The Best 58 Kitten Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Kitten jokes. There are some kitten petshop jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these kitten dead kitten puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Kitten Jokes and Puns

Hitler walks into a room... (sorry if repost)

...and says to his staff, "I want you to organise the execution of 10,000 Jews and 1 kitten."
Everyone looks around the table and after a long silence, Goering pipes up, "Mein Führer, why do you want to kill a kitten?"
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table, "You see, no one cares about the Jews."

I was in my attic yesterday looking for some old photos...

...when I came across the present that I was going to give to my daughter for her 3rd birthday last year.

It was a bit of a shame. She would have loved that kitten.

Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids...

...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.

Kitten joke, Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which

Two kittens walk down the street together,

and as they talk, one kitten gets panicked and starts to yell:

-You won't believe what I heard the other day!!!

Τhe kitten reaches the others kitten's ear and starts whispering.

The other kitten gets a terrified look on its face and says:


Why did the popular kittens not want to hang out with the kitten with a prosthesis?

It was an obvious faux paw.


What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?

The cat shat on the mat.

What do you call a kitten crying on the grass in the back yard?

A lawn mewer.

(I wrote this yesterday).

Kitten joke, What do you call a kitten crying on the grass in the back yard?

What is the appropriate response when your cat tells you a joke?

You've gotta be kitten me. You can SPEAK?!?

How many kittens can you stuff into a microwave for 15 minutes on defrost...?


Two kittens are on a slanted roof, which one slides off first?

The one with the least mew.

What do you call a kitten playing on a foot rest? An Awwwwtoman.


You can explore kitten pets reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean kitten purr dad jokes. There are also kitten puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Three kittens were on a roof, which slipped off first?

The one with the lowest mew

Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?

Because the shelter was non prophet.

Why was the kitten fired from his telemarketing job?

For Catcalling

My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear — when they turn round I'm wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten.

I call it 'Shock and Awwww!'

new kitten

So I decided to teach my kitten to write. You might think it was pretty hard but he took to it easily. Before long he could do anything I could do.. Turns out he was a copy cat :)

Kitten joke, new kitten

My cat told me he's old enough to move out on his own now

but then he said nah I'm just kitten

What happens when you cross a grown kitten, a donkey, and a champion?

A cat-ass-trophy.

Why is a lonely guy with a hard-on like a kitten stuck in a tree?

Because it's easier to get it up than to *get down*

My cat just died

Haha just kitten!

What does a kitten do when it tells a secret?


I cannot take my new pet cat seriously

She's always kitten around

Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten.

Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten? Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. You see, no one cares about the Muslims.

Two kittens are sitting at the edge of a slide. Which falls first?

The one with the lower mu

Chuck Norris has a kitten

Every night for a snack

What did the scientist say after he spliced his DNA with a cat?

"You must be kitten me."

A teacher, a nurse, and an Army man were in a hot air balloon.

The balloon was too heavy so each of them dropped something off it. The teacher dropped an apple, the nurse dropped her medical bag, and the Army man drops a grenade. After they land, they go for a walk. They come across a little girl who's crying. They ask her what's wrong and she says an apple fell out of the sky and knocked out her new puppy. Later they come across a little boy who is also crying. They ask him what's wrong and he says a bag fell from the sky and knocked out his new kitten. Then they come across a little girl who's laughing really hard. They ask her what's so funny and she says "I farted and the building behind me blew up!"

How does a kitten type when it's mad?


Two kittens were chasing each other in the jungle

Suddenly one slipped and fell, it's mom saw and told it: tiger shoelaces together or you'll fall again

I recruited a nice little girl and her cute cuddly kitten to the flat earthers this weekend.

I also figured out the brakes on my truck are overdue to be replaced.

One man proposed that Geico switch their mascot to a kitten.

"Now, with only 15 minutes, you can save 15 purr-cent on cat insurance"

How do you turn a kitten into a cow?

You marry her!

What did the cat say to the dog when he was trying to run for office?

"Who am I kitten, Rover. I'm not cut out to be a pawlitician."

My kitten kept trying to mount the neighbor's kitten

So I took him to the vet to get cat-strated

Two kittens are sitting on a sloped tin roof and start to slide down at the same time. Which kitten falls off the roof first?

The one with the smaller μ (pronounced mew).

Cat puns freak meowt...

...I'm not kitten.

There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?

the one with the smallest *mu*






**Preemptive explanation:**

Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter µ (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the ratio of the force of friction between two bodies and the force pressing them together.

There was a situation where malware was shown as a kitten meme

The damage it caused was catastrophic

I was formerly sad when my pets came and told me that my wife died

But they were just kitten.

What did one kitten say to the other kitten?

Fleas to meet you.

All the catnip is gone

You have cat to be kitten me right now

What did the feline say when it couldn't believe what was happening?

You've cat to be kitten me right meow.

Why did the old billionaire not want to marry the hot young kitten?

He wanted to avoid a catastrophe

I got my cat Kitten Mittens and now he looks like he's got a wicked peanut allergy

He does not like cat shoes

I've been trying to convince my wife to get a tattoo of a kitten on her breast.

Just so she could have a titty tat.

Kittens and down syndrome

Whats a kitten and a down syndrome kid have in common? Both are cute when little but noboby wants a grown 1

Three kittens are on a sloping roof...

Which one slides down the slowest?

The one with the highest μ

A kitten and a Bengali tiger meet on a disused road

"Why so serious?"The tiger says to the kitten.

"I thought you were gonna eat me," the kitten replies.

"'Course not," the tiger says. "You're a cat; I'm a cat. No beef here."

"Yeah, good point. Haven't seen any cows for miles anyway."

I wrote down on a piece of paper several books I wanted to read about substances that speed up chemical reactions, and told my kitten to go out and get them for me.

I gave my catalyst.

Cat puns really freak meowt

I am not Kitten.

My kitten got a reward for having a fat ass

It was a catastrophe

How do you buy a kitten when the pet store is closed? (Joke from my 10 yr old)

You order it from the Cat-alogue

What do you do when your kitten poops?

Catch it.

Why did the kittens get in trouble during spelling class?

Because they were copycats.

My kitten won top prize in a cute competition.

Unfortunately, they messed up the award... Instead of making it in the shape of a kitty's face they made it into a kitty's behind!!

It's a real cat-ass-trophy!


What do you call a pile of kittens???



Have you got any kittens going cheap? - the man asked in the pet shop.

No sir. All our kittens go meow, replied the owner.

At the vet: they put in a catheter for my kitten...

do they put dogtheters in puppies?

(From my wife)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the kitten purrgatory jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working kitten kitty piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes