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Kiwi Aussie Jokes

15 kiwi aussie jokes and hilarious kiwi aussie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kiwi aussie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Witty Kiwi Aussie Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What is a good kiwi aussie joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"

Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie.

One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a kiwi!

An Aussie and a Kiwi are sitting at a pub, downing a few beers, after a game of rugby.

The Kiwi turns to the Aussie and says, "Bro, if I shagged your wife over a railing and got her pregnant, would it make us related?"
To which the Aussie replies, "Dunno, mate, but I do know it'll make us even."

Fishing Buddies

A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers

After a while the Kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

Brits, Aussies, and Kiwis will most likely only get this:

Remember Bill and Ben, The Flowerpot Men?
One day, Bill says to Ben, "Flobadobglibglobbloobleglob!"
And Ben say, "If you loved me, you'd s**... that....."

Kiwi Farmer

The kiwi farmer is taking his Aussie mate on a tour of his farm. In the top paddock they come across a ewe with its head stuck in the fence. Without hesitation the kiwi jumps the ewe and has his way. He turns to his Aussie mate and says do you want a turn? OK says the Aussie and sticks his head in the fence.

A New Zealander and an Australian are walking down a track

The two mates come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence.
Naturally, the kiwi bloke jumps over the fence, bends over, pulls down his pants and goes to town doing the s**... on the poor sheep.
Upon finishing he looks over at his aussie mate, and goes your turn bro , to which naturally the aussie bloke jumps the fence, bends over, removes his pants, and sticks his head in the fence.

Togans, Fijiins, Kiwis, Aussies, Japanese, and Koreans..

May the fourth be with you.

A Kiwi fella Steve and an Aussie bloke Wayne headed out fishing one Saturday and started downing a couple of beers on the boat.

After a while, Aussie Wayne steve says to Kiwi Steve, "mate, If I snuck over to your house and had some wild raunchy s**... with your wife while you were out, and she got knocked up and had a child, would that mean that we were related?" Kiwi Steve paused for a while and then says, "Well mate, I'm sure if that would make us related but it sure would certainly make us even!"

Politically Correct Nightclub

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Lativan, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an America, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Isreali, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Musliam, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian went to a Nightclub.
The bouncer says "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.''

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman,

a Latvian, a Chinese, a Japanese,
a Kiwi, a Canuck, an Eskimo,
a Fijian, a Turk, an Aussie,
a y**..., an Egyptian, a Spaniard,
a Mongolian, a Tibetan, a p**...,
a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard,
a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian,
a German, an Indian, an Italian,
a Brazilian, a Kenyan, a South African,
a Filipino, a Pakistani, a Korean,
a Argentinian, a Lithuanian, a Dane,
a Finn, a Swede, an Israeli,
a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb,
a Czech, and a Swiss man go to a pub..............
The bouncer says, "Sorry. I can't let you in without a Thai."

An American, an Aussie and a Kiwi are in a bar...

... they sit at the bar and order whiskey.
The American picks up his glass, downs the shot of whiskey and throws the glass into the fireplace. "In America, we got so many glasses, we don't drink out of the same one twice!"
The Kiwi nods, downs his drink throws it up into the air and shoots it with his six-shooter. "Same in New Zealand. So many glasses, we don't dare drink out of the same one twice."
The Australian looks at them both, downs his shot, pulls out his gun and shoots the Kiwi dead. "Too many Kiwi's in Australia, we don't drink with the same one twice."

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Kiwi Aussie One Liners

Which kiwi aussie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kiwi aussie? I can suggest the ones about kiwi and new zealand.

  1. Never confuse a Kiwi with an Aussie. One's a soft, hairy fruit and the other's a Kiwi!
  2. Togans, Fijiins, Kiwis, Aussies, Japanese, and Koreans.. May the fourth be with you.