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Kissed Jokes

96 kissed jokes and hilarious kissed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kissed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Learn how to make your jokes more enjoyable with a little touch of sun-kissed lips. Discover why adding a gentle goodnight kiss can make your jokes brighter and funnier. Find out how it can improve the reaction of the girl when you tell a joke.

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Funniest Kissed Short Jokes

Short kissed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kissed humour may include short kissing jokes also.

  1. Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive? I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...
  2. 75% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house. 90% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives.
  3. I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck ...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer
  4. I don't always kiss my wife goodbye when I leave the house... But I always kiss my house goodbye when I leave my wife!
  5. My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!
  6. Wife: Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that? Husband: How can I ?
    I don't even know her.
  7. I just got punched by my friend for trying to kiss his new baby on the forehead. Apparently, I have to wait for the baby to be born first.
  8. The problem with kissing a perfect 10 is that Sometimes it's cold when your lips touch the mirror
  9. When I go in to kiss a girl, I always close my eyes. Ive just learned from experience, if my eyes are open, more pepper spray gets in them.
  10. Study reveals 20% of men kiss wife goodbye when they leave the house. 80% of men kiss house goodbye when they leave their wife. Conclusion. Want to keep your house, start kissing your wife.

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Kissed One Liners

Which kissed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kissed? I can suggest the ones about hugged and licked.

  1. Why does Oedipus hate profanity? He kisses his mother with that mouth.
  2. The problem with kissing a perfect 10 Is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.
  3. What is a lesbian's most favorite chocolate? Her/she's kisses.
  4. I kissed a girl today. Wish I could post this in another sub some day.
  5. Why doesn't Oedipus curse? Because he kisses his mother with that mouth
  6. Why is Oedipus against swearing? He kisses his mother with that mouth!
  7. Do you know what evil kisses sound like? Muah hahaha
  8. You shouldn't kiss someone on January 1st It's the first date
  9. I usually close my eyes when I kiss girls. Not as much pepper spray gets in that way.
  10. "Daddy, why don't you kiss me the way you kiss mommy?" "Because I love mommy."
  11. Never kiss your hunny when her nose is runny you may think it's funny but it's snot
  12. Finally today a girl kissed me I wish I could post it in another subreddit :(
  13. What happens if you kiss a bird? You get chirpies. But it's okay because it tweetable!
  14. What do cows call kisses? Smooooooches
  15. How do skeletons kiss Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.

Sun Kissed Jokes

Here is a list of funny sun kissed jokes and even better sun kissed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is Venus Toxic? Because Mercury kisses the sun, Earth is courting Mars, and the other 4 already have a ring on it!
  • Chuck Norris kissed a girl once.
    She's still blushing, we call her Sun.
  • With a s**... smile, she said to me "Kiss me where the sun don't shine." ...so I booked us two tickets for a December holiday in northern Norway.
Kissed joke, With a s**... smile, she said to me "Kiss me where the sun don't shine."

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about kissed can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of kissed puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Witty Kissed Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about kissed you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean kiss day jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make kissed prank.

A conductor kissed a g**... the bus

He was arrested and the police gave him electric shocks but it had no effect.
Because he was a bad conductor.
Sorry guys.

Young love... sort of...

Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.

birthday

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great s**..., any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

Patriotism

A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her p**... and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"

A joke from my great uncle

A nun is walking through the city and hails a taxi cab. The nun gets in a cab, and after a few minutes the cabbie says "It's been a while since I've passionately kissed a woman, would you be willing to kiss me, sister?" The nun asks "Are you single and catholic? If you are there shouldn't be a problem." The man says he is, and they intensely kiss for the next 10 minutes. Afterwards the cabbie starts to feel guilty and says "sister, I must confess I'm married and a Muslim." The nun says, "oh that's alright, my name is Troy and I'm going to a costume party."

I couldn't take my eyes off her

I kissed her parted lips, our tongues touched. One hand passionately kneaded her breast, tweaking her hardened n**....
As the other hand delved deep between her thighs I couldn't help but think, "This'll probably be the last open casket f**... I get invited to".

So a lady saw an army general..

So a lady saw an army general, looking quite charismatic. She instantly felt like hooking up with him. So she kissed him held his hands and took him to a room. On the way she asked him, "so tell me general when was the last time you made love to a woman?"
The general, still savoring the taste of the fine whiskey he had, replied, "around 1950". The lady giggled and said, "well I hope you are ready for an amazing night". The general replied with a smirk on his face, "sure, why not? It is only 2230"

I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls

Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?"
The man smiled and kissed his wife. "You`ll know tonight," he softly whispered.
That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped up and embraced him, and then settled on the couch to slowly and delicately unwrap the package.
It contained a book entitled, 'The Meaning of Dreams'.

Short Irish Joke

There once was an Irishman who got so drunk while he was in Rome that he kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel.

I've recently been going out with one of a set of twins...

