King Jokes
165 king jokes and hilarious king puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about king that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with classic and modern King jokes, from funny puns like the Lion King and Burger King to ‘heir-larious’ jokes about monarchy, tiger kings, and more! Put on your royal crown and get ready to chuckle at these short king jokes.
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Funniest King Short Jokes
Short king jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The king humour may include short queen jokes also.
- We used to have empires run by emperors, then we had kingdoms run by kings.. Now we have countries..
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? A writ of safe passage from his majesty, King Charles II of England.
- My Daughter asked me "dad, why don't you treat me like a princess." So I married her off to the King of Spain in exchange for 5000 acres on the Costa del Sol.
- King Charles will not make as many foreign visits as Queen Elizabeth did. Because the Queen could go any distance but the King can only move one space at a time.
- King: How many volunteers do we have for my evil army? Squire: 384 my liege
king: Ok, round them up
Squire: 400 my liege - King Charles has a realistic chance of breaking one of Queen Elizabeths most famous records: The record number of 15 prime ministers during her reign.
- We used to have empires ruled by emperors, kingdoms ruled by kings and sultanates ruled by sultans. Now we have countries....
- I was walking past a homeless man when he yelled, "Stephen King is my older brother and he stole the ideas for all his novels from me!" I replied, "Surely you must be joe."
- When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May... ...and it is a Country.
- I went to a bookstore recently. Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I wondered why they were doing that. Then IT hit me.
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King One Liners
Which king one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with king? I can suggest the ones about lords and wick.
- What's it called when a King and Queen have no children? A receding heir line...
- Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe? I'm not joking, but he is
- I couldn't follow the storyline of Stephen King's It Too many Maine characters.
- Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push two twins together to make a king.
- What happened to king Henry the VIII's wife's head? (removed)
- There once was a king who was 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king but a great ruler.
- When the king farted, why did nobody laugh? Because noble gases don't cause reactions.
- How do the Lanisters make large beds? They put two twins together to make a king.
- If a king farts... Is it considered a noble gas?
- United Airlines will treat you like a King! Rodney King, that is.
- What would martin luther king jr. have been if he was white? Alive
- Who did King Arthur leave in charge of security? Sir Veillance
- What do you call a king's rabbit? The hare to the throne
- What do you get when you vaporize a king? A noble gas.
- Who build King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference
Burger King Jokes
Here is a list of funny burger king jokes and even better burger king puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's a new burger chain that's going after Burger King… To one up Burger King they called their new restaurants Burger God.
Their slogan is Have it Yahweh - Did you hear burger King is promoting a black Whopper? McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.
- l made $48m today and I'm STILL having Burger King for dinner. Just another day working at the Federal Reserve.
- At the Burger King drive through I said I'll have Bruce Lee's favorite burger please The cashier said what's that?
So I said A whopaaaaaaaa - Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant? The Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper
- What does bruce lee order in Burger King? WOPPAAAH!
- My friend told me to stop making Burger King puns I said "fine! Have it your way!"
- I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.
- What does Bruce Lee order at Burger King? A *WHOPPA*!
- Why didn't the burger king get the dairy queen pregnant? Because the whopper always comes in a wrapper!
Lion King Jokes
Here is a list of funny lion king jokes and even better lion king puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked Rick Astley if I could borrow some Disney DVDs... He said, "You can take Cars and Lion King but I'm never gonna give you UP!"
- Lions sleep 18 hrs a day.. If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!
- Do you want to know how i got these Scars? Joker asked Batman as he showed him his Lion king figurine collection.
- If a lion is the king of the jungle... Then shouldn't they call it a reignforest?
- What does The Lion King have a lot of? Simbalism
- If The Lion King was a cow movie instead, what would their leader be called? Moofasa
- Why does the lion say I'm the king of the jungle ? Because he has mane character syndrome
- The Lion King has a lot of Simbalism badumtss
- Why did the lion king die? Because he didn't mufasa
- Why was Simba unable to save his dad in the Lion King? He couldnt Mufasa enough.
Stephen King Jokes
Here is a list of funny stephen king jokes and even better stephen king puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Saw a man in a parking lot throwing Stephen King novels at people I couldn't figure out why. Then It hit me.
- So I heard the new Iphone is gonna have that new Stephen King movie preloaded onto it. Yeah. X is gonna give IT to ya.
