How can you tell you're in a gay church? Only half the congregation is kneeling.
- What idiot called it an engagement ring... When he could've called it a Kneel Diamond?
- What do you call an SEO expert who praises Google? "Kneel" Patel
- A man kneeled in protest as the hymn played... ...but no one at church seemed to mind.
- Fergie is so patriotic Even her voice kneeled for the National anthem.
- Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
- I kneel for the national anthem at home To protest Domestic Violence.
- I wasn't sure whether to stand or kneel... When they played the Russian National Anthem.
- Two guys walk into a bar. Why are they kneeling? It's a US flagpole.
- Why does everyone hate 7? Because 7 kneeled during the National Anthem.
- Why does a little Jewish kid kneel next to a chimney? He's waiting for his parents.
- Bus. What did the bus do when it was knighted?
It kneeled.
I'll show myself out. - Why did little johnny kneeled to propose to mary ? Because Mary *goes down* after that.
Fun-Filled Kneeling Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about kneeling you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bending over jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kneeling pranks.
A british Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
A student comes to a young professor's office hours...
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
A British Jew is to be knighted by the King.
He is to kneel in front of him and recite a sentence in Latin when he taps him on the shoulders with his sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, His Majesty turns to his advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
"I know where babies come from."
After coming home from school and sitting down on the couch, young Jenny proudly proclaimed "Mommy, I know where babies come from!"
Imagining storks and unicorns, her Mom said "OK, then why don't you tell me Honey."
Jenny says "The Mommy and Daddy take off their clothes and start hugging, then the Daddy's thingy stands up, and the Mommy kneels down and cleans her teeth with it."
Mom says "That's sweet Honey, but that's not where babies come from, that's where jewelry comes from!"
A man was walking his dog through a graveyard when he saw a man kneeling behind a headstone.
'Morning' the walker shouted. 'No, just having a s**...' the man replied.
*At my boss's f**..., kneeling and whispering at coffin*
"Who's thinking outside the box now Karin?"
A Very Nice Golfer
There are two men playing golf, at the end of the range you can see a f**... procession going by. As the hearse drives by followed by a few cars one man kneels down, takes off his hat and puts it over his heart, and says a prayer.
The man next to him says, "Well that's the nicest thing I've ever seen a golfer do!" The man stands up says "Well it's the least I could do, I was married to her for 35 years..."
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."
I told my parents that I lost my virginity.
Which they didn't take well, considering they're Catholics.
They sat me down and said, "You must beg to God for forgiveness."
So I got down on my knees and said, "God, I've done enough kneeling today, please forgive me!"
A preacher is being chased in the woods by a large grizzly bear.
Exhausted, he fell to his knees praying, "Good Lord! Deliver me from danger!" Looking back he saw the bear kneeling, paws together in prayer and exclaimed, "It's a Christian bear! Thank God I am saved!" Meanwhile the bear started praying, "For this food I am about to receive, Lord, I give you thanks."
A man was passing by a small courtyard when he starting hearing...
...voices and murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said, "NIL."
White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity and The Blessed Emptiness.
The man turned to a white-robed observer beside him and asked, "Is Nothing Sacred?"
A bank robber just finished his heist
Unfortunately, his mask accidentally dropped for a few seconds. He picked it up, put it back, then asked a guy kneeling next to him.
"Did you see my face?" Asked the robber.
"Yes, but I swear I won't-" A bullet went through the guy's head. Then the robber asked the next guy kneeling next to his wife.
"And you? Did you see my face"
"No, sir. But my wife did"
A man goes to pray to a statue of an angel at his church
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then at least twice a day, if not more often, he goes to church, kneels for the statue and prays:
"Please, please, please, let me win the lottery"
Then, after years of this, a miracle! The statue springs to life in an aura of light and heavenly music and then bends over, looks the man in the face and speaks:
"Please, please, PLEASE buy a lottery ticket!"