And I nearly kissed the wrong one the other day.
But I've come up with a great way to tell the difference between the two; mine's the one without the beard.

One I heard at a restaurant

"Am I the first girl you ever kissed?" She whispered softly to her date. "It's possible" he admitted, "Were you at Lake Geneva in 2004?"

Two men and two women are on a train.

There is a mother and daughter on their way to have a holiday, and there is an old general and his valet, a young sergeant. The train goes through a tunnel, and everything is dark. There is a *mwsshk!* and a *s**...!* and the train leaves the tunnel.
The mother thinks, "that young man stole a kiss from my daughter and got slapped for it!"
The daughter thinks, "that young man tried to kiss me, and kissed my mother by mistake!"
The general thinks, "that upstart pup steals a kiss and I get slapped for it."
The sergeant thinks, "not bad! I just kiss my hand and get to slap the general, and here comes another tunnel!"

Being kissed by a llama isn't the end of the world

The way some people go on about it, you'd think they were talking about the alpaca lips

The Old Man and his wife

A couple were celebrating 60 years of marriage, the old man kissed his wife's neck and then said: "Of our six kids the last one didn's look anything like his brothers and sister, did he have a different father?"
After a moment she took a deep breath and answered yes.
The old man sighed. "Who was he?"
"You.

I can't believe I lost my candidacy for mayor of my hometown

I kissed so many hands and shook so many babies.

A prisoner escaped..

And snuck inside a house nearby.
The prisoner found a young couple in bed and held them hostage, the woman was tied in a chair and the man was tied on the bed post.
The prisoner walked up to the woman and kissed her in the neck afterwards he went to the bathroom.
The man said to the woman "that guy is an escapee from the prison nearby, he's been in prison for such a long time that he's so thirsty for s**.... I can tell it from the way he kissed your neck. No matter what happens let him do whatever he wants or else he will kill us! Be strong honey, i love you!"
Then the woman replied..
"He didn't kiss me honey, he whispered to me that he thinks you're cute and asked me if we have some lubricant. I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong honey, i love you!"

3 things happened to me today

3 things happened to me today
1. I woke up
2. I met a hot girl
3. I kissed a hot girl
But it happened in this order,
1. I met a hot girl
2. I kissed a hot girl
3. I woke up

One time there was an Irishman who got so drunk

He kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel

My girlfriend invites me to her home, and she wasn't there, but her sister, who leaned in and said:

''We should have s**... right here, when my sister isn't here.'', I got up, and ran to my car, when my girlfriend stood there with a smile. ''I knew I could trust you!'' she said when she hugged me and kissed me passionate.
Moral of the story: Always keep condoms in the car.

How my day went today

1. Woke up
2. Went to work
3. Saw hot girl
4. Kissed the girl

Too bad it happened in the order 2,3,4,1.

I kissed a grill once.

It was pretty hot.

She said "kiss me wear it stinks"

So I took her to New Jersey and kissed her

If you get kissed by an alpaca it's not the end of the world.

It's the alpaca-lips.

I got chatting with a girl in a bar....

"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that!" she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.
A few drinks later, we kissed and cuddled and headed back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out!"

He kissed her for one last time before he...

... well, after that it was just necrophilia

I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like l**... an ashtray."

"You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied.

Jenny

1) I woke up.
2) Went to school.
3) I saw her.
4) I ran to her and hugged her.
5) I kissed her.
actually, the right order is 2,3,4,5,1

Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it.

The taste of her hairy lap stick.

My wife just found out that she was adopted and was devastated..

She kept saying why didn't they want me?!
I took her in my arms and comforted her.
After a while, still crying, we kissed, and she asked me to make love to her.
In hindsight, taking her from behind shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" halfway through wasn't the best idea...

I remember my first kiss.....

it was during recess, by the swings. Her name was Liz, she was in 4th grade. We were talking, I don't know what came over me, I grabbed her face and kissed her. It lasted about 10 seconds, we both awkwardly kissed each other, it took us both by surprise.
That night, it was all I could think about. Apparently, that night, she told her parents.
And that's why I can't teach in New York State anymore.

"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday"

Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great s**..., anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"

Ever wondered if your mother kissed you goodnight after giving your father a b**...?

.
.
.
.
You are now!

Jane told her mum, "Mommy, I kissed Dave the other day."

Taken aback, her mom asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"
"2 girls helped me catch him," she replies.

A little buffalo ask his dad, "How come you kiss uncle Steve the same way you kissed mommy?"

"I'm Bison".

Do you know what it means to come home late and being embraced, kissed and loved?

It means you're in the wrong apartment.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?

It's a pain in the neck.

A young boy was kissed by a girl he really liked.

But after only a few seconds, the boy abruptly ended his first kiss. "I'm so sorry, but I can't continue!" he said. "Why not," the girl asked, "didn't you like it?"
"No, that's not it," the boy replied. "It's my mom. She said that if I kiss a girl before I'm sixteen, I'll turn into a statue. And I could feel it starting already."

