Kleptomaniac Jokes
76 kleptomaniac jokes and hilarious kleptomaniac puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kleptomaniac that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Kleptomaniac Short Jokes
Short kleptomaniac jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kleptomaniac humour may include short compulsive liar jokes also.
- What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally. - Someone asked me, since you have autism does that mean you take everything literally? I replied, no, that's a kleptomaniac.
- I have a friend that's a recovering kleptomaniac anytime his symptoms start acting up, he takes something.
- I'm a kleptomaniac with a proclivity for stealing strategy board games. I like to take risks.
- I've heard a lot of good puns in my day but.... the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.
- I went to a kleptomaniacs anonymous meeting last night.. I went to grab a chair but they were already taken.
- Did you hear about the kleptomaniac who went to the theater the other day? He stole the show!
- I tried telling a pun to a group of kleptomaniacs.. ..but they kept taking things literally
- A kleptomaniac goes to see her doctor. She says, "Doctor, my condition has worsened. Is there anything I can take?"
- There used to be no treatment for those uncontrollable urges as a kleptomaniac... ...nowadays, you can just take something for it.
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Kleptomaniac One Liners
Which kleptomaniac one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kleptomaniac? I can suggest the ones about obsessive compulsive and pickpocket.
- It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... Because they always take things literally.
- I entered the world kleptomaniac championship tournament I took gold, silver and bronze.
- Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac? Because they take things literally.
- I'm a kleptomaniac Sometimes it gets really bad and I have to take something for it.
- As a kleptomaniac, I demand my rights... And that guy's rights... And his pen...
- Why was the kleptomaniac clown visiting the liquor store? He was lifting their spirits
- A kleptomaniac signed up for a cooking class, He wanted to take a whisk.
- I hate when people call me a Kleptomaniac I prefer... 'Man of STEAL'
- I dated a kleptomaniac once She stole my heart, and my laptop.
- I tried talking with a kleptomaniac. But he took everything too literally.
- I hate being a recovered kleptomaniac I can't take it any more
- How do you become a kleptomaniac? You pick it up from other people
- Did you hear about the kleptomaniac with no sense of humor? He took everything literally
- The Real Problem With Kleptomaniacs... Is That They Take Things Literally
- Don't judge a kleptomaniac... Until you've walked a mile in their brother's shoes.
Giggle-Inducing Kleptomaniac Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about kleptomaniac you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean car thief jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kleptomaniac pranks.
Q: Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?
A: Because they take things. Literally.
They say not to covet
which isn't too difficult as a kleptomaniac.
What did the kleptomaniacal compulsive liar say when his beekeeper friend asked him what he was running away with?
"None of your beeswax!"
Kleptomaniac, frustrated
Why was the kleptomaniac frustrated by that joke "why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?"
He couldn't take a joke.
What do you get when you mix a nymphomaniac with a kleptomaniac?
Someone who makes out with the loot.
Have you heard about the kleptomaniac that robbed that fish market?
They say he did it, "just for the halibut."
Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate?
He couldn't take any more lip!
So a kleptomaniac goes to see a doctor about his stealing problem.
Patient: Doc, I just can't seem stop stealing everything.
Doc: Please take a seat...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it so hard to explain a pun to a kleptomaniac?
They don't understand the subtle nuances of the English language, so they can't pick up on the double entendres needed to appreciate a good pun. It may be a generalization, but in my experience that's how it works out.
What does an empathetic kleptomaniac do in an argument?
He puts himself in the other person's shoes and then walks away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How are an armless man at a buffet and a kleptomaniac the same?
They just can't help themselves.
I hear kleptomaniacs make the best detectives
They pick up everything.
I went to the doctor and told him I thought I might be a kleptomaniac.
He said, "Here, take these pills."
So I took them.
Just thought I'd let you know that I'm a chronic kleptomaniac...
but don't worry, I'm taking something for it.
I'm beginning to believe that my road worker friend is a kleptomaniac..
So I went to his house to confront him and all the signs were there.
Bad advice to give a kleptomaniac...
"You should really take something for that."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
According to Carl Jung, I should live life like a kleptomaniac h**......
...and take things as they come.
Someone told me that my neighbor how works for the highways department was a kleptomaniac which was hard to accept.
But when I looked over his back fence, All the signs where there.
I had to end things with a long-time friend because he took things too literally.
No seriously, he was a huge kleptomaniac.
An optimist sees a glass half full...
A pessimist sees the glass half empty.
A kleptomaniac sees the glass.
Someone once had advice on being a kleptomaniac
So I took it.
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac,
You can always take something for it.
What's the definition of a kleptomaniac?
Someone who finds things before you even notice that you lost them.
My son is a kleptomaniac.
I don't know who he gets it from.
If I were a kleptomaniac mushroom, I would be called.....
A "shiitake" mushroom.
I have been diagnosed as a kleptomaniac
But don't worry, I'm taking something for it.
Doctor, doctor... I keep taking things literally.
Doctor: try not to be so serious all the time.
Me: no, you don't understand, I'm a Kleptomaniac
A kleptomaniac never appreciated how he could exchange stolen goods for rocks.
He took things for granite.
Take it from me...
I like kleptomaniacs
Kleptomaniacs Anonymous:
Helping people to help themselves
What did the constipated kleptomaniac say at the farmer's market?
I've never wanted to take a leek so badly in my life!
I used to be a kleptomaniac...
But I'm better now. I took something for it.
What did the sociopath say to the kleptomaniac?
Im gonna steal your heart.
A kleptomaniac walk into a bathroom
He takes a shower
I'm 95% sure I'm either a kleptomaniac or a charitable person
Give or take a few percent...
I have a hard time talking to kleptomaniacs.
They're always taking things literally.
