The Best 75 King Jokes
Following is our collection of funny King jokes. There are some king nobles jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these king martin luther king jr day puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest King Jokes and Puns
Who designed King Arthur's Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?
A receding heir line...
How come nobody at the kings table laughed when he farted?
Because noble gases don't cause reactions.
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
Beer is good.
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
Why did King Arthur leave no heir?
He was legendary for pulling out.
Heard this one from my 8 year old and couldn't stop laughing
Q: Who made King Arthur's table round?
A: Sir Cumference
I made this joke!
One day the king feels the urge to examine his castle dungeons and ensure everything is running smoothly. His examination is going well when he runs across the guy operating the rack. After a bit of conversation the king asks how the rack operator's job is going to which he replies "well, it's just one long 'knight' after another."
A knight and his men return to their castle...
...after a long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
Who was King Arthur's knight who built the round table?
Sir Cumfrence
What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?
Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.
You can explore king royal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean king sire dad jokes. There are also king puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why do the Lannisters have such big beds?
They push two twins together to make a king.
Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?
Because he wouldn't separate the whites from the blacks.
St. Patrick's day vs Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
What's the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King day?
St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.
Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.
Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"
Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."
There are 500 bricks on a plane...
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper?
McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.
Who invented King Arthur's Round Table?
Sir Cumference!
How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?
They push Two twins together to make a King
In America Martin Luther King only gets one day....
And sharks get a whole week.
It's probably because they are great whites.
Who's the roundest knight at King Arthur's court?
Circumference.
My father wants me to treat him like a king
So I stabbed him while he was sleeping. The succession line has to go on, dad.
How do the Lanisters make large beds?
They put two twins together to make a king.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke
A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary
A king gets murdered in his sleep...
Two of his most loyal servants found the body, with a sword in the king's chest. One the servants turns to the other and says "Wow, he must have had a bad knight."
the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.
So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first
- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guinness
The other two look at him ... 'Lemonade?'
'Well if you're not drinking beer neither am I'
Who build King Arthur's round table?
Sir Cumference
What do you get when you vaporize a king?
A noble gas.
What would Martin Luther King Jr. have been if he was white?
Alive
The king asks a commoner...
"Give me your daughter's hand in marriage, and I'll give you her weight in jewels."
"I will need a couple days first." - Replies the commoner
"To think it over?" asks his majesty.
"No - to fatten her up."
I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges.
We called him Martin Loofah King.
I was playing chess with my Australian friend
He moved his queen in front of my king and said "check, mate".
I replied and said, "you didn't win though?"
Confused he said, "mate, I know."
If a king farts...
Is it considered a noble gas?
Why are Lannisters like beds?
Push two twins together and make a king.
United Airlines will treat you like a King!
Rodney King, that is.
King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?
Squire: 384 my liege
king: Ok, round them up
Squire: 400 my liege
Husband takes his wife to a disco.
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no."
Husband says: "Yep, it looks like he's still celebrating!!"
Best son ever
5 year old son after reading a story of a king
Son : mom, I also want 3 wives, one will bathe , one will cook and one will sing
Mom : which one will put you to sleep?
Son: no mom, I will still sleep with you. Mom's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son
Mom : who will the 3 wives sleep with?
Son : let them sleep with daddy
Daddy's eyes filled with tears... God bless you son
Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??
King Philip III
When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May...
...and it is a Country.
Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game
Reasons are:
1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.
A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention
He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.
A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"
So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it.
Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.
A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...
Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "
King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.
He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".
Which knight did King Arthur leave in charge of constructing the round table?
Sir Cumference
Who did King Arthur leave in charge of security?
Sir Veillance
I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!"
I replied, "Surely you must be Joe."
My black friend told me I can't celebrate Martin Luther King Day because I am white
If that's true, then he can't celebrate Father's Day.
What happened to king Henry the VIII's wife's head?
(removed)
Who was the fattest knight at King Arthur's round table?
Sir Cumference...
He ate too much Pi...
At the Burger King drive through I said I'll have Bruce Lee's favorite burger please
The cashier said what's that?
So I said A whopaaaaaaaa
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.''
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he insists.''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.''Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?''The wife snaps, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''
Happy father's day!
5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:
Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me
Mom: And which one will put you to sleep
Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you
Mom's eyes filled up with tears.
Mom: God bless you son. But who will sleep with your 3 wives?
Son: Let them sleep with daddy.
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son !
Happy Father's day!
Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said:
Burrr… gurrr… King.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
JFK, Ab. lincoln, & Martin luther king Jr walks into a bar
They get a few shots
A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him
He locked her in her room and gave the keys to his minister and ordered him that if I don't come back in 10 days then she is yours. Then the king left. After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he heard someone coming from behind. He stopped for the man and once the other horse rider came close the king saw that he was his minister. The minister came towards the king.
The king said, "didn't I give you a job to do?"
The minister said, " your highness about that.... the keys you gave me are wrong"
Why did no one in the King's court laugh when the king farted?
Because noble gases don't cause a reaction
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.
Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".
Genie: Wait, what? Why?
Man: It's for a joke, trust me.
Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?
Man: Yes.
Burger King: Have it your way.
Once there was a king only 12 tall.
He was a lousy king, but made a great ruler.
I went to a bookstore recently.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.
Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."
Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I'm not joking, but he is
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was...
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi
Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall...
He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for lunch.
I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?" The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"
So Putin decides to change Russia's Identity
He calls the Queen of Great Britain for advice.
Putin - "Queen Elizabeth, I'd like to have Russia be a Kingdom. I feel it would give it the gravitas it deserves"
The Queen - "But Vladimir, you need to have a king to be a Kingdom"
Putin - "Well what about a Principality then?"
The Queen - "No Vladimir, you need a prince to have a Principality"
Putin - "Then I'm at a loss, what should Russia be"
The Queen - "I think you are quite suited to be a Country, wouldn't you agree"
I don't want to spoil the ending of IT by Stephen King
But I can tell you, IT's going down well
What do the subjects of a stoner king refer to him as?
Your Highness
Why was Snoop Dogg arrested after serving me nachos in a Mexican restaurant?
Because murder was the queso that he gave me. (This is a joke I made for my husband, the king of dad jokes)
My friend Stephen King has a son named Joe
I'm not Joking, he is
After much research, it has finally been discovered why King Arther's knights were of the round table instead of the square table.
The knights that designed it were named Sir Cular and Sir Cumference. Rumor has it they were both obsessed with eating pi.
Where did the king put his armies?
In his sleevies!
Who's Burger King married to?
Dairy Queen.
My wife got angry when I switched our king sized bed for a double
I thought it would bring us closer together...
And she even slapped me when I suggested we go single
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the king martin luther king day jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working king martin luther king jr piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.