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King Guard Jokes

8 king guard jokes and hilarious king guard puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about king guard that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Giggle-Inducing King Guard Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What is a good king guard joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

A King asks two guards to protect his beautiful daughter's virginity...

Unbeknownst to the guards, the king put a trap in his daughter's nether regions.
The next day, the king summons the guards and one showed up with mangled g**.... The King had him executed for making attempts on his daughter.
The other guard, with his manhood intact was offered a promotion for upholding abstinence, to which he replied "hnnnggg"

The king's guard bursts into the throne room...

Out of breath and in a panic they alert the king
> Sire, the peasants, they're revolting!
The king nods and responds:
>Mmm yes, they are quite disgusting aren't they

King Charles has authorised a new Royal Ceremony that the Guards regiments will perform anytime that Prince Harry is in the country.

It will be called "The Changing of the Locks"

(with thanks to Matt, of the Daily Telegraph)

There was a king.

He was having a problem with barbarians in his kingdom, so he began sending guards to patrol the roads at night.
One of his nobles sent some of his city guard to help with the efforts, and a fool to keep the king's mood up.
The king was polite, but full of pride, so he sent the guards back with the message, "I have plenty of guards of my own, but I appreciate the jester."

A small town's only barber was known for his arrogant, negative attitude.

When one of his regular customers came in and mentioned that he'd be going to Rome and hoped to meet the Pope, the barber's response was typical. "You, meet the Pope? Ha, don't make me laugh. The Pope only sees kings and presidents and queens. What would he want with you?"
A month later, the man returns for another haircut.
"How was Rome?"
"Great! I saw the Pope."
"Yes, from St Peter's Square like the rest of the crowd I suppose."
"Yes, but then two guards came up and demanded that the Pope wanted to see me. They even took me to his private apartment in the Vatican."
"What did he say?"
"Who gave you that lousy haircut?"

A prophet in france

There was a prophet in France during the reign of king Louis XI who predicted the death of one of his advisors eight days before the advisor died.
The king decided that the prophet was too dangerous to be left alive and called on his royal guard
"Grab this prophet and bring him to me." the king said
So they did and brought him to the king
The prophet knew what was going on of course
The king decided to ask the prophet one more question to see if he truly was what he claimed to be
"Do you know when you are going to die?" the king asked the prophet
"Yes I do" answered the prophet
"Well, when?"
"I am going to die three days before you."

A long time ago, the king of a small castle, King Joe, went missing.

The queen sent the guards looking for him in the nearby villages, but they could not find the king. They searched far and wide, traveling for many days until they happened upon a small town. They asked the local townspeople if they had seen King Joe. "Ah yes" , exclaimed a farmer, and directed them to the local tavern. The guards barge in and shout "Is King Joe here?" A man turns around and says "I am he." The guards, teary eyed that they found their king kneel and say "We've finally found you King Joe!" The man then turns around and says "King Joe? No I'm only Joe King."

One day a court astrologer predicted that the Queen would die next day.

One day a court astrologer predicted that the Queen would die next day.
When she really died the next day, the King wanted to get the astrologer killed as he thought that he had purposefully conspired to kill the Queen to fulfill his prophecy.
The guards brought the astrologer to the court and the King asked him: "You seem to predict very well. Tell me, when are you going to die?"
The astrologer, with dead seriousness on his tone, said-"I shall die three days before you, Oh great king of kings!".
His life was spared.

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