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Knee Jokes

165 knee jokes and hilarious knee puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about knee that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

These knee jokes will make you laugh out loud! Whether you're looking for a laugh or trying to make someone else laugh, these jokes are sure to do the trick.

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Funniest Knee Short Jokes

Short knee jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The knee humour may include short elbow jokes also.

  1. My priest is surprisingly homophobic... ...for a man who spends his nights on his knees, begging for another man to come for a second time.
  2. When you are born you actually have 4 kidneys. But as you get older, two of them turn into adult knees
  3. I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
    By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
    The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷"
  4. What do women put on their ear to look more attractive?... Their knees.
    (Not sure if this one translates well to english)
  5. As I looked into her eyes I felt my knees go weak and my stomach turned to butterflies. That's when I realized I'd drugged the wrong glass.
  6. As I looked into her eyes across the candlelit table, I felt my knees go weak, my heart began to race and my stomach turned to butterflies... That's when I realized I drugged the wrong glass!
  7. The other night my wife and I had an argument, and by the end of it I had that woman on her knees! She was saying, 'Come out from under the bed, you coward.'
  8. How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."
  9. The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
  10. As a doctor I often get asked why I use that rubber hammer to tap patient's knees. I dunno. I just get a kick out of it.

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Knee One Liners

Which knee one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with knee? I can suggest the ones about wrist and ankles.

  1. Why did eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
  2. EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.
  3. Babies are born with 4 kidneys. When they grow up, 2 of them turn into adult knees.
  4. Sometimes I tuck my knees up into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
  5. What's the nationality of someone with many knees? Polynesian
  6. When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees Sycamore
  7. My brother's daughter and I fell down on hard pavement My knees hurt
  8. When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee.. ..That's a moray..
  9. I used to have two kidneys Now I have two adult knees
  10. why are black people so tall? because their knee grows
  11. Children are born with 4 kidneys. Upon maturity, 2 develop into adult knees.
  12. Mickey mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?
    Mickey: Disney
  13. Did you know humans are born with four kidneys? Two of them grow into adult knees.
  14. How is God just like every other man? If you're not on your knees, he's not interested.
  15. Which athlete was the first to take a knee? Tonya Harding.

Taking The Knee Jokes

Here is a list of funny taking the knee jokes and even better taking the knee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who was the first person to take a knee at an athletic event? Tonya Harding.
  • Girls hate it when you give them gifts implying that you will somehow benefit from them as well. Take knee pads for example.
  • How is the NFL like the Police? Everyone gets heated when someone takes a knee.
  • Just wondering why Nike didn't pick Tanya Harding for it's ads. Wasn't she the first one to take a knee?
  • Christianity is the best way to cure gayness Just get on your knees, take a swig of wine and accept the body of a man into your mouth
  • What do Colin Kaepernick and Tonya Harding have in common? Both of them are famous for taking a knee.
  • I don't understand why people are so mad about football players taking a knee Its a solid strategy for running out the clock in the 4th quarter.
  • How do you melt a snowflake? Take a knee
  • Why did Colin Kaepernick take a knee before each NFL game? He never had the opportunity to kneel during games
  • A uniform company sent President Trump a dressed mannequin with no legs. They heard Trump had issues with people taking the knees.

Knee Grow Jokes

Here is a list of funny knee grow jokes and even better knee grow puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know everyone is born with 4 kidneys? As you grow up two of them turn into adult knees.
  • TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys. When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.
  • Why do black men wear baggy trousers? Because their knee grows.
  • What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee? Tony.
  • I only learned recently that children are born with four kidneys, and later on when they grow up..
    ..two of them turn into adult knees.
  • I had two kidneys growing up.. Now I've got two adult knees
  • How is God just like a regular man? If you're not on your knees, he's not interested and you know what they say, abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.
  • Why are black people so tall? Because their Knee Grows!
    (Told to me buy a black friend so dont be calling me a racist)
  • Why do Africans wear baggy pants? Because their knee grows.
  • Today I Learned we are all born without kneecaps. I guess that makes us all knee grows!
Knee joke, Today I Learned we are all born without kneecaps.

