Kiwi Jokes
39 kiwi jokes and hilarious kiwi puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kiwi that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Kiwi jokes are some of the funniest around! If you're looking for a good laugh, then check out these hilarious jokes about the little brown fruit.
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Funniest Kiwi Short Jokes
Short kiwi jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kiwi humour may include short new zealand jokes also.
- Did you hear about Draymond Green's new comedy road show? It's like Gallagher, but instead of watermelons he only smashes kiwis.
- Little Bo Peep had lost her sheep, and didn't know where to find them... ...but an Air Search revealed they were in the next field, with a big dirty kiwi behind them
- What do Kiwis do when they can't sleep? Well, just like in many other cultures, they start counting lovers.
- My ex and I broke up of my cooking.. ... she was vegan, I loved meat.
She really couldn't stand me making Kiwi. In my defense, it was completely fine - it tasted just like chicken. - i just want to say i'm so, so sorry. all Kiwi people are responsible for this singer's thrive and fall. we have to do better. i'm sorry lorde lorde lorde lorde lorde lorde
- What did the Kiwi say to the Statue? Statue bro?
- I once played golf with a Kiwi The RSPCA showed up the next day.
- I had kiwi for lunch Nice guy, wanted to be a teacher.
- have a great weekend folks! - I sat next to a Kiwi today and you have no idea if I mean a person, bird, or fruit.
- What do you call a Kiwi with one leg? Not even bro.
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Kiwi One Liners
Which kiwi one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kiwi? I can suggest the ones about new zealanders and pineapple.
- Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie. One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a Kiwi!
- What did the Kiwi say to the Rabbi? "Hebrew".
- Why do so many Kiwis move to Australia? To improve the gene pool of both countries
- What do you call a sunburnt New Zealander? A strawberry kiwi.
- What did the Kiwi say to the Jew? Hee broo
- Does anyone know how to easily peel a kiwi? All those feathers keep getting in the way
- What did the Rabbi from New Zealand say? Hey Bro
(Read in your best Kiwi accent) - What do you call a gay New Zealander? A kiwi fruit
- What do Kiwi nuclear engineers eat? Fusion chups.
- What would a Kiwi name a peanut butter sandwich? Jiffrey
- My Australian friend asked a Kiwi: "What's a Hindu?" "...it lays iggs."
- What language do Kiwis speak? None, fruit can't talk!
- What fruit is questionable? A kiwi.
- Togans, Fijiins, Kiwis, Aussies, Japanese, and Koreans.. May the fourth be with you.
- What did the kiwi say to the cantaloupe? You're no sheep but you'll do.
New Zealand Kiwi Jokes
Here is a list of funny new zealand kiwi jokes and even better new zealand kiwi puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do New Zealanders have so many furry conventions? Because they're kiwis.
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Kiwi Jokes
What funny jokes about kiwi you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean kanga jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kiwi pranks.
I asked a kiwi how many s**... partners he had had...
He fell asleep counting.
An Aussie and a Kiwi are sitting at a pub, downing a few beers, after a game of rugby.
The Kiwi turns to the Aussie and says, "Bro, if I shagged your wife over a railing and got her pregnant, would it make us related?"
To which the Aussie replies, "Dunno, mate, but I do know it'll make us even."
Fishing Buddies
A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers
After a while the Kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a xenophobe and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar
The bartender says
"Im sorry, but you can't come in here without a Thai"
Kiwi Farmer
The kiwi farmer is taking his Aussie mate on a tour of his farm. In the top paddock they come across a ewe with its head stuck in the fence. Without hesitation the kiwi jumps the ewe and has his way. He turns to his Aussie mate and says do you want a turn? OK says the Aussie and sticks his head in the fence.
A Greek guy visits his Kiwi friend.
A Greek guy visits his Kiwi friend. This friend happens to own a sheep farm and gives his friend a tour. After a while, they see a sheep that has its head stuck in the fence. The kiwi goes over and gives it a huge kick and laughs about it. He then tells the Greek that it's his turn. The Greek man walks over to the fence and sticks his head in.
A New Zealander and an Australian are walking down a track
The two mates come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence.
Naturally, the kiwi bloke jumps over the fence, bends over, pulls down his pants and goes to town doing the s**... on the poor sheep.
Upon finishing he looks over at his aussie mate, and goes your turn bro , to which naturally the aussie bloke jumps the fence, bends over, removes his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.
A Kiwi was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck...
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he
realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his
two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful
cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for
romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better
to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm
around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely
until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets
together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another
shipwreck.
The only survivor was Julia Gillard.
That evening, the man brought Julia to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in
and leaned over to Julia and told her he hadn't had s**... for months.
Julia batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she
could do for him.
He said, 'Could you take the dog for a walk!'
Today I lost my cool, when this obnoxious, mediterranean exchange student barged into our art class. I was trying to paint the kiwi fruits we had on display for a still life. Really messed up my painting.
Nobody expects the spanish in kiwi-session.