To the Girl I Kissed Last

Here's to the girl that I kissed last…
She didn't kiss slowly nor did she kiss fast…
But she kissed so long and...
She kissed so sweet…
She made things stand that had no feet!

One of my most loving memories of my mom was when I scraped my knee and she kissed my boo-boo and put a bandaid on it.

It really stuck with me.

s**... random OC

Yesterday as usual we brushed our teeth and I kissed my wife good night. After the kiss..
Wife: Are you an ox?
Me: What?
Wife: You smell "Oxy" Clean
:|

I met an Egyptian girl at a Christmas party last night.

I kissed her under the c**....

Every morning for 18 years, when I left the house, I'd kiss my wife goodbye.

Then when I left the wife, I kissed my house goodbye.

I promised my wife that I haven't kissed a single girl since we met

the married ones are less demanding

Once upon a time, a frog told a princess that if she kissed him he'd become a handsome prince.

Turns out, he was just full of flies.

I'm not saying I got too excited when I kissed that saxophone player...

But I jazzed in my pants.

Have you ever woken up, kissed the person beside you, and just relax?

Well I just did and apparently I won't be allowed on this airline again

Fairytale princesses be like....

I kissed a frog and I married it.

My girlfriend asked me if she was the first girl I ever kissed.

I was completely honest when I told her that's why so looked so familiar.

The first time I kissed a girl

Subscribe to pewdiepie before it's too late

My first kiss

My first kiss happened when I was 3, my dad took me to an orphanage and kissed me goodbye

I'm no longer a 21 year old v**...

... I finally kissed a girl yesterday

The best day of my life or is it ?

1. Woke up
2. Bought a mansion
3. Kissed my crush
4. Won the lottery
Sadly it went in this order 3,2,4,1

I tried to be romantic and gave my wife a certificate for our anniversary

I wrote that she can have great s**... anyway she wants it.
She jumped up kissed me on the forehead and said she'll be back in a couple of hours.

I gently got into bed beside her, kissed her neck and whispered, "That number you gave me at the bar tonight…"

…doesn't exist."

As we stood outside her front door, she kissed me and whispered, "Do you want to stay here tonight?"

"No," I replied, and went home.

Why would I want to stand outside her front door all night?

Why did Oedipus never use profanity?

Because he kissed his mother with that mouth.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIRATE THAT KISSED THE PIRATE WOMANS TREASURE CHEST?

His tongue got stuck in her b**...!

Being kissed when you are asleep is one of the most purest forms of love

Unless you are in prison

Being kissed by a girl is like winning the lotto

I can pay for both, but get nothing in the end

I saw a girl trying to commit s**... by jumping off a bridge.

I stopped her, and asked to kiss her before she jumped and she agreed.
I kissed for a very long time and she forgot everything.
Then I asked her that why she wanted to commit s**...?
She took of her wig and said, "I'm Joe, my family doesn't like me dressing up like girls!".

Did you hear the one about the guy who kissed his 3rd cousin?

He stopped counting

Watch out for those St. Patrick's Day scammers

Just had a guy try to sell me a piece of stone he said was from Ireland and kissed by St Patrick. When I looked underneath it said 'Made in China.
Obviously a sham rock.

My partner kissed me at 3am when I was looking at memes on my phone.

I told them, "we're kissing in the memelight" now. They're mad.

My crush kissed me!

I wish I could post it in other subs.

Have you ever woken up, kissed the person beside you and thanked the Lord you're alive?

I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again.

Be Strong

A burglar entered a bedroom, t**... the husband and wife, kissed the wife's ear and went to the bathroom..
The husband said to the wife "Satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you"
Wife said "He didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear that he is gay, he needs vaseline and i told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love you too."

She dimmed the lights. She leaned in. She looked straight into my eyes.

I kissed her.
And now I am arrested by the police for misbehaving with the optician.

As we left the restaurant, she kissed me and said, "We should have dinner again."

"No thanks," I replied, "I'm full."

Being kissed while sleeping is the most beautiful expression of love.

Unless you're in jail.

A man tells his friend, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.

She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped."
His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great s**..., any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!"
The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"
The man sighed. "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"

Why was Seal's face covered in Mexican rice?

Because he was kissed by arroz.

After a 2000 year absence, the v**... Mary takes a trip down to earth.


After a couple of days, she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is the v**... Mary. I met a man." Peter says to her, "That's not bad. This is how it is down on earth."
The next day she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is the v**... Mary. I kissed the man. Is that bad?" Peter says to her, "No, that's part of life on earth."
The next day she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is Mary."

After a night of heavy drinking, when I woke up n**... in my sister's bed on New Year's day, I feared the worst.

When my brother-in-law kissed me on the cheek, those fears were realized.

Did you know Liberace was a bird lover?

He once said, I've never hugged a parrot, but I've kissed a cockatoo!

Kissed joke, Did you know Liberace was a bird lover?

jokes about kissed

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these kissed jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.