- My friend Stephen King has a son named Joe I'm not Joking, he is
- Whenever we had guests over, my wife would get embarrassed because I have the mind of a child. In a jar. On the coffee table. (Credit to Stephen King for this one)
- I held the record for collecting Stephen King's books. Then I lost It.
- Stephen King I still think it's weird his most popular book is about Information Technology.
- Why can't you own just one Stephen King novel? Because 'Misery' loves company.
- I watched a silent film version of Stephen Kings "it" the other day. It was Shh-it.
- What do you call Kim Jong-un reading a Stephen King novel? Fearless Reader
- Stephen King named his son Joe. No, I'm not joking...
Luther King Jokes
Here is a list of funny luther king jokes and even better luther king puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.
- St. Patrick's day vs Martin Luther King Jr. Day. What's the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King day?
St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish. - JFK, Ab. lincoln, & Martin luther king Jr walks into a bar They get a few shots
- My black friend told me I can't celebrate Martin Luther King Day because I am white If that's true, then he can't celebrate Father's Day.
- What do bras have in common with Martin Luther King?? Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!
- I'm so jealous of Martin Luther King Jr. Nobody ever wants to hear stories about my weird dreams
- Best Buy's Martin Luther King Day sale leaked 50% off all black speakers
- Why would people always stand still to hide from Martin Luther King Jr.? His vision was based on movements.
- TIL that Martin Luther King Jr got a C in public speaking Look where it got him.
Murdered. - Why did Freddy Kruger kill Martin Luther King? Cause he had a Dream.
Tiger King Jokes
Here is a list of funny tiger king jokes and even better tiger king puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors Carole Baskin And Robin's
- WARNING: Tiger King Spoilers Will make your car look s**....
- What did the tiger say to the other tiger? Who's that old guy narrating us f**king?
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious King Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about king you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean royal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make king pranks.
Who designed King Arthur's Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
How come nobody at the kings table laughed when he f**...?
Because noble gases don't cause reactions.
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
Beer is good.
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
Why did King Arthur leave no heir?
He was legendary for pulling out.
My niece dropped this joke on me today: Why did the king go to the dentist?
He needed to get a new crown
Heard this one from my 8 year old and couldn't stop laughing
Q: Who made King Arthur's table round?
A: Sir Cumference
I made this joke!
One day the king feels the urge to examine his castle dungeons and ensure everything is running smoothly. His examination is going well when he runs across the guy operating the rack. After a bit of conversation the king asks how the rack operator's job is going to which he replies "well, it's just one long 'knight' after another."
A knight and his men return to their castle...
...after a long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
Men Will Be Men
Before the King goes to war, he locks his wife (the beautiful Queen ),
in the room & gives the key to his best friend & says : If I am not back within 4 days , open the room and she is yours....
He sits on his horse & hits the road. Half an hour later he notices a dust cloud & sound behind him. He stops & sees his friend riding very fast towards him.
"What's wrong ?" King asks.
.
.
.
.
Out of breath, his friend answers, "It is the wrong Key...!! "
Who was King Arthur's knight who built the round table?
Sir Cumfrence
Why was Martin Luther King so bad at doing laundry?
Because he wouldn't separate the w**... from the b**....
Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.
Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"
Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."
There are 500 bricks on a plane...
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
Jesus has been living in my heart for years...
...and I still haven't received one rent check!
No wonder they call him king of the Jews...
A famous armorer was called to court...
…to demonstrate his new plate design. He set it on a stand in the middle of a grand gallery. The king called in his executioner, a dour and muscular man who prided himself in his ability to slice folk exactly in half, to strike the suit. With a sonorous clang! the executioner's heavy sword bounced off of the chest piece. Frustrated, he pointed an accusatory finger at the armorer and cried This is why we can't halve nice things!
Who invented King Arthur's Round Table?
Sir Cumference!
How do the Lannisters save money on new beds?
They push Two twins together to make a King
The fattest knight at King Arthur's
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
In America Martin Luther King only gets one day....
And sharks get a whole week.
It's probably because they are great w**....
Who's the roundest knight at King Arthur's court?
Circumference.
I got an email from a Mongolian king...
I got an email from a Mongolian king, promising me millions and everyone warned me it was a con, but I was like "Yeah guys, I know it's a Khan. That's what a king from Mongolia is called."
My father wants me to treat him like a king
So I stabbed him while he was sleeping. The succession line has to go on, dad.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke
A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary
A king gets murdered in his sleep...
