Kirk Jokes

53 kirk jokes and hilarious kirk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kirk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Kirk Short Jokes

Short kirk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kirk humour may include short church jokes also.

  1. Captain Kirk actually has 3 ears. The first is the left ear, the second is the right ear, and then there's the final frontier.
  2. Captan Kirk & Today's Shuttle Launch If William Shatner really wanted to go where no man had gone before , He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.
  3. Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom? Because he was fighting the Klingons.
  4. What did captain kirk's music teach put on his report card? He's having trouble with the trebles
  5. Fun fact: In Star Trek canon, Captain Kirk has three ears. . . He has a left ear, a right ear, and SPACE: THE FINAL FRONT EAR.
  6. What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room? Tell a porter.
  7. Charlie Kirk, Ayn Rand and Gary Johnson walk into a bar. They all die of lead poisoning because there's no goverment to regulate how much lead the barman is allowed to put into his drinks.
  8. When Chris Pine was approached to star in Christopher Nolan's new war time epic.. "No thanks I've done Kirk"
  9. How many ears does captain Kirk have? Three, his left ear, his right ear and his final frontier
  10. What's a star trek fans favourite drink? Picardi and Kirk

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Kirk One Liners

Which kirk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kirk? I can suggest the ones about christian and baptist.

  1. Why did Captain Kirk's girlfriend break up with him? Because he Shatner face.
  2. Did you know Captain Kirk had three ears? A right ear, a left ear, and a final front ear
  3. What is Captain Kirk's least favorite type of nut? Pe-KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!
  4. What is Captain Kirk's least favourite nut? Pe-Kahn!!!!!!
  5. If James T. Kirk ran a drug business from his ship... Would it be a criminal Enterprise?
  6. What does Captain Kirk do on the toilet ? He makes a Captain's log
  7. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? 3
    A Left Ear
    A Right Ear
    And a Final Front-Ear
  8. Why does Captain Kirk's wife smell? Because, William Shatner.
  9. Why Did Spock Use Kirk's Bathroom? ...Because he wanted to see the Captain's log
  10. What did Captain Kirk find at the end of the rainbow? a LepreKHAAAAAAN!
  11. What is Captain Kirk's least favorite movie genre? Romulan-coms
  12. How did they land the U.S.S Enterpise at Costco? Kirk-Land
  13. I like my lawn like Captain Kirk likes his women. Thick, lush, soft, and green.
  14. What is Kirk Hammett's Favorite Dog? The Chiwahwah
  15. What is Captain Kirks most hated pie? Pe-KHAAAAAAANNN!

Captain Kirk Jokes

Here is a list of funny captain kirk jokes and even better captain kirk puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is Captain Kirk's favorite brand of paper products? Scott
  • Q: Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?
    A: Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.
  • Hey Captain Kirk, who's your most productive officer? That would be Pavel - any task I give him, he'll quickly Chekov.
  • What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? They both wipe away Klingons from Uranus
  • How did Captain Kirk get the flu He Khan-tracted it
  • Why did Captain Kirk pee on the enterprise? To go where no man had gone before.
  • Why did Captain Kirk pee on the ceiling? To boldly go where no man has gone before.
  • Why couldn't Captain Kirk access the internet? He had no Data.
  • What is Captain Kirk's favorite fish, stretch and 17th century infantry weapon? Pike
  • Where does Captain Kirk prefer to urinate? Where no man has gone before.
Kirk joke, Where does Captain Kirk prefer to urinate?

Uproarious Kirk Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about kirk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chapel jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kirk pranks.

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner p**..." wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

Kirk breaks his arm and goes to see Doctor McCoy.

McCoy starts to s**... and says, "Well James, you may not be laughing on the outside, but on the inside you're cracking up!"
"Funny, Bones", replies Kirk with a smirk.
"Actually James", says McCoy, checking Kirk's arm, "your humerus!"

Why does Captain Kirk only have s**... with virgins?

He boldly goes where no man has gone before.

What's sick, Irish, and hates Captain Kirk?

A l**... Khan.

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women's l**....

But no one would invest in Shatner p**....
(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

Captain Kirk and Spock are chatting one day...

Kirk: " Spock you always remain so calm and even handed when talking with people who are obviously less intelligent than you. How do you do it? "
Spock: " Well Captain I simply agree with whatever they say."
Kirk: " What? That's absolutely ridiculous! "
Spock: " I completely agree Jim. "

Kirk and Spock were trapped on a planet and were waiting for rescue.

Kirk complained to Spock that his legs were getting tired from just standing around.
Spock said "there's a tree right there let's cut it down with our phasers and make a bench."
"You're a genius!" Exclaimed Kirk.
"Nonsense" replied Spock "it's only log-ical"

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation f**...?

William s**...-on-her

Why did Kirk and Spock lose Dr McCoy in the jungle?

They couldn't see DeForest for da trees.

Kirk joke, Why did Captain Kirk pee on the enterprise?