Kings Jokes

77 kings jokes and hilarious kings puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about kings that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article uncovers the funniest jokes related to the three Kings - the Sacramento Kings, Kusina Kings, and the pharaohs. Your favorite princes will be cracking jokes as we explore some of the undisputed humorous material about the Kings.

Funniest Kings Short Jokes

Short kings jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The kings humour may include short kingdom jokes also.

  1. We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by king.. Now we have countries..
  2. What's a pirate's favorite letter? A writ of safe passage from his majesty, King Charles II of England.
  3. My Daughter asked me "dad, why don't you treat me like a princess." So I married her off to the King of Spain in exchange for 5000 acres on the Costa del Sol.
  4. King Charles will not make as many foreign visits as Queen Elizabeth did. Because the Queen could go any distance but the King can only move one space at a time.
  5. King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army? Squire: 384 my liege

    king: Ok, round them up
    Squire: 400 my liege
  6. King Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records: The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.
  7. We used to have empires ruled by emperors, kingdoms ruled by kings and sultanates ruled by sultans. Now we have countries....
  8. I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be joe."
  9. When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May... ...and it is a Country.
  10. I went to a bookstore recently. Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.

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Kings One Liners

Which kings one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with kings? I can suggest the ones about lords and king jr.

  1. What's it called when a King and Queen have no children? A receding heir line...
  2. Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe? I'm not joking, but he is
  3. I couldn't follow the storyline of Stephen King's It Too many Maine characters.
  4. Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push two twins together to make a king.
  5. What happened to king Henry the VIII's wife's head? (removed)
  6. There once was a king who was 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but a great ruler.
  7. When the king farted, why did nobody laugh? Because noble gases don't cause reactions.
  8. How do the Lanisters make large beds? They put two twins together to make a king.
  9. If a king farts... Is it considered a noble gas?
  10. United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.
  11. What would martin luther king jr. have been if he was white? Alive
  12. Who did King Arthur leave in charge of security? Sir Veillance
  13. What do you call a king's rabbit? The hare to the throne
  14. What do you get when you vaporize a king? A noble gas.
  15. Who build King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference

Kings Queens Jokes

Here is a list of funny kings queens jokes and even better kings queens puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How can you tell you're playing poker with a feminist? They'll insist that Kings and Queens have equal value.
  • I was playing chess with my Australian friend He moved his queen in front of my king and said "check, mate".
    I replied and said, "you didn't win though?"
    Confused he said, "mate, I know."
  • Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant? The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper
  • I said to her: "Two more inches and I'd be a king" "Two inches less and you'd be a queen", she replied.
  • A king and queen walk into a bar. The bartender tells them "sorry, but you're under 21."
  • If horse racing is the "sport of kings" is drag racing the sport of queens?
  • "God Save the Queen" seems an ill-fitting anthem following the coronation of King Charles III The obvious choice for the replacement is the "Charles in Charge" theme song.
  • Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant? Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!
  • Why is the US bad at chess? We have no kings, no queens, and we already lost 2 towers
  • Who's Burger King married to? Dairy Queen.

Three Kings Jokes

Here is a list of funny three kings jokes and even better three kings puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There was a king with three cups. He filled the first cup. He filled the second cup. But he left the third cup empty.
    What was the kings name?
    King Philip the Third.
  • A teacher asked, "Johnny, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny responded, "Drin-king, smo-king, and f*c-king."
  • Teacher: can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to earth? Student: Drin King, Smo King, and Fuc King!
  • A road king is dying and has a meeting with his three sons Each of the sons thought
    How will the land be divided?
    How will our subjects fair?
    When will he croooak?
  • The king splits his kingdom for his three sons... -F**k yeah, said the Fourth Son
Kings joke, The king splits his kingdom for his three sons...

Sacramento Kings Jokes

Here is a list of funny sacramento kings jokes and even better sacramento kings puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Rihanna should date the Sacramento Kings. They don't beat anybody.
Kings joke, Rihanna should date the Sacramento Kings.

Unearthly Funniest Kings Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about kings you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean thrones jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make kings pranks.

How come nobody at the kings table laughed when he f**...?

Because noble gases don't cause reactions.

Birth of Jesus

Mary: the King of Kings!
Wise men: the Lord and Saviour!
Joseph: who's white baby is this?

How many Kings of Spain abdicated last week?

Just Juan

"All the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again."

What did kings use as l**...?


Kid friendly jokes?

I'm a ski instructor. I usually teach kids ages 9-13 years old. What are some good kid friendly jokes to keep them interested?
Q: Where do kings keep their armies?
A: In their sleevies.

Lions sleep 18 hrs a day..

If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!

Why do clouds make good Kings?