Bad Knee Jokes

Here is a list of funny bad knee jokes and even better bad knee puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split. The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."
  • Do you know Chinese people have very bad knees? When they meet each other, they often ask: "knee how?"
  • I have bad knees. It runs in my family. Now nobody in my family runs.
  • I was in quite a severe accident when I was younger, it damaged my legs really bad. I had to get a double kid knee transplant.
  • Some people have bad knees, But I have fun knees
  • Did you here about that Leg Doctor He shattered his entire left leg and had to get a metal replacement.
    It was a really bad case of Iron-Knee
  • Remember when you could refer to your knees as left and right... instead of good and bad? Ah, good times
  • What did the man who is in dire need of a kidney transplant say to the young man with a broken knee cap? I don't need your bad kid knees.
  • Did you hear about the kindergartener with a bad knee? He needed a kid knee transplant.
  • If you're having bow problems I feel bad for you son. I dodged 99 arrows but my knee took one.

Knee Pain Jokes

Here is a list of funny knee pain jokes and even better knee pain puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you can an African-American that has growing pains in its leg? A knee-grow
  • I have some serious pain after spending way too much time on my knees while younger Doing construction work and laying flooring.
    Installing carpeting is almost as bad as s**... d**...
Knee joke, I have some serious pain after spending way too much time on my knees while younger

Comical & Quirky Knee Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about knee you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kidney jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make knee pranks.

So an old lady's husband dies...

The old lady depressed and wants to kill herself goes to the doctor and asks him "Where is the heart located?" The doctor tells her it is under the left breast. The old lady goes to the gun store and buys a gun, goes home and puts the gun under her left breast and pulls the trigger. The old lady was soon admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

What do you call a belt made of paper?

A waist of paper. *knee slap*

No harm done.

I got bit on the leg by a sheep today, didn't do too much damage though.
Just grazed the knee.

I lost both my legs below the knee in an accident...

... and for years, no matter how hard my friends and family tried to convince me, I fought on without prosthetic replacements.
In the end it became just too difficult, so I finally accepted defeat.

An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit s**....

She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left n**....
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.

What is the difference between a man's wedding proposal and a woman's proposal?

The man has to get down only on **ONE** knee.

What's better than being up to your knees in beer?

Being up to your nuts in cider.

On the upside, Oscar Pistorus has had his paralympic classification promoted...

...he's gone from T43 (double below knee amputee) all the way up to T800 (The Terminator).

A man is going in for surgery...

And right as he's about to go under, he asks the doctor: "Doc, will I be able to play piano after this?" The doctor says, "Of course you will, this surgery is just on your knee. Why do you ask?" The man replies, "Well I don't play at the moment, but I've always wanted an easy way to do it."

Dad always said, "Never get on one knee for a girl...

...who won't get on both for you."

A Japanese man observes his son scratching his knee.

He comments, "Itchy knee, son?"
The son replies, "I already know how to count, Dad!"

Why did the lawyer with a torn acl still win the marathon? (OC)

Because he had the power of a torn knee

A Polish joke

A Polish man named Wojciech was fed up with being called a dumb p**... by every one he met. So one day he decided to pretend to be German. Wearing Liederhosen, knee socks and a feathered cap, he walked into a shop and told the man behind the counter:
"Hello my name is Rolf and I would like to buy some schnitzel, some saurbraten, some pretzels and some beer."
The counterman said "Get outta here you dumb p**...!".
Wojciech cried, "No no no! I am German! Don't you see my Liederhosen? Why do you think I am Polish?"
The counterman says "This is a hardware store."

An old married couple are sitting on their porch one morning...

...when suddenly the old lady lashes out with her cane and hits her husband on the knee.
"Ow! What'd ya do that for?" He asked.
"That's for 60 years of bad s**...!"
He stewed in silence a few moments, rubbing his knee. All of a sudden he took his cane and thumped his wife on her knee.
"Ow! What's that for?"
"That's for knowing the difference."

The difference between men and women.

Women only have two knees. Men have three, left knee, right knee, and a w**....

I rolled my first joint last night!

Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(

An elderly woman's husband dies

and she is so shackled with grief she wants to kill herself. She decides to use his old service p**... to shoot herself in the heart. She asks her doctor where her heart is to which he responds "right below your left breast". The next day she was admitted to the hospital with a gun shot wound to her left knee.

What does the electron say to the resistor?

Ohm my god you're impeding me. *initiate knee slap

What's in the middle of girls' legs?

Their knee.

Guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.
The doctor examines the guy's knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, "Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you're going to have to stop m**...."
"What? Why?" asks the guy.
"Because I'm trying to examine your knee."

No matter which doctor I go to for a general checkup, they all hit me on the knee.

I think they get a kick out of it.

Did you hear about the 80 year old woman that tried to kill herself?

She was told that the most effective way would be to shoot herself through the heart, just below her left breast... She woke up in hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

How do you agitate an achy feminist runner?

massage a knee

Why was Biggie hungry at school?

He forgot Tupac his lunch!
*knee slap*

An old woman's husband dies

She wants to kill herself but she can't find her heart so she goes to the doctor and asks him, "Doctor where is my heart?" The doctor says, "Right behind your left breast." She goes home gets n**... and shoots herself in the knee.

Study Finds Birth Control Pills Linked to Fewer Severe Knee Injuries in Teen Girls...

This is easily explained by the fact that they spend less time on their knees, and more time on their backs.

I've decided to get a couple tattoos. On my right knee I'm going to get "Disney." And on my left...

dat-knee.

An old woman wants to commit s**......

...by shooting herself in the heart, but she doesn't really know where the heart is.
She goes to the local doctor and asks;
"Doctor, can you please tell me where the heart is?"
"Oh, it's just below your left breast."
So the old woman walked home and shot herself in the knee.

A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....

The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"

What do cannibals call shin meat?

Below knee

What would happen, if IT technic became a doctor?

Patient: I can't bend my knee.
Doctor: [*bends his knee*] Weird, works fine for me.

Tomorrow, I'm going to go to my girlfriend, get on one knee, present flowers and a ring, and say...

"My love for you is like these flowers and this ring. It's gonna wither and die by the end of the month and is also insanely overvalued."

Liam Neeson was walking on a road.

He suddenly slipped and fell, twisting his knee. He looks around for some help. He sees a kid with a balloon coming towards him.
"Hey kid. Come here." He called him, asking for his help.
"Hello Liam Neeson, I see you are hurt. What happened?" He asks.
"Hurt my knee kid. Can you help me please?"
"Sure, take this." He says, handing him the balloon.
"What's this for?" Looking at him, confused.
"This is full of Heal-Liam."

I told Iron Man to break a leg, he tripped and broke his leg.

Oh the iron knee.
Note: I'm r**... and don't know 100% what irony is so this might make no sense.

A joke my late grandfather told me...

Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.

Christian & The Bear

A Christian was hiking in the wilderness, he stumbles upon a bear. The bear starts chasing him! The Christian is now cornered, he gets on one knee and says "Lord, turn this bear into a Christian" the bear creeps up closer and closer, and then gets on one knee and says "Lord, thank you so much for this meal I'm about to receive"

A brunette goes to the doctor

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere I touch it hurts."
He asks "What do you mean?"
So she showed him what she meant. She touched her knee and said "Ouch!" Then she touched her chest and said, "Ouch!" Then her shoulder, "Ouch!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "You're really blonde, aren't you?"
She replies "Yes, as a matter of fact I am. How did you guess?"
Doctor says, "Well your finger is broken."

"I enjoy a joint every now and then"

"Usually a knee or an elbow" said the cannibal.

Which knee is Mickey's favorite knee?

Disney

Boy:"Hey,do you have a band aid?"