Two of his most loyal servants found the body, with a sword in the king's chest. One the servants turns to the other and says "Wow, he must have had a bad knight."
the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness go to lunch.
So, the heads of Coors, Budweiser and Guinness are all sitting in a restaurant. When the waitress comes over she takes their drinks order first
- 'Ill have a silver bullet' says the Coors guy
- 'Ill have the king of beers' says the Budweiser guy
- 'Lemonade please' says the head of Guinness
The other two look at him ... 'Lemonade?'
'Well if you're not drinking beer neither am I'
What do you call it when a king rips a f**...?..
Air to the throne.
The king asks a commoner...
"Give me your daughter's hand in marriage, and I'll give you her weight in jewels."
"I will need a couple days first." - Replies the commoner
"To think it over?" asks his majesty.
"No - to fatten her up."
The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so,
He felt undermined.
I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponge.
We called him Martin Loofah King.
I was playing chess with my Australian friend
He moved his queen in front of my king and said "check, mate".
I replied and said, "you didn't win though?"
Confused he said, "mate, I know."
Don't eat royal sausage in Vietnamese noodle soup
Trust me, it's the Pho King Wurst
I said to her: "Two more inches and I'd be a king"
"Two inches less and you'd be a queen", she replied.
Why are Lannisters like beds?
Push two twins together and make a king.
Husband takes his wife to a disco.
Husband takes his wife to a disco. There's a guy on the dance floor dancing like a king –moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. The wife turns to her husband and sighs: "You see that man? 25 years ago he asked me to marry him and I said no."
Husband says: "Yep, it looks like he's still celebrating!!"
Best son ever
5 year old son after reading a story of a king
Son : mom, I also want 3 wives, one will bathe , one will cook and one will sing
Mom : which one will put you to sleep?
Son: no mom, I will still sleep with you. Mom's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son
Mom : who will the 3 wives sleep with?
Son : let them sleep with daddy
Daddy's eyes filled with tears... God bless you son
Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??
King Philip III
Saudi Arabia banned chess, calling it a dangerous game
Reasons are:
1. The Queen doesn't wear a burkha.
2. The Queen roams freely wherever she wants to.
3. The Queen is more powerful than the King.
4. The Queen goes alone to opponent's territory.
5. Most importantly, there's only one Queen.
A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.
One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.
If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?
499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.
A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention
He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.
A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"
A man walks into a bar, and sees King Kong having a drink...
Now, the man loves all of Kong's films, so he decides to walk up to him. He says, "wow! King Kong! I'm such a big fan. Sorry to bother you, but do you have time for a photo? "
King Kong suddenly looks up, checks his watch.
He turns to the man and says "sorry, I've a plane to catch".
Which knight did King Arthur leave in charge of constructing the round table?
Sir Cumference
Who was the fattest knight at King Arthur's round table?
Sir Cumference...
He ate too much Pi...
An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.''It's all right,'' says the husband. ''We share everything.''
A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. ''I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal,'' he insists.''She'll eat,'' the husband assures him. ''We share everything.''Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, ''Why aren't you eating?''The wife snaps, ''Because I'm waiting for the teeth!''
I called a Chinese restaurant,
the man replied " Hello, I am Wan King the chef."
I replied "It's OK, I'll call you later."
Happy father's day!
5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:
Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me
Mom: And which one will put you to sleep
Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you
Mom's eyes filled up with tears.
Mom: God bless you son. But who will sleep with your 3 wives?
Son: Let them sleep with daddy.
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son !
Happy Father's day!
Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said:
Burrr… gurrr… King.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
A King had to go on a war but he was worried that his wife might cheat and leave him
He locked her in her room and gave the keys to his minister and ordered him that if I don't come back in 10 days then she is yours. Then the king left. After 20 mins as he was riding on his fast horse he heard someone coming from behind. He stopped for the man and once the other horse rider came close the king saw that he was his minister. The minister came towards the king.
The king said, "didn't I give you a job to do?"
The minister said, " your highness about that.... the keys you gave me are wrong"
Why did no one in the King's court laugh when the king f**...?
Because noble gases don't cause a reaction
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.
Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".
Genie: Wait, what? Why?
Man: It's for a joke, trust me.
Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?
Man: Yes.
Burger King: Have it your way.
Once there was a king only 12 tall.
He was a lousy king, but made a great ruler.
Welcome to Lannister family mattress store!
Where we push two twins together to make a king.
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.
Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."
What is the king of all tools?
The Ruler.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was...
Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi
Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall...
He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.