Because they have rain over every country in the world.

What is the Kingsman policy on workplace relationships? (OC)

Brogues before Hos

Happy 4th of July. If there is one thing we have to show for after all these years...

Going from revolting against white kings and queens to revolting against a female Asian CEO....progress.

A limerick, There once was a bishop from kings...

There once was a bishop from Kings,
Who talked about god and such things,
But his real desire,
was a boy in the choir,
with a bottom like jello on springs.

(Old WoW joke) ...and Jesus said to his disciples 'I shall grant you wisdom and salvation.'

And the disciples replied 'could we get kings instead?'

A servant runs into the kings room

The servant out of breath proclaims "Sir the peasants are revolting"
The king worried leaps to the window only to see a few peasants walking calmly down the road. Confused he turns back to the servant and inquires on what he meant.
The servant with a hand to his stomach replies "have you seen what they are wearing?"

Whats the funniest type of bird?

Crows! they're the undisputed kings of CAW-Medy

What happens to deposed kings?

They get throne away.

The kings of Sweden and denmark are having a press conference today

The king of Norway will also say a fjords

What do kings call musical chairs?

A game of thrones.

How did Egyptian kings communicate with their wives?

They used their Pharaoh-moans.

To all the people who've been ritually sacrificed by Aztec kings...

My heart goes out to you

A new discovery is made pertaining to the ethnicity of Ancient Egyptian Kings

Archaeologists have discovered that the kings of Ancient Egypt were in fact black. Upon unwrapping the gold sarcophagus they found the body of a dark chocolate skinned man. The legendary Pharaoh Rocher.

There used to be great empires, ruled by Emperors, then there were Kingdoms ruled by Kings...

Now all we have is a bunch of countries....

We used to have kingdoms ran by kings and empires ran by emperors and now we have theresa may

And now it's mayhem

They thought the Night Kings threats were a bluff

But he was dead serious

In the past, empires were ruled by emperors, then kingdoms were ruled by kings.

Now we have countries.

I watched a silent film version of Stephen Kings "it" the other day.

It was Shh-it.

If kings are in charge of kingdoms, emperors are in charge of empires, and princes are in charge of principalities....

....then who is in charge of a country?

What's the kings favourite weather?


How many Kings does it take to viciously destroy a room full of lightbulbs ?

Vi Kings

Why is Bran unable to walk?

Because he didn't make a kings landing.
sigh! ... I will see myself out.

First we lived in kingdoms run by Kings, then Empires run by Emperors

Now we live in Countries...

Why were only 3 of the 4 kings called wise?

Because the other one didn't have any frankensense.

Bob Seger sits in a park with a tired-eyed old man. He's learning how to play chess.

After going over the layout and setup of the board, the old man begins a lesson on to the movement of the individual pieces.
Queens move in all directions, any distance. Kings are the same but with only one space. He didn't understand the knight, though.
Two in one direction, then one to the side.
Hm, funny how the knight moves.

we used to have empires run by emperor's, and kingdoms run by kings,

now we have countries...

A small town's only barber was known for his arrogant, negative attitude.

When one of his regular customers came in and mentioned that he'd be going to Rome and hoped to meet the Pope, the barber's response was typical. "You, meet the Pope? Ha, don't make me laugh. The Pope only sees kings and presidents and queens. What would he want with you?"
A month later, the man returns for another haircut.
"How was Rome?"
"Great! I saw the Pope."
"Yes, from St Peter's Square like the rest of the crowd I suppose."
"Yes, but then two guards came up and demanded that the Pope wanted to see me. They even took me to his private apartment in the Vatican."
"What did he say?"
"Who gave you that lousy haircut?"

What do you call gossip about kings and queens?

Royal tea

In the early days, we had Kingdoms run by Kings.

And Empires run by Emperors.
Now we have Countries run by...

A priest is walking through Kings Cross (a rough area of town), when a woman approached him and says

"Do you want a naughty? 200 bucks."
"Certainly not," he mutters and hurries on. Soon he passed near another woman who says "$200 for a naughty. Interested?"
"No thank you," he replies flusteredly.
As he comes near a third woman she again offers him a naughty for $200, which he of course refuses. Arriving back at the abbey, he happens upon the Mother Superior. Curiosity gets the better of him and he asks, "'s a naughty?
She replies "Two hundred dollars, just like in Kings Cross."

When i have my first child I'm going to make him read all the Harry Potter books and convince him he is also a wizard.

On his 11th birthday he will receive his hogwarts letter (written by me) and i will then take him to kings cross station and say nothing as he runs at the wall between platform 9 and 10.

Kings joke, When i have my first child I'm going to make him read all the Harry Potter books and convince him he

jokes about kings