Boy:"Hey,do you have a band aid?"
Girl:"NO,why?"
Boy:"I broke my knee when i fell for you "

Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.
That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?
No I'm a blonde , she replies.
I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

John went to the doctor...

Apparently he is incapable of Bending the Knee

What did one p**...'s knee say to the other?

Nothing. They never met.

I've just been on Trip Advisor.

Nothing about how to deal with a cut knee.

An old lady, after a long life of loss and agony, was going to commit s**... by shooting herself in the heart with a crossbow. She researched human anatomy and learned her heart was just under her left breast.....

She was just admitted to the ER with an arrow to the knee.

A husband hires a hitman to kill his wife of 40 years

Hitman: I will shoot her just below her left breast.
Husband: How is shooting her in the knee going to kill her?

I went to a fortune teller and they said in 30 minutes I would get dirt on my leg...

I guess it's just dusty knee

What did the child say when he bumped his knee?

Ow, my kidney.

What do you call a Volleyball player who hurt her knee diving for the ball?

Courtney

Did you hear the one about the short person who tried to start a fight?

It's a real knee knee-s**..., I tell ya!

A grandmother goes to the doctor

A grandmother goes to the doctor and asks: "Where is the heart?"
The doctor answers: "2 centimetres below the n**..."
Next day in the newspaper: "Woman tries to commit s**... and shoots herself in the knee"

Did you hear about the guy who had his knee replaced with a Magic 8-Ball?

He had a prophetic prosthetic.

A brunette and the Doctor....

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

f**... procession

Jim and Bob are playing golf when Jim notices the f**... procession go by on the highway. He kneels on one knee and takes off his golf cap as it goes by. After the procession is gone, Bob helps Jim up and pats him on the back, all while saying, That was so nice and thoughtful of you! Jim lines up his next shot and comments, I felt it was the right thing to do, after all we were married for 43 years.

Q: Why do we have knee caps?

A: cuz TWO IS ENOUGH!

"Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." 
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" 
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." 
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!" 

I didn't think my knee replacement surgery would help.

I stand corrected.

A blonde goes to a doctor

She says Doctor, my body hurts wherever I touch it! The Doctor says show me . The blonde proceeds to tap her face, elbow, thigh and knee, wincing in pain after each one. See, it's true! She says. The doctor pauses for a second, sighs and says
You have a broken finger

A blind guy walks into a bar

His knee hurts for a little bit afterwards but eventually he shakes it off and feels better.

Walt Disney notices a sharp pain in his knee.

He starts rubbing it, icing it, elevating it on a pillow. But over the following days it only grows worse. He visits his doctor and reports this pain.
Which knee is hurting you, Walt?
The famous film producer points to his left knee.
Disney.

So which knee is hurting Walt?

Walt: Disney .

I used to be Muslim, but then I took an arrow to the knee...

Now I Muslimp.

My grandpa would always tell me girls have two knees but guys have three

You have your left knee, right knee, and your WEEknee

I know a joke about an abusive dwarf and his tall wife. A little offensive.

But a real knee s**....

Have you heard the one about the dwarf who abuses his tall wife?

It's a little offensive.
But a real knee s**....

One day a baseball umpire brought his son to a game to watch him work. Dutmring the game, the umpire was rude and insulting, even to the point of spitting and cursing the players. At the end of the game he knelt down and beckoned his son to come sit on his knee. The boy refused saying . . .

The son never sits on the brutish umpire.

I used to like jokes from 2011

But then I took an arrow to the knee

Fatherly advice

When I was a little boy I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. My dad ran to me picked me up and told me to "shake it off."
Years later while playing baseball I was hit with a wild pitch, my dad called out from the stands "Shake it off son."
Before going off to college my long time girlfriend dumped me. Of course just like everything else in life when I was hurt my dad with his infinite wisdom once again told me to "shake it off."
Due to all the years of his great fatherly advice I knew exactly what to say when he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.

What knees are these?

Chi-knees

My grandma had a scare when she felt a lump under her breast

Turns out it was just her knee cap

Knee joke, My grandma had a scare when she felt a lump under her breast

jokes about